Single divorced mothers....

smallstar

New Member
hi all...
I stumble upon this forum and was reading a few posts before signing up.
just wondering how do single mothers that arised from divorces get support and are there alot of stigma still when finding partner?

I am myself divorced mom. 2 kids. it's been 5 years since my divorce with my ex husband. since then I have been having a better life fortunately and I am very grateful everyday. have a good job and surrounded with good people and strong family ties. I live alone in my own abode,with a domestic helper to help me with the kids stuff while I work. everything is smooth... but when it comes to rs I found that while I am ready to settle down with my right level of maturity and expectations, many men out there are not. I have been in few rs where we broke up not by some arguments. the guys think I am great person.. but they let me go anyway (and they were crying because they felt so guilty)... because they are not ready for having me with the excess baggage. that made me sad and dissapointed. single guys,single dad, they all still want a no-baggage lady (be it divorce or single)... they told me it's gonna be hard to be having the family merged (then try lah..right.. why chicken out so fast while they have not even tried, I'm not giving up that easily).. but I do know also that ppl don't want to "fail again".

sometimes I regretted to enter any rs knowing it might ended for the same reason again.. but I told myself not to be skeptical. there might be always glimpse of hope and realising my long term goal of growing old together happily.
I am confused really... on surface I have been told by many people that I am very strong and a great woman. to be able to go thru the disastrous 12yrs with my ex,picked up myself and emerge threefold better. but is it? as much as I tell myself I am good alone.. sometimes all I want is someone I can love and love me back.that's all.
 


wluyan

Member
unfortunately the reality is it. most guys and the society are unable to accept excess baggage. hugs. u are not the only one out there with this prob.
 

sadman2009

Active Member
Hi small star, don't be disheartened. There will be people who will accept you and love you and your children. You just need to meet the right person.
My two male friends for example, married their wives who were divorcee and has a child.

One married his wife who has a son aged 15 years. He loves her and her son. They always play sports together. Go on holiday together, all three of them. His Facebook is full of their pictures together.

Another friend married his wife who has a daughter who is about 6 years old now. He also loves her and her daughter. He treats her like his own fleshly daughter. Everyday he will post on his Facebook about his daughter. Always calling himself papa. He goes home early every day and cooks for the daughter and of cause the family. They always go out together. He often buys her gifts.

The first friend that I mentioned hadn't married before. That was his first marriage. The second friend had a failed marriage before.

So, don't give up. You will find someone that is meant for you. In the meantime, always be happy and do things that will make you happy.
Make yourself beautiful, both inwardly and outwardly. Then sure you will find your guy one day. : )
 

smallstar

New Member
in most scenario it's always single dad with kid(s) married a single lady.
or single mom with kid (s) married a single guy (whose kids maybe with his ex wife)....

what about "blended family" (Google says that's the term). the guy has kid with him and the lady also have kid(s). anyone have encountered happy endings for blended family? in US seems normal and typical... but in Asian countries not so.

I am involved in such rs... that may lead to blended family. and as such, the guy thinks too much into the future and all sort of worries and would like to end our rs... yet he wonders if he able to find someone like me (albeit no kids). sigh. . .
 

Forest ang

New Member
Hi Small Star,
I do know of an "Blended family"..both have one kid each..and they r getting married cos the 3rd one in otw.

It is not easy to find someone to grow old with. But I believe if the man really love you that much to want to be with you,
he will accept and love the kids too.
 

buddhabar

Active Member
I just met a former uni guy friend who has 2 primary school daughters. He also introduced to me his 19 yr old stepson whom was from his wife previous marriage. His son is in fact working part time in his business while waiting for enlistment. They seems very comfortable and natural with each other. Could be an exception I don't know.
I think it's difficult enough dealing with the growing kids adolescences and the last thing you need is a brat like partner. Personally, i will not go there, that's why I pretty happy being alone with my 2 kids.



in most scenario it's always single dad with kid(s) married a single lady.
or single mom with kid (s) married a single guy (whose kids maybe with his ex wife)....

what about "blended family" (Google says that's the term). the guy has kid with him and the lady also have kid(s). anyone have encountered happy endings for blended family? in US seems normal and typical... but in Asian countries not so.

I am involved in such rs... that may lead to blended family. and as such, the guy thinks too much into the future and all sort of worries and would like to end our rs... yet he wonders if he able to find someone like me (albeit no kids). sigh. . .
 

wluyan

Member
I just met a former uni guy friend who has 2 primary school daughters. He also introduced to me his 19 yr old stepson whom was from his wife previous marriage. His son is in fact working part time in his business while waiting for enlistment. They seems very comfortable and natural with each other. Could be an exception I don't know.
I think it's difficult enough dealing with the growing kids adolescences and the last thing you need is a brat like partner. Personally, i will not go there, that's why I pretty happy being alone with my 2 kids.
sentiments exactly. cheers!
 

smallstar

New Member
I know it's another road to recovery for me. maybe will find a suitable one.. or maybe won't. I dunno. I am chatty but I dread going to socialize. introvert is definitely me. thanks all for sharing and trying to lift up my spirits.... I will still sigh and sunk and cry but I think I will be ok eventually. heartache sux really...cheers!
 

sadman2009

Active Member
You will find someone good one day. Even if you don't, I believe you still can be happy every day. : )
Just like me, I too hope to find the right one for me. But, if not, I would rather be by myself and be happy than to be in a relationship and have emotional pain.
 

wluyan

Member
I know it's another road to recovery for me. maybe will find a suitable one.. or maybe won't. I dunno. I am chatty but I dread going to socialize. introvert is definitely me. thanks all for sharing and trying to lift up my spirits.... I will still sigh and sunk and cry but I think I will be ok eventually. heartache sux really...cheers!
small star... take it easy. let nature takes its own course. its good to close the old book before reading a new one. give time for your heart and soul to heal.
 

life_is

Active Member
hi all...
I stumble upon this forum and was reading a few posts before signing up.
just wondering how do single mothers that arised from divorces get support and are there alot of stigma still when finding partner?

I am myself divorced mom. 2 kids. it's been 5 years since my divorce with my ex husband. since then I have been having a better life fortunately and I am very grateful everyday. have a good job and surrounded with good people and strong family ties. I live alone in my own abode,with a domestic helper to help me with the kids stuff while I work. everything is smooth... but when it comes to rs I found that while I am ready to settle down with my right level of maturity and expectations, many men out there are not. I have been in few rs where we broke up not by some arguments. the guys think I am great person.. but they let me go anyway (and they were crying because they felt so guilty)... because they are not ready for having me with the excess baggage. that made me sad and dissapointed. single guys,single dad, they all still want a no-baggage lady (be it divorce or single)... they told me it's gonna be hard to be having the family merged (then try lah..right.. why chicken out so fast while they have not even tried, I'm not giving up that easily).. but I do know also that ppl don't want to "fail again".

sometimes I regretted to enter any rs knowing it might ended for the same reason again.. but I told myself not to be skeptical. there might be always glimpse of hope and realising my long term goal of growing old together happily.
I am confused really... on surface I have been told by many people that I am very strong and a great woman. to be able to go thru the disastrous 12yrs with my ex,picked up myself and emerge threefold better. but is it? as much as I tell myself I am good alone.. sometimes all I want is someone I can love and love me back.that's all.
When a man marries a divorcee woman, he is to support her and the children in the event of divorce. The same does not apply for women. Think it is not social stigma, just a lot of risk to take, especially if the guy cannot be open to accept your children as his. And to get a guy to consider marriage, they will probably have to understand your part in causing previous marriage to fail, and consider whether this is a significant risk in his case.
 

foolishguy

New Member
When a man marries a divorcee woman, he is to support her and the children in the event of divorce. The same does not apply for women. Think it is not social stigma, just a lot of risk to take, especially if the guy cannot be open to accept your children as his. And to get a guy to consider marriage, they will probably have to understand your part in causing previous marriage to fail, and consider whether this is a significant risk in his case.
Definitely spot on analysis by life_is, while it might not be any fault on the single mother side....the law is heavily tilted towards women and men can't do much about it except to pay...

Im the one guy going thru this... everything I paid, when the time comes to split... suddenly everything need to divide half....even assets she doesn't help to bother or help or even ask before..now count until so clear down to a single cent...

Even household items like detergents and toiletries need to pay back....its not a joke

Of course, many might say its the individual women fault....but after so many cases in my surrounding friends...Men are becoming wary, especially those who have divorced before...
 

smallstar

New Member
Definitely spot on analysis by life_is, while it might not be any fault on the single mother side....the law is heavily tilted towards women and men can't do much about it except to pay...

Im the one guy going thru this... everything I paid, when the time comes to split... suddenly everything need to divide half....even assets she doesn't help to bother or help or even ask before..now count until so clear down to a single cent...

Even household items like detergents and toiletries need to pay back....its not a joke

Of course, many might say its the individual women fault....but after so many cases in my surrounding friends...Men are becoming wary, especially those who have divorced before...
there's always black sheep in both men and women. and even if the "bad one" found new partner, noone will blame themselves and admit it's their wrongdoings. but what I know is once a liar is a liar... words can lie but actions are consistent. so it's always actions and sincerity that we should look out for.

I have heard of my divorced guy friends story about their exes... lol I was thinking wah why am I too nice to my ex? and yes u are right... other ex wives will count every cents and minutes and make life difficult. but I guess no point doing that.. just let it slide coz no point harbouring I'll feelings... or maybe I'm bo chup on that aspect.
 

Carousell

Active Member
hi all...
I stumble upon this forum and was reading a few posts before signing up.
just wondering how do single mothers that arised from divorces get support and are there alot of stigma still when finding partner?

I am myself divorced mom. 2 kids. it's been 5 years since my divorce with my ex husband. since then I have been having a better life fortunately and I am very grateful everyday. have a good job and surrounded with good people and strong family ties. I live alone in my own abode,with a domestic helper to help me with the kids stuff while I work. everything is smooth... but when it comes to rs I found that while I am ready to settle down with my right level of maturity and expectations, many men out there are not. I have been in few rs where we broke up not by some arguments. the guys think I am great person.. but they let me go anyway (and they were crying because they felt so guilty)... because they are not ready for having me with the excess baggage. that made me sad and dissapointed. single guys,single dad, they all still want a no-baggage lady (be it divorce or single)... they told me it's gonna be hard to be having the family merged (then try lah..right.. why chicken out so fast while they have not even tried, I'm not giving up that easily).. but I do know also that ppl don't want to "fail again".

sometimes I regretted to enter any rs knowing it might ended for the same reason again.. but I told myself not to be skeptical. there might be always glimpse of hope and realising my long term goal of growing old together happily.
I am confused really... on surface I have been told by many people that I am very strong and a great woman. to be able to go thru the disastrous 12yrs with my ex,picked up myself and emerge threefold better. but is it? as much as I tell myself I am good alone.. sometimes all I want is someone I can love and love me back.that's all.
Hi can share with me your story and how you pull through. I have two kids, turning 1 and 4. Hubby is sorry about his affairs and want to rebuild. Although i m willing to try but i m always on this radar mode that should anything happen, i want to be like you, financially independent and able to date again. I m already 37, hope i dont waste my time now that i give him a second chance. My job is just a contract job with little pay, i m quite worried about my old age and future now.
 

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