The final straw

[mint_leaf]

My bf just confessed to me, that he had an ONS a few weeks back. The first time he did it was 2 years back, and it so happened that he contracted one of the STDs that he felt obliged to tell me. Back then, I forgave him and went thru a series of lab tests plus a dosage of antibiotics. It was noting serious then, although I did caught the disease. Glad that it wasn't HIV or herpes, just something else that did not cause me any discomfort or symptoms. I was a bit upset with him then, and he promised that he wouldnt do it again.

And today, he told me the same bad news- that he caught it again. He had unprotected sex with the couple's wife. He ask if I want to go for the same lab test again to confirm, if not I can also choose to take the same antibiotics he had gotten during the prescription.

Frankly speaking, my mind went blank when I heard it from him. All I remembered was that he did not honour his promise, and if not because of the disease, he wouldnt be confessing to me at all. I am so disppointed with him, and I don't understand why he never learnt his previous lesson, or even thought of the consequences at all.

Now, it gonna be the last straw,though he promised me that he won't do it again. 3 years of our relationship together, and we are always very happy with each other's company. I treasured and love him lots, and can't imagine my life without him, and his comforting presence around me. I

I won't want to forgive him for what he did, and very angry and upset over this issue. My main concern is that I might even soften my heart and gave him another chance, with his apologies etc.

 

[infojunkie]

"My main concern is that I might even soften my heart and gave him another chance, with his apologies etc"

well u guys can talk abt that later...

ur health should be ur main concern and nothing else matters.

pls go for a checkup tmr.

 

[miloice]

he is telling only when he is infected... Realistically, he doesn't get infected each time he has ONS. 2 time 'lucky' isn't credible.

 

[oneder]

If you decide to carry on with the relationship, good luck on the diseases and possible HIV. You are going to get infected again and again until you get HIV because i don't think he is going to stop the unprotected ONS.

 

[infojunkie]

"Realistically, he doesn't get infected each time he has ONS"

yea rite by labeling the exploits as "One Nite Stands", his main aim is to obscure the truth, not to clarify it... fact is he's a serial cheater with STDs AND he's spreading germs to u AGAIN.

and here u r lamenting & wondering whether to forgive him or not?

seriously, go see a doctor oredi!

 

[miloice]

viruses not germs only.

 

[infojunkie]

makes no difference, they're both BAD...

 

[arsenal_84]

well i can only say the guy seriously have a death wish...to me, he's just a walking time bomb.
when a guy is not able to control his lust and let the smaller head dictates him, chances are this guy is going to have a hard time maintaining a normal rs with members of the opposite sex.

 

[susanna_low]

I seriously have no idea how to forgive a man who stuck his dick into someone else's pussy and worse get infected with a dirty disease..

 

[mint_leaf]

Thanks everyone for the kind advices. Will be going for a check up soon. Currently having big aunt visit, not a good time to test for accuracy. Cried a few rounds last nights, felt so betrayed by this man who promised me that I am his only one. Finds it so hard to concentrate on my daily tasks, kept thinking of the happy moments we had together, his thoughfulness and sweetness. It's hard to forgive him at all. Yet, I am also worried that I will soften, cos he has been seeking forgiveness since.

 

[scopefun]

Mint Leaf,

There are basically three types of women in this world:

1. She who lies to herself about man,
2. She who is in the dark about man,
3. She who knows man.

You are first 2. then 1. then hopefully 3...

When it comes to man, it doesn't matter what we men say, it is always you women should use your brain and think.

So what your current bf doesn't have other women but you... when you are 40yo and beyond, he'd probably be hugging some sweet young things when you are no longer fresh or appealing by then.

That begs the question, how do you find the One? LOL~ Isn't it?

 

[infojunkie]

"kept thinking of the happy moments we had together, his thoughfulness and sweetness"

u can't undo one mortal sin with a hundred "good" deeds, it's simply NOT good enuf.

and all it takes is one fatal flaw to bring an otherwise perfect man to his downfall...

and u realise he's not worth all the fuss afterall.

to hell with all that sweet gestures, u just wanna spit in his face.

 

[onedergirl]

Mint_leaf, if I were you I would have felt more angry than sad and I would feel 100% sure that no matter how much he begs for forgiveness he'll get none but he can get a tight slap from lao niang myself. There is nothing he can do to take back what he has done. And ask yourself...would you want to marry this guy? If the answer is no, then good for you! Shut him out of your life and go for a check up 1 week after ur big aunt leaves.

 

[yesno333]

If u get HIV...ur tears wun be drying up anytime soon...><"

 

[serene_yam]

Dear TS, I wonder what type of future do you see with your bf? A future whereby you have to keep spending money on HIV STD tests and antibiotics? A future whereby you would be enjoying your lovey-dovey moments with him and the next he'll plead forgiveness as he just has a threesome or whatever? I think such a future is not for the light-hearted....you are a brave gal, I just hope that you won't be a silly gal. All the best!

 

[daisy_85]

wake up pls !!

wen u 1 day caught HIV or even AIDS *choy* fm him den its too late for anything

leave him while ur still healthy *pray hard for u*

good luck .. its ur life , if u choose to stick with him , nothing anyone here can do to help u

ONLY U CAN HELP URSELF

 

[scopefun]

Basically your problem is not about STDs... if you get another man, man be, he could stray as well.

You are not yet mature, that's an issue you have to iron out yourself.

There are good guys around, but you have to be very mature to single them out.

 

[arsenal_84]

There are good guys around, but you have to be very mature to single them out.

quote for the truth.

 

[scopefun]

It's very strange why people said women are more mature than men of same age...

I literally find women naive and ridiculous especially when it comes to choosing men and marrying.

 

[yesno333]

So did TS went for the checkup ? Do let us know if u end up wit HIV or STDs....><"

 

[vios]

hi Mint_Leaf,

hope you are not infected and pls be brave to go through this second setback aka "final straw", as titled. even though we are just monikers in this forum, i don't think anyone could bear to see you endure another similar episode. i seriously believe there's better risks in life than sleeping with this timebomb.

i agree with Scope's No.1 point - that you are constantly lying to yourself - by replaying "those sweet memories" in your head. sigh.

 

[mint_leaf]

Thanks everyone the kind reply. Thank god, I am well and fine. The dumbest thing i, I had yet to leave him.

I felt so terrble, and yet can't find eough courage to just go. How am I goingto make myself wake up ? My mind is in a big mess now.

 

[deniseleezhenhui]

if you don't forgive him! do you know even if you contract a type of HPV, it may develop into a type of virus critically related to cervical cancer.

if he didn't consider u when he took of his pants to have sex with the 3rd party... why shld you soften your heart.

 

[babystorm]

Yes you are dumb.

 

[_bb]

mint leaf, i may not in e position to advice u now cuz im having prob, but at e very least i stop contacting him for days.. Becuz i need to learn to love n protect e poor heart of mine.

if u continue to stick with him (unless he really change), else ask urself truthfully, can u forsee yourself with him 5yrs later?

 

[miloice]

You need to be told flat on your face about your silly lies you are giving yourself. You called it the final straw in Dec, and now its 'courage'?

Do you need courage to leave him? funnie why you don't need any courage to sleep with a man that can potentially give you aids. It has nothing to do with courage... rather self denial. You are giving yourself excuses. This message is harsh, but its not to insult... I hope you wake up, no one wants to hear you coming back months or yrs later regretting. It would be tragic and too late if you caught something serious or carry his child but infected. You don't need others to advise or scare you... you need to be very realistic with your consequences of your decision. You are not a child.

 

[little_miss_sunshine]

mint leaf, its time to face reality in life before you regret.

Has it become a habit such that you cnt let go of him?

.. memories will always be memories... he cnt even take care of himself... how do you think he can take care of you?

Be brave and take that first step... surely you deserve someone better..

 

[kitty_pretty_angel]

omg the forest is big...dun let him hinder your blessful choice.

 

[infojunkie]

well think of ur loved ones.

the ones related to u by blood...

whose lives depend on u.

if shit happens, they will suffer along with u.

 

[matka]

Mint_leaf, he DOESN'T respect you.

He's ONLY fessing up to his infidelities BECAUSE he caught STD. I'm very sure he's not telling you about the rest of his "sleepovers" because "nothing" happened. I highly doubt that his STD hit rate is 100%.

You're not married yet so it's really easy. Get out while you can.

 

[arsenal_84]

STD is no joke, those that are incurable like hepatitis/herpes/syphilis, stays with you for the rest of your life.
and chances are, it could also have the possibility of inflecting your own flesh and blood.
it also heighten the chances of getting hiv as well.

 

[powder]

in this modern day and age, Choices are more than what there used to be, Options are so wide.. to meet pple, to build our lives, to draw strength from our better education...

u are taken for granted, treated like spare, meesed around like clay, psychologically-abused, disrespected time and again, taken for a ride and Everything a relationship should not be...

i can't imagine anyone going into a relationship saying "i wanna be betrayed, i wanna be treated like dirt, i want a bfren who sleeps around and passes STDs to me, i want to have a high chance of getting AIDS"....

but as much i can't imagine... u present the very contradiction to my disbelief.

i wonder if u are actually thinking of wearing a wonderful bridal dress and walking down the aisle... with This Man... i wonder if, when u think of cradling a newborn in your arms, that u would be thinking that This Man would be beside u or would he be somewhere with someone else.... i am thinking when u think of your children and all the love, would u be thinking that This Man would be an equally enthusiastic father...

there are many things i think, but it is rather impossible to see This Man playing those roles the way that most girls envision for a Husband, a Father, a Companion for life.

i can only hope your children will not be born HIV-positive.

i dun know how else to put it... your weakness and denial - someone or several pple will have to suffer and pay for it, If Not You.

 

[soisuka]

See if this helps...envision a life with him, married with kids, he continues to cheat, infecting you w whatever, and then u get pregnant and infected, passing it on to your baby.

If that doesn't help, google images of stds, that Shld make u sick enough to harden ur heart.

 

[infojunkie]

"I felt so terrble, and yet can't find eough courage to just go."

u did it once and u CAN do it again.

 

[denise80]

Mintleaf, this is only a bf and you can't leave him. I can't imagine if this is your hubby and all the more you can't bear a divorce.

An average woman will just LEAVE immediately the first time she encountered something like that. Don't you feel disgusted at all? Wow...the 'power of love'?! WAKE UP!

 

[sweet_40]

Mintleaf,

think carefully now since you are not yet married to him. It is easier to leave now then when you are married coz u nd to think of the children. It will be harder to leave.

If he already having ONS now then imagine what he will do after a few years of marriage.