So messed up
- Thread starter reddyredlee
- Start date
I don't know what's your real relationship supposedly to be like.. but as per your earlier post, you sound as if you know how to seek love and establish real relationship. If not, you won't day that TS "must know how to seek love and establish real relationship."
Then another qns, your girl... a scarce type.. so how do you define it?
Then another qns, your girl... a scarce type.. so how do you define it?
Verge W,
As compared to the forum of interesting people, I am probably more interesting a case. LOL~
Can you define your feeling? Well...
The scarce type of girl... Intelligent, classic, kind, supportive, a babe who'd look good in gowns... Bascially it's not like those petty thinking, vengeful and self-deluded bimbos in Singapore...
LOL~
As compared to the forum of interesting people, I am probably more interesting a case. LOL~
Can you define your feeling? Well...
The scarce type of girl... Intelligent, classic, kind, supportive, a babe who'd look good in gowns... Bascially it's not like those petty thinking, vengeful and self-deluded bimbos in Singapore...
LOL~
Reddy: Betrayal of the heart and having an affair doesn't necessary refers to the "sleep phrase"... mental straying can consitutes to more harm being done at times...
Am jus wondering if you have ever consider to be honest to your HB in why you choose to leave the marriage? It might not be helpful or neither will it help things by being truthful, especially if you are leaving him eventually. However, I suppose he has a right to know what went wrong in the marriage and why did u stray in the first place? Arguments is the cause of your waiver in the heart - from this, I think both your HB and you are lacking of proper communication... It is true that arguments can dampen and destroy r/s, that is provided the couple simply brush the argument off after everything blows over. Does your HB understands why were u upset at every argument? Or did you simply choose to brush it off without resolving the issue and your inner feelings? This is vice versa for your HB...
As for you, you realli need to think through carefully. It is never fair to hold on to the 2 of them if you can't make a choice afterall...
Am jus wondering if you have ever consider to be honest to your HB in why you choose to leave the marriage? It might not be helpful or neither will it help things by being truthful, especially if you are leaving him eventually. However, I suppose he has a right to know what went wrong in the marriage and why did u stray in the first place? Arguments is the cause of your waiver in the heart - from this, I think both your HB and you are lacking of proper communication... It is true that arguments can dampen and destroy r/s, that is provided the couple simply brush the argument off after everything blows over. Does your HB understands why were u upset at every argument? Or did you simply choose to brush it off without resolving the issue and your inner feelings? This is vice versa for your HB...
As for you, you realli need to think through carefully. It is never fair to hold on to the 2 of them if you can't make a choice afterall...
reddyredlee
New Member
little woman: Frankly speaking I have no idea why I stray in the first place. Perhaps I was just seeking solace and perhaps I was attracted to the fact we have the same mindset on some important things that I had held dearly..
You had asked if I would be honest to him, I might or might not. That is because I know how he will react to such situation, i.e. he will turn violent and will probably seek that guy out to beat him or what not.
To me, the issues I had was really HB not being able to brush off the argument after everything blows over and also the difference in mindset over family values.
This stint with my friend was just a side track. No point involving him.
Does your HB understands why were u upset at every argument? Or did you simply choose to brush it off without resolving the issue and your inner feelings? This is vice versa for your HB... Pertaining to this question, HB understands I was upset with him for bearing grudges and his emotional blackmailing. At the same time, perhaps I fail to give him the proper respect that he wanted as well. I usually give my family more priority than him.
In any case, I won't harp on my friend cause there is no point. Unless I know what I want, there is no point for me to keep thinking of him. It will definitely do no good to everyone.
You had asked if I would be honest to him, I might or might not. That is because I know how he will react to such situation, i.e. he will turn violent and will probably seek that guy out to beat him or what not.
To me, the issues I had was really HB not being able to brush off the argument after everything blows over and also the difference in mindset over family values.
This stint with my friend was just a side track. No point involving him.
Does your HB understands why were u upset at every argument? Or did you simply choose to brush it off without resolving the issue and your inner feelings? This is vice versa for your HB... Pertaining to this question, HB understands I was upset with him for bearing grudges and his emotional blackmailing. At the same time, perhaps I fail to give him the proper respect that he wanted as well. I usually give my family more priority than him.
In any case, I won't harp on my friend cause there is no point. Unless I know what I want, there is no point for me to keep thinking of him. It will definitely do no good to everyone.
miloice
Well-Known Member
In any case, I won't harp on my friend cause there is no point. Unless I know what I want, there is no point for me to keep thinking of him. It will definitely do no good to everyone.
Exactly, find out what you really want before deciding on anything. Be realistic, your husband isn't going to change his attitude to be more understanding after marriage. Either you guys work it out or you accept him this way. Else, it will always be an issue that you guys will struggle with.
Exactly, find out what you really want before deciding on anything. Be realistic, your husband isn't going to change his attitude to be more understanding after marriage. Either you guys work it out or you accept him this way. Else, it will always be an issue that you guys will struggle with.
Reddy,
I think you already have the answer. It's just that you are afraid to make a mistake and that you are currently feeling insecure. It's obvious that you have fallen for another and you are quite sure of who you actually prefer. In this case, there is no right or wrong. Your problem is that you are not sure if this friend of yours is serious about you or just toying with your feelings. Only time can tell. The fact that you fell for him while you are in this marriage reveals the gaps between you and your hubby. I agree with others that you should have neither of them at this point of time. Correct the lst mistake of marrying in the first place first. Then explore your second option slowly. You may or may not end up with this man anyway. But he at least sort of gave you an idea of the type of man you seriously want to be with.
I think you already have the answer. It's just that you are afraid to make a mistake and that you are currently feeling insecure. It's obvious that you have fallen for another and you are quite sure of who you actually prefer. In this case, there is no right or wrong. Your problem is that you are not sure if this friend of yours is serious about you or just toying with your feelings. Only time can tell. The fact that you fell for him while you are in this marriage reveals the gaps between you and your hubby. I agree with others that you should have neither of them at this point of time. Correct the lst mistake of marrying in the first place first. Then explore your second option slowly. You may or may not end up with this man anyway. But he at least sort of gave you an idea of the type of man you seriously want to be with.
Denise80,
Do you seriously think that should be the best way to handle Reddy's case? To settle 1st mistake then explore?
What 'basis' has she to explore with? It's apparent that when she and her husband (whom they stayed separately before customary) ROM-ed, it wasn't based on true love, but she 'obtained' a goal in life status as married. And when the new guy comes wooing her...
She never really in her mind understood what vows she took. She was actually 'single' as her husband who never stayed with her has conflicts with her...
Hence, it's not even because the new guy is her type... It's just that she... doesn't 'feel love' the way she'd anymore and... she changes side.
This mortal rules of marriage is confusing you as well, Denise80. LOL~
She doesn't have the basis to assess the guys... whether they are toying her feelings or what. But then and again, no woman is a Goddess. She'd have to have some brains to figure things out. If she doesn't understand love... she'd never understand what she's seeking.
Sense of security is like optimism. Optimism is for people who gamble. 10 gamble 9 lose. If even her One has appeared before her... He'd be hurted, and he'd have to leave. Reddy's not even steady. It's like something looks nice, she grabs... LOL~ And now, excuses and excuses and more excuses...
Do you seriously think that should be the best way to handle Reddy's case? To settle 1st mistake then explore?
What 'basis' has she to explore with? It's apparent that when she and her husband (whom they stayed separately before customary) ROM-ed, it wasn't based on true love, but she 'obtained' a goal in life status as married. And when the new guy comes wooing her...
She never really in her mind understood what vows she took. She was actually 'single' as her husband who never stayed with her has conflicts with her...
Hence, it's not even because the new guy is her type... It's just that she... doesn't 'feel love' the way she'd anymore and... she changes side.
This mortal rules of marriage is confusing you as well, Denise80. LOL~
She doesn't have the basis to assess the guys... whether they are toying her feelings or what. But then and again, no woman is a Goddess. She'd have to have some brains to figure things out. If she doesn't understand love... she'd never understand what she's seeking.
Sense of security is like optimism. Optimism is for people who gamble. 10 gamble 9 lose. If even her One has appeared before her... He'd be hurted, and he'd have to leave. Reddy's not even steady. It's like something looks nice, she grabs... LOL~ And now, excuses and excuses and more excuses...
Hi Scope,
that's how I feel towards Reddy's case. Precisely she has probably never loved her hubby and that is why I said she should settle her lst mistake - that is her wrong marriage - lst. So instead of wondering if the second guy that comes along is her type, she should just let the first one go first before she explores.
It's probably true that she doesn't have the basis to assess the guys and that is why I said, she may or may not even end up with the second man and that the second man gave her roughly an idea of the type of man she prefers. This is the reason why I said she should end the lst marriage and then explore further since she's not sure at the moment.
If that is not the best way, which is? Are you proposing that she stays on in her marriage and try to mend it and forget the new guy? Or...are you proposing that she holds on to her marriage and the new guy and slowly figure out what she wants? Or...are you proposing that she immediately ends her marriage and jumps into a relationship with the new guy?
At the end of the day, it's Reddy's life and decision. We are just contributing our comments and opinions for her to consider. No one way is the best or right way, yeah?
that's how I feel towards Reddy's case. Precisely she has probably never loved her hubby and that is why I said she should settle her lst mistake - that is her wrong marriage - lst. So instead of wondering if the second guy that comes along is her type, she should just let the first one go first before she explores.
It's probably true that she doesn't have the basis to assess the guys and that is why I said, she may or may not even end up with the second man and that the second man gave her roughly an idea of the type of man she prefers. This is the reason why I said she should end the lst marriage and then explore further since she's not sure at the moment.
If that is not the best way, which is? Are you proposing that she stays on in her marriage and try to mend it and forget the new guy? Or...are you proposing that she holds on to her marriage and the new guy and slowly figure out what she wants? Or...are you proposing that she immediately ends her marriage and jumps into a relationship with the new guy?
At the end of the day, it's Reddy's life and decision. We are just contributing our comments and opinions for her to consider. No one way is the best or right way, yeah?
Hi Denise80,
Of the three options, what do you think I'd suggest?
We know her problem, now... the only way out for her is to handle both guys at the same time, removing marriage from the scene. Which is, in real, to her... She ROM-ed to guy 1 but she 'never really married', since she doesn't understand true love, she doesn't know what she vowed her soul upon. And to be fair to guy 1, she already broke her vows...
The problem of course is not about her being married. The problem is about her handling love. Now if we suggest she leaves both men, it's missing the true value of love-seeking itself.
If the new guy is the one, which is a mystery. Waiting for her marriage to dissolve legally is pointless as Love of the One shouldn't have such mortal barrier; and it's like deluding to herself that her vows are not broken and guy 1 still has a wife.
The clux of this case is still... her husband is obviously a mistake, he's not the One though if she insists she can drag on with her husband and smile, and try things to work. But this is to me like trying to fuel a self-denial, and an attempt of madness...
So... in her current situation, it is us who obviously thought the husband is not the One; but in real, she is the one who is unsteady and has no way to assess who truly madly deeply loves her... And... LOL~ We can't put her to a 30 years wait (as Claire in Letters' To Juliet) for her to discover who he would be.
And both MAY NOT be.
So my stance is very simple, she must handle both. She needs the experience of the frontline.
Now suppose she follows your 'order of events'... She's just throwing one out and exploring another without a chance to compare and understand how men work and understand what love is. I mean, so what she divorces then she jumps to another man, then the whole cycle comes... they quarrel and yet another guy comes in...
Endless. See? So, she has to understand what love is about. Unless she really deeply knows that the new guy isn't the One, fine. You can then divorce slowly happily and then explore other people.
But if she is running away by leaving both... LOL~
A Chinese saying: ä¹…ç—…æˆåŒ». Which is, if she takes this chance and discover... it's discovering herself, you know?
She is really lucky because before she stays with her husband she already found out she doesn't truly love him. As compared to another whereby the woman was so happily married for so many years... then found out her businessman husband actually fucked around behind her back all the while and would be prepared to lie to her again and again when she's getting old and older.
From a woman's point of view... it can be tough. It sounds funny in telling her to adopt a 'practice makes perfect' stance here... but... it's better than telling her to just drop everything, be selfish and troublefree. If she doesn't know how to 'fish' for real love... Her problem will go on and on.
I've seen those women... divorced for 3~4 times in a row... and they never understand why the f^^^ they fail. What's the point of all those marriages?
Her real mistake is never learn, not about finding the wrong guy. If that new guy is really the One, and she dilly-dally... and he met someone else... then how? Complications.
If he is the One and he's married, would you ask her to stop and move on? Like how? ^.^
You are right, no way is the best... But love... Take love seriously, don't just run away and pretend no one loves you or pretend someone really loves you. How she handles both men will decide if she worths true love.
There was this case on newspapers... A woman was with one man (A), but someone else (B) loved her... and she purposely denied (B). Then when she was like 40yo and (A) was lost, then she wanted to find (B) back. But (B) should be already 50yo++.
You were pretty clever, you dated all 4. LOL~ I am hence wondering why... why when it comes to marriage, your good sense got confused. LOL~
Stay focused, it's always the 'guy', the right guy, the true love, the eternal bond. Then you have the marriage... and it'd work. Don't let marriage confuse you. Marriage has divorce. Eternal bond is eternal. LOL~
Of the three options, what do you think I'd suggest?
We know her problem, now... the only way out for her is to handle both guys at the same time, removing marriage from the scene. Which is, in real, to her... She ROM-ed to guy 1 but she 'never really married', since she doesn't understand true love, she doesn't know what she vowed her soul upon. And to be fair to guy 1, she already broke her vows...
The problem of course is not about her being married. The problem is about her handling love. Now if we suggest she leaves both men, it's missing the true value of love-seeking itself.
If the new guy is the one, which is a mystery. Waiting for her marriage to dissolve legally is pointless as Love of the One shouldn't have such mortal barrier; and it's like deluding to herself that her vows are not broken and guy 1 still has a wife.
The clux of this case is still... her husband is obviously a mistake, he's not the One though if she insists she can drag on with her husband and smile, and try things to work. But this is to me like trying to fuel a self-denial, and an attempt of madness...
So... in her current situation, it is us who obviously thought the husband is not the One; but in real, she is the one who is unsteady and has no way to assess who truly madly deeply loves her... And... LOL~ We can't put her to a 30 years wait (as Claire in Letters' To Juliet) for her to discover who he would be.
And both MAY NOT be.
So my stance is very simple, she must handle both. She needs the experience of the frontline.
Now suppose she follows your 'order of events'... She's just throwing one out and exploring another without a chance to compare and understand how men work and understand what love is. I mean, so what she divorces then she jumps to another man, then the whole cycle comes... they quarrel and yet another guy comes in...
Endless. See? So, she has to understand what love is about. Unless she really deeply knows that the new guy isn't the One, fine. You can then divorce slowly happily and then explore other people.
But if she is running away by leaving both... LOL~
A Chinese saying: ä¹…ç—…æˆåŒ». Which is, if she takes this chance and discover... it's discovering herself, you know?
She is really lucky because before she stays with her husband she already found out she doesn't truly love him. As compared to another whereby the woman was so happily married for so many years... then found out her businessman husband actually fucked around behind her back all the while and would be prepared to lie to her again and again when she's getting old and older.
From a woman's point of view... it can be tough. It sounds funny in telling her to adopt a 'practice makes perfect' stance here... but... it's better than telling her to just drop everything, be selfish and troublefree. If she doesn't know how to 'fish' for real love... Her problem will go on and on.
I've seen those women... divorced for 3~4 times in a row... and they never understand why the f^^^ they fail. What's the point of all those marriages?
Her real mistake is never learn, not about finding the wrong guy. If that new guy is really the One, and she dilly-dally... and he met someone else... then how? Complications.
If he is the One and he's married, would you ask her to stop and move on? Like how? ^.^
You are right, no way is the best... But love... Take love seriously, don't just run away and pretend no one loves you or pretend someone really loves you. How she handles both men will decide if she worths true love.
There was this case on newspapers... A woman was with one man (A), but someone else (B) loved her... and she purposely denied (B). Then when she was like 40yo and (A) was lost, then she wanted to find (B) back. But (B) should be already 50yo++.
You were pretty clever, you dated all 4. LOL~ I am hence wondering why... why when it comes to marriage, your good sense got confused. LOL~
Stay focused, it's always the 'guy', the right guy, the true love, the eternal bond. Then you have the marriage... and it'd work. Don't let marriage confuse you. Marriage has divorce. Eternal bond is eternal. LOL~
Reddy: "This stint with my friend was just a side track. No point involving him. " - It is this side track that contributes largely for you to be out of control of your life now isn't it? If it isn't, why this thread in the first place? Agreed with Milo, your HB will not change after customary, this is him and either both of you sort it out and compromise for each other, you will still be facing the same issues day after day and is it what you want? What is it that you are attracted to your HB in the first place and are you sure you are only facing such arguments after ROM? 3 is always a crowd.. unfortunately, you have fallen for another person who you know you have no right to, after the day you read the vow. The bottomline is I believe you know what you want but jus afraid to carry out the action and/or moving on due to some consideration factors. Take a step back to think about it, you will eventually found the best answer...
reddyredlee
New Member
Scope/Denise: Just to clarify, I chose to marry HB not because I wanted to obtain a goal. It is definitely not true that I had never loved HB at all. In fact I still love HB, albeit lesser.
Littlewoman: The issues that I had with HB had been there even before marriage. Just that I naively thought if we truly love each other, we can conquer anything. So everytime, I thought it was resolved but apparently it did not. The arguments we had after we ROMed was aplenty mainly it has to do with me not doing what he wanted me to do. I had made the stance clear to him but he was stubborn. He kept forcing me and sometimes to avoid more arguments, I gave it to his demands. It was during this time I felt that he was turning to someone whom I had never known at all. Soon it just led to this breaking point. This breaking point combined with my crazy issues at work perhaps led me to seek solace elsewhere.
In any case, I'm not trying to make excuses or justify myself. I know all couples have their fair share of arguments but to me, the buildup and the crap that I had received from him daily for 1 whole month prior to the major argument was really the breaking point.
I do not deny the side track could be a push factor but as I had mentioned, the constant arguments that I had with HB was probably it.
Littlewoman: The issues that I had with HB had been there even before marriage. Just that I naively thought if we truly love each other, we can conquer anything. So everytime, I thought it was resolved but apparently it did not. The arguments we had after we ROMed was aplenty mainly it has to do with me not doing what he wanted me to do. I had made the stance clear to him but he was stubborn. He kept forcing me and sometimes to avoid more arguments, I gave it to his demands. It was during this time I felt that he was turning to someone whom I had never known at all. Soon it just led to this breaking point. This breaking point combined with my crazy issues at work perhaps led me to seek solace elsewhere.
In any case, I'm not trying to make excuses or justify myself. I know all couples have their fair share of arguments but to me, the buildup and the crap that I had received from him daily for 1 whole month prior to the major argument was really the breaking point.
I do not deny the side track could be a push factor but as I had mentioned, the constant arguments that I had with HB was probably it.
Reddy,
There is no such thing as more or lesser love... You cannot define love as something within your control and... worse, you cannot justify your love for something you don't even understand.
In this case, you can't even understand yourself. And yes... you are naive. Your love cannot conquer anything. LOL~
Go and think hard about it.
For instance... I love all my women. I am willing to accomodate somehow to the most ridiculous flaws or problems, unless it would be so destructive to even basic survival. I love my women and I know my women who are around me.
While I am preparing to let go, and let those women who can't give me pure love... I do know what I am doing.
Marriage doesn't change a person, Reddy. 江山易改本性难移. You are the type who subconciously grab something you found acceptable for a womanly goal of completing stages... you are blind to the reality of the man, and when you completed the goal, then you start finding that this man 'changed', you don't know him, he is not as clean as a whistle...
...and your true love can't conquer puny things... which is yourself.
Is that true love?
And... you tell me you are loving him lesser... Oh, love fades... because you quarrel. LOL~
And your true love is like as much as your need to find solace... or whatever with another.
Please lah, Reddy... You are still so confused. Your psychology map has been obvious... You don't even understand yourself. That's why I was telling Denise80... if you just give up both men, you'd never learn.
Is that how you treat love? If the new guy is your One, the more he loves you, the more you kick him, the harder the pain you are inflicting upon him.
This is NOT how a relationship should be.
You are just giving yourself more excuses, which now includes work. Just say that everything from work to quarrel to a sudden stranger bla bla bla just tell you you were not ready for love, and you THOUGHT you were in love.
Luckily... your husband's situation shows up fast. Or you'd be dragging and many like Irene Kang by then would have not much options.
I have said, you have not discovered yourself yet. Both of them may not be your One. But you can't just take it up and just throw away for convenient sake. Are you a baby, are those men toys?
Are you sure you know what you want? Do you know what marriage is about? It's merely a mortal rule upheld by a legislation, NOTHING ELSE. The whole issue is with your life, and how you perceive love.
So now... you think very carefully... Is that a problem he 'changes', or you are just giving yourself too many excuses while you are the one who have never really wanted to change, and yet you are confused?
Please... do not try to hide the truth from me. Tell me what's real to yourself?
Is that true love... that fades? Did you REALLY marry truly loving your husband? LOL~
Please take your time. Or you can go on throw these two men out and pick more, and throw more men out... and waste your love-life.
My dear, you are the problem in your own problem.
There is no such thing as more or lesser love... You cannot define love as something within your control and... worse, you cannot justify your love for something you don't even understand.
In this case, you can't even understand yourself. And yes... you are naive. Your love cannot conquer anything. LOL~
Go and think hard about it.
For instance... I love all my women. I am willing to accomodate somehow to the most ridiculous flaws or problems, unless it would be so destructive to even basic survival. I love my women and I know my women who are around me.
While I am preparing to let go, and let those women who can't give me pure love... I do know what I am doing.
Marriage doesn't change a person, Reddy. 江山易改本性难移. You are the type who subconciously grab something you found acceptable for a womanly goal of completing stages... you are blind to the reality of the man, and when you completed the goal, then you start finding that this man 'changed', you don't know him, he is not as clean as a whistle...
...and your true love can't conquer puny things... which is yourself.
Is that true love?
And... you tell me you are loving him lesser... Oh, love fades... because you quarrel. LOL~
And your true love is like as much as your need to find solace... or whatever with another.
Please lah, Reddy... You are still so confused. Your psychology map has been obvious... You don't even understand yourself. That's why I was telling Denise80... if you just give up both men, you'd never learn.
Is that how you treat love? If the new guy is your One, the more he loves you, the more you kick him, the harder the pain you are inflicting upon him.
This is NOT how a relationship should be.
You are just giving yourself more excuses, which now includes work. Just say that everything from work to quarrel to a sudden stranger bla bla bla just tell you you were not ready for love, and you THOUGHT you were in love.
Luckily... your husband's situation shows up fast. Or you'd be dragging and many like Irene Kang by then would have not much options.
I have said, you have not discovered yourself yet. Both of them may not be your One. But you can't just take it up and just throw away for convenient sake. Are you a baby, are those men toys?
Are you sure you know what you want? Do you know what marriage is about? It's merely a mortal rule upheld by a legislation, NOTHING ELSE. The whole issue is with your life, and how you perceive love.
So now... you think very carefully... Is that a problem he 'changes', or you are just giving yourself too many excuses while you are the one who have never really wanted to change, and yet you are confused?
Please... do not try to hide the truth from me. Tell me what's real to yourself?
Is that true love... that fades? Did you REALLY marry truly loving your husband? LOL~
Please take your time. Or you can go on throw these two men out and pick more, and throw more men out... and waste your love-life.
My dear, you are the problem in your own problem.
I like this statement: “you are the problem in your own problem†. It is rather true to a certain extent that people who tend to stray or strayed can’t / do not understand what they truly want, and most of the times, they keep on searching for someone who they think might suits them better. Reddy: however, whatever has happened has happened, it is the time to know what you want and move on. No point harping on the past mistake or worse still going round in circles. Understand yourself and be sure of who you love before making another step, at least it helps to minimize the harm out of the big saga.
I second Littlewoman.
Reddy, love doesn't fade. Love is a decision of the will. If you are not willing to give it, you don't love.
When you say, you love your husband less - I believe that is the feeling of emotional, romantic love that you are talking about.
Unless you really know what it is to love, it is better not to get married. This is not a personal attack - I just wish that more of us will understand the true meaning of love before we embark into any relationship.
For a parent's love to a child, a parent will willingly sacrifice his/her life in exchange for the child. I believe most parents here will agree.
This is an extreme question. But perhaps you can ask yourself - would you give up your life for your husband? If he needs to go somewhere, would you be willing to drop everything for him... even though you truly enjoy doing the things you do, even though it is the hardest thing in the world for you?
If yes, do marry him. If no, please don't.
Reddy, love doesn't fade. Love is a decision of the will. If you are not willing to give it, you don't love.
When you say, you love your husband less - I believe that is the feeling of emotional, romantic love that you are talking about.
Unless you really know what it is to love, it is better not to get married. This is not a personal attack - I just wish that more of us will understand the true meaning of love before we embark into any relationship.
For a parent's love to a child, a parent will willingly sacrifice his/her life in exchange for the child. I believe most parents here will agree.
This is an extreme question. But perhaps you can ask yourself - would you give up your life for your husband? If he needs to go somewhere, would you be willing to drop everything for him... even though you truly enjoy doing the things you do, even though it is the hardest thing in the world for you?
If yes, do marry him. If no, please don't.
miloice
Well-Known Member
It depends how one sees love. Emotions are like waves, with high and lows. Sometimes, you will feel really in love and other times less. Nothing surprising about that.
Love is more than just emotions. If one's love is just short term emotions, don't rush into a marriage. Enjoy and cherish the moment of romance and emotions. If it doesn't last and you don't cherish, just let go. Why is there the expectation to marry when one isn't even having the love to see through it.
Love is more than just emotions. If one's love is just short term emotions, don't rush into a marriage. Enjoy and cherish the moment of romance and emotions. If it doesn't last and you don't cherish, just let go. Why is there the expectation to marry when one isn't even having the love to see through it.
reddyredlee
New Member
When I agreed to marry HB, I fully understand that this is a life long decision and commitment. In fact, I was fully committed to him and I had always seen him as the One for me. Just that as time goes by and when the going gets tough, I questioned myself.
Frankly, there is no one perfect explanation on true love. Everyone perceives love differently. When I said I still love him, albeit lesser. I was referring to a STI index analogy, sometimes high sometimes low (low being in the sense when faced with arguments, the feelings dip but it still exist.)
To me (I may be right or I may be wrong), I liken love to be a catalyst to marriage. But to make a marriage work is ultimately a decision and a commitment. Because the other party can promise anything and everything to change but ultimately it boils down to the person whether he/she can accept the partner the way he/she is.
Frankly, there is no one perfect explanation on true love. Everyone perceives love differently. When I said I still love him, albeit lesser. I was referring to a STI index analogy, sometimes high sometimes low (low being in the sense when faced with arguments, the feelings dip but it still exist.)
To me (I may be right or I may be wrong), I liken love to be a catalyst to marriage. But to make a marriage work is ultimately a decision and a commitment. Because the other party can promise anything and everything to change but ultimately it boils down to the person whether he/she can accept the partner the way he/she is.
I agree - "If he needs to go somewhere, would you be willing to drop everything for him... even though you truly enjoy doing the things you do, even though it is the hardest thing in the world for you? " How many of us actually know what is love when most of us here actually love ourselves more... True love is a feeling whereby we learnt how to appreciate, cherish and look beyond any flaws of the other. None of here is perfect, but how many actually went beyond to realli love who the person actually is?
Reddy,
The One... It's not you who see him as the One, it's who he shalt destined to be. LOL~ You are not your own Goddess, and indeed no one is perfect. Which is why in a world of imperfection, you'd need to be with your One.
Love is love.
Love is no period. Come on~ LOL~ It goes forever, it goes beyond death...
If that's how much 'love', let it fade then... Don't waste time dragging. Because as you grow older and uglier, his dick will be relatively more active, one way or another...
If he is not your One, it's not up to you really to decide in real. Love is not a decision by you... a woman, unless you can tell me you can decide for either or both men. A commitment takes two to clap... Fine, assuming you were so 'committed', what about either men?
Love is the basis not the catalyst, my dear... If it is not what fuels you... It's no wonder you are having such a problem. You have got it tam-balek~ LOL~
But if you insist it's a decision... Hopefully you can decide for your husband... but no, you yourself have already decided to 'stray'.
You have gone through the real test, why are you still so stuck... woman? LOL~
Hear this again, love cannot be ordered.
If you insist on that's a life long decision... What is your problem here then? Are you really wrong to be unhappy? Are you really wrong to be with someone who can provide you with what solace? Are you really wrong in your own decision and his decision to be him.
He is still He. The only problem lies in you, Reddy. You don't respect true love, you won't get it. Period. ^.^
In any case, that's why I suggest you go on with both men... You really need a wake up call or knock. If you really cannot learn anything from this test... ...
Just regretable. It's your life, you can listen to others... you can go on with a marriage and delude yourself everything is fine.
I have seen too many women who fall in love with self-denial. LOL~
The One... It's not you who see him as the One, it's who he shalt destined to be. LOL~ You are not your own Goddess, and indeed no one is perfect. Which is why in a world of imperfection, you'd need to be with your One.
Love is love.
Love is no period. Come on~ LOL~ It goes forever, it goes beyond death...
If that's how much 'love', let it fade then... Don't waste time dragging. Because as you grow older and uglier, his dick will be relatively more active, one way or another...
If he is not your One, it's not up to you really to decide in real. Love is not a decision by you... a woman, unless you can tell me you can decide for either or both men. A commitment takes two to clap... Fine, assuming you were so 'committed', what about either men?
Love is the basis not the catalyst, my dear... If it is not what fuels you... It's no wonder you are having such a problem. You have got it tam-balek~ LOL~
But if you insist it's a decision... Hopefully you can decide for your husband... but no, you yourself have already decided to 'stray'.
You have gone through the real test, why are you still so stuck... woman? LOL~
Hear this again, love cannot be ordered.
If you insist on that's a life long decision... What is your problem here then? Are you really wrong to be unhappy? Are you really wrong to be with someone who can provide you with what solace? Are you really wrong in your own decision and his decision to be him.
He is still He. The only problem lies in you, Reddy. You don't respect true love, you won't get it. Period. ^.^
In any case, that's why I suggest you go on with both men... You really need a wake up call or knock. If you really cannot learn anything from this test... ...
Just regretable. It's your life, you can listen to others... you can go on with a marriage and delude yourself everything is fine.
I have seen too many women who fall in love with self-denial. LOL~
reddyredlee
New Member
Scope: I realised I have to be specific in my replies. I would assume it would be self explanatory that in order for a marriage to work, it requires both parties commitment. Obviously it cannot be just a one-party decision or commitment.
You have been preaching about true love. But do you really know what is true love? The way you perceived true love might not be another person perception of true love.
littlewoman: How many of us actually know what is love when most of us here actually love ourselves more... True love is a feeling whereby we learnt how to appreciate, cherish and look beyond any flaws of the other. None of here is perfect, but how many actually went beyond to realli love who the person actually is? I could not agree with you more with your statement. I have to admit that I still love myself more. HB had always mentioned that I will only do things for him only if I had deemed convenient.
hweebs: We are working on our differences. I know what I want and I agree with what bedokboy had mentioned A strong candidate for a healthy relationship is one who is happy with him/herself first. Finding happiness on your own and then sharing it with another is in my opinion the best way to start a relationship and not perceiving that your happiness lies in/with the someone out there. I know what is the source of my unhappiness and I am taking steps to get myself out of it. As for my friend, we are just not in contact with each other albeit occasionally I still bump into him.
You have been preaching about true love. But do you really know what is true love? The way you perceived true love might not be another person perception of true love.
littlewoman: How many of us actually know what is love when most of us here actually love ourselves more... True love is a feeling whereby we learnt how to appreciate, cherish and look beyond any flaws of the other. None of here is perfect, but how many actually went beyond to realli love who the person actually is? I could not agree with you more with your statement. I have to admit that I still love myself more. HB had always mentioned that I will only do things for him only if I had deemed convenient.
hweebs: We are working on our differences. I know what I want and I agree with what bedokboy had mentioned A strong candidate for a healthy relationship is one who is happy with him/herself first. Finding happiness on your own and then sharing it with another is in my opinion the best way to start a relationship and not perceiving that your happiness lies in/with the someone out there. I know what is the source of my unhappiness and I am taking steps to get myself out of it. As for my friend, we are just not in contact with each other albeit occasionally I still bump into him.
reddyredlee
New Member
little woman: Yes. I know what is the source of my unhappiness. I was unhappy on how things had turned out for the past 1 year but I just chose to go with the flow and keep everything within me. I know what is messing me up.
I like this quote that I happen to chance upon.
“I am the only person upon which my happiness depends.I make the choice to be happy in each situation and in each moment of my life.
If my happiness were to depend on other people, on other things or circumstances on the face of this earth, I would be in serious trouble!"
With my friend, I was happy going out but I was just dependent on him to make me happy temporarily but in actual fact I was still avoiding issues. My friend still checks on me now and then when we bump into each other, for god knows what reason. But that's pretty much it.
I like this quote that I happen to chance upon.
“I am the only person upon which my happiness depends.I make the choice to be happy in each situation and in each moment of my life.
If my happiness were to depend on other people, on other things or circumstances on the face of this earth, I would be in serious trouble!"
With my friend, I was happy going out but I was just dependent on him to make me happy temporarily but in actual fact I was still avoiding issues. My friend still checks on me now and then when we bump into each other, for god knows what reason. But that's pretty much it.
Reddy,
I'd specifically reply you... I need to rest for the coming few days or weeks.
It doesn't matter how other people think of 'true love'. True love is true love. You have gone through the issues... you should think hard about it.
It's ok to take other's advices or you doing so... focusing on one and totally deny another.
However, let me be direct here... Relationship takes two to clap, and you do not decide the others' version of True Love as well. Which is hence... if you purposely choose one and purposely deny the other...
I can only wish you luck. Because... as I have said, if one truly loves you and you deny him... the hurt is greater the more his love is for you. Which is... from a top down view... if you deny on purpose, it's actually called 'self-cheating'. You are trying to cheat fate.
You now have the option to choose again... In any case, however you choose, it'd be a life experience for you.
Go with your heart, Reddy... ... That's all. Don't waste both men's time.
I'd specifically reply you... I need to rest for the coming few days or weeks.
It doesn't matter how other people think of 'true love'. True love is true love. You have gone through the issues... you should think hard about it.
It's ok to take other's advices or you doing so... focusing on one and totally deny another.
However, let me be direct here... Relationship takes two to clap, and you do not decide the others' version of True Love as well. Which is hence... if you purposely choose one and purposely deny the other...
I can only wish you luck. Because... as I have said, if one truly loves you and you deny him... the hurt is greater the more his love is for you. Which is... from a top down view... if you deny on purpose, it's actually called 'self-cheating'. You are trying to cheat fate.
You now have the option to choose again... In any case, however you choose, it'd be a life experience for you.
Go with your heart, Reddy... ... That's all. Don't waste both men's time.
reddyredlee
New Member
Scope: I don't think I have the option to choose in the first place.
I do understand the part about " I have said, if one truly loves you and you deny him... the hurt is greater the more his love is for you. Which is... from a top down view... if you deny on purpose, it's actually called 'self-cheating'. You are trying to cheat fate. " I know for sure, HB truly loves me. As for him, I know he do like me but I don't know if he truly loves me. Whether if I choose HB over him or vice versa, the hurt is still great.
Ultimately, it really boils down to what I want.
I do understand the part about " I have said, if one truly loves you and you deny him... the hurt is greater the more his love is for you. Which is... from a top down view... if you deny on purpose, it's actually called 'self-cheating'. You are trying to cheat fate. " I know for sure, HB truly loves me. As for him, I know he do like me but I don't know if he truly loves me. Whether if I choose HB over him or vice versa, the hurt is still great.
Ultimately, it really boils down to what I want.
Reddy Lee,
So what do you really want? LOL~
Reddy, love is something of not only you. Before you are ready to 'identify' your One, you really don't have a choice. And... both appear to like you, even to truly love you... but can you be sure?
You cannot. Not before you understand yourself.
As love involves two, it's really not about what you want. LOL~ Do not hurt he who truly loves you, just as you do not want to be hurted for truly loving either men.
Never know for sure, my dear. Look at the divorce rate in Singapore... everyone was sure, everyone married, everyone divorced then...
You are now at the junction to choose again, actually to learn how to love. First, back to square one, I do not advocate you deny one and focus on another, it'd be neither fair to your husband, nor your new man nor yourself. It's just purposely self-denying in operation. I think you know that.
One of them could be the One, or none. Always remember, do not just look at the option God presents to you outfront, this may be His intention to prepare you to for meeting the One.
Just to illustrate.
If you are truly bothered about marrying or to be together with the one who truly loves you, basically understand relationship first...
Deal with both men, do not need to have sex with either. You can only know the truth about you and their love by really be with them. Either way, they are still friends. I of course... do not advocate assuming everything within your bedroom. LOL~
Just be open-minded, just relax, just know yourself, engage in both and all men. Who should be the One, learn to tell.
Or you can wait for 20 years... and see which man will still cheong for you. Without working on a relationship and beyond 'love can fade', it'd make it easier to tell. LOL~
Ultimately, it really boils down to getting yourself 'settle down' first, understand what you should be doing, then you'd know what you want. Or you can listen to those... purposely deny, purposely hurt... and risk hurting your One, and hope everything will be fine.
But that'd be still gambling.
I had a quiz in this forum in Chinese, why don't you try it? ^.^
Remember, love is always about the other. If you are looking for eternal bond... you cannot assume too much. You know you will hurt, and if one of them truly loves you... the more you ignore the more the hurt, is that lovely to do for a lovely goal you got? LOL~
You do have an option. As long as you are living, you have an option. Nobody can deprive you of the romance story of the lifetime... but yourself. LOL~
I have to rest, my eye still red... Think about it. Don't waste everyone's (Both men's and yours) time. Letting go or dragging on... you must decide with a solid basis.
Marriage is but a mortal rule; if you are not a zombie, you must learn. Note that... both may not be your One. LOL~ Don't tikam eh~
So what do you really want? LOL~
Reddy, love is something of not only you. Before you are ready to 'identify' your One, you really don't have a choice. And... both appear to like you, even to truly love you... but can you be sure?
You cannot. Not before you understand yourself.
As love involves two, it's really not about what you want. LOL~ Do not hurt he who truly loves you, just as you do not want to be hurted for truly loving either men.
Never know for sure, my dear. Look at the divorce rate in Singapore... everyone was sure, everyone married, everyone divorced then...
You are now at the junction to choose again, actually to learn how to love. First, back to square one, I do not advocate you deny one and focus on another, it'd be neither fair to your husband, nor your new man nor yourself. It's just purposely self-denying in operation. I think you know that.
One of them could be the One, or none. Always remember, do not just look at the option God presents to you outfront, this may be His intention to prepare you to for meeting the One.
Just to illustrate.
If you are truly bothered about marrying or to be together with the one who truly loves you, basically understand relationship first...
Deal with both men, do not need to have sex with either. You can only know the truth about you and their love by really be with them. Either way, they are still friends. I of course... do not advocate assuming everything within your bedroom. LOL~
Just be open-minded, just relax, just know yourself, engage in both and all men. Who should be the One, learn to tell.
Or you can wait for 20 years... and see which man will still cheong for you. Without working on a relationship and beyond 'love can fade', it'd make it easier to tell. LOL~
Ultimately, it really boils down to getting yourself 'settle down' first, understand what you should be doing, then you'd know what you want. Or you can listen to those... purposely deny, purposely hurt... and risk hurting your One, and hope everything will be fine.
But that'd be still gambling.
I had a quiz in this forum in Chinese, why don't you try it? ^.^
Remember, love is always about the other. If you are looking for eternal bond... you cannot assume too much. You know you will hurt, and if one of them truly loves you... the more you ignore the more the hurt, is that lovely to do for a lovely goal you got? LOL~
You do have an option. As long as you are living, you have an option. Nobody can deprive you of the romance story of the lifetime... but yourself. LOL~
I have to rest, my eye still red... Think about it. Don't waste everyone's (Both men's and yours) time. Letting go or dragging on... you must decide with a solid basis.
Marriage is but a mortal rule; if you are not a zombie, you must learn. Note that... both may not be your One. LOL~ Don't tikam eh~
reddyredlee
New Member
Scope: While I do hope that me and him can still be good friends again as in back to the time when we first know each other but it is impossible. Because keeping a friendship long-lasting, it takes 2 hands to clap too.
Although he checks on me every now and then but that's pretty much about it and he does not tell me things the way he used to. We do not communicate as much as we used to.
So I don't really think we are dragging on anything.
And from the way he had put things across, I know so long as my status remained as it is now, we will not be together.
Although he checks on me every now and then but that's pretty much about it and he does not tell me things the way he used to. We do not communicate as much as we used to.
So I don't really think we are dragging on anything.
And from the way he had put things across, I know so long as my status remained as it is now, we will not be together.
Reddy,
LOL~ Nothing is impossible here. Just be friends. Why kill a 'friend' because of your 'status'? Did he hurt you? Did he kill your parents? Did he con your money?
Still, your current status is nothing. Pardon me being frank... You already have broken the vow on your side. And... you didn't marry or ROM because you really love the man.
Which is why I think you should expose yourself to deal with both to gain the experience, and don't try the easy way out by ignoring one while... dragging on with your husband.
Don't hide yourself, and your feeling. It was a mistake you married without fully understanding what love is.
Are you sure your ROM status is what matters?
Actually, the line of friendship and a mate is only there as a label. LOL~
I have asked you, Reddy... What do you really want?
Or let me... ask you... are you prepared to die for either man? Unlikely, because... your current situation is inclined to developing relationship with one of them. And to be 'lazy' you'd likely be choosing the ROM-ed guy.
The wrong thing is, you are gambling, still.
Marriage will not love you truly, Reddy. Only your love will love you truly. LOL~ And only your heart can tell you who you really so desire. If you truly are seeking true love, and not sure who is he...
Take your sweet time. Don't just jump into any hole and purposely constrict yourself.
As long as both men are alive, socialise. No harm. If they love you, they will not harm you. Who truly loves you... as the old saying goes, only time will tell. If it happens to be a One among the two... if you cannot tell, let time do it. Because after 20 years... true love doesn't fade, for eg.
Your problem is not really difficult. You simply think too much.
You will always be dragging... especially yourself when you can't wake up. Look at this forum...
Many of those women who believe in commitment is merely a decision... are waiting for the inevitable. They will grow old, and ugly, and cannot reproduce while they will never decide for their men's dicks now... or in the future.
Sometimes, Reddy, you have to fight for your happiness, for true love. Now, are you prepared? LOL~
Your status could be tricky... But if the new guy loves you truly... mortal rules would not stop true love. Your death will stop him not, what of such puny status?
But you have to be fair to your husband. You are part of the blame. So face it, and learn how to deliver the message.
Again, I must remind you. Both may not be the One. So... what do you really desire... ...? Just discover yourself first.
You can be friend with me, you can be friend with anyone. LOL~
LOL~ Nothing is impossible here. Just be friends. Why kill a 'friend' because of your 'status'? Did he hurt you? Did he kill your parents? Did he con your money?
Still, your current status is nothing. Pardon me being frank... You already have broken the vow on your side. And... you didn't marry or ROM because you really love the man.
Which is why I think you should expose yourself to deal with both to gain the experience, and don't try the easy way out by ignoring one while... dragging on with your husband.
Don't hide yourself, and your feeling. It was a mistake you married without fully understanding what love is.
Are you sure your ROM status is what matters?
Actually, the line of friendship and a mate is only there as a label. LOL~
I have asked you, Reddy... What do you really want?
Or let me... ask you... are you prepared to die for either man? Unlikely, because... your current situation is inclined to developing relationship with one of them. And to be 'lazy' you'd likely be choosing the ROM-ed guy.
The wrong thing is, you are gambling, still.
Marriage will not love you truly, Reddy. Only your love will love you truly. LOL~ And only your heart can tell you who you really so desire. If you truly are seeking true love, and not sure who is he...
Take your sweet time. Don't just jump into any hole and purposely constrict yourself.
As long as both men are alive, socialise. No harm. If they love you, they will not harm you. Who truly loves you... as the old saying goes, only time will tell. If it happens to be a One among the two... if you cannot tell, let time do it. Because after 20 years... true love doesn't fade, for eg.
Your problem is not really difficult. You simply think too much.
You will always be dragging... especially yourself when you can't wake up. Look at this forum...
Many of those women who believe in commitment is merely a decision... are waiting for the inevitable. They will grow old, and ugly, and cannot reproduce while they will never decide for their men's dicks now... or in the future.
Sometimes, Reddy, you have to fight for your happiness, for true love. Now, are you prepared? LOL~
Your status could be tricky... But if the new guy loves you truly... mortal rules would not stop true love. Your death will stop him not, what of such puny status?
But you have to be fair to your husband. You are part of the blame. So face it, and learn how to deliver the message.
Again, I must remind you. Both may not be the One. So... what do you really desire... ...? Just discover yourself first.
You can be friend with me, you can be friend with anyone. LOL~
reddyredlee
New Member
Scope:
Me and him are still friends. Just not how it used to be. He is a stubborn dude. Once he decided on it, he will stick to it. He did alot of stupid things to make me distance myself away from him. Which eventually I did. He kept saying he did all these to make me fully focus on HB and that HB is my future. He is just nothing.
However, (after all he is still a mortal) he will check on me esp when he knows things are not going well between me and HB. I have never really ignored him. In fact if I did, he will say why am I not replying him.
So you see, he is just plain contradictory himself too.
You had asked me a couple of times on what I really want. I want happiness.
Me and him are still friends. Just not how it used to be. He is a stubborn dude. Once he decided on it, he will stick to it. He did alot of stupid things to make me distance myself away from him. Which eventually I did. He kept saying he did all these to make me fully focus on HB and that HB is my future. He is just nothing.
However, (after all he is still a mortal) he will check on me esp when he knows things are not going well between me and HB. I have never really ignored him. In fact if I did, he will say why am I not replying him.
So you see, he is just plain contradictory himself too.
You had asked me a couple of times on what I really want. I want happiness.
Reddy,
Yes. What is happiness? LOL~
Good. At least there is still communication... And don't bother about what the new guy said. The most important thing is, you got to know if this one is real or not hence your possible reaction. That's all.
If he loves you, it's enough he sees you and be able to talk to you, to be together especially when either or both of you are down or there is something to celebrate. This relationship is not just friendship, it's more than that but not marriage, so it's not against the 'mortal rules' with your current status.
But so said... You will still need experience to tell, to gauge and such. He might be a player. So be careful, but don't assume too much. You are doing ok. Nothing contradictory when nothing of what he said is important.
The real issue now is your husband. If he loves you and you also have feelings for him, you have to be appropriate with him. Of the two, just be happily in romance... Until you know, until you are very sure who is the One.
Don't be bothered.
Of course, it was a joke to want you to wait for 20years. LOL~
If I were to be your offline friend, things will be easier because... I have a pair of 'eagle eyes'. LOL~
Continue to enjoy the relationships, and understand why you should enjoy the relationships. But of course, eventually you will have to be a mother... Hmm...
But still... a woman's most precious moments will always be due to true love. What is a woman who dies never knew true love? LOL~
I... also fall in love with a married woman... LOL~ But I am not lucky as that new guy of yours. Actually, it started when she was single... ... then she is married. She isn't you. She doesn't... handle things that... as good. LOL~
She has... always been like this since the day I knew her.
Whatever it is... Love cannot be ordered, nor legislated. So... I think you are very lucky. The way you are handling shows you are already immuned to mortal-rules-craps...
So you want happiness. What do you think is happiness with regards to factoring in a man?
Yes. What is happiness? LOL~
Good. At least there is still communication... And don't bother about what the new guy said. The most important thing is, you got to know if this one is real or not hence your possible reaction. That's all.
If he loves you, it's enough he sees you and be able to talk to you, to be together especially when either or both of you are down or there is something to celebrate. This relationship is not just friendship, it's more than that but not marriage, so it's not against the 'mortal rules' with your current status.
But so said... You will still need experience to tell, to gauge and such. He might be a player. So be careful, but don't assume too much. You are doing ok. Nothing contradictory when nothing of what he said is important.
The real issue now is your husband. If he loves you and you also have feelings for him, you have to be appropriate with him. Of the two, just be happily in romance... Until you know, until you are very sure who is the One.
Don't be bothered.
Of course, it was a joke to want you to wait for 20years. LOL~
If I were to be your offline friend, things will be easier because... I have a pair of 'eagle eyes'. LOL~
Continue to enjoy the relationships, and understand why you should enjoy the relationships. But of course, eventually you will have to be a mother... Hmm...
But still... a woman's most precious moments will always be due to true love. What is a woman who dies never knew true love? LOL~
I... also fall in love with a married woman... LOL~ But I am not lucky as that new guy of yours. Actually, it started when she was single... ... then she is married. She isn't you. She doesn't... handle things that... as good. LOL~
She has... always been like this since the day I knew her.
Whatever it is... Love cannot be ordered, nor legislated. So... I think you are very lucky. The way you are handling shows you are already immuned to mortal-rules-craps...
So you want happiness. What do you think is happiness with regards to factoring in a man?
sundownprince
New Member
scope wats the add of ur blog?
@Reddy:
If you still have feelings for your HB and wants to stay together with him for life, then you should cut off all contacts with this guy forever so that he can move on. You must be fair to both parties. What's the point of replying to him when you know that he is treating you more than a friend? Please be gracious and let him go. For all you know, he may find his true love subsequently. You are obviously only treating him like a spare tyre.
If you still have feelings for your HB and wants to stay together with him for life, then you should cut off all contacts with this guy forever so that he can move on. You must be fair to both parties. What's the point of replying to him when you know that he is treating you more than a friend? Please be gracious and let him go. For all you know, he may find his true love subsequently. You are obviously only treating him like a spare tyre.
sundownprince
New Member
scope fake address. lol
Jo Ou,
Here' the real one...
http://scope_guyreal.livejournal.com.fr
I am 19yo girl hor~
Why so kpo in a girl's blog? LOL~
Here' the real one...
http://scope_guyreal.livejournal.com.fr
I am 19yo girl hor~
Why so kpo in a girl's blog? LOL~
sundownprince
New Member
bluff.
reddyredlee
New Member
Scope:
Frankly there's not much communication between both of us. He shows concern only when he finds out but he does not tell me anything that is happening in his life. So there is not so much of a "relationship" going on right here. LOL.
You are funny. You are advocating that I should just keep the r/s going on where in the first place, there is really nothing much going on already. If it is really TRUE LOVE from him, he would not have been bothered by the mortal rules. LOL.
He once said truly like/love someone does not mean to have her but to see that she is doing good with her life. So I guess he is trying to make things "right" for me now by doing stupid things to make me distance himself away from him. To me, this is really a whole lot of BS/naivety from him. LOL.
Karvna:
I am doing my part to cut off all the contacts. I don't initiate any forms of communication with him. I am letting him go. If he can't let go, what else can I do? Don't reply him also kena. Reply him also kena.
Frankly, if he can find his true love, I sincerely wish him well.
And I have never treated him as a spare tyre. In fact throughout, I treated him as a good friend at least. Just that along the way, lines blurred and it involved feelings. I do not just anyhow go out with some guys that happily come along the way.
Frankly there's not much communication between both of us. He shows concern only when he finds out but he does not tell me anything that is happening in his life. So there is not so much of a "relationship" going on right here. LOL.
You are funny. You are advocating that I should just keep the r/s going on where in the first place, there is really nothing much going on already. If it is really TRUE LOVE from him, he would not have been bothered by the mortal rules. LOL.
He once said truly like/love someone does not mean to have her but to see that she is doing good with her life. So I guess he is trying to make things "right" for me now by doing stupid things to make me distance himself away from him. To me, this is really a whole lot of BS/naivety from him. LOL.
Karvna:
I am doing my part to cut off all the contacts. I don't initiate any forms of communication with him. I am letting him go. If he can't let go, what else can I do? Don't reply him also kena. Reply him also kena.
Frankly, if he can find his true love, I sincerely wish him well.
And I have never treated him as a spare tyre. In fact throughout, I treated him as a good friend at least. Just that along the way, lines blurred and it involved feelings. I do not just anyhow go out with some guys that happily come along the way.
Reddy,
No no no, the one who is naive is you... not him.
LOL~
Every fate is unique, but just enjoy the cordial relationship. If you don't ask, he doesn't tell, it's perfectly ok even if he were to be your husband.
You have to learn how to handle relationship; But it doesn't matter if you listen to Karvna and the rest... However... you only live once as Reddy Lee.
Be normal. Fate is not marketplace buying and discarding. You picked up your husband, doesn't mean nothing will go wrong. And you already know something does go wrong, can go wrong. Trying to isolate yourself shows no respect towards love.
You need to know how to handle love to worth love.
To be frank, I also use decoys... LOL~ I am not sure about him, but for my case... It's still the other person, the one you are fated to have a feel for. I could have known how she is doing, how her marriage is doing, and since I scanned her husband, I know his weakness in his dick... Yes. I could have wrecked her marriage... by sending a beautiful attraction his way.
I did nothing. I didn't even go further to find out...
The married woman I love is a Christian, someone who isn't that smart, and... probably (highly likely) a typical local woman type. Ironical. Because that is the type I'd run away from... But I figure, that even if I don't send anyone... her husband's chance of having 'issues' will be high enough.
But the most important thing is... I really want to believe that her marriage will work out great... IN SPITE I am aware God will likely only have one whose flame will last forever for any girl, and the man's bio-reading... I am too good in this sort of thing that... I have to end up forcing myself to 'self deny' and wish her all the best.
I want the best of both worlds... that she enjoys her marriage, and she resists me all the way, and while I can fulfill my honor and be true to my heart and so...
A man who loves you, does not want you to be a stake. You can choose to hurt him, but he can choose not to. He can choose to distance himself... for your sake. You call that naive?
Something is going on... of this relationship, he is doing his part for you. And you? You are here to assume nothing is going on... LOL~
Love is not about possession. When my woman betrayed me, all tears in her eyes... she left... Sad, but I sincerely wished her all the best... IN SPITE knowing her too well that she was going to get crushed.
I am not saying he is the One. I am just saying, you have to review the way you view relationship.
Do you know... how hard it'd be to stay away from someone you love...? Especially when you are the One... and the woman will be staying with someone else? But love is always for the other...
You talked about happiness.
When your MEN are happy, won't you be happy? Shouldn't you be happy? LOL~ Think about it. Many women's happiness is based on the guys' tolerance... Bad news.
You have a chance few in this world have to make things right, to understand what is a relationship, and what is true love.
Don't guess.
Appreciate what the men will be doing for you, my dear. Love and desire, for a man with normal libido, if someone can truly engineer a distancing... and contains everything including his desire, you have to understand only true love can overwhelm sex drive. LOL~
Whether he is real or not... You will have to hence get this experience while checking things out. Mortal rules are indeed nothing...
But you are a woman. If I love you, my main concern about appearing in front of you again... is how social norms will tear you apart, will make you cry, will hurt you... and if your husband truly loves you and you are enjoying everyday of his love... Letting you know I love you will be enough.
Funny or not... LOL~
Reddy, if you do not know how to handle love... you'd not worth it. Human relationship BEYOND labels... is just fate. Love is based on the ultimate moral, and moral includes ultimate kindness...
Karvna doesn't understand. I read about her telling other people to let go... LOL~
You can think it's funny. You can think he is bullshitting or naive. But... How many in this world will be considerate of your interests while denying their own desires?
If I were to ask you for $100, will you part with it? LOL~
Communication can be casual. Just be normal, Reddy. If he is not the One, if both men ain't the One... you must be prepared to meet another man. Closing yourself up... is merely self-denial.
Don't assume, when you are not a Goddess. LOL~
No no no, the one who is naive is you... not him.
LOL~
Every fate is unique, but just enjoy the cordial relationship. If you don't ask, he doesn't tell, it's perfectly ok even if he were to be your husband.
You have to learn how to handle relationship; But it doesn't matter if you listen to Karvna and the rest... However... you only live once as Reddy Lee.
Be normal. Fate is not marketplace buying and discarding. You picked up your husband, doesn't mean nothing will go wrong. And you already know something does go wrong, can go wrong. Trying to isolate yourself shows no respect towards love.
You need to know how to handle love to worth love.
To be frank, I also use decoys... LOL~ I am not sure about him, but for my case... It's still the other person, the one you are fated to have a feel for. I could have known how she is doing, how her marriage is doing, and since I scanned her husband, I know his weakness in his dick... Yes. I could have wrecked her marriage... by sending a beautiful attraction his way.
I did nothing. I didn't even go further to find out...
The married woman I love is a Christian, someone who isn't that smart, and... probably (highly likely) a typical local woman type. Ironical. Because that is the type I'd run away from... But I figure, that even if I don't send anyone... her husband's chance of having 'issues' will be high enough.
But the most important thing is... I really want to believe that her marriage will work out great... IN SPITE I am aware God will likely only have one whose flame will last forever for any girl, and the man's bio-reading... I am too good in this sort of thing that... I have to end up forcing myself to 'self deny' and wish her all the best.
I want the best of both worlds... that she enjoys her marriage, and she resists me all the way, and while I can fulfill my honor and be true to my heart and so...
A man who loves you, does not want you to be a stake. You can choose to hurt him, but he can choose not to. He can choose to distance himself... for your sake. You call that naive?
Something is going on... of this relationship, he is doing his part for you. And you? You are here to assume nothing is going on... LOL~
Love is not about possession. When my woman betrayed me, all tears in her eyes... she left... Sad, but I sincerely wished her all the best... IN SPITE knowing her too well that she was going to get crushed.
I am not saying he is the One. I am just saying, you have to review the way you view relationship.
Do you know... how hard it'd be to stay away from someone you love...? Especially when you are the One... and the woman will be staying with someone else? But love is always for the other...
You talked about happiness.
When your MEN are happy, won't you be happy? Shouldn't you be happy? LOL~ Think about it. Many women's happiness is based on the guys' tolerance... Bad news.
You have a chance few in this world have to make things right, to understand what is a relationship, and what is true love.
Don't guess.
Appreciate what the men will be doing for you, my dear. Love and desire, for a man with normal libido, if someone can truly engineer a distancing... and contains everything including his desire, you have to understand only true love can overwhelm sex drive. LOL~
Whether he is real or not... You will have to hence get this experience while checking things out. Mortal rules are indeed nothing...
But you are a woman. If I love you, my main concern about appearing in front of you again... is how social norms will tear you apart, will make you cry, will hurt you... and if your husband truly loves you and you are enjoying everyday of his love... Letting you know I love you will be enough.
Funny or not... LOL~
Reddy, if you do not know how to handle love... you'd not worth it. Human relationship BEYOND labels... is just fate. Love is based on the ultimate moral, and moral includes ultimate kindness...
Karvna doesn't understand. I read about her telling other people to let go... LOL~
You can think it's funny. You can think he is bullshitting or naive. But... How many in this world will be considerate of your interests while denying their own desires?
If I were to ask you for $100, will you part with it? LOL~
Communication can be casual. Just be normal, Reddy. If he is not the One, if both men ain't the One... you must be prepared to meet another man. Closing yourself up... is merely self-denial.
Don't assume, when you are not a Goddess. LOL~
reddyredlee
New Member
scope:
A man who loves you, does not want you to be a stake. You can choose to hurt him, but he can choose not to. He can choose to distance himself... for your sake. You call that naive? I called him naive because he said that he is trying to make things right for me. How can things be right again after all that happen? Maybe he have that great ability to switch it off just like that. But I can't. He is naive that by thinking that making things right for me means I can just go on with my normal life but things aren't that simple!
Something is going on... of this relationship, he is doing his part for you. And you? You are here to assume nothing is going on... You can say he is doing his part for me. He is the one who is assuming nothing have ever happen. Not me.
When your MEN are happy, won't you be happy? Shouldn't you be happy? LOL~ Think about it. Many women's happiness is based on the guys' tolerance... Bad news. I will be happy for him if he finds his happiness even though it hurts.
You can think it's funny. You can think he is bullshitting or naive. But... How many in this world will be considerate of your interests while denying their own desires? As some forumers point out, it could just be his escape clause.
A man who loves you, does not want you to be a stake. You can choose to hurt him, but he can choose not to. He can choose to distance himself... for your sake. You call that naive? I called him naive because he said that he is trying to make things right for me. How can things be right again after all that happen? Maybe he have that great ability to switch it off just like that. But I can't. He is naive that by thinking that making things right for me means I can just go on with my normal life but things aren't that simple!
Something is going on... of this relationship, he is doing his part for you. And you? You are here to assume nothing is going on... You can say he is doing his part for me. He is the one who is assuming nothing have ever happen. Not me.
When your MEN are happy, won't you be happy? Shouldn't you be happy? LOL~ Think about it. Many women's happiness is based on the guys' tolerance... Bad news. I will be happy for him if he finds his happiness even though it hurts.
You can think it's funny. You can think he is bullshitting or naive. But... How many in this world will be considerate of your interests while denying their own desires? As some forumers point out, it could just be his escape clause.