sorry for my rant.. but i need some advice

[tigerbalmhw]

ok chanced upon this forum and i may need some advice moving forward..

Not really under the right category but i see like many of the posts here are misc stuff.. sorry if i posted at the wrong section

im married after dating for about maybe 5-6 years. married life is about 7 years with a toddler.

during dating we did abstain from any sexual happenings at her request. but after marriage she did not like any sexual happenings too.

its a very mismatch in sexual expectations as i am having a high sex drive but she is having zero sex drive. We did chat about this numerous times till i lost count of it and also got into arguments regarding this.. but the situation does not improve. on average now for the past 3 years maybe its once a year. So now, i suppose the emotional intimacy has also declined alot.

ok.. heres when i think the women will judge me.. yes i did have 3 short term regular FB (not all at the same time but 1 at any point in time) for a period of time (no excuses.. but yea) as i wasnt getting it at home. And after those 3 encounters, i do not believe that my skills (before and after the deed) or tools are the problem. I am also quite tired of sourcing outside as the type im sourcing for (and need) is also with a hint of emotional intimacy.

im really at my wits end and cannot imagine the rest of my live without sexual happenings. also do not wish to consider separation due to my kid.

any advice?

 

[candyapple]

What’s her reason for not wanting physical intimacy? Have you 2 tried counselling before? Indeed it’s not easy to maintain a healthy marriage without physical and emotional intimacy. Finding a FB just to fulfill these needs is not the solution. Best is to go for counselling, know what’s her reason and how can you 2 go about making this work. It takes 2 committed ones to make this work.

 

[1jl]

ok chanced upon this forum and i may need some advice moving forward..

Not really under the right category but i see like many of the posts here are misc stuff.. sorry if i posted at the wrong section

im married after dating for about maybe 5-6 years. married life is about 7 years with a toddler.

during dating we did abstain from any sexual happenings at her request. but after marriage she did not like any sexual happenings too.

its a very mismatch in sexual expectations as i am having a high sex drive but she is having zero sex drive. We did chat about this numerous times till i lost count of it and also got into arguments regarding this.. but the situation does not improve. on average now for the past 3 years maybe its once a year. So now, i suppose the emotional intimacy has also declined alot.

ok.. heres when i think the women will judge me.. yes i did have 3 short term regular FB (not all at the same time but 1 at any point in time) for a period of time (no excuses.. but yea) as i wasnt getting it at home. And after those 3 encounters, i do not believe that my skills (before and after the deed) or tools are the problem. I am also quite tired of sourcing outside as the type im sourcing for (and need) is also with a hint of emotional intimacy.

im really at my wits end and cannot imagine the rest of my live without sexual happenings. also do not wish to consider separation due to my kid.

any advice?

Hi there, with a toddler at hand, it’s inevitable that your wife will not have any sexual desire as the child and all other matters can wear her down greatly.

You may try to recall how did both of you manage to enjoy those special moments together that led to a satisfying sexual embrace. Then you can re-enact such scenerios again. Perhaps getting some help to baby-sit your kid for a day and just go on a date with your wife first to set the ambience.

Women need foreplay to relax and enjoy emotionally for love making process, else it’s painful & can be traumatic (depending on what she has gone through. Giving birth to a child can make her so traumatized not to make love anymore). It is not easy to get them sexually excited as fast as male, especially when they are worn down by so many matters such as her kid. And because she is emotionally attached to you, you need to understand her needs of what will make her feel loved and treasured enough to enjoy your touch on her.
It’s really a heart to heart discussion that you need to have with her, asking her if she is agreeable for you to look for ‘alternatives’ outside of the family if she is not able to fulfill your sexual desire. As a couple, it is really not healthy not to make love.
You may have to re-enact ur journey of wooing her and making her feel loved enough to make love with you.
To curb your desire, you may have to look for alternative distractions such as exercise or helping her out in her household chores, etc. Reading books to understand woman and how to woo your spouse back to enjoying the process of making love with you may also help.
Feel free to private message me if you need more details as it’s limited space to explain details here.

 

[Catin]

I think best to go marriage counselling .. no one really knows what the problem is .. will need professional help to know the problem to resolve it. Trying to solve it on the blind only delays the problem and also may not solve it

 

[tigerbalmhw]

thanks.

she didnt like any of such intimacy from the start. and i dont think its because she is tired.. she spends much more time surfing and watching netflix though? we did go for counseling to prep for marriage but this intimacy stuff seems to appear taboo for her..

 

[MyENV]

Hi, tigerbalmtv, can you login to read my messages dated 17 August. Is awaiting moderator approval and is invisible to normal visitors.

 

[tigerbalmhw]

Hi, tigerbalmtv, can you login to read my messages dated 17 August. Is awaiting moderator approval and is invisible to normal visitors.

Nope I have not seen any.. maybe you could pm me? Thanks

 

[MyENV]

What can a man in a sexless marriage do about it? Marriage.com