Support group - Divorce
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helpless_now
Guest
My husband and I married for 6 years. We are in our early 30's. We have a 4 year old kid. For the past 2 months, he has suddenly changed to be so quiet unlike the past, he is so talkative. He sold his favourite car few weeks ago. He earns about 5K a month. I earn about 3K, and all my salary will go into my kid and household expenses etc. I thought he has work stress or sick, but I was shocked to find out that he has so many debts... letters of summon to attend court, wall writtings etc. All this debts were from football bettings and ended borrowing from loansharks and some legal money lender company. He came from a pretty wealthy family, only few days back, my in-laws reviewed to me that the family had helped him so many times to clear his huge debts, but everytime after each cleared, he piles it up again. Now, his family gave up on him.
I am so sad that my husband has changed so much within a few months. Both of us had spoken about this matter. He said he will know how to settle it and leave him alone. Even my in-laws told me to give up on him. I dont know what should I do. I am thinking of our kid, the family that we had built and the love we both had. Where has it all gone???
I am helpless, should I file for separation or divorce him? Or any way that can help us in this relationship?
I am so sad that my husband has changed so much within a few months. Both of us had spoken about this matter. He said he will know how to settle it and leave him alone. Even my in-laws told me to give up on him. I dont know what should I do. I am thinking of our kid, the family that we had built and the love we both had. Where has it all gone???
I am helpless, should I file for separation or divorce him? Or any way that can help us in this relationship?
A
a1b2c3
Guest
helpless_now,
From what you've written, I think you still love him. I think you should talk to your husband whether he is willing to kick off his addiction in gambling. You and him should attend a counselling. Only thru your support and his will, then you can save this marriage.
During the 1st counselling session that I attended with my ex, I told the counsellor that my ex needed psychological help, but nothing was done from the counselling session. And my ex changed into worst and I decided to move on.
It's not easy, but I think you should try, for the sake of yourself. At least when you look back in future, you know you have tried your best, but not just simply listened to what others.
Best wishes!
From what you've written, I think you still love him. I think you should talk to your husband whether he is willing to kick off his addiction in gambling. You and him should attend a counselling. Only thru your support and his will, then you can save this marriage.
During the 1st counselling session that I attended with my ex, I told the counsellor that my ex needed psychological help, but nothing was done from the counselling session. And my ex changed into worst and I decided to move on.
It's not easy, but I think you should try, for the sake of yourself. At least when you look back in future, you know you have tried your best, but not just simply listened to what others.
Best wishes!
H
help_please
Guest
something happened to me today. I was carrying my baby, and my hubby and my maid were walking behind me. I didnt know why but I stopped suddenly and turned back.
I saw my hubby and my maid holding hands, and they saw me and they let go of the hands immediately.
I couldnt believe my eyes and I actually turned back and continued to walk. When we were in the car my hubby kept talking and joking to me, he tried too hard and that put a slap on my face. what I saw was really what happened.
Now my hubby don't dare to come into our room, and he slept in the study. I am starting to feel the pain now. I have been browsing for divorce info for the past one hour. what should I do? I have a young kid.
Please help.
I saw my hubby and my maid holding hands, and they saw me and they let go of the hands immediately.
I couldnt believe my eyes and I actually turned back and continued to walk. When we were in the car my hubby kept talking and joking to me, he tried too hard and that put a slap on my face. what I saw was really what happened.
Now my hubby don't dare to come into our room, and he slept in the study. I am starting to feel the pain now. I have been browsing for divorce info for the past one hour. what should I do? I have a young kid.
Please help.
Dear help_please,
SACK THE MAID. Now.
You may need a relative or someone you can trust to take care of ur baby for the time being while you discuss babysitting options with ur family.
Have a good talk with ur hubby. GIVE HIM A STERN WARNING. No point raising voice in this matter. The best thing is to trash things out and get to the bottom of the matter. Do give him a chance if he is sorry for what he did.
It is definitely not easy for you but you may need to work things out with ur hubby. Divorce is the very last option you should consider, not first.
Take care.
SACK THE MAID. Now.
You may need a relative or someone you can trust to take care of ur baby for the time being while you discuss babysitting options with ur family.
Have a good talk with ur hubby. GIVE HIM A STERN WARNING. No point raising voice in this matter. The best thing is to trash things out and get to the bottom of the matter. Do give him a chance if he is sorry for what he did.
It is definitely not easy for you but you may need to work things out with ur hubby. Divorce is the very last option you should consider, not first.
Take care.
S
sackher
Guest
Dear help_please,
The 1st thing to do is to SACK YOUR MAID immediately.Do not listen to whatever excuses she gives.
2nd thing is to deal with your hubby.
The 1st thing to do is to SACK YOUR MAID immediately.Do not listen to whatever excuses she gives.
2nd thing is to deal with your hubby.
H
helpless_now
Guest
Thanks A1B2C3 for the reply. We went for counselling, but it doesnt help my husband for his gambling habit. Now the shocked story, he is seeing another woman! I thought that if he has a gambling habit, there is still a chance for it to quit it, but now it seem like I am totally sank for him... just briefly
Just after counselling, while he was showering, I heard a SMS tone from his mobile phone. To my curiousity and knowing that it's a wrong thing to view it, I went to press the 'read' button. My heart sank..... I have been thinking of you and I trust that you will know how to settle things with your wife. I will be waiting for you, but dont let me wait too long.
I confronted him and he scolded me loudly! He wants to divorce me and claiming that he will want the custody of our child. I trusted him so much and this is the treatment I got from him. I am so tired and helpless.
Just things happened that day, I spoken to my parents and in-laws about this matter, but it seems like everyway that they done for me for the past few days, there's no turning point for him.
So many things happen in my life within a short period of time, I am helpless. I hope anyone reading this forum could advise me. I am really helpless and breaking down soon.
Just after counselling, while he was showering, I heard a SMS tone from his mobile phone. To my curiousity and knowing that it's a wrong thing to view it, I went to press the 'read' button. My heart sank..... I have been thinking of you and I trust that you will know how to settle things with your wife. I will be waiting for you, but dont let me wait too long.
I confronted him and he scolded me loudly! He wants to divorce me and claiming that he will want the custody of our child. I trusted him so much and this is the treatment I got from him. I am so tired and helpless.
Just things happened that day, I spoken to my parents and in-laws about this matter, but it seems like everyway that they done for me for the past few days, there's no turning point for him.
So many things happen in my life within a short period of time, I am helpless. I hope anyone reading this forum could advise me. I am really helpless and breaking down soon.
helpless_now,
I know is not easy, but put it this way, his habitual gambling and huge debt will destroy your marriage sooner or later. the fact with a 3rd party has expedite the process.
Maybe is good this happen and you can start to move on.
My HB has huge debt too, I help for 10 yrs, clear and come again, very trying marriage. He will not let me go coz I am the ATM. I am hoping that he has a gf outside but none. I am stuck. If he has, I will be happy.
Hope my story help you a little. Take care
I know is not easy, but put it this way, his habitual gambling and huge debt will destroy your marriage sooner or later. the fact with a 3rd party has expedite the process.
Maybe is good this happen and you can start to move on.
My HB has huge debt too, I help for 10 yrs, clear and come again, very trying marriage. He will not let me go coz I am the ATM. I am hoping that he has a gf outside but none. I am stuck. If he has, I will be happy.
Hope my story help you a little. Take care
A
a1b2c3
Guest
helpless_now,
counselling is not magic, it's thru talking with the counsellor that both of you could find a way out for yourself. And it's very important that both must put in effort not only during this critical short-term but also in the long-term.
Your case is getting complicated since a 3rd-party is involved now.
So, you have to clarify with your husband whether he still wants the family and whether he could kick off his addiction. If he can't, you have to think what you want for your life.
Most men would not want the custody of the child, especially men who have new love, since he also needs time for his gf to accept and build relationship who is not her own blood, but of course there will be exception.
But I think perhaps your husband is saying that just to threaten, frighten you or put you now.
Time should be give to both of you to think more thoroughly.
counselling is not magic, it's thru talking with the counsellor that both of you could find a way out for yourself. And it's very important that both must put in effort not only during this critical short-term but also in the long-term.
Your case is getting complicated since a 3rd-party is involved now.
So, you have to clarify with your husband whether he still wants the family and whether he could kick off his addiction. If he can't, you have to think what you want for your life.
Most men would not want the custody of the child, especially men who have new love, since he also needs time for his gf to accept and build relationship who is not her own blood, but of course there will be exception.
But I think perhaps your husband is saying that just to threaten, frighten you or put you now.
Time should be give to both of you to think more thoroughly.
S
sad sad man
Guest
Hi,can someone help me?
I wish to file for an annulment of marriage.
I ROM last dec.
Recently my wife confessed that she had an affair.
We have a HDB flat brought direct from HDB.
Hope to find out on how we can file an annulment, and can we return the
flat back to HDB.
I wish to file for an annulment of marriage.
I ROM last dec.
Recently my wife confessed that she had an affair.
We have a HDB flat brought direct from HDB.
Hope to find out on how we can file an annulment, and can we return the
flat back to HDB.
<font size="+0"><font face="Garamond"> Dear sad sad man,
You should be able to get most of your answers from the official sites below.
http://www.familycourtofsingapore.gov.sg/principles/FAQ_ThinkingDivorce.htm
http://www7.hdb.gov.sg/__4825703800...48257070001EF546?Open&Highlight=2,divorce
http://www.familycourtofsingapore.gov.sg/principles/FAQ_Property.htm#12
Hope you are sober and has taken the extra mile to weight the pros and cons before deciding your destination.
Take care</font>.</font>
You should be able to get most of your answers from the official sites below.
http://www.familycourtofsingapore.gov.sg/principles/FAQ_ThinkingDivorce.htm
http://www7.hdb.gov.sg/__4825703800...48257070001EF546?Open&Highlight=2,divorce
http://www.familycourtofsingapore.gov.sg/principles/FAQ_Property.htm#12
Hope you are sober and has taken the extra mile to weight the pros and cons before deciding your destination.
Take care</font>.</font>
S
sad sad man
Guest
Hi smum,
thank you for the info.
thank you for the info.
dear helpless_now
would like to share my story w u. Was in your shoes not long ago. K really empathize e helplessness n tiredness u re feeling right now. My ex was a habitual gambler 2. Only found out he was in huge debts after we married. Nevertherless, I chose to support him to clear his debts n kick off his addiction. But like wat A1B2C3 mentioned, our duty as their wives to support them is not enuf, their determination n willpower is just as impt.I tot my love 4 him would give him e strength to brave thru all storms but sad to say his determination was just not enuf. More n more debts were incurred last yr.
During e crucial period while we re (or rather I m) trying to work things out, my ex got involved w a 3rd party. I guess tat is e final straw for me.
I was in a confused state like u. In a cross road junction where weighing e pros n cons of staying on or leaving tis marriage just dont work anymore. It took me abt 1 yr before I finally know wat I should do, I decided to move on since he has already moved on. I decided to move on since I know I have no more regrets of leaving for I have done all I could to salvage my marriage.
E road is long, one party's commitment to a marriage is just not enuf. Both have to work hand in hand to make a marriage work. Time is a good factor. Give yourself n your husband some time. Most importantly, take good care of yourself for I m sure tat is wat your child n your family would wan u to do now.
would like to share my story w u. Was in your shoes not long ago. K really empathize e helplessness n tiredness u re feeling right now. My ex was a habitual gambler 2. Only found out he was in huge debts after we married. Nevertherless, I chose to support him to clear his debts n kick off his addiction. But like wat A1B2C3 mentioned, our duty as their wives to support them is not enuf, their determination n willpower is just as impt.I tot my love 4 him would give him e strength to brave thru all storms but sad to say his determination was just not enuf. More n more debts were incurred last yr.
During e crucial period while we re (or rather I m) trying to work things out, my ex got involved w a 3rd party. I guess tat is e final straw for me.
I was in a confused state like u. In a cross road junction where weighing e pros n cons of staying on or leaving tis marriage just dont work anymore. It took me abt 1 yr before I finally know wat I should do, I decided to move on since he has already moved on. I decided to move on since I know I have no more regrets of leaving for I have done all I could to salvage my marriage.
E road is long, one party's commitment to a marriage is just not enuf. Both have to work hand in hand to make a marriage work. Time is a good factor. Give yourself n your husband some time. Most importantly, take good care of yourself for I m sure tat is wat your child n your family would wan u to do now.
B
butterfly wife
Guest
hi helpless_now,
how are you feeling now?
there are 2 issues that you must settle now. hubby's debt and the outside woman.
think you should settle the woman problem first cos it has a deeper damage to your marriage than those debts.
think you need to ask yourself whether you want to keep this marriage. if you truly love your hubby and he is also repentant, then do consider giving him another chance.
wipe your tears and find a chance to ask your hubby to come clean about the woman. no need to ponder about the details. just ask how long is this affair, who is the woman and why did he commit adultery?
ask him whether he still wants his family. if he shows genuine remorse, use the opportunity to state down your requests. first, he has to break away from the woman and do not maintain contact ever again. next, change his hp number.
you can release your emotions and tell him how hurt you were. cry together. let him understand the pain he has inflicted on you.
for the next few months, do monitor his actions and then you can decide whether he is worth another chance.
try not to sentence his crime immediately. give him a chance to show his repentance. during this period, do iron out any displeasures in the marriage.
given the amount of debts he has, it is not unusual for him to find outside pleasures to release stress. i am not supporting his behaviour! try to find out the reason for his infidelity. it will help in building up trust in the marriage again.
as for the debts, if he is really sincere in quitting his gambling habits and start life afresh, maybe you can discuss with your in-laws to help him 1 last time.
in order to start afresh in something, we also need a closure.
helpess_now, i know how you feel cos i was in your shoes 1 year ago. i was in a much deeper shit than you. i survived. my hubby and i are more loving than before. i too have my fair share of anger, depression, mental instabilty, cries.... etc. i am glad that all these are over. whenever i think back of those bad times, i have shivers cos i think i am so scary!
be strong now. only you can make the decision. once made, stick to it.
i wish you well.
how are you feeling now?
there are 2 issues that you must settle now. hubby's debt and the outside woman.
think you should settle the woman problem first cos it has a deeper damage to your marriage than those debts.
think you need to ask yourself whether you want to keep this marriage. if you truly love your hubby and he is also repentant, then do consider giving him another chance.
wipe your tears and find a chance to ask your hubby to come clean about the woman. no need to ponder about the details. just ask how long is this affair, who is the woman and why did he commit adultery?
ask him whether he still wants his family. if he shows genuine remorse, use the opportunity to state down your requests. first, he has to break away from the woman and do not maintain contact ever again. next, change his hp number.
you can release your emotions and tell him how hurt you were. cry together. let him understand the pain he has inflicted on you.
for the next few months, do monitor his actions and then you can decide whether he is worth another chance.
try not to sentence his crime immediately. give him a chance to show his repentance. during this period, do iron out any displeasures in the marriage.
given the amount of debts he has, it is not unusual for him to find outside pleasures to release stress. i am not supporting his behaviour! try to find out the reason for his infidelity. it will help in building up trust in the marriage again.
as for the debts, if he is really sincere in quitting his gambling habits and start life afresh, maybe you can discuss with your in-laws to help him 1 last time.
in order to start afresh in something, we also need a closure.
helpess_now, i know how you feel cos i was in your shoes 1 year ago. i was in a much deeper shit than you. i survived. my hubby and i are more loving than before. i too have my fair share of anger, depression, mental instabilty, cries.... etc. i am glad that all these are over. whenever i think back of those bad times, i have shivers cos i think i am so scary!
be strong now. only you can make the decision. once made, stick to it.
i wish you well.
Dear Jan
I m currently in the middle of my divorce procedures. I have no kids. Saw in your other post tat u earn more than your husband, if u should decide to go ahead w e divorce, e custody of e child will usually go to e mother.
I dun know much about your situation now, so I cant comment much on it. But u said u sympathize your kids, I m not sure y is it so. Do u think they re better off without a irresponsible father?
u have helped your husband cleared his debts for 10yrs and has he changed for e better? Only u yourself know. Do u wan to help him for another 10, 20, 30 yrs? By then, will it be your kids who will have to take over e baton from u to continue helping their father? When tat time comes, u will really have to sympathize w your poor kids.
I know I have no children, tat's y is easier for me to come to tis decision today. We have only one life, for your children and for your own future, maybe is really time u take e first step to a better future.
Take care gal....
I m currently in the middle of my divorce procedures. I have no kids. Saw in your other post tat u earn more than your husband, if u should decide to go ahead w e divorce, e custody of e child will usually go to e mother.
I dun know much about your situation now, so I cant comment much on it. But u said u sympathize your kids, I m not sure y is it so. Do u think they re better off without a irresponsible father?
u have helped your husband cleared his debts for 10yrs and has he changed for e better? Only u yourself know. Do u wan to help him for another 10, 20, 30 yrs? By then, will it be your kids who will have to take over e baton from u to continue helping their father? When tat time comes, u will really have to sympathize w your poor kids.
I know I have no children, tat's y is easier for me to come to tis decision today. We have only one life, for your children and for your own future, maybe is really time u take e first step to a better future.
Take care gal....
Need some listening ears.
I have been married to my husband for the past 8 yrs and we have 2 beautiful kids, one 4 yrs daughter and one 4 mths old son.
Discovered on 3 separate ocassions that he was having an affair with a female colleague but he denied. The last straw came when I confirmed it last sunday night he was really with that girl. Every morning, he sends her to work and every night, he comes home after midnight. This has been happening for quite a while and he maintains that he was busy at work. My trust in him is totally shattered and fully destroyed. I dun think I can live with him anymore. But for my kids, I dunno if I am making the right decision. Can someone advise me?
I have been married to my husband for the past 8 yrs and we have 2 beautiful kids, one 4 yrs daughter and one 4 mths old son.
Discovered on 3 separate ocassions that he was having an affair with a female colleague but he denied. The last straw came when I confirmed it last sunday night he was really with that girl. Every morning, he sends her to work and every night, he comes home after midnight. This has been happening for quite a while and he maintains that he was busy at work. My trust in him is totally shattered and fully destroyed. I dun think I can live with him anymore. But for my kids, I dunno if I am making the right decision. Can someone advise me?
french_vanilla
New Member
mor or less same story. shrekress wld u like 2 check out my threads at looking 4 a PI.
I 2 ve 2 kids i baby. goin tru same dilema.In th e1st place dont und why they so cheap as 2 deny and try 2 2 time us.
I 2 ve 2 kids i baby. goin tru same dilema.In th e1st place dont und why they so cheap as 2 deny and try 2 2 time us.
yellowflower
New Member
hi shrekness, i'm so sorry to hear of your situation. Like you, I have 3 beautiful children and we seem to have such a perfect family, until hb almost destroyed it by having a relationship with a female colleague. I was shattered when I found out his dinners with working partners were actually spent with this gal. TOtally disappointed with him and was adamant about divorce at that time.
Divorce affects children most so do think twice about the kids. If he's willing to change and regrets his actions, I think you should try to make the relationship work. I know the horrible feeling of being betrayed. I asked myself why didn't hb just kill me instead of subjecting me to such torture....maybe if I died then he would be happy but I thought about how my kids still loved me and needed me even if he didn't. Trust me, you'll get over it and if hb puts in effort to rebuild the relationship, things will be ok.
Divorce affects children most so do think twice about the kids. If he's willing to change and regrets his actions, I think you should try to make the relationship work. I know the horrible feeling of being betrayed. I asked myself why didn't hb just kill me instead of subjecting me to such torture....maybe if I died then he would be happy but I thought about how my kids still loved me and needed me even if he didn't. Trust me, you'll get over it and if hb puts in effort to rebuild the relationship, things will be ok.
is this thread still active?
I need some good help here.
to cut my story short. ROM last year. supposed to hold customary wedding soon in 2-3 months time. everything settled as in banquet venue even my gowns all done.
he betrayed me twice yet i stayed with him still. He often used busy at work as excuse, but could be out drinking with friends in pubs till past midnight. Our HDB flat is still under construction, haven't collected keys yet.
My heart has really died. Last night, he was out drinking with friends again and when i pleaded with him to come over to my place, all he said in hostile tone "tomorrow lah"
I think there is no need for me to go down on my knees to beg for his love.
Before we erupted to this stage, i told him i was frustrated with all the wedding stuff while he just said "busy, no time".. from then, he said he will take over everything. That was just this Monday.
Can someone advise me?
I don't want to busy myself finding a lawyer when he could just shake leg. He is so irresponsible and I want to teach him a lesson. My plan is to ignore everything now. If there is a wedding, I just play my role. afterall, i am married already, customary is just to humour parents. Besides, I am not sure if I can make him totally liable for the hotel's loss if we cancel everything now.
Also, when we opt for divorce or annullment, if there is still hope in my case, can I get monetary compensation from him? Can I make him pay me back all the stuff I have paid for the wedding?
Can someone please help me?
Is it possible?
I need some good help here.
to cut my story short. ROM last year. supposed to hold customary wedding soon in 2-3 months time. everything settled as in banquet venue even my gowns all done.
he betrayed me twice yet i stayed with him still. He often used busy at work as excuse, but could be out drinking with friends in pubs till past midnight. Our HDB flat is still under construction, haven't collected keys yet.
My heart has really died. Last night, he was out drinking with friends again and when i pleaded with him to come over to my place, all he said in hostile tone "tomorrow lah"
I think there is no need for me to go down on my knees to beg for his love.
Before we erupted to this stage, i told him i was frustrated with all the wedding stuff while he just said "busy, no time".. from then, he said he will take over everything. That was just this Monday.
Can someone advise me?
I don't want to busy myself finding a lawyer when he could just shake leg. He is so irresponsible and I want to teach him a lesson. My plan is to ignore everything now. If there is a wedding, I just play my role. afterall, i am married already, customary is just to humour parents. Besides, I am not sure if I can make him totally liable for the hotel's loss if we cancel everything now.
Also, when we opt for divorce or annullment, if there is still hope in my case, can I get monetary compensation from him? Can I make him pay me back all the stuff I have paid for the wedding?
Can someone please help me?
Is it possible?
HI
I am sorry to hear what you have gone through. Let me brief u through what you can do
you can file for annulement based on unconsumated reason.
You can file for divorce based on 3 year consented , or 4 year unconsented. Normally people backdate their ROM date. So by right you can file for divorce 2 years from now ( if you backdate your ROM date)
Divorce = u have a status called Divorcee
Annulment= u get your single status back.
If you file for annulement..i doubt u can get any money back from him. Even for divorce, u have to get him agree to paying you whatever he owes u . Else the court cannot do anything. Unless you ave very smart..whatever you paid, u made him sign IOU..but there again, no woman on earth will make husband sign IOU or whatever
In short u get nothing back . But the good thing is , money lost can earn back. Your happiness and life is more important then anything else.
If you need more advise..u can PM me..
I am sorry to hear what you have gone through. Let me brief u through what you can do
you can file for annulement based on unconsumated reason.
You can file for divorce based on 3 year consented , or 4 year unconsented. Normally people backdate their ROM date. So by right you can file for divorce 2 years from now ( if you backdate your ROM date)
Divorce = u have a status called Divorcee
Annulment= u get your single status back.
If you file for annulement..i doubt u can get any money back from him. Even for divorce, u have to get him agree to paying you whatever he owes u . Else the court cannot do anything. Unless you ave very smart..whatever you paid, u made him sign IOU..but there again, no woman on earth will make husband sign IOU or whatever
In short u get nothing back . But the good thing is , money lost can earn back. Your happiness and life is more important then anything else.
If you need more advise..u can PM me..
P
possible
Guest
Hi,
U can get alimony for annulment. And i do not think number of yrs of marriage plus presence of kids is the ONLY deciding factor...if he's willing to pay u alimony, it should not be a problem. U can also ask back whatever monies u hv paid.
U can get alimony for annulment. And i do not think number of yrs of marriage plus presence of kids is the ONLY deciding factor...if he's willing to pay u alimony, it should not be a problem. U can also ask back whatever monies u hv paid.
C
chase cards capital one credit card
Guest
disgraced undresses.scours?accentuate,reorganized!snails?
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E
ego just died
Guest
I am getting close to my divorce after signing DOS for more than 2 years. I thought I had gotten over ex hubby and gotten into a very comfortable life with my BB but heard he's going to get married to a girl he's met for 2 months and she is pregnant for 6 weeks??? and he was begging me to accelerate the divorce process so he can marry the girl, he's a foreigner back in his own country. but when the news set in, i almost freaked out and i think i can't sink any lower than this. for a while, i still held the thought we will reconcile but now, seems like an impossible eternity to hold that thought. my life just tumbled into a bad stage. hope things will get better. maybe God has a better plan for all of us when we go through all this. I just have to trust in that hope now.
anyone has any advice?
anyone has any advice?
C
cheer up!
Guest
ego,
this is the start of a better tomorrow. when life closes one door, it will open another.
this is the start of a better tomorrow. when life closes one door, it will open another.
not_so_easy
New Member
sometimes, going through divorce, does not imply that your love for the other has died off. in fact, there is still some feeling lingering on as long as you think about the other and allow it to happen. as you still pin on hopes that it is possible for a reconciliation as long as the divorce is not finalise, at times such wishful thought, knowing it is hopeless though, could just reassure why you are feeling better too.
it is also not uncommon to feel angry and jealous and even most disheartened knowing that the other is going to re-marry again. the reasons you feel crashed is due to the fact that your little chance for a new start should there a chance for reconciliation really hit you badly that this little hope inside you is completely gone with this true fact.
well, no matter what happened, you still feel this roller coaster cycle yet again not unless you realised that it is impossible to patch ever again, and give up this dream, you'll wake up, move on and will be strong too once you agree to accept that is your life.
definitely you can carry on your life better too without the other, if you are able to control your well being and know what to look forward for yourself, you'll find happiness again.
it is also not uncommon to feel angry and jealous and even most disheartened knowing that the other is going to re-marry again. the reasons you feel crashed is due to the fact that your little chance for a new start should there a chance for reconciliation really hit you badly that this little hope inside you is completely gone with this true fact.
well, no matter what happened, you still feel this roller coaster cycle yet again not unless you realised that it is impossible to patch ever again, and give up this dream, you'll wake up, move on and will be strong too once you agree to accept that is your life.
definitely you can carry on your life better too without the other, if you are able to control your well being and know what to look forward for yourself, you'll find happiness again.
cherry_blossoms
New Member
Hi All
I am in the process of a divorce proceedings. My hubby after a serious argument decides to end our 5 yrs marriage.
At this moment I am feeling very lost and uncertain about my future. How will people see me as a divorcee and will I have another chance to have a family again?
I am in the process of a divorce proceedings. My hubby after a serious argument decides to end our 5 yrs marriage.
At this moment I am feeling very lost and uncertain about my future. How will people see me as a divorcee and will I have another chance to have a family again?
W
watshdido
Guest
Hi anyone who can help me,
My husband and I ROMed last year Nov. He had changed for good abit before the ROM but after a few mths he became violent in one of our quarrel. I was so sad and disappointed that he even try to hit me. After that fight, we agree to try again but after one mth things turns out that i have totally lost my feelings for him. So i requested annulment and he refuse bcoz he got no plc to stay. He wan to stay in the flat. Then we agree to settle for separate and while preparing the DOS I shifted to one of the room in our resale flat.
We stop talking for abt four mths (only communiate abt DOS thru msn or email or sms) and one day i saw him sleeping with gal in the other room. I was lost then and i took some photos. Also told the whole incident to my MIL. And i learned that he hav been asking money from my MIL claiming that it is for the renovation for the house. But nothin was done.
And now with the photos i consult 2 lawyers and they told me that even though i sue him for adultary i would have to wait for 3yrs. It this true? Can anyone advise me what are my rights legally? I am really desperate to end this r/s with him. Had tried to talk to him many times and he refuse to agree and threaten to declear bankrupcy if i sue him for maintenance.
Actually i would wan to annul the marriage and return the flat to HDB. With the photos, it is a valid reason to file for annulment?
I am totally mentally stressed out by his nonsense and threats....
My husband and I ROMed last year Nov. He had changed for good abit before the ROM but after a few mths he became violent in one of our quarrel. I was so sad and disappointed that he even try to hit me. After that fight, we agree to try again but after one mth things turns out that i have totally lost my feelings for him. So i requested annulment and he refuse bcoz he got no plc to stay. He wan to stay in the flat. Then we agree to settle for separate and while preparing the DOS I shifted to one of the room in our resale flat.
We stop talking for abt four mths (only communiate abt DOS thru msn or email or sms) and one day i saw him sleeping with gal in the other room. I was lost then and i took some photos. Also told the whole incident to my MIL. And i learned that he hav been asking money from my MIL claiming that it is for the renovation for the house. But nothin was done.
And now with the photos i consult 2 lawyers and they told me that even though i sue him for adultary i would have to wait for 3yrs. It this true? Can anyone advise me what are my rights legally? I am really desperate to end this r/s with him. Had tried to talk to him many times and he refuse to agree and threaten to declear bankrupcy if i sue him for maintenance.
Actually i would wan to annul the marriage and return the flat to HDB. With the photos, it is a valid reason to file for annulment?
I am totally mentally stressed out by his nonsense and threats....
jewelmelody
New Member
Hi cherry_blossoms,
I just went to a lawfirm to issue Warrant to Act last Friday and my case has to be view as Divorce for the fact though i had not customary yet but had ROM for more that 3 years.My status after the settle the case is Divorcee. I understand the status is not as pleasing but it is actually as good as single. It is common nowadays. Don't be concern abt people who view you as divorceee cause they don't know you. If you judge you then they are not worth being aquaintances at all. As for whether you will have a chance to have a family, why not? as long you open your heart again, there is always chance for new relationship.
I just went to a lawfirm to issue Warrant to Act last Friday and my case has to be view as Divorce for the fact though i had not customary yet but had ROM for more that 3 years.My status after the settle the case is Divorcee. I understand the status is not as pleasing but it is actually as good as single. It is common nowadays. Don't be concern abt people who view you as divorceee cause they don't know you. If you judge you then they are not worth being aquaintances at all. As for whether you will have a chance to have a family, why not? as long you open your heart again, there is always chance for new relationship.
jewelmelody
New Member
HI watshidido,
For the fact you had ROM less than 3 years, you have to go by 3 years of separation before going for divorce. Have you already had consummate after ROM? if yes, then you cannot file for annulment. Cause if you want to file for annulment, you have to give reasons how he Wilfully refuse to consummate with you and to be honest that is actually making up stories and it is lying and can go to jail.
You may like to refer to this site:
Under point 4
http://www.familycourtofsingapore.gov.sg/principles/FAQ_ThinkingDivorce.htm#4
There is still chance you can file for divorce even ROM less than 3 years and you have to say you had gone under exceptional hardship and he had treated you very badly.
Extract from the website:
4. We have not been married for three years yet, but I really want to get divorced. What can I do?
You can apply to court for special permission to start divorce proceedings before you have been married three years. The court will give special permission if you can prove that you have suffered 'exceptional hardship' or that your spouse has behaved with 'exceptional depravity', meaning that he or she has behaved unusually badly. In deciding whether to grant you the permission, the court will also consider whether there is any possibility of reconciliation between you and your spouse, and the interest of any child of your marriage.
If you need my lawyer for advice rgd yr case, you can private message me..
For the fact you had ROM less than 3 years, you have to go by 3 years of separation before going for divorce. Have you already had consummate after ROM? if yes, then you cannot file for annulment. Cause if you want to file for annulment, you have to give reasons how he Wilfully refuse to consummate with you and to be honest that is actually making up stories and it is lying and can go to jail.
You may like to refer to this site:
Under point 4
http://www.familycourtofsingapore.gov.sg/principles/FAQ_ThinkingDivorce.htm#4
There is still chance you can file for divorce even ROM less than 3 years and you have to say you had gone under exceptional hardship and he had treated you very badly.
Extract from the website:
4. We have not been married for three years yet, but I really want to get divorced. What can I do?
You can apply to court for special permission to start divorce proceedings before you have been married three years. The court will give special permission if you can prove that you have suffered 'exceptional hardship' or that your spouse has behaved with 'exceptional depravity', meaning that he or she has behaved unusually badly. In deciding whether to grant you the permission, the court will also consider whether there is any possibility of reconciliation between you and your spouse, and the interest of any child of your marriage.
If you need my lawyer for advice rgd yr case, you can private message me..
jewelmelody
New Member
HI,
my story is under Matters of the Heart ==>> Housekeys
my story is under Matters of the Heart ==>> Housekeys
W
watshidido
Guest
Hi Jewel,
I have read that threat before. And I found that your story is more than what I am gng thru.
I also read abt the link that you send me. But i am not sure what does 'exceptional hardship'means to court? Hearing my story do you think that it is consider as 'exceptional hardship'?
Am confused and afriad that suing my hubby will incurred very high lawyer fees...what shd i do???
I have read that threat before. And I found that your story is more than what I am gng thru.
I also read abt the link that you send me. But i am not sure what does 'exceptional hardship'means to court? Hearing my story do you think that it is consider as 'exceptional hardship'?
Am confused and afriad that suing my hubby will incurred very high lawyer fees...what shd i do???
jewelmelody
New Member
HI watshido,
I can share with you an estimate what my lawyer quote me.
Uncontested :$2500
Uncontested + ancillary(matrimony home): S$2500 - S$3000
Contested up to setting down : Up to $5000
Most law firm will allow you settle by instalments. You may like to consider Law Bereau.
Do not worry abt money.. it is your Happiness girl!!!!
Watshido, when you decide to end this marriage, u should not care at all whether he will go bankrupt or no place to stay. In the event of divorce or annulment, the flat has to be surrendered to HDB. There is no such thing he has no place to stay, surely he can move back to his parents place or rent a place, in anyway THAT's HIS PROBLEM!
He had already bullied you till brought a girl to stay . Infact you can file him against 'exceptional depravity', meaning that he or has behaved unusually badly.
From what you shared, he had:
1) commit adultery
2) act of violent
3) threatening you not to divorce for fear of
bankrupt and no place to stay.
Do you need his maintenance from him? do you want his filty money? To receive his alimony is subjective on his pay. If you earn more than him, very unlikly you will receive any alimony from him. I earn more than him and I do not want his filty money.
For my case, I only want to get back my CPF back and hope the case settle asap. As for the flat, it wil be transfer to him as he will add his mother's name to form a family nucleaus (since his mum is staying with him). I can play nasty and mean by stating I like the flat to surrendered after 5 years that means I wil cause him to lose his flat however I do not wish to. It means my case will have to drag after 5 years and during these 5 years i can't move on with my life and i can't get my Decree Absolute. My lawyer mentioned the Absolute wil be issued once the HDB flat is finalised.
Hence the best way is he just need to pay me back my CPF contribution and he can keep his flat and i move on with my life.
I can share with you an estimate what my lawyer quote me.
Uncontested :$2500
Uncontested + ancillary(matrimony home): S$2500 - S$3000
Contested up to setting down : Up to $5000
Most law firm will allow you settle by instalments. You may like to consider Law Bereau.
Do not worry abt money.. it is your Happiness girl!!!!
Watshido, when you decide to end this marriage, u should not care at all whether he will go bankrupt or no place to stay. In the event of divorce or annulment, the flat has to be surrendered to HDB. There is no such thing he has no place to stay, surely he can move back to his parents place or rent a place, in anyway THAT's HIS PROBLEM!
He had already bullied you till brought a girl to stay . Infact you can file him against 'exceptional depravity', meaning that he or has behaved unusually badly.
From what you shared, he had:
1) commit adultery
2) act of violent
3) threatening you not to divorce for fear of
bankrupt and no place to stay.
Do you need his maintenance from him? do you want his filty money? To receive his alimony is subjective on his pay. If you earn more than him, very unlikly you will receive any alimony from him. I earn more than him and I do not want his filty money.
For my case, I only want to get back my CPF back and hope the case settle asap. As for the flat, it wil be transfer to him as he will add his mother's name to form a family nucleaus (since his mum is staying with him). I can play nasty and mean by stating I like the flat to surrendered after 5 years that means I wil cause him to lose his flat however I do not wish to. It means my case will have to drag after 5 years and during these 5 years i can't move on with my life and i can't get my Decree Absolute. My lawyer mentioned the Absolute wil be issued once the HDB flat is finalised.
Hence the best way is he just need to pay me back my CPF contribution and he can keep his flat and i move on with my life.
W
watshidido
Guest
Hi Jewel,
You sound so brave and strong now. I admire you...do u mind sending me your lawyer's contact to my email? It is much cheaper than my current one.
[email protected]
You sound so brave and strong now. I admire you...do u mind sending me your lawyer's contact to my email? It is much cheaper than my current one.
[email protected]
adelinekhoo
New Member
Jewel, Jia You!!!!
W
watshidido
Guest
Hi Jewel,
When u file for divorce did ur spouse contested?
Do you need to go to court? Did he accuse you of anything?? bcoz my spouse ever threaten me that he will try to go against me in court...i'm concern...
When u file for divorce did ur spouse contested?
Do you need to go to court? Did he accuse you of anything?? bcoz my spouse ever threaten me that he will try to go against me in court...i'm concern...
O
ohmine
Guest
watshidido,
Firstly, not everyone is eligible to declare himself a bankruptcy. Pls don't be ignorant and be cheated by him.
I would think that at this stage, do not provoke him any further. Think carefully of what you want now. Is status important to you? Would you want to have back your single status? It needs cooperation from him in order to fulfil this wish. Is status not important to you and you don't mind being a divorcee but would prefer to get monthly alimony from him? Pls note that alimony may not be alot, depending on situation. I understand that it's very hurting and frustrating and maybe hated when these thigs are happening and at times it's inevitable to feel revengeful, but at the end of the day, you may be suffering more than what you think he is.
Firstly, not everyone is eligible to declare himself a bankruptcy. Pls don't be ignorant and be cheated by him.
I would think that at this stage, do not provoke him any further. Think carefully of what you want now. Is status important to you? Would you want to have back your single status? It needs cooperation from him in order to fulfil this wish. Is status not important to you and you don't mind being a divorcee but would prefer to get monthly alimony from him? Pls note that alimony may not be alot, depending on situation. I understand that it's very hurting and frustrating and maybe hated when these thigs are happening and at times it's inevitable to feel revengeful, but at the end of the day, you may be suffering more than what you think he is.
W
watshidido
Guest
Hi OhMine,
I been thinking all these questions that you prompted. that's why i have not taken any action till now. Be it that i dun mind the status and the alimony, I do wish to end this earlier than 3yrs.
I juz hope that i can find a way to end this earlier so that i can move on with my life. Not stuck in this agony. I am sure many out there can understand what i am gng thru. I jus wish to be free from him. If given the current law make me wait 3yrs, i think it's a waste of time. But what choice do i have? Some lawyers told me that i would suffer at the end of the day if i chose to fight the case bcoz my spouse doesn't sound like someone who wont bite back. Therefore, they also told me that it is best to talk to him.
I tried, he jus give me more nonsenses at the end of the day...so wat am i suppose to do???
u tell me????I seek for opnion now becoz i wan to be careful not to step into another mistake again...is not easy gng thru these. I really regret saying "YES I DO" then.
I been thinking all these questions that you prompted. that's why i have not taken any action till now. Be it that i dun mind the status and the alimony, I do wish to end this earlier than 3yrs.
I juz hope that i can find a way to end this earlier so that i can move on with my life. Not stuck in this agony. I am sure many out there can understand what i am gng thru. I jus wish to be free from him. If given the current law make me wait 3yrs, i think it's a waste of time. But what choice do i have? Some lawyers told me that i would suffer at the end of the day if i chose to fight the case bcoz my spouse doesn't sound like someone who wont bite back. Therefore, they also told me that it is best to talk to him.
I tried, he jus give me more nonsenses at the end of the day...so wat am i suppose to do???
u tell me????I seek for opnion now becoz i wan to be careful not to step into another mistake again...is not easy gng thru these. I really regret saying "YES I DO" then.
O
ohmine
Guest
The fastest, cheapest way is anullment. I've had mine completed in half a years time, and property settled in another 8 months. However, in order to get anullment, both you and him need to sing the same tune, hence you need cooperation from him. Talk to him in a nice tone and don't provoke him any further and don't threaten him with whatever evidence that you have. Tell him the consequences and liability of divorce and persuade him to go for anullment. Let him know that he don't need to give any alimony for annullment but if divorce he would have to.
You can only go for divorce if you're married for 3 yours. If your marriage have not reached 3 yours, may need to go for sepration first before proceeding to divorce. If he don't agree to divorce, may need 4 years.
Some ppl go for divorce because they've spent huge amount of money on the renovation and if surrender the flat back to HDB it'll be at a big loss. Hence they'd hold and sell in the open market in order to cover back abit of the losses. This is one thing that you have to consider too. Btw are both of you staying at the new flat now?
You can only go for divorce if you're married for 3 yours. If your marriage have not reached 3 yours, may need to go for sepration first before proceeding to divorce. If he don't agree to divorce, may need 4 years.
Some ppl go for divorce because they've spent huge amount of money on the renovation and if surrender the flat back to HDB it'll be at a big loss. Hence they'd hold and sell in the open market in order to cover back abit of the losses. This is one thing that you have to consider too. Btw are both of you staying at the new flat now?
W
watshidido
Guest
Hi bemine,
we sleep separate rooms for abt 3mths and i moved back to my mum's after the incident. Which he brought the gal back.
I have tried to talk to him abt the anullment but he refuse. haiz....
we sleep separate rooms for abt 3mths and i moved back to my mum's after the incident. Which he brought the gal back.
I have tried to talk to him abt the anullment but he refuse. haiz....
O
ohmine
Guest
watshidido,
There's ground to file for annullment, such as wilful refusal to consumate....
There's ground to file for annullment, such as wilful refusal to consumate....
W
watshidido
Guest
OhMine,
I heard about that but what if he deny??? I would be in trouble rite?
btw, what happen if he didn't comply to the terms in the deed of separation? Like paying rental to me if he wans to stay in the house???
any ideas?
I heard about that but what if he deny??? I would be in trouble rite?
btw, what happen if he didn't comply to the terms in the deed of separation? Like paying rental to me if he wans to stay in the house???
any ideas?
M
mismarriage
Guest
Chance upon this thread, I married at the age of 23 after 6 years of friedship/courtship/love. The marriage lasted only 21 months. He is 7 years my senior. We have a kid now 3. It was always known to me that he was a pampered child. HIs mother still buy clothes for him till now. My mum on the other hand expect us to lead a very independent life. We both graduated from local U and both found careers of our choice. Yet when marriage is concern we cannot even survive 2 years. Why?
W
watshidido
Guest
hi anyone,
i saw it on tv today, that the husband lost the divorce case and suppose to pay the alimony. However, his assets and money was all taken away by the mistress. Eventually he become bankrupt. Her lawyer told her that she have to ask the court to send a reminder or something to her husband.
If this senerio is true. Signing the deed of separation also risky rite? He can choose to go against the agreement in the deed and just wait for letters from the court. this is so unfair...
Anyone out there encounter such problems before? how did you actually handle it???
i saw it on tv today, that the husband lost the divorce case and suppose to pay the alimony. However, his assets and money was all taken away by the mistress. Eventually he become bankrupt. Her lawyer told her that she have to ask the court to send a reminder or something to her husband.
If this senerio is true. Signing the deed of separation also risky rite? He can choose to go against the agreement in the deed and just wait for letters from the court. this is so unfair...
Anyone out there encounter such problems before? how did you actually handle it???
2
2centsonly
Guest
If he's going to contest, he'll probably engage a lawyer himself, and both sides of lawyers would have to fight lor. If you're ready to fight for all his assets and alimony or custody of child etc etc, you would need to engage a very good lawyer and be ready to be in the battlefield for a long period of time. If both of you can only settle in battlefield and no room for discussion, then make sure you don't lose in the battle, else waste of time, waste of money, waste of energy
W
watshidido
Guest
hi 2centsonly,
Thanks for sharing.
I dont have any children and my spouse is not any rich man either. All i wan is to file for divorce now and return the current flat we owned to HDB and him to return the money he owe me (abt $2k).
After hearing all these, i really dun wan to drain my energy in such things. I think is not worth it...
But the thing is that we juz rom last Nov. Therefore dunno how the court will allow for divorce anot. My only valid reason with evidence is the photos of him sleeping with another gal in my house. But the date and time is wrong...i didn't check then when i took the photos...haiz...
Thanks for sharing.
I dont have any children and my spouse is not any rich man either. All i wan is to file for divorce now and return the current flat we owned to HDB and him to return the money he owe me (abt $2k).
After hearing all these, i really dun wan to drain my energy in such things. I think is not worth it...
But the thing is that we juz rom last Nov. Therefore dunno how the court will allow for divorce anot. My only valid reason with evidence is the photos of him sleeping with another gal in my house. But the date and time is wrong...i didn't check then when i took the photos...haiz...