So messed up


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Fine. Tell me what things have been so difficult?

You really think too much. Probably as a woman... and one who hasn't understand love to be able to decide.

Why don't you just take your time, enjoy the company of both men, and sort things out slowly.

In any case, it's far better than you hiding in your bedroom and assume the world. LOL~

The forum... is full of idiots. I am sorry to say this; and when it especially comes to relationship, I am astonished by the amount of rubbish and ridiculous ideas... as Karvna put it, just cut, just throw away, just discard...

Reddy, is fate so cheap? LOL~

Put your status aside... after 30 years, who do you think will still love you? You don't know. The forumers won't know. All they know are just trying to be smart. I don't even know about you and your case.

But what I know is... you should discover yourself, and if you really want to find the One... You'd have to grow. Or you can wait until you are 50yo...

Ignore what he said. Both men are the real persons, and you... you are the real person as well. Take your time, socialise with both or more, and first get to know yourself.

If the new guy is the One... the last thing you want to do... is to with your very hand, tear him down. LOL~ Don't be in a hurry to jump.

You won't be happy if the new guy is the One, and he finds another... because that'd be complications. You either force yourself to self-deny... or you'd have to fight with someone else.

Firstly, are you sure after 20 years, he'd still love you, and go crazy for you? LOL~ You don't. So, relax.


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You will decide if things will be lah~

And the rest... since neither knows the future, fate will decide.

Just remember, love is love.

And all the best to you.


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Just to sum up.
10 yrs back my long time gf left me for another guy. She was 2 timing at that time. After I found out, we try so hard to get back together. Have to let go of my ego as I love her so much. After 1 yr she initiate a breakup and I feel so hurt.

After that, I went into few relationships but my mind still with my ex gf. To get into the relationship is very easy, but to get out of that relationship know that person is just a spare, is so difficult. I feel so guilty and bad.

1 Yr later, I get to know 1 ger, She declared she was single and We started out relationship. After 1 month, she admit she is actually seeing someone before me, but things not going so well as she want. As being hurt before, I know its not right to be the 3rd party, I let go and ask her to sort out her problem 1st.
She left him and we are together for abt 2 years.

After that relationship, I get to know another girl like Reddy who has ROM. As her hubby spend most time oversea, we become very close. She did hint and initiate alot of time. Heart telling me to try for it but mind telling me its wrong. End up I avoid that ger. And till today I have no regret doing so. We are still friends.

Things get mess up easily, but to clear up the mess is not easy. Maybe I was hurt before and understand the pain in the heart. We are human and we have feeling. Why be so selfish for your self satisfaction go and hurt someone feeling. That sort of pain really not easy. We wont like to be hurt, walking out on that moment of lust is just 1 time.
Be firm.
Reddy, you try to put urself in ur hubby shoe and "friend" situation and solve this fast. The longer you drag, everyone is suffering. How nice if your friend willing to let you off.

Today I am married


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scope: As contradictory it may sound, I would still want to maintain the friendship. Whether if it is self denial or whether if I can just be a better person after this episode and knowing how to love a person truly, time will tell. But I certainly hope I can understand myself better through this.

rafflesjay: so when you said you were close to this girl, were you all sorta in a bf/gf state?
It is great to know that right now, you can still maintain the friendship. I hope between me and him, we can still maintain this friendship. I am not dragging anything with this friend of mine. Likewise, I am trying to let go emotionally as well.
As for him, I believe he is finally letting me go.


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There is no such thing as finally letting one go if there is true love. LOL~

Nothing contradictory. Why cut a friendly tie all because you need to focus on another? Ie. is your relationship with the husband (or the new guy) so fragile that you have to cut in order to 'focus'?

Social norms or wisdom is rubbish. LOL~ Relationship doesn't work that way. Be friends, buddy, close friends, intimate friends... whatever. In this life, no one knows the future, no one can 100% be sure if he or she is real...

The woman who betrayed me... NOBODY would have believed such a 'nice' girl would go all the miles to betray, even after she appeared again, people still believed she wasn't with another... She had a baby with another, and I am now taking care of her. LOL~

I can tell you something... Let's see what fate has for you. If your husband is not the One, who knows Heaven has already prepared a prince for you, and all you need to do... is to search as he is searching for you. There is no need to purposely cut or purposely jump into a relationship. Both are wrong.

Just take them naturally along your life...

You are becoming a better person by confronting. No one can grow by purposely kill and purposely focus on one relationship... No one knows what is in store for you... neither do I of mine future.

Treasure the man who comes into your life. If both men truly love you, you are so in luck. Money can be made, but how many women would be blessed with lovely men? LOL~

Trust me. If someone truly loves you... if he is your One, it'd take divine strength to kill his love for you.

The rest hence would be up to you.


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Reddy: It is just a thin line that differentiates the difference between Friendship and Relationship. I am not saying that it is not advisable for you to maintain a friendship with your friend but do you think you can do that without any special feelings now when both esp you are trying to let go emotionally? Humans tend to err when we try to go beyond to test our resistance over temptations. We do not get all we want in life, there are bound to be sacrifices... Most importantly is do not regret what you have decided...


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Humans tend to err... But is that an error to have such special feeling? LOL~ Is that right to let go emotionally? If it can be let go... how?

Unless you ain't human.

It's not about resistance. It's about self-denial. Why resist a diamond when you don't like a marble? Why sacrifices when there is no need to?

What is a regret when you never choose to understand?

How many labels do you have for man, other than friendship and relationship... and significant others, spare tyre, affairs, bla bla bla bla bla bla...

Is that relationship? What is relationship? LOL~

What is love? Will she regret for purposely killing a 'friend' or will she not regret that she purposely focuses on someone who later on... has another woman?

Who knows the future, Littlewoman...? It's as if you are able to be your Goddess... ...

A man is a man, love is love. Don't try to artificially control a divine order. Fate is not cheap. Reddy is right in her handling of her men.

You should learn from her.

When love comes, it comes. When it is never there, pray hard for a lifetime, it's just never be there. It's not for mortals to decide.

Cherish the men who love you truly. Since how many true love would a woman be expecting in her lifetime?


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Do what you want, and live by your choices. Who are you, if not a product and culmulation of what you have chosen in life? Scope can say everything in the world, ultimately, you are the master of your life and destiny.

all the best!


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Scope: I still like to emphasize my friend is the one who is doing stupid things to make me hate him or distance myself away from him such that I do not communicate with him.

While I do not know what the future lies ahead of me, I know HB will definitely take care of me well. Whether or not if he truly loves me, I would not know. Because if you are saying that it will take divine strength to kill the love if it is supposed to be true love, HB answer is that the love for the One will die if he finds out the One actually cheated on him.

Littlewoman: I believe it will take awhile but ultimately, I would like to maintain the friendship. But yea, you are right there is still that feeling. But that's me and how I feel towards past relationships.

Hweebs: Haha yeap I understand. Who I am today is because of the choices I had made in the past.


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Scope: I did leave a reply but I ended up deleting it because I decided to rewrite it.

Anyway, I want to gather some opinions from everyone. Have you ever encounter a situation whereby you tell your SO the innermost negative thoughts on how you feel when you are angry with family, friends but ended up tables got turned against you when arguments with SO ensued.

What do you all think I should do in future with SO? Should I just not tell SO any negative thoughts now at all?


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About the earlier reply you got for me, here's the simplest reply from me:
Look not at the sweet or puny box, what you want is the diamond, right?

Sweet talk or stupid talk, a man is a man. Who he is really is, you'd need great wisdom to understand. You have the choice, you decide your fate... alongside with his.

We have already covered this part way back, didn't we?

As for the current one, you should tell, and be prepared to LISTEN as well. Most women threw out their 'inner most' grivenances, yet insist for all the crap reasons they are right, they are reasonable... which is, if you are going to be truthful which you ought to be, you must also be mentally correct and to be prepared to face the music as well.

If you don't tell him, how you expect him to know? And how you expect to know him better?

Everyone wants another to be happy with oneself, if I am not happy with you and I tell you, won't you be defensive? If you can't even reason and insist you are right, then we'd have a problem.

Choose a time to talk about the negatives... Best, when he almost finishes his meal, you can still be talking some issues... but don't nag, don't try to unload everything. When a man is about full, it's the best time to talk because a starving man is an angry man. LOL~

Don't do it outdoors. In case he reacts big big, stays indoor. And remember your objective... Is it to solve issues, or you just want to throw issues out and make them known?

If you are not intending to solve anything... just divorce if you can't take it anymore.


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He'd be still lucky for quite some time. LOL~
Thereafter... I won't know... ...




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Yes this had pretty much been covered way back.
Somehow throughout this whole episode, I feel that I had grown up quite abit in the sense that I am learning how to confront things better instead of avoiding.

Although this topic had kinda digressed, I am really thankful for all the advice provided by everyone.


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Hi Reddy,

Ignore the small digression. LOL~

Good you learn to take the decision to confront instead of hiding.

Actually, from what your husband told you... I have already some... idea about your husband's situation.

Whatever will happen in the future, Reddy... take it easy. I am sure you can handle relationship better than many crazy women with this growth. ^.6

Look at a man as he is. That's all. Don't hurt any, don't get hurt. LOL~

Good night!


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Hi Reddy,

He's not ready for love.

You'd probably know more in the future. Whatever it is, you are better prepared than other women. You should be able to handle. ^.^