Support group - Divorce



As far as I know now for guy going through - sixth sense, xilangkia, myself and you?

Cha boh cha boh (woman, woman), you really destroy some good man here!!!

Hope one day we can meet up and group together and just share..... and be happy go lucky! We must believe that as long as we have been good and been faithful, we will get someone better than before.

To all the guys out there going through all this, take care and be STRONGER in life! Life is short, DON'T hang yourself to the nearest tree! Start afresh and enjoy!


New Member
I still love my wife very much, but I initiated the divorce proceedings. Because I know that she loves somebody else and is struggling between commitments and love. Love is not about possession but about giving. Seeing your loved one happy.. isn't it more fulfilling? However, sending my dearest love one to others... is really painful.
Depression: Take a step back and see if things can be reconciled. Perhaps he is only initiating the letter as a means to "ask you to change"? Invite him out for a heart to heart talk. Remember to pull back your anger and hurt, be patient and never raise your voice. Prepare what you're going to talk to him and say what you think he would like to hear. If you love him, let him win and try not to agitate him..
Legal and housing are smaller matters, we'll discuss later.
Take care.


New Member
Haha.. great posting.
Life is short indeed! We "ask heart no shy".. Have a good cry then move on to next chapter of our lives!


New Member
Depressed: Are u still up? fed-up with this forum thing.
All divorcee/divorce to be posting messages everywhere.
Wanna form a irc chat room?


New Member
cutiebear: you can divorce four years without his consent. Alternatively, call his father mother to track him down.
You take care..


New Member
I really love my home. Fix all the lights, painted the wall, even fixed my own kitchen cabinet. I'm the kind that believe in building my own nest

Today, i've to clean my this nest, and wait for agents and bugges to come see home.. something to be sold away. I've to clean up alone the window, stove. mop the floor and everthing else. To prepare for an open house where I've to pretent my wife is away (divorcee house get lower price).. while at the end of this, my wife wants to get half of the proceeds...


Calling all seperation/divorce/breakup/etc members:

We have a club that can help you move on with life. No bad intention/doings, just hear out. Chill up with some drinks and get together for rots and songs... and move on with life and be a better person...

Chairman of the club: Dingo

xi lang kia

Calling all seperation/divorce/breakup/etc members:

We have a club that can help you move on with life. No bad intention/doings, just hear out. Chill up with some drinks and get together for rots and songs... and move on with life and be a better person...

Chairman of the club: Dingo


New Member
Sorry Justwokeup..
No chairman in this group...
All sufferee.. All in pain.. All to share.. Help and be helped..
However.. you're rite that we chill up with some drinks, complaint, share songs and try to find a place for us to move on...


Hi All

When are you guys & gals chilling up for drinks,
would love to join in...


Once a week, we have a small group (seperated & divorcee) meeting up to share about the true life of what is REAL LOVE...

Any interested party may want to leave email address and we will get in touch with you... no bad intentions/doings. We just want to share and encourage with each other to move on with life and be happy.

Don't brood over anything happen in life, as long as you are happy, you make everyone close to you happy. So be it!


New Member
All: Any suggestions to make the recovery process of separation/divorce easier.

Can share?
For me..
- Exercising (running & swimming)
- Pampering myself with good massage and food once a week.
- Talking things out.
- Religion & God (Whatever your belief is)

What's yours? care to share?


New Member
i am glad to find such a club in a marriage forum. i got married a year back but things were not working out. I have already asked for a seperation.That really needs lots of courage. Not easy to move on, but well, just got to do it.



You will see more crowd coming in here... Just be happpppyyyeee in life. Few of us had met up and we find it interesting to share lor. Not only you will brighten up, but you will learnt more...

Most people should know that divorce rate is growing up.... The reason is very simple lor.... lack of communication and changes within the environment.

Kindly leave email address.

For the beauty and wonder of your creation, in earth and sky and sea

For all that is gracious in the lives of men and women, revealing the image of Christ

For our daily food and drink, our homes and families, and our friends

For minds to think, and hearts to love, and hands to serve

For health and strength to work, and leisure to rest and play

For the brave and courageous, who are patient in suffering and faithful in adversity

For all valient seekers after truth, liberty, and justice

We thank you, Lord.




Thanks for arranging such a wonderful place for the group.

Look like everyone enjoy the weekend. New faces sharing about their marriage problems. I can feel that it's more on a self help group... guiding and learnt something out from each other... making our life to grow stronger! KEEP THE GROUP ACTIVE, WE NEED IT!

To those that you think we should hear you out, just share it. We are all in the same boat and know how it feels... BTW, no age restriction from our group.


New Member
Hey JustWokeUp:
You help me, I help you la.
It's indeed great to share blues and similarities in situations that friends outside can never comprehend.

I've been following the posts in several threads for quite a while. From the numerous postings.. can't help but noticed that many newly weds are divorcing before or soon after ceremony. To many, wedding preparation is like a project. Soon after everything is settling down, the relationship kinda falls into a void.. empty, not sure what to look forward or plan for. "Is this gonna be the rest of my life?" Where has all the excitement and buzz gone? "Am I going to have a baby and forego whatever "fun" I once had?" Am I gonna be auntie or uncle and no more freedom?? So much effort were placed to prepare the ideal ROM, ideal ceremony, ideal house and deco.. but on the contrary, how much thoughts are placed into the commitments and sacrifices one have to make and be prepared to forego in making a relationship come through? It's not juz a glamorous party and a continuation of life thereoff, but really compromises and adjustments needed to make a LIFE LONG PARTNER. To all FH, FW to be, this is not simply a fight on who's wedding or gown is more glamorous, but more importantly the transformation that you should be ready to go through to pull through the relation.

60- 70 years old ah-pei and po po holding hands walking in the park. This is really heart warming and what I really admire.

My two cents worth from a marriage that fell apart and hope that you can pick up something from my negative experiences.

: :


is Li Zong Sheng lah, not Wu Zong Sen :p

which part of sembawang are you staying in?


New Member

Will see you on Friday... maybe we can plan to go BBQ by the beach.


You are cool and keep that cheers and smile on your face.



New Member
Think I've been watching too much of "I guess, I guess and guess guess guess." Mixing Li Zhong Sen and Wu.. That's why after posting I oso found the name wierd wierd..
Wah so malu. *P
Nevertheless, I once thought that they really have "husband and wife look" in Taiwanese pop that will be together for long long time.
Sigh.. They oso cannot make it.. so what are we "normal beings"? Moral of the story: take it easy.. we're only humans.


New Member
Hey ":: Guest"

How u know I'm staying in Sembawang har? In fact, there's two of us in the group here staying in Sembawang. Always coming back to an empty house, waiting for door to open and wife to return.. so sometimes we meet for dinner in food court or kopi tiam.

When I was younger, my mother taught me not to reveal address to strangers leh.. later you stalk me from opposite block how? Haha..Joking lah.. email me at dingo_beans@ yahoo. com.. I'll tell you.


xi lang kia


the world will be sooo good if there is no marriage or responsiblity involved, then there will be no divocing going on, everybody can enjoy freshp, fun. Wow! Kekeke

xi lang kia


sixth sense must be starting to look for new love by now,btw sixth sense, when u r on separation period but heng heng found a new love,can u proceed?is it against the law?


New Member
To those contemplating/experiencing a potential separation/divorce - try to salvage and build... To those whom a divorce has become inevitable, take your time going through the grief/indignant phase cos that's a part of the whole healing process. BUT the grief/indignance etc have to one day come to an end (or at least be well under control) by attaining closure cos living in the "hell" after such a painful event is akin to condemning yourself to a lifetime of unhappiness... Be brave...

Just a hopefully useful tidbit... some of the stuff people who have gone through separation/divorce did to speed the healing process...

Allow time to pass.

Talk it out, but don't dwell on it.

Tell yourself, "I deserve better."

Lean on your support system.

Work on your future by taking a course or looking for a new job.

Get a makeover or a new wardrobe to help you feel better about yourself.

Lean on your faith.

Keep yourself occupied with productive activites.

Read encouraging or inspiring books.

Clip or print out inspiration thoughts for the refrigerator door.

Don't be sentimental about the past.

Don't over-dramatize.

Don't be fatalistic.

Tell yourself "Better days are coming," because they are.


New Member
Hi Guys,

Not so soon to look for new love lah! Things have yet been settled...she is pushing me to sign the DOS and i guess we will sign it in a week or two...
Regarding Xi lang kia question...really have no answer to it..i think can go steady but have to be careful if she decides to sue me for "adultery" before the actual divorce proceeding..correct me if i'm wrong!

Life still has to go trying to focus on my career loh and hopefully open my eyes big n look for another one ...;)

xi lang kia

sixth sense

na bey i really feel unfair for your wife to do this type of things to u.u r suc sentimental & caring person.dun worry hao xin yo hao bao


New Member
Xi lang kia

Thanks for ur encouragement!

I realise one thing after all these things...when a person's heart is no longer w matter how hard u try or what u do..the end result is still the same!

I guess the only constructive thing to learn from this failure is forgiveness and letting go...


Miss ur invitation to join? Only saw it when i read the postings all over again ..


New Member
Xi Lang Kia / Sixth Sense

Hmmm... under the singapore law, pre-conditions to petition for divorce include (1) domicile (2) three years restriction and (3) monogamous marriage...

And monogamous would constitute having a single sexual partner (i would presume the wife) for the period of marriage... so my guess would be "YES" if you get caught having a partner that would be grounds for adultery.

So situation is similar to the cat who steals the cream... have it but remember to lick the cream from the corners of your mouth... or else... ;P

But then again... if the separation is an amicable one dun think the wifey would be so unreasonable and stab u in the back...


New Member
Sixth Sense

Kudos to you!

Great that you're looking towards rebuilding your future with constructive things... Difficult to acknowledge failure in something as important as your own marriage... but in a lot of cases it is a fact... In forgiving your spouse, you are also forgiving yourself for the part you may play in this failure... more importantly forgiving another opens/frees up your heart for a whole load of other feel-good stuff...

So go fill up that newly vacated space in your heart/life with better things *hugs*


New Member
So many stories heard..
all so similar but all so unique.
What is marriage meant to one?
What is the meaning of life?
More importantly, how should I move on?

So many similar souls here..
all so similar but all so unique.
A listening ear another to is never too many, eh?
Thanks to all as it's been really therapeutic.

Listening ears of one breakup story after another.
Sorry but, like ah-so watching soap operas giving recommendations of "aiya! This is what I'd do la!!"
Is that all we can offer?
Stories seems all so similar but all so unique.

Unlike what we see from the movies, our group don't do things such as
"Hello I'm Michael".
(Everybody in the room reply "Welcome, Michael. Tell us your story..")
Edgie.. siao!!

Meetings have never been for buayaing..
as I see each member (guys n gals) having their own charisma and sources of energy to move on.

Meetings have also never been formal..
as across all boundaries, we share something similar deep within.
Assimiliation is faster then we ever know.
We've ah-bengs.. like me cursing and swearing KNNs! about my wife..
to engineers quietly rationaling our thoughts while knucking his spectacles. (Sorry to CS.. *P)

Sadness is indeed contageous.
Meeting up in a group, sighing, pitying each other is not something we do.
Tying our hands and jump off Bukit Timah is the last thing we'll do.

Constructive thoughts, upbeat! funny and learning things in perspective that I've never perceived:

Following outline several topics:

Living alone in your matrimonial home:
- How to answer those busy body neighbour about "where is your wife/husband?"
- How to handle mopping an empty room. Especially the only time you visit them is when you mop them?
- How to save your electrical bills.
- How to eat economically and healthily living alone. (Maggie is bad for you)
- How to handle Popping in your heart, hearing someone opening the door.. hoping that it's your spouse coming back but discovered later it's a false alarm?

Inlaws and friends
- Which would you prefer? Sudden death of seeing everything moved out or helping your wife to move and wave her off into her mother's home?
- Do you break the news immediately to your inlaws or wait till both of you are ready?
- Do you pretend nothing is happening and regularly go to inlaw place for dinner as if nothing has happened?
- Lie to your colleagues and family is PAINFUL and UNBEARABLE (u need help urself).. but should you delaly and break this news when both of you are more prepared to handle the situation?

Legal matters
While none in the group so far are lawyers but..
- What to look out for when you look for a matrimonial lawyer.
- Types of divorce. (I Wanna SUE my wife for adultery.. sorry, no can do in SG. But.. why?)
- Procedures and duration. (What is absolute decree)
- Considerations in determining the matrimonial properties, child custody and alimony
- Why should you Keep all your town council receipts, electrical bills?

How to get over the blues?
- Wanna go through a Self test questionair if you're suffering from a depression?
- First hand encounter of going to see a family/marriage councilor and psychiatrist. (big joke..)
- Depression and insomia medication: Where to get them, types and the clinical implications.

Living thereafter:
- Means of finding motivations in living healthy
- Alcohol and self destruction is bad. How to overcome? (er.. I need help on this. Who can help?)
- Did you quit your job and how long have you been outta job because of this trauma?
- What are the short term and achievable goals you can make to help you to move on?
- Is help group really useful? I've friends that I can talk to.. but can they REALLY understand how I feel? In my opinion, no one can comprehend better then someone in the same shoe.
- We know it's important not to jump from one relationship to another. Feel in the void and recover first. But how do you know when you are ready?
- Meaning of life and religious discussion about why this is happening to me (Whatever your religion is..)

We arrange weekly meets.. join us if you want.
On the other hand, Chin Ling (Forum administrator) organizes online chat every Thursday.
I'm trying to see if I can arrange with him to have a separate room just for relationship problems.
Time is Thursday 9.30pm.

So many stories heard..
all so similar but all so unique.
Com'on. It's a cold society we're living in.
Do your civic duty.
Share your story, help each other and be helped out.


New Member
Don't like the name "Support Group: Divorce".
Sounds so pathetic.

Didn't like the "self-help group" thingie too.
Sounds like some psyco rehabitating society.. or worst still..
masturbation club. *ha..*

Ok.. DIVORCEE had false starts in our lives. But look it ain't completely our fault. So stop treating us like mutants or social rejects! We brought ourselves through experiences and learned more about love and commitments that many never have in their lifetime! For what you never know, we are the few that are more fortunate to learn about life.

Like sun re-rising from the horizon.

Like a bird reborned from ashes.

What say you.... we proudly form....

...........Club Phonenix!

Er... On second thoughts, it does sound like another rowdy KTV lounge.. *ahem* But com'on, you gimme another better name!

Look, not necessary to PHYSICALLY join our "club". But care to share how you overcome your difficult times? Where you found the strength to move on? Any good articles or references you found in the net? "Lost Atlantis" shared some great ways to move on.. How'bout Blues of living alone? Your lessons learnt?? Com'on. Share your experience of recovery. Don't let us reinvent the wheeels.

I've been slagging for a long time. Dunno why today Tow Hong (head wind) comes. Swam 2K and still found reserves to go run for another 6K. Don't ask how long I took to complete la.. Me ah-pei cannot stress heart too much, later heart attack alone at home nobody knows. But really Shiooooook man! Think tonight can sleep deep deep without pills...

Go or ooh leow.


New Member

Your are a great leader. You really highlighted all the topics that we shared during our meetings.

Though some of the questions and stories that we shared were sad, but I am indeed getting happy and learnt how to move on strongly with my life.

Thanks for everthings... That's not the end of the world, we are still young and we can find someone better in life. See you soon... Till then, you take good care.


New Member
Having relationship problems, divorce blues or simply looking for a pair of listening ears?

Let's trial out a online chat:
Tonight (22/7/2004) at 9.30pm.
Channel: #LiveChat.

Mail or ICQ me if you've problem.

P/S. Don't mean to steal show from Chin Leng.. But we focus on people in the blues and not wedding preparation.. 8-P


New Member
Also... CLUB gathering tomorrow evening. Invitation open to all having a heart to share (not limited to divorcee). From past experience, we found it fun and therapeutic. (Hugging together and cry is the last thing we'd do.)

- Want to know how to answer those busy body neighbours asking the whereabouts of your wives/husbands?
- Means of saving electricity living alone?
- Fun way of overcoming the blues/depression?
- First hand experience of seeing marriage councilor? (big joke..)
- Legal matters and consideration in finding a lawyer.

Email me or give me your contact details at dingo_beans@ yahoo. com and I'll give you further details..



New Member
Receiving a lotta complain that it is difficult to connect to the above IRC chatroom.
Let's go private chat instead. Beep me with Yahoo Messenger at dingo_Beans@ yahoo. com and we'll form conference.

Sorry for inconvenience caused.


New Member
Read a nice book loaned from a friend. "Being Happy" by Andrew Matthews. I've transcripted and quoted as follows:

The Roman is reminding us that the law of the universe is change. Seasons come and seasons go. Nothing stays the same. This is basic, yet it seems we can forget the law sometimes and so suffer a lot of unnecessary disappointment and pain. We take vacation to the same place and lament, “It wasn’t the same as last time!” Of course it wasn’t! We buy some bread and groan, “It has gone up eight cents.” Of course it has! We ask our lover, “Why can’t you be like you were a year ago?”, of course it has changed too!

Things change. Life is dynamic. That is what makes it so beautiful and so unpredictable. The changes prod us into action.

The Buddhis say, “.. all suffering of mankind is produced by attachment to a previous condition of existence.” When we eliminate our expectation as to how the future ought to be continuation of the past, we guarantee ourselves more peace of mind."

Things being in a constant state of change, we need a healthy attitude toward letting go of old things and embracing the new. One thing is always replacing another. In getting rid of the old and the unnecessary, we create a vacuum and we draw to us new and exciting things. When we hang on to the old and the outmoded, we create blocks stagnation. This applies to habits, old clothes, junk in the closet, in the attic, in the garage and so on.

To create a healthy flow, let go of all the stuff you don’t want, won’t use and don’t need. Apart from feeling remarkably uplifted, you will find you are suddenly drawing new things to you like a magnet.


New Member
Hi Dingo,

Good to see u there...unfortunately, I got disconnected a few times and i finally gave up logging into it again..
Will beep u in yahoo msger..


New Member
Hi Dingo..

Read wat you wrote!

Agreed w wat u said...for me...i hve recently shifted office and i junked a lot of the stuffs that seem to be useless to me...maybe subconsciously, i'm also trying to junk away all those unhappy events that i had been through for the past few months...
Being attached to someone is always v painful when the person leaves u, for watever reason.
Life is about constant change...if it doesn't...then it should have existed..!


New Member
Sixth Sense: Yep, great to meet you online.. and I've received your beep in yahoo messenger too. Glad you like the article, but please note that it wasn't "written" by me but just something I found and would like to share with all..

To all: Juz want to share my experience today:
Having dinner alone, the food court is quite packed as usual. A woman approached pointing to a chair and asked if it's taken. I shoke my head while she yelled upon her husband and her 3 kids to join. It's a small table, but I think she was talking to herself saying.. "squeeze squeeze a bit never mind la". After ordering their food, the mother started feeding younger toddlers and discussing with husband about household issues while teaching daughter (eg. table manners la, hot soup la, falling off chair la).

Not sure if other divorcees have such similar experience.. but whenever I see a young family happily pushing baby cart walking shopping centres or parents "warmingly" feeding baby.. it brings upon me a sour feel. Today the sourness came in 3-D surround sound. Oh Man..

To those happily married couples out there, please be a little considerate when you wanna share a table with a single guy.. especially when you're bringing toddlers.. For what you might not know, your unintentional "display of family warmth" can bring sourness and sorrow to others for several days.

*sob sob*


New Member

You r definitely not alone. Whenever I see loving couples on the reminded me of my very own failed marriage!

At times...I felt very upset about my wife choosing to leave this marriage @ a time when I need her support most...i guess with her would be v instrumental to my career as I'm in the early 30s. Things @ work aren't really going v smooth for me since last year and I was struggling to keep everything the past, the greatest consolation that I got was knowing that there was still someone who supported me....always there for me when I needed most..But now..things have changed so much that I have to readjust my life once again...I need to find my direction and try to live my life even better...not to spite her...but to prove to myself that I'm still capable and despite all difficulties, I will pull through and emerge as a stronger person..

But on the other hand....things are not always what they seem on the surface.....We won't be able to see through what is going on beneath the surface...

Dingo...relax and i'm sure u can just ignore and treat them as invisible..;)


New Member
hello Dingo.. how r u today... :)

not to worry.. there are a lot of things to get use to.. yesterday I illegally parked my car near a hawker centre for dinner.. when I started eating the noodle... someone shouted carpark warden is here.. the first thing in my mind was should I rush to my car or continue eating my noodle.. if it was the past there will always be someone beside me and i will rush to put the coupon.. now suddenly I dun know what to do.. ended i got a summon... hahaha... sounded so stupid... should have sacrifice the noodle than to risk getting summon... a lesson learnt...

take care...


New Member
Thanks Husky boy for sharing.
It's such small things in our lives that people in our shoes can share the blues.. Once I've someone look after my noodles while I add coupon, now it's me.. all alone.

stupid or not stupid.. really can't tell. For the kinda "heck care, I used to be able to maintain my bowl of noodles while I add coupon" versus getting a hefty summon. The choice is really up to you.. To me, I'll be like you, finish my bowl of noodles first. Haha..

What's money compared to a hot bowl of noodles and good_old_feeling of warmth at heart.
Take care pal. Hope to see you soon.


New Member
sixth sense:
Hello!!! Career at stake? While wife adding on the misery by running away? Come join our club la... you ain't alone! Early 30's at your prime and what did you do to deserve something like that?

Come share with us, would like to listen to your story. Meanwhile, take care dude!

p/s. Happy/Sick/Tired: Hello!! Where are you? How was your weekend?