Should I tell him?

I wonder whether most guys in this world would mind his gf having a child of another man but miscarriage before, it must be very difficult for them to accept. Will you come clean with him and risk losing him? I will not blame him if he decided to leave me, its not his fault, I am the one to be blame for what had happen. Even if he don't mind and don't express it, I know I will not be the girl he thought I am forever. I have made a mistake and its going to stick with me for life. To tell or not to tell, the thought and feeling is effecting my mood and our relationship, he sense it and asked me what is troubling me. I love him and yet whenever I think of the uncertain future, I try to avoid him so that when the inevitable come, I will not be hurt so much but I will meet him at the church every week. God is forgiving but we are only human being.God bless.
 


denise80

Active Member
I would tell if I were you, Sharepoint.

Even if you 'bury' this secret with you forever, it may still be 'uncovered' in the future. Say you two got married and somehow you had problems conceiving. The doctors will surely need to know/know your previous miscarriage.

If he is a person you think you want to be with for life, try to be honest. The longer this drags on, the more he may not be able to take it or understand it.
 

scopefun

New Member
From a guy's point of view, if he does love you, there is no harm to be honest. Besides, what is a relationship if there are so many secrets?

It's the wrong attitude. Don't worry so much, just find a good time and tell him. Problem solved.
 

wildcarde

New Member
Denise is right, should there be complications in having children later on, there might be some awkwardness.

Personally speaking, I think most guys would generally need time to "process" the information. If he loves you and treasures the relationship, ultimately it would not matter.

The important thing is to share with him. I think most people would not like having something kept from them.
 

infojunkie

Active Member
i supposed u guys are already dating... so how long has this been going on?

2 wks?

3 mths?

sure never hide a secret from a loved one.

but u'll hv to be doubly sure that he's worth telling...

cos a secret is only worth telling to a person who can keep it.

well tell him only when the time is ripe...

when u're very certain abt it...

and feel comfortable and safe doing so.
 

soisuka

New Member
I think you're worrying too much. Are you at the stage of deciding if this is the one? If not, why are you letting ur guilt over the past sabotage ur future. You need to forgive yourself first, then worry about other things.
 

powder

Active Member
u dun have a kid so there'e lesser physical complications, and everything is psychological.

if u dun tell, all should be fine... and if it comes to gynae, your husband dun need to be present.

if u tell, i dun think u should adopt a "i'm guilty" approach when telling him, cos it's not a big issue Unless he is some major tight-ass religious 'i-must-marry-a-virgin' kind.

personally i have no issues marrying any woman with a tough past, life doesn't alwas give everyone the best choices or mind at the earlier stages. and from my experience with frens, it's perhaps more a 50/50 when we're younger, but matters less as we age.

this isn't a big issue at all, but i can understand why some pple make it out to be some big thing. well...
 
Whether worth telling?

I get to know him when I joined the meditation class organized by my church. Although he has been attending the church for quite sometime but I have never take notice of him until then. I joined the meditation class to find peace with myself and Him but he joins to know better and feel Him from within. I don’t know, I never found my peace but it is he who opens my heart to love another person again. He is a very caring and loving person who is very passionate about his life and belief. We started dating about half a year ago. However, the stronger I feel for him, the stronger is my past start to trouble me. When you have it, you will start to have fear of losing it….. I tried very hard to forget of my past, to find peace within but I felt that the more I tried, the more the feeling of guilt and pain…it just don’t go away….

I am not sure whether he will able to accept my past with his background and belief…forgiveness is easier said than done…

My mom told me that I should let go of the past and not carry with me forever, when a person is ready to let go then he will able to seek forgiveness and acceptance….that I should shared with him my past and seek his understanding…regardless of the outcome…learning to accept my past is the only way to face the future…we should not live under the shadow of the darkness forever…the problem lies with me and not others…
 

powder

Active Member
u seem to be more burdened by your past than u should. we all have a past, good or bad, rich or poor... i have no idea why some of u feel that u should be seeking forgiveness for your past - from pple whom u meet in your future. it seems to me rather warped. i guess u feel lesser becos u're not a virgin, and within the religious setup u may feel unclean.

i'm not sure why some of u are omitting the existence of mary magdalene in addressing such issues. as far as i have been brought up in church, i have no issues marrying a woman who may have been a prostitute in the past... it doesn't even bother me. But i recognise that i am in the minority in terms of such Extreme cases. But in your case, it's not even extreme nor isit one where your past is the type where pple shake their heads... so why burden and punish ourself anymore than u should?

who we are today, is a result of our past mistakes, success, goodness and bad.... as long as we know who we are today and we have a good heart to love and be loved.... u really should let it go. If anything, i think we should learn to be thankful for our mistakes and the chance to make good our life again.

dun carry it with u... we should not be ashamed of our past if we have found goodness becos of it.

If i'm dating u, i dun even feel that i am in Any position to forgive u for anything that happened before i know u. well unless it's like maybe u poisoned my dad or something... else wat's there to forgive?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Sharepoint, I remember you and very glad that you have move on since and your mum has continued to be that supportive to you. How is your relationship with your dad now? Don't let your past haunt you. Whether it is important or not depends on every individual. To some, like powder and many others, its nothing. While, its very important to some others as well. Do you want to live with someone that minds your past and needing you to hide? Things like gynae visits etc... you can find excuses to not have him accompany you. That can be done. But, you cannot lie to yourself. Can you live with him keeping that in the dark and at the same time be happy? How it is bothering you all these while seems to suggest you cannot go on hiding it from him. Its killing you inside.

You understand him more than strangers here. How much faith do you have in him and the relationship. From what you have shared about him, he has a big heart. Don't let your own doubts hinder the relationship. No need to rush things. Find a good time when you are ready but don't excuse yourself to drag on if it makes you this miserable.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
I agree with powder... you don't need forgiveness for your past. He is in not position to forgive you for things that happened before his presence. However, your constant and deliberate actions to hide... he might mind quite naturally.
 

infojunkie

Active Member
well, ur description of the current bf is not too different from the ex :p

i think u should just continue dating and not think too much abt the future until u find peace within urself.

the problem with u is that u're way too trusting to the point of neglecting ur own interests.

4 yrs with ur ex and what did u get?

so a 6 mth relationship is really not worth ur effort to consider coming clean on ur past mistake.

whether he will feel ok abt it or not is not an issue here.

u're not even sure if he can keep a secret and u guys go to the same church.

lesson no 1 - dun make the same mistake twice.
 

scopefun

New Member
Still an immature christian... What's the use of 'feeling Him' for so long and still have not grown? Hmm...
 
I am not sure whether I am bothered by me feeling inferior or I am keeping a dark secret from him or how he will react when knew the truth, I guess is a mix of everything.

Yes, its only 6 months and I should not worry too much now, however, if I am going to hide my past from him with an uncertain future, I cant be myself. I don’t like the feeling of hiding something from my loved ones, yes, may be I am naïve or too trusting but I would like him to love me for who I am and not some false impression. Yes, the solution should be very simple, just tell him the truth, but may be I am still not ready to face his reaction or my past, and may be not only him but many mores to come. I am not sure whether I can take the impact of a rejection, the rejection of me as a person, the same feeling I have when my dad first reacted to the incident. This is the first time my past is going to face the test and I know it will have great impact on my self-confidence and worth, will I have the courage to face it another time or again and again…..it may be a simple action but I understand the repercussion on me….

My relationship with my dad has become closer than before and he never once mentioned about the incident again. The whole incident might have an impact on him, we talked a lot more and he is more expressive in showing his cares and loves. I saw him shed tears for the first time in my life when I was in the hospital, I guess the pain he felt then is no less than what I feel. My mom is still the pillar of strength for me as usual and I am forever grateful to her for standing by my side during the most difficult time of my life. Without her, I might not able to pull through all these by myself.

I met up with my ex once after the incident and told him what had happens. To my surprise, he cried. I don’t know why he cried, may be I was crying then or may be he felt the dead of his own child or may be of his guilt, I don’t know and I know its not important anymore. He said he is truly truly very sorry and plead to be together again, he want to do anything to make up to me, even the marriage promise he once made. I know its impossible between us again ever, whenever I look at him or think of him, it will bring back those memories that haunt me night after night for many months. I don’t hate him but I will never forgive him for leaving me in the lurch when I needed him most. I still receive his occasional sms or birthday wishes from him. He is also part of the reason for my trepidation, will he spill the bean of my past? What if my the other half met him in the future?

I never understand before how a simple foolish mistake made that night will have such a profound influence in my life later but I do now….a life is lost and it change my life forever…
 

denise80

Active Member
Sharepoint, the more you feel uneasy about not telling the truth, I think the more you should just be honest. No doubt honesty may NOT be always the best policy but for your relationship or future marriage with this same guy to be a fulfilling one, I think you have to come clean. Can you imagine the guilt you'll continue to amass as years pass by if you do not tell him? Can you imagine his hurt if he gets to know one day when you two were trying for a baby? You can't possibly see a gynae on your own and give him lots of excuses for not needing him by your side right? Wouldn't that be worse? If he truly loves you, I believe he will not mind. He might take time to think over or react or whatever but if he loves you for who you are, he will and should accept you and your past.

You've already mentioned that if you keep things from him for life, you can't be yourself - why torture yourself and not give yourself and him a chance?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
There is no need to rush. All the what ifs... too many considerations, share it when the relationship goes deeper and you are ready. If a guy cannot understand your difficulties, seriously is that the man for you. There are all kinds of folks... There are indeed those that would mind. Do you want to marry a man that cannot accept you for who you are and expecting you to fit his perfect image?
 

infojunkie

Active Member
"I never understand before how a simple foolish mistake made that night will have such a profound influence in my life later but I do now….a life is lost and it change my life forever…"

i can see ur pain and i hope u can get out of this constant self-blame...

ok if u really KNOW the one u love then go for it...

free urself...

god bless u.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrLU96xtSqw&feature=related
 

cococherry

New Member
You need to consider the consequences of him telling others in church when the relationship didn work out. There's no need to share it with him now, do it after the relationship have mature.
Be optimistic, things might not turn out as badly as what u always thought. Yr dad is the good example, look at the current him and the him year ago.
You can't undone the mistake, iits useless to keep thinking about what if. Your parents are being very supportive and all the more you should move on and be more positive.
 

scopefun

New Member
I don't understand you people... Basically a small simple issue can be so long and smelly. Singaporeans... what are their brains made of?
 

simpleman

Active Member
To me it is a small issue - to tell or not to tell. But then you are not me. To you it is a big issue so my advice to you - might as well spill it since it is weighing on you.

Either way, telling him won't be the end of this world. And since you are worried that the beans might be spilled in the future might as well you spill it, right... And then you may be able to put it behind you.
 

shavaine

Member
I think if you both have talked about the possibility of spending the rest of your lives together and you know that this relationship has a high possibility of being for the long term, then you can take the calculated risk of letting him know. If you really mean something to him, like what many of the forumers have said, I feel that he will accept you and your past.

Scope, our brains are made of the same thing that yours is (fortunately or unfortunately), mainly fat and protein. :p
 

simpleman

Active Member
I don't think it is mandatory that we have to tell our future spouse everything about our pasts - including our bf/gfs or whether had abortions/miscarriages (for women)..

But if you want to share it because it makes you feel better - then go ahead.

Some may think that a man will accept your pasts (whatever it is) if he loves you; on the other hand some may believe that if an uncomfortable event has not bearing on the present - then it is better left unsaid (unless it was specifically requested).

There is some slim chance that a miscarriage may affect future child bearing but the chance is not high unless it is repeated miscarriage/abortion.. If you are worried that your future ability to have a child will be compromised due to miscarriage and that you will not be able to hide it from hb (yes, you can probably not have him when gynae speaking to you but eventually you have to let him know if you can bear a child) - then you can have a gynae examine you now - to give you peace of mind now..
 

soisuka

New Member
Something like miscarriage which you cannot control nor foresee is I think God's will. If my mother didn't miscarry before she had me, she wouldn't have decided to keep me and I wouldn't be here. She was even in a car accident while carrying me, still I survive.

What happened to you is God's will, stop beating yourself up over it. I don't think it's something shameful or anyone should feel a right to judge you for. It's not a 'dark secret', it's just a secret. I doubt he'll react badly, and so what if the rest of the church knows? If you yourself accept ur past, no one can make you feel bad about it.

I am one who likes knowing about someone's past bcos I like knowing what made them who they are today. It's more an effort to understand them. Sometimes it might be uncomfortable to hear, but I like knowing versus not knowing. But that's me.
 

goldfishtee

New Member
Sharepoint, first of all you need to forgive yourself and let go your past. I feel that it is you, who is unable to forgive yourself. You know God is forgiving, why can't you forgive yourself and make up with your past? Be proud that you have passed thru the test, that period in your life, you should be stronger than before.

If it is me, I won't tell my bf nor husband about it. If one day the bean is spilled, I will take full responsibility of it. The point is you have to be ready to bear the consequence. To tell or not to tell, both have consequence.

And remember nobody is perfect, we are all human being, we make mistake and commit sin. Just don't make the same mistake again.
 

nichie

Member
Hi, Joey!!

Nice to hear from you again, how is life and your secret admirer?? Keke…..

If I am you I will just tell him the truth, why hide it….come on…you have done nothing shameful….you have made a mistake then but you are courageous enough face the consequences by being a single mother instead of aborting the baby despite the strong objection of you dad….how many people can do that? You should be proud of yourself and stop feeling inferior infront of others….if your current bf cannot accept this fact; its better to know now then later, obviously he is as ignorant as a non-believer in his own faith regardless how long he has been attending church….just a fake Christian lah…be careful, he will be the same as your ex, only interested in your physical appearance or body rather than your soul.

Come to think of it, you cannot find peace with HIM through meditation but have you thought that HE is doing it through your bf….you went for meditation to find peace with Him but you met your bf instead who help you to open your heart to love someone again, coincident??....someone did say He does thing on his own unique way. May be your bf is His way to reward you for what you have gone through…keke…mysterious right…sorry lah…abit “说教â€, who ask me I have a bf like yours
happy.gif


Go ahead to tell him the truth like I told mine of my family background…I was worried he or his family will look differently at me but at the end he is not abit concern about it instead he told me he likes people with complex background…keke...didnt know he can be such a sweet talk… although ours are different magnitude but have faith in Him and yourself, ok?

Life is short and we should not live in fear everyday….one more thing…actually you don’t have to come here to seek advice…your mother is a very wise woman….listen to her…
 

_bb

New Member
I will encourage you to tell the truth when the time is ripe. You will feel better once the truth is revealed and also if you are gg have kids in e near future with him, gynae is able to detect ur situation.

I have males friends who can married a divorcee with kids or accepted their unpleasant n sad past. But then everyone think n handly ways differently.
 

shavaine

Member
å°äºº or not å°äºº, as long as they are mammals, the brains are all made out of the same stuff. ;)

As for the subject here, if you think that you can hide the issue forever, then don't tell. But if you feel that this will eventually cause harm to this relationship that means a lot to you, then telling earlier is better than later. Regardless, like what a lot of people have said, mistakes happen, and the main thing is to move on from it.
 
Thanks all for the comments.

I have decided to tell him my past because I felt that I have to learn to accept my own past before I can expect others to do the same. I dont wish to carry this burden with me anymore and its affecting my mood and the relationship. He has been asking what is troubling me and hope I can share with him my problem. I felt his sincerity and if we are going to develop further, I felt the need to start this relationship in the right step.

You all are right, all of us have a past and make mistakes but it make up who am I today. My mom also encourage me to tell him and regardless of the outcome, she will be there for me.

Thanks, everyone, God Bless.
 

scopefun

New Member
Wong,

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在这里的人,多数都ä¸æˆç†Ÿã€‚
新加å¡å°äººç‰¹åˆ«å¤šï¼Œå› ä¸ºæ–‡åŒ–缺ä¹â€¦â€¦åœ¨å›½å¤–å而轻æ¾ã€‚
你从德国回æ¥å´æ²¡æœ‰å¸å–别人文化上的优点,那是很å¯æƒœçš„。我看你说è¯å°±çŸ¥é“ä½ ä¸è¿‡å°±æ˜¯ä¸ªæ–°åŠ å¡äººã€‚
 

shavaine

Member
Lol, don't get the irony huh. Nevermind, you keep putting other people down to make yourself feel better. I can see that you need it.
happy.gif
 

tomasulu

Member
My view, tell if you feel the information may impact your relationship from here on out. So disclosure can be progressive on a need-to-know basis. Especially since you obviously are burdened by your past, hiding it from him will only add on to your guilt. It's fair to him and good for you.
 

nichie

Member
Joey, regardless of the outcome, you should accept it with grace and move on, it will make you a stronger person.

All the best!
 

60secs

Member
A man who truely loves you will never leave you, A woman who truly loves you will get angry with you for many things but will stick with you.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
It's one thing to be honest. It's another thing who you should bare your soul to.

Make sure that he doesn't spread this in the church unless you don't mind the whole church to know about your secret. Churches are one of the best places for gossips and rumours to sprout.

There was a saying that it was a church mate who told on Yaw Shin Leong and his "mistress".
 

simpleman

Active Member
Suddenly people becoming expert in true love?

What is true love? Or what even is love?

Issues should be discussed with spouses or spouses to be.. but it does not mean that you have to tell everything..

If you think that a man who truly loves you will never leave you by telling him; you should also believe that a man who truly loves you will not question why you decide not to tell some of these.
 
Hi
He proposed to me recently. Its kind of takes me by surprise and never thought that he will do that.

I still remembered that night when I decided to tell him my past. My heart was pounding very fast and I was in cold sweat, it’s a mix of shame, embarrassment and trepidation. He sensed my uneasiness and asked whether something is bothering me. He also felt something is amiss with me recently. I started by asking him what is his impression about me so far. After hearing what he said, I almost lost my courage to tell him the truth because I would really like to preserve the said impression he had for me.

After a few minutes, I finally gathered enough courage to tell him my past. Before I started, I told him this is not a joke but a very serious matter. My voice was soft and trembling, my head is low but I knew he is quite shock from his expression. I also told him I might have problem conceiving in the future due to this incident. This is very important because he is the only son in the family with an elder sister. There is a complete silence like eternity between us. A lot of things went through my mind then. Is he disappointed? Did he mind my past? I hope and really hope then that he told me its ok and that is the past and he is not bothered by it. But no, he kept quiet. The more he kept quiet the more I felt rejected and shamed. Why can’t he be like a man to try to break the awkward moment, atleast say something to save me from the awkwardness.

Finally, I have to break the awkward moment by asking whether he has nothing to say. There is still silence. I was sad and disappointed at this moment because his silence is killing me. I told him its ok if he cannot accept my past and wish to end our relationship, I would understand because I am prepared for such consequences once I have decided to come clean with him. Still silence. I am very sad, told him I understand and bid farewell with him. He called me when I am about to leave, he told me he is quite confuse now and needed more time. It really hurt me and told him its either you can accept or not, no point forcing yourself with more time. I walked away. I felt so lousy and rejected that night, I cried to sleep. I thought I have prepared myself well mentally for such consequences but the pain is more than you can imagine.

I received his call next day and he apologized for his indecisiveness. He understand it toke great courage for a girl to confess such thing and he repeatedly assure me that he don’t mind my past. He said he love who I am now and would be very sad if our relationship now is affected by the past event. I asked him why cant he give me a straight answer yesterday and said he needed more time. He said he is quite confused then and his brain is not working. I am not sure whether he has accepted it wholeheartedly without doubt or he is just trying to convince himself to accept it now, I guess there is a difference. If he has said the same thing to me last night immediately without any hesitation, I would have believed him wholeheartedly but now there is always a doubt in me. Will he regret later in life or worst to bring this issue up during argument? Although the doctor said I should not have problem having baby again in the future but what if it turn another way, will he blame me? There is a lot of if but no answer….I asked him whether he knew what he is doing and will regret later, he nodded and hold my hands with a smile. I have ever asked him whether he want to know more about my past eg my ex, feeling for my ex now, are we still in contact etc, he said no need but he thanks me for my honesty and admire me for the fact that I decided to keep the baby against all odds. Well, I am not sure why he is not more curious about my past (if its me, I would want to know especially the other woman he once loved) but he never once mention about it after that day. Can a man really forgive, forget and accept such past from the woman he loves? I don’t know, from this forum, I have an impression that man are very particular about such thing and the way he accepted it makes me wonder, he either truly loves me dearly or he is just different from other man. The real test will come when he come face-to-face with my past.

I attended a friends’ Christmas party recently with him and I didn’t expect to meet my ex there. I tried to avoid him and even suggest to my bf to leave the place because I am unwell. Finally, my ex saw me and walked towards us. I froze on the spot and holding his hands very tightly. My ex greeted me but may be I am too nervous, I forgot to reply him. May be my bf felt the awkwardness and stretch out his hand to greet him. I stared at my ex all the while and ready for any nonsense from him but no, both men exchanged a few words and parted. Only when my bf asked me to relax that I discovered I still holding tightly to his hands. I received a sms from my ex a few minutes later, “I am leaving n wish you well.†I don’t quite understand the message but I never see him the whole of that night. I guess I would have also left early if my ex is there the whole night. That night, after the party, we were walking along the riverside, both of us are very quiet. I finally said, “Do you know he is there?†He nodded. “You know who I am referring to?†I asked. He said he knew that guy must be someone special to me from my reaction. Its here that he told me I should truly let go of my past and not let it affect my life anymore. Although I have been honest with him about my past but he felt that I have yet to come to term with it. He felt that I still have doubt in him to accept it and are ever concern about his reaction to this issue. He told me to have faith in him and he will love me always. That is when he propose to me.

I am very sorry for the long and messy post, I just write what comes to my mind.

Happy 2013 and God bless.

Joey
 

infojunkie

Active Member
is it love or u're going along with him out of gratitude?

and u 24?

stay put if u're not the kind who needs to get married by a certain age...
 
Love or gratitude? I don’t know why but I don’t really feel touched or loved when he proposed to me…I am more of surprise and a little sad…I was thinking is he doing it just to prove something…to prove that he can accept my past…to make me feel better…is it more out of sympathy or empathy…so I asked him. He was taken aback by my questions…may be he don’t quite expect such reaction from me...he kind of flounder a little initially but he assure me that he truly love me and wanted to be with me. My feeling then is no doubt he loves me but he also empathised with my past or he will not pop out that question suddenly and under such circumstances. I don’t mind there is no candle light dinner, flower, diamond ring but I hope he propose out of his true love for me and not to prove something to me. Sorry, I don’t really know how to describe my feeling or my want but I just don’t feel right about this whole thing.

Yes, I am 24 and I dont have a plan to get married by certain age but I am ready to take the plunge when the right one comes along and I felt right about it.
 

ariel84

New Member
Hi Joey, I don't know why but feel like crying when I read your post. It is very touching and I feel you are a really strong and brave girl.

I don't have much advice to give but just wanna wish you all the best and I am sure God will bless you and erase the hurts of the past. Yes it is time to let go and enjoy your current relationship with your boyfriend.
happy.gif
 

nichie

Member
Hi, joey!

After reading your passage, I am still not any clearer, so did you agree to his proposal huh?

He seen to be quite an understanding and caring guy who love you very much, why the hesitation? Guys are not very good in expressing their feeling and maybe his proposal is just his way of affirming his love to you and nothing else, we ladies tend to think too much on such issue.

Aiya, guys are not curious animal like lady, if he don’t want or wish to know more about your past, better lah, you can save on the explanation or details. Sometimes it’s the ego thing lah, which guy would like to know anything about the ex of their gf, they are good in pretending. The less he asked or concerned about your past also show that he love the current you and accept the past that make up who you are today, cheer up and enjoy his love.

You have come a long way and I am happy for you.
 

tomasulu

Member
i think your guy is a gem. a little rough on the edges yes but someone you should cherish. it may not be the perfect time to pop the question but you should see past the clumsiness and appreciate the intention behind the gesture. you are young so give yourself time to find out more about each other. more importantly, you have to unburden yourself from what happened if you don't want your life forever colored by it.
 
Hi, Nichie
No, I did n’t agree to his proposal. I didn’t want him to do it just to make me feel better. He asked me what he should do to make me accept him and my past. Frankly, I myself am not sure what I want although I felt his sincerity, however, I am not sure what is stopping me from accepting him. He is of course disappointed but he said he will wait for me.

Hi, Who?me?
I know he is a good guy but the more he is good to me, the more I felt uneasy, in my mind, I always asked myself is he feeling sympathy of me, is his affection towards me due to what I have gone through..alot of doubts. Yes, I know I am contradicting myself, I am the one who want to tell him the truth but when he accepts it, I am doubtful of his true feeling towards me. Sometime I really don’t understand myself….
 

60secs

Member
I'm wary of this type of girl. Constantly pessimistic. It drains the joy out of a guy.
How does a self proclaimed christian constantly feels so ashamed of herself it baffles me.
 



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