That's what marriage is for?

I'm getting married next month and recently, I had a chat with my gal fren on household expenses..

Gal fren ask if I'll be contributing to it. I said, yes of course! I'm sharing the reno loan together with HTB and we have both agreed to contribute a same amount of money to what we call "household fund"...we even opened a joint account for this so that each can have a atm card link to this account...so, we'll use this to pay for watever we get for the house plus the bills..

Then my fren stopped me :"hello..why must you pay for half of the household expenses? He is marrying you, he should be paying for all these..you shd keep all ur money for urself..if you want, juz buy some bread, detergent etc..those small things..but, dun pay for half"..

I was thinking, y not? We are going to build a family together, we shd share the burden...my fren's point is, guys must not have too much money with them. so the best is to make them pay for household stuff..she said, altho she is earning more than her HB, she nv split the cost with him.....and all her married frens are doing the same...

She keep reminding me that, he is marrying me into his family, not the other way...

Now, I dun understand...then, what is marriage for? not that I'm doubting myself..just dun understand others' mentality...
 


miloice

Well-Known Member
Don't be influenced and confused by these auntie mentality. Your marriage for you and your partner to define. Not for tom dick and harry to kapo and poke their noses in to disturb here and there and make important decisions for you. Finances is one key issue in marriage and many marriages are broken down because of the inability to work this difference out. To me, there is no concept of guy marrying the gal or not.

On one hand, so much complains about gender equity and guy not respecting the gal and here we still have this kind of old generation auntie thinking. This is really stupid thinking. While your friend meant well, but she doesn't know this kind of uncalled for comparisons and peer pressure does more harm than anything. If she continues, tell her off. Ask her to fly kite. But sadly, we have not much places to fly kite in Singapore nowadays. Marina South also become casino and reservoir liao.

Try picturing your partner's pov. How would you like that he demands some expectation from you just because his friends keep talking to him about how to manage his wife. Would you like it? And agree to all kinds of stupid things that neither of you really believes in??
 

alcifertoh

New Member
Maybe you should share this saying with your friend "As guys should not be left with too much money, Girls should not be well fed till they are 80 if not they will start stirring alot of shit..."

The saying is credited in many movies and dramas too! And I assume your friend is well-fed! hahaha
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Its really sickening that these stupid auntie mentality are distributed and spread this way. Giving unnecessary disruption and pressure to compare.

But, its also a reflection on how easily influenced you are by external factors. Don't you have your own set of principles and values. Why does friends telling you otherwise shake and make you this confused? Something to ponder and reflect upon.
 

pink_sapphire

New Member
marriage is abt u & your husband , do it the way both of u feel its best for the family. no need to follow cos there r no rules
 

snoopies

New Member
So long you are comfortable with the arrangement with your hubby, why bother about what others say.

Guess your friend just one of those who love to be pick about other families' affairs.
 
Hei Bee Hiam! hahahahaha...funny statment abt being well fed...

MiLo, me and HTB have a vision for our tomorrow...hahaha...that's why, we really discuss and sort out the finances..we work on how we can still enjoy life despite all the commitments...We definitely would not want the other party to suffer becos of all these...
 
No...No....

Ppl, dun get me wrong...I'm not confused for myself...hahahaha...I'm very firm with wat I'm doing and I wont just follow blindly...

I just find such thinking is very ridiculous..cos it seems like, most gals would prob have the same mentality as my fren...

I want to marry my HTB cos I love him and wanna set up a family with him..that means, there will be sacrifices...like lesser shopping..lesser handbags shoes etc...hahahaha...
 

snoopies

New Member
Such stuff.. nothing to compare about. I have a friend where her hubby will contribute about 90% of his earnings and hand them over to wife for safekeep.

Sound good rite? I hear already.. my eyes also blink blink...
But wife been complaining... why?

Wife will use all these 90% to pay all the utilites, bills, loans and hubby's CC bills too. But... becoz hubby not aware of how much the total bills cost, he dun care, never check.. so the 90% actually fully utilised till not much left or sometimes.. not even enough! Wife in the end still gotta fork out her own to pay up the balance...
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
well, I agree many gals do have this kind of mentality. But, it doesn't concern us mah.

One key requirement in my choice of partner. She mustn't have this kind of mentality. Too tiring to 'be compliant' to auntie ISO 2000 specifications. Every now and then got new revision and all kinds of external auditors to come poke here and there, compare & contrast and file non compliancy report.

These aunties are self-appointed Quality Assurance Officer that only know how to stick to their stupid list of policies and protocols. When something not defined in the specs, they will be so uncomfortable with it and insist everyone conform to it.
 
yah..very tiring leh...cos there will be many aunties around me to share on "What should you do to your husband"..

Can be quite ridiculous at times...really...(not involving wax or cane lah ) hahahaha....

but there is one auntie who shared something very true..

"You must cook nice food for your husband"

hahahahaha...
 
The best thing that aunties could share is probably their secret recipes
kao_drool.gif
heehee
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Funtasy, your gf married?

As for "you must cook nice food for your husband", it is conventional wisdom that does not belong to the current era. It does not work for all men, for example, Powder, who does not place importance in a "cooking" wife. Even if it works for the man this year does not mean it works forever.
 

mark78

Active Member
"my fren's point is, guys must not have too much money with them. so the best is to make them pay for household stuff..she said, altho she is earning more than her HB, she nv split the cost with him.....and all her married frens are doing the same... "

sigh, its another your money is my money and my money is also mine (only) attitude and when guys got $ will do evil.
 

serene_yam

New Member
"my fren's point is, guys must not have too much money with them. so the best is to make them pay for household stuff..she said, altho she is earning more than her HB, she nv split the cost with him.....and all her married frens are doing the same... "

Fyi, guys with not much money also can do evil....there are other gals who have $$$ and don't mind giving it to the guys.
 
doLL, my fren is married..anyway, HTB like to eat and I like to cook...ahahaha...so hope it works for us...

and for me, its your money + my money = our money

after committing to this part, then we can still have our "si fang qian"..so we can buy things that we want...y not hor?
 

vios

New Member
funtasty, no worries... you are not auntie-material.

it's never really about paying for stuffs.

just that your friend and her gang of aunty-ing friends are dumb enough to think that their husbands do not know what they're up to - with all that "self-proclaimed Rights".

unless those guys don't mind getting Slaved...
to their wives' Beliefs on this particular aspect... and many other feminist stuffs.

then it's their choice.
 
vios, what shocked me is, my fren just got married early this year and yet, she is already instilling this mindset into me that, the wife must keep all her money to herself and let the husband pay..so that in future, should marriage fail and they go seperate ways, the wife wont be the suffering party..

Fren's husband dote on her a lot..so I'm surprised that she seem to be guarding against him..to me, this seemed so unhealthy...
 

vios

New Member
well that's because she is not really in love with her husband.

be glad that her recruitment won't succeed anyway.
but pls don't falter. heh heh.
 
koikoi,

my fren does not cheong branded stuff, seldom eat at restaurants, very thrifty lady...

rather than saying she love money more, I tink she is only trying to protect herself from something..which I dun understand cos she comes from a complete family..
 

alcifertoh

New Member
From those mentality.... they are taking husbands like pets... ie how to train them, handle them and chain them up.

And very likely they would start comparing and training their pets with red eyes if they seen others could perform new stunts and roll on the floor.
 

nacho

New Member
interesting thread.

i had an young (female) intern in my company. when i told her that i'm looking for a place etc, she told me that for all her boyfriends (and potential boyfriends), she has told them clearly that she will not fork out a single cent for the house. i was taken aback, so i asked her the rationale behind that. she said coz if divorce, the $$ from the house will be split half half. so to her, that's considered an 'investment'.

?!!??!!
 

snoopies

New Member
Nacho

Its seem weird for your intern to have such thinking... She haven't even find her life partner but already started planning for such investment upon divorce.
 

simpleman

Active Member
These women are looking at having their cake (delivered) and eating them for free. Nothing wrong with such thinking.

But the delivery man may not be there.

The way a man can counter is not to get married. Don't get tied down. If the girlfriend wants to get married, then talk terms on the financial.. else what is the point of getting married?
 

its_fate

Active Member
Good for that intern for having such foresight... Keep it up..

Maybe U want to remind her to sign a Divorce Agreement before she sign the Marriage Cert..

State whatever she think it's worth of investments in this marriage so as to claim back should she divorce.... =)

好人åšåˆ°åº•........
 

alcifertoh

New Member
Her safest bet would be marrying in the states lor for that intern. SG dun recognise pre-nup. Best is to secure the old/feeble/dying and rich. But back to reality, she has the market or not? If she has I doubt she would even need to plan for all these haha.
 

alcifertoh

New Member
To feed her insecurities. Could not think of anything else. Just like those guys who lock their spouses up or prevent them from revealing outfits.
 

koikoi

New Member
anyhow, you and your hubby share the lives ahead... go for something you both agreed upon.
We do not have to listen to others...
We control our lives... not let them dictate what we should do...
happy.gif
 

rubbishcow

New Member
hmm.. i thought if either party did not contribute to the house you will not be able to get a share of it after divoirce? the intern must be thinking at a perfect picture or she watched too much drama..

I know of a friend when he divorced and maybe the ex-wife asked for too much maintenance, the judge scolded her for being ridiculous and gave her few dollars in the end. Think it was a sum less than $10 per month.. Not quite sure of the whole story but the guy is quite rich..
 

nacho

New Member
the intern is a young and pretty gal, slim and sweet also. which is why i got a shock when she told me. oh she mentioned that it was her mom who told her. so maybe it's the auntie mentality again?
 

hapimint

New Member
I worry alot whether if my husband will forsake me in the future cos of my own family background. But even I do not advocate the idea of the woman not contributing at all...

I contribute to our joint account monthly and most of the things and bills is paid by my hubby. However, if need be, he will take from the joint account... He agrees to my keeping of si fang qian.... But if he needs some cash for some use, he will ask if I can take it out..
 

its_fate

Active Member
Bear in mind both are individual party though married... I dun see why is there a need for consent to keep ç§æˆ¿é’±...

Also, why must it always be the guy that is paying for household expenses?? Wife cannot give meh?? It doesn't mean the hubby is living off the wife for such reasons....
 
nacho, my fren told me, her mum and her married frens all telling her same thing...so guess, she is being brain-washed..

hapimint, same same...tink we shd discuss with our spouse openly on finances...such communications also good for bonding..at least you all discuss household matters and face it together...
 

amiami

New Member
Same for myself as well. Discussed a few times with my WTB about household expenses. She said even electricity bills you also want to be so calculative. I'm willing to fork up to $200 per mth for electricity. Anything more she will pay for it. I'm considering the fact that she will turn on the aircon 24/7 (as long as she is at home, temperature set to 18 and Fan speed high)

Lead to nowhere but quarrel. Tried to split 50-50 but again she said "i don't know why am I marrying you, every single thing also want to be so calculative"
 

amiami

New Member
i didn't split ah... i just say that if the bill is more than $200 per mth, she will pay the reminder.

I believe most household (4 room) hover around $150 - $200 with 3 aircon turn on nightly.

For new family, $200 is considerably reasonable right?
 

mootie

New Member
haha.. philip, best lo. if this is the wife-to-be u r toking about, can choose for another potential one already.

in fact, she is the one being calculative and selfish. since she dun wan to be calculative like splitting the bill, then throw the wholr freaking bill to her PLEASE!

whenever i spend the weekend at my HTB's place, we only switch on the air-con when it's warm, else fan works well too! and at nite, we only on it at most for 5 hrs, afterwhich will be fan, we also slept like a log lo.. what's so princess about ur WTB?
 

mootie

New Member
if it's 24/7 u r toking about, most prob $200 might not be enough liao. u will have to contribute more to Singapore Power
 

simpleman

Active Member
But seriously, I wouldn't even think about splitting elect bills.. or just paying a fixed amount..

If you think it wont be more than $200 then why don't agree to pay all.. since it won't be much more.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Philip, its pointless to do that. You are not dealing with some kid, you cannot use such rules to manage your partner. Of course she wouldn't be happy. Its downright insulting quite frankly.

What you need is her to exercise some common sense and spend within the budget. Not set rules. Think you are too much a singaporean liao. Believe so strongly in using rules to govern her.
 

mootie

New Member
do agree that household expenses is something u cannot split. why not juz give her a lump sum of money for the household expenses, any other cost to it (if it's not too big an amount), she can pay for it.

this is to ensure that she does not splurge or spend money like $$. teach her to be an accountant.
 

its_fate

Active Member
Come on lah... do U all think that the WTB will pay for the household expenses if this man is to give her that sum of $?

I guess she will come back telling him:" These $ is U give me çš„, U cannot expect me to take them out for such things.. U pay them yourself."... 哪ä¸æ˜¯ä¸¤å¤´ä¸ç€å²¸å—?? Giving Extra Out But Nothing Good Come Out... Hehehhe...

And of coz, U oso 嘴巴痒!! Already have the intention to pay liao, why still want her to pay the remaining?? Really one kind leh... Zzzzzzzz..

Princess or Penguin?? Where got people sleep inside 18degree, fan full blast room?? Sleep inside fridge better right? Oops.......
 
Iris,

lol~ Sleep inside fridge then she can become frozen Snow White haha. Good, can grant her wish of becoming a Princess.

Philip's WTB sounds like a spolit brat. She only wants people to listen to her demands but isn't willing to listen to people.
 

etleen

New Member
i totally support funtasty's mentality.
i told my colleagues that i wanted to share the household expenses, and they stop me from doing so.. *sigh*

for me, i always believe that the family belongs to us, so we gotta share the whatever the house/family uses.

and my bf chose to be with me becuz he knew that i'll be able and willing to share his burden when we get married..
 

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