still feeling insecure

[pinkdaisy28]

Hi all, just need somebody to make me feel better. I am getting married on 15 June 2017. But I'm still feeling insecure. reason is;
My boyfriend was married before and so am I. he have 2 daughters and i have 2 sons. we been going out for 1 year now. recently, he left me to be back with his ex-wife. I was so devastated. I asked him what did I do wrong since we were so happy when we are together. we never had a major quarrel before. we always talk things out. he really treats me well. so well that it makes me feel like a princess. back to when he left me, he left me to be back to his ex-wife, he said its because of the kids. all these while when we were together he and exwife secretly texting each other. Planning to reconcile. I found out thru his phone. I was actually looking at his gallery coz we have a lot of funny pics of ourselves when I accidentally press on his whatsapp. I was shock when I saw their messages. he told me that he was sorry coz he still can't get that woman out of his mind and he still love her. And so he left .

after a week, he texted me asking if I'm still able to accept him. he said he was wrong coz apparently his exwife have another guy but at the same time she still want him. he apologise alot of times he even cried. Without thinking twice I accept him coz I love him too much. when he came back to me, he bring all his stuff and he move in with me. I was so happy but angry that I feel like slapping him coz he just leave me just like that.

Now we are back together. we register for our marriage. its just a matter of days now to our marriage. he brings me to meet his families and friends and he will happily announce our solemnization date. He treats me even better now but why do my heart still not feeling at ease. I'm still have the insecure feeling. I'm afraid that any point of time he can just change again. I don't know if he's really being honest now. Should I trust him? i don't know if i want to continue with the marriage but i love him a lot. so far since he came back, theres never a sign that he's cheating. he never hides his phone. he even ask me to help him read his message if there's a msg comes in. Will my insecure feeling stop once we are married? Please help.

 

[littlepinkpointes]

So sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time.

Can I check with you how recent is recent that you mentioned he went back to his ex wife?

 

[pinkdaisy28]

So sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time.

Can I check with you how recent is recent that you mentioned he went back to his ex wife?

it was early last month

 

[Loveinstills]

it was early last month

You should wait. I have covered weddings where the couple was in a long distance relationship for 20 years, they are now in their late 40s and when they finally decided to tie the knot, you know it is for real. The heartfelt sharing between them simply put everyone to tears. One doesn't need to have another to feel complete. But it is good to have another to share the journey with you.

 

[JaneLi]

Your case is quite complicated ... i think u guys can make the right call since u are both parents to your respective kids already ... it will not be easy but it can be done.

 

[littlepinkpointes]

it was early last month

I find 'rushing' to get married shortly after incidents like this very not right.
If u have the insecure feeling, I suggest you hold on and wait a while longer.
Don't get married when u are unsure.

 

[aj waldron]

i couldnt really find a solution to get my cheating spouse because i needed enough evidence to find my way,i battled it for 3 years until i met a guy called hacknspy,he helped me look into text messages,online access and carry out other hacking services,he sent me a device and i used it.he is very kind and i compensated him after his services.
hacknspytech atgmaildotcom.......you can try out his services as well.

 

[swashed]

Sounds like he's just settling for u since his ex Wife is now a non option as she has another guy. What if the ex wife leaves the other guy and promise to be with him?

If you are insecure, don't get married. Trust yr instincts. Only you know what's the right thing to do. At the very least, u shld tell him about yr insecurities and see what he says about this, then u can tell whether he's sincere about being w you for life or just settling for the time being

 

[pinkdaisy28]

Sounds like he's just settling for u since his ex Wife is now a non option as she has another guy. What if the ex wife leaves the other guy and promise to be with him?

If you are insecure, don't get married. Trust yr instincts. Only you know what's the right thing to do. At the very least, u shld tell him about yr insecurities and see what he says about this, then u can tell whether he's sincere about being w you for life or just settling for the time being

i did told him about my insecurities.. he said he understand how i feel and didn't force me to trust him. he said he will earn back my trust. Not sure whether his ex wife leave the other guy but that's what she said and she wanted him back. But he said no.

 

[pinkdaisy28]

I find 'rushing' to get married shortly after incidents like this very not right.
If u have the insecure feeling, I suggest you hold on and wait a while longer.
Don't get married when u are unsure.

yeah i know its kinda "rush marriage" there. But i just can't afford to lose him. i don't know if I'm in a "best woman win" situation either. my mindset is like when i become his wife i can have all the rights to questions or check on him. i really don't want to do that. but i guess i have to protect whats mine right

 

[swashed]

i did told him about my insecurities.. he said he understand how i feel and didn't force me to trust him. he said he will earn back my trust. Not sure whether his ex wife leave the other guy but that's what she said and she wanted him back. But he said no.

Then until u feel he has earned it back, don't get married..

 

[pinkdaisy28]

Your case is quite complicated ... i think u guys can make the right call since u are both parents to your respective kids already ... it will not be easy but it can be done.

yeah its hard. controlling these feelings. Just hopeful all be ok once we get married

 

[littlepinkpointes]

yeah i know its kinda "rush marriage" there. But i just can't afford to lose him. i don't know if I'm in a "best woman win" situation either. my mindset is like when i become his wife i can have all the rights to questions or check on him. i really don't want to do that. but i guess i have to protect whats mine right

Ermmmm with all due respect and with much politeness from a Internet stranger...
Gettin married to him doesn't guarantee you you won't lose him. If you are in doubt and went ahead with getting married, wouldn't it be worse for you to handle if ( touch wood God forbids) he does it again?

Also, wouldn't you feel tired and even more in distress for having to question and check on him all the time? No offense and I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but if there's trust there's no need for you to even think of questioning and checking. If there's no trust, then why jump into getting married now?

I mean, whatever you decide to I'm pretty sure everyone here can't say anything la. We can only congratulate you and wish you well. But looking at your responses to others here giving their advice (which I assume you are asking and looking if not why post right ?), you have more or less set your mind to marry him (now?).

I'm sure it's obvious what we are trying to tell you, not say you can't marry him. But until you are very sure you can sign the paper with him feeling secure, don't settle yet.

Getting married is not and should not be a solution to solve problems like insecurity and doubts. It's a life time commitment.
Don't use marriage as a tool to brush the problems you have now under the carpet.

 

[Duskhorse]

No you won't lose your insecurity. In fact, you may take it out on your husband by being jealous or needy, straining the relationship.

 

[pinkdaisy28]

Ermmmm with all due respect and with much politeness from a Internet stranger...
Gettin married to him doesn't guarantee you you won't lose him. If you are in doubt and went ahead with getting married, wouldn't it be worse for you to handle if ( touch wood God forbids) he does it again?

Also, wouldn't you feel tired and even more in distress for having to question and check on him all the time? No offense and I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but if there's trust there's no need for you to even think of questioning and checking. If there's no trust, then why jump into getting married now?

I mean, whatever you decide to I'm pretty sure everyone here can't say anything la. We can only congratulate you and wish you well. But looking at your responses to others here giving their advice (which I assume you are asking and looking if not why post right ?), you have more or less set your mind to marry him (now?).

I'm sure it's obvious what we are trying to tell you, not say you can't marry him. But until you are very sure you can sign the paper with him feeling secure, don't settle yet.

Getting married is not and should not be a solution to solve problems like insecurity and doubts. It's a life time commitment.
Don't use marriage as a tool to brush the problems you have now under the carpet.

thank you but I'm sorry. i always try to think positive. think that everything is ok. But the hard truth is deep down i can't. That's the reason why i choose to write here to express what im feeling s maybe i will feel better. I'm just too scared to lose him. at times i feel that it's ok if he leave again i'm ready for it but still deep down i don't want that to happen. And all this makes me paranoid.

 

[buddhabar]

My dear..
Security comes from inside not outside.
Stop looking out, look inside yourselves.
If it's from someone else, how secure can it be.