Should i have more freedom?

[etleen]

hi all, im a 21y/o girl, turning 22 soon.

i have a problem with my parents for restricting me to travel abroad or to hang out late. previously, i travelled to phuket with a female colleague and her male friend. as the flight was in late noon (1730hrs), i did not want my parents to send me. plus, they are working and i feel that im old enough to be responsible for myself. still, my mum insisted on sending and she asked for time-off from her coy, took cab all the way to the airport, juz to see me off.

yday, i ask my mum if it's ok for me to go genting/malacca with my bf and his friends (who are a few married couples). personally, i feel that at 21, i dun see the point of seeking permission. but still, i went on. however, after much discussion with my dad, the answer is no. the reason being, my bf and i only got together for 2 mths, so it's not appropriate.

i understand my parents' concern. they are bother because im their daugther. they want to protect me. but personally, how long can they do so? there are many previous occasions where such situations happened and it often embaressed me. now, i develop a phobia that on my wedding day, my mum stop me from getting married and call off the whole thing.

pls advise on how should i go abt dealing...
i dun wanna lie to my parents when i hang out with my friends or bf.. im tired of all this..

 

[texasholdem]

no need to lie to your parents.. just tell them straight..that where u r going and whom u r going out with..it's time for them to learn how to trust u..but to make them trust u, u have to show them that u r mature in ur thinking..so it's boil down to u on how to communicate with them

 

[cuclainne]

some parents are like that .. they show their concern, a bit too much from our point of view.

you just have to keep trying, show them that you are a responsible person.

i was about 25yrs old when i met the husband. he was here for about a month (Oct 04) and then some months later (Mar 05), i applied for NPL to go over and be with him for two months. i've already made my mind to go, no matter what my parents say but i still told them out of respect. my mom tried to shift the decision-making to my father .. my father even asked me to bring along my mother (?!!) for the trip .. in the end, they both gave me their blessings and i returned back to Sg with an engagement ring

btw during the one month that the husband (then-bf) was here, we went on a week's vacation to thailand .. my mom knew the details but my dad only knew i was going on vacation, which whom my mom didn't really say .. my mom is my greatest ally

 

[etleen]

i try not to lie to them cuz i feel damn guilty after lying. during my teenage yrs, i used to lie alot. now, as i grow older, i simply feel that it's pointless to lie.

im being very truthful to them. that's why i brought my bf home to see them. so that they know who im dating. but still, hai... =(

my bf and i have the intention to get married after dating for 1 to 1.5 yrs. i really have the phobia in my mind when such situations happened.

 

[yewee]

Dear etleen,

I use to have the same problem ... or should i say mine is worse. I am currently 27 and with my hubby for 11 years. He is my classmate during secondary school. We just get marry 2 months ago.

Over the 11 years of countership we never been to oversea until a year before my wedding which is last year. All the while my parent is very protective towards me.

During my school day (sec sch), as my school is just under my block i will need to reach home within 15 min after school. I am not allow to go out too often (not even once a week) and even i am allowed to go out i need to reach home before 6pm. All this restriction until i go to poly.

Even during poly i am not allow to go out too often as well and have to reach home before 9pm at night. I am also not allowed to stay over night in chalet. No over night is allowed

I know what your parent thinking. They just want to protect you. All parent is the same.

What you can do now is bring your boyfriend to your house more often. Let your parent know him more. Once they know him more and think they he is someone who can protect you like how they protect you, they will be more "fang xin".

As for your boyfriend, if he love you, he will always be very supportive and willing to wait till your parent have more trust on him.

 

[snoopies]

I can understand your parents’ concern and yes, indeed, your relationship with your bf is only 2 months. Your relationship is still very young and your parents just wanna protect you. Very simple. For me, I don’t think I will allow my daughter to travel with her bf if she is only attached with him for 2 months too. Think further…

How much does your parents know about your bf? He has to work hard to gain your parents’ trust. Communication between them is very impt. If this part is missed out, don’t be surprise that your parents will still answer ‘no’ even if you have known your bf for 1 year.

For marriage, I doubt your mum will call off the whole thing. Why she wants to do that. She loves you.. and if you found someone who can take care of you for life… she sure will be more than happy.

 

[etleen]

oh well, i didnt know that there are pple ard who are in same plight as me. frankly, i really understand my parents' concern.

yewee:
i've brought him home to meet my parents already. maybe more often.

anyway, i'll still go ahead with my genting/malacca trip. im highly-stressed with work and sch. i need to take a breather!

 

[yewee]

Yes i agree with snooies,

Your mum will not want you to call off your wedding one.

During my 11 years countership, for the first 7 years my mother aactually dun really like my hubby. She dun really like to talk to her and sometime when i reach home late she even threaten me to call him to scold him up.

To my suprise, I bring my hubby to my house more often. my hubby talk to my mum, bring food that she like when he come for visiting. Slowly my mum start to change her view of my hubby.

Even now, my mum look for my hubby more than she look for me. When the three of us at home, she only talk to my hubby than talk to me.

All this need time and communication. You just need time for your boyfriend to show to your parent that he is someone who can take good care of their dearest daughter.

 

[miloice]

hi etleen, think your parents read too much into your track records of your lies in the past etc and the trust is somehow not there.

Moreover, it is your new bf that they seriously do not trust. It doesn't matter if you are 18, 21 or 31 or older. Parents do have issues with letting go. Its also a transition for them. Handle it with care. Even if you go ahead, don't fight your folks head on. Give them your reassurance, it helps them to let go gradually then pulling away completely.

 

[ginasjm]

Hi ET

Coming from a protective Asian family, it is not too hard to understand your feelings. My parents are strict with me, I was not allowed to work or stay overnights before I turned 17. My dad used to get upset with me when I was on late nights phone and I was not allowed to stay at my ex bf place. When I was 23, i told them that I wanted to leave SIN so I went to AUS alone. It was not easy, my mum cries as if I've passed on, it does not helps that I am her only daughter (but not only child). I came here and met my partner and we stayed together which is something I never thought that they will be cool about it. I figured out that I have to be truthful and I thanked them for their respect and understanding. I think the daily 'report strength' strategy does help to earn their trust and respect by sharing with them the details of my daily activities, I never fails to tell them how much I missed them and love them and vice versa. In fact, I think my relationship with family are closer now than ever. Even until now I am pregnant, my mum still treats me like a little girl. I told her I am already 25 and going to be a mum soon, but to her I will always be her little girl even when I am 50, so ridiculous but true. Age does not matter to her. Having an open and great communication are very important to build trust and expression of love forms naturally. I have to educate my mum that she has to learn to let go so that I can fall and learn life experience and have to recognise me as an individual and not a property. My dad's coolness and openness helps, he always wanted me to see the world and learn adaptability as life skills are very important to him. The fact that I self-supported myself financially and living an independent life speaks alot to them. Actions speaks louder than words. Demonstrate your maturity, sensitivity to their worries and your independence and love to them, it goes a long way. I believe parents have their best interests for us but we have to learn to live our life as an individual. You are on the right track to pursue truthfulness. Do communicate your inner feelings and thoughts to your parents. It is not healthy to have too much phobia and fear out of this.
It is important to understand their point of view. Be open to let them know how you feel and also show them you are mature and independent, Numbers (age) does not speaks too much for itself.

Best Wishes.

 

[miloice]

Talking about strict, I couldn't bring my wife along for overseas trip along even after ROM. She was 27 then. MIL insisted only after marriage.

And after marriage, she wants us to have kids asap. Kind of ironic. If we follow to her plans, we will never have any personal and private life as a couple.

 

[lovingyou]

et.leen: I have a curfew during clubbing even after I ROM and I was 25 back then. My parents questioned my HB and insisted that I return home by a certain timing when my HB isn't by my side. They only give in after I raised my objections time and again. What I am trying to say is different parents have different styles in bringing up their children, but regardless of anything, is purely concern and love for their children.

 

[snoopies]

Think its really the trust in between parents and the daughter too.

I started to travel without my parents when I was 19 yrs old, to Europe for 3-4 weeks.. and since then I will travel at least once or twice a year. Just about 3-4 yrs ago, my mum got worried when she knew I'm flying to Tokyo to visit my then bf whom a jap as we only dated for short period before he headed back. At the end... she still permit me to visit him coz she knew I can take care of myself. ^_^

 

[mark78]

Yeah its trust, if they able to believe you are able to take care of yourself, they will control u lesser. However u need to earn it. One way to offset this trust is to LIE to them.

 

[hapimint]

Actually, age is not a concern for parents... and it is not that they do not trust you...

The fact is that they do not trust the guy that you are dating...

My hubby then boyfriend went with a group of my friends to Thailand after just two months of dating... with my parents blessing....

How did he achieve it? He made a point to come to my place every other day... volunteered to take my parents out for dinner at times... would even spend time in their room, talking to my mum and dad for hours on different topics...

Sometimes, it would be simple concern about their health or religion or even about our family... He took a genuine interest and gained their trust...

Now, my husband would always joke that he has two mothers and I have two mother-in-laws... haha....

So maybe you can be the one to bridge the gap between your parents and BF since you have the intention to marry him... Do not let this trip be a future problem... rather, give them time to trust each other... After that, you can go on trips after trips without objections....

I even went Europe for a month with my hubby, then boyfriend after just 6 months of dating with parents blessings... They even helped me pack my luggage before I flew....

 

[snoopies]

hapimint

That's very nice of your hubby to do this. For me, my HTB will make sure he turned up at our bi-monthly family dinner since 2-3 months after we started dating each other.

Now my mum can't wait for us to tie the knot. When I told her it gonna be another year to go.. she gave us the 'huh...' look.. haha

My dad, well-known to be a very stern man, he too... started asking my HTB when we are gg to settle down when we were only together for 5-6 mths that time. And apparently, he sent for my eldest bro to mission and talked to us about our marriage 1 week shortly after he broke the qns to my HTB... haha

It was very sudden to us then... and my HTB complaint and said that my family plotted the plans on him.. haha...

 

[lovingyou]

The guys usually blend in better.

My mum doted on my HB, and they will join hands to "bully" me at times..

 

[shirleypoise]

"The fact is that they do not trust the guy that you are dating..."

I agree with that.
It is up to us to assure our parents know that we can take care of ourselves.

 

[etleen]

thanks you guys for all your advices..

anyway, i still went ahead for the trip.. and thanks to my bf.. he really pamper me with surprise spa treatment.. cuz i highly stressed at work and part-time sch..

now, my parents are adding on to my stress.. i really, really understand that they care.. and of cuz they barely know my bf, the trust is not there..

juz got a call from my aunt, she told me that when i was away, my dad called her and complained that my mum couldnt sleep and cried.. and i was to blame for her crying.. and now, she felt that my parents couldnt trust my bf and me...

i told them the truth.. where i was going, who i hang out with, etc.. i brought my bf home so they know who he is, wat is he working as, his family background.. and my bf is more than happy to share with them..

i still remember the very first time when we had dinner, my dad and my bf were so engrossed in talking abt ships (since my bf works in navy and my dad works in shipping line).. and i thought, things would work out fine.. but... *sigh*...

i feel so hard to hold on this r/s.. in fact, my previous r/s.. and my friends, my parents are so over-protective.. so... i feel so tight.. i feel that i couldnt breathe...

 

[miloice]

etleen,

keep reassuring your folks and never resent their concern for you. This will help them let go over time.

 

[salsa_babe]

etleen....

Yes, they may have some common topic to talk about...but that is all. It does not mean that your folks are giving him a 100% trust. They hardly know him. They dunno what kind of person he is....and that explains why your mum was upset that you are not heeding her advice.

Trust does not drop from the sky. You have to work your ways to get it.

 

[etleen]

i really find it very hard to hold on to this r/s..

i told my parents, im serious in this r/s... i want a long-term r/s.. but to them, they still feel that im young.. still play play.. my parents even ask me to date more pple.. open to options..

i feel very disheartened when they feel that im not serious.. they would say things like "after a while.. you sure break up" or "you ah... play play only lah.." it's like.. they are "pouring cold water" on what i say..

i know, it's not easy to get married and set up a family.. i saw with my own eyes from what happened in my family.. so all the more, i want to make things work.. but.. in my parents' eyes.. im still a small girl.. who has yet to grow up..

 

[lovingyou]

et.leen: I might sound a little harsh; If i remember correctly, your current r/s is only about a month plus? Put yourself in your parents' shoes, will you have the same reaction as them? Moreover, you are a girl, you can't really fault them for over-protecting you. It is true that initamcy and close contacts could happen anywhere, everywhere, but isn't it more on the case if both of you are travelling with a relaxed mind? You mentioned that your parents dun trust you, but trust is to be earned and not given. You are only 21 and you are talking about setting up a family? Not to say your parents, even I think that you are not ready. Have you really seen the world? Talking about marriage with someone whom you just dated like less than 6 months? First 3 months is always a honeymoon period, have you guys really went through the ups and downs in life? Think about it.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Is this the first bf that you have brought home?

 

[salsa_babe]

have you always been a rebellious child?

To many parents, it is really too young to talk about marriage at the age of 21. Furthermore, you are only in this r'ship with this bf for 2 months??

 

[miloice]

etleen,

u have to be realistic. You seem to be clueless over why your parents are behaving this way. If you could understand from their pov, u won't be in the rush to claim freedom instead of managing it well with your folks.

Face it, this isn't going to be the only conflict of interest you are going to have with your own folks and later with PIL. You need to be more open to understand and respect the reasons why they are behaving so.

It doesn't mean your relationship will definitely fail. But, u r still young and your career etc are still not matured yet. Your goals in life are very likely to change with time and the various exposure you will go thr. Most relationship didn't started insincerely. Almost all were serious and wanted a lifetime together too. So, yours is no difference here.

Lastly, look at the context. You spoke of a history of lies on your part. You need to help your folks gain back the trust you destroyed through your past.

 

[etleen]

littlewomen,

yes, my r/s is not long. only abt 2 mths.. and i know many pple think that at 21.. is still too young to get married and settle down..

im not saying that im settling down now.. after dating for a month or 2. im saying abt 1 or 2 yrs time. my bf and i got together with the intention of settling down..

yes, 21.. yet to experience enough, yet to see the world enough, yet to do many things.. and i know there are pple who will say i will regret if i marry young.. cuz i didnt have enough fun, etc..

first 3 mths, yes, yet to go thru ups and downs but we had our fair share of big and small arguments..

doll: this is the 3rd bf i've brought home to show them..

 

[simpleman]

I find her parents over protective lah..

But TS should not be frustrated.. instead all the more should prove to the parents that she is not "play play".

Let time prove everything.. sometimes talking too much also no use.

But I can't really understand parents (me being a parent myself) that we have to be so protective over our daughters.. the more you protect them, the slower they will grow up..

 

[etleen]

milo,

telling lies are like sec sch days stories.. ever since in poly, i decided to be good and tell the truth.. but still..

i understand my parents' pov.. im their only daughter (not only child).. therefore, they are protective over me.. which is normal.. and of cuz, they barely know my bf.. so they felt that they couldnt trust him..

but im juz hoping that they can allow me some space to let me handle myself a bit.. and even if i fall, let me pick myself up.. got wat i meant?

 

[simpleman]

Actually I don't think age per se is a limiting factor for a marriage. 21 years of age is young by modern standard but it is a marriageable age.

etleen, don't be bothered by what other people think. You have to think for yourself.

 

[miloice]

etleen, putting it frankly, your parents are most concerned not only for your emotional hurt.

They fear you are getting into a sexual relationship too soon without really knowing your bf enough. The consequences could include unwanted pregnancies and STD.

All these are very serious issues that WILL definitely worry any parent. Its consequences are real and will affect your life in very major ways. My suggestion, take things slowly. What's the hurry over your freedom??

Seeing someone seriously doesn't mean u guys need to get all sexual and go on trips alone and make your folks this worried at this early stage of your relationship. If they need time to be convinced, take the time. Meanwhile, u guys can work together to plan for your future.

 

[lovingyou]

et.leen: enjoy a r/s, let nature takes its course about the settling down issue. Understand your bf, understand his character, if he is really the person to settling down. Noone will trust a person fully upon not knowing the person, you can ask your bf to pop by your place often so as to allow your parents in understanding him better. At the same time, don't get "over rebellious" with your parents, this might make your parents more irritated with your bf.

 

[miloice]

etleen, I understand what you mean.
But, no parent would like to see their precious daughter get hurt. Its ironic but its part and parcel of parenthood. While you are learning to be truly independent, they are also learning to let go. It is not an easy transition for them too.

What I'm advising you is, to let go of the frustration. Nothing wrong with you wanting your freedom etc, but at the same time, do you bear to make your mum cry like this. The hurt you are causing her is just as real as the frustrations u r experiencing.

Either you can burn your bridges big time and hurt your folks and strain the relationship beyond repairs or you could slowly help them with the transition. Be patient.

 

[etleen]

my colleagues suggest me to talk to my bf.. and get him and myself to speak to my parents.. as in to get my bf to assure them..

many times, my bf wanted to bring them out for meals but my dad is either working or engaged with medical appt.. and my bf felt that my dad didnt like him.. and was quite upset.. i assured him that it's not the case.. yday when we got back from our trip, my bf suggest to bring my parents for tim sum this sat morning.. but dad is working.. so he suggest my mum, my bro, myself and him.. and i told him that i will speak to my mum..

 

[miloice]

etleen,

some suggestions. No need to be big family outing everytime. Some weekends or even weekday, drop by and have dinner together. Bring some extra food so that its enough for everyone. When you guys come home from dates, can call home to volunteer to packet some supper sometimes.

Get involved with some family activities. Be it some minor reno or BBQ or something. Basically, he should learn to integrate to your family. Likewise, you should also learn to become part of his family. The trust will come over sincerity shown over time. That works much better than formal meals. We normally only do those for special occasions or when drawing near to marriage and hence the need for the 'formal' family get together meal to discuss the wedding details.

 

[snoopies]

Hi et.leen

Being in a relationship for just barely 2 month plus... There's alot more effort/ ups and downs to go through to know a person better. At this stage how much do you know your bf? And how much do you expect your parents to know him... not even to mention the word ‘Trust’.

I'm not too sure how was your relationship life in the past, nor why your parents giving you the 'play play' remarks. Could it be something you had done that had given them such impression?

Well... to me, in the first place, if you are really serious with your current bf, I felt that you shouldn’t go ahead with your trip without your parents' consents. Your bf have just broken the trust which he had tried to bridge b4 hand. His hard work could have been 30% or maybe 60% completed… but this trip has for sure, broken it down into 0% ~ It’s not only between your parents and him, but also between your parents and YOU too.

Your parents may be even more worried now, worrying how they are able to entrust their daughter to someone who doesn’t even respect their decision. I do understand there’s always temptation around for fun… but, are they worth it?

Remember, trust is not something that can be built overnight. Now, both you and your bf have to work extra hard to gain it back.

However... if both of you and bf are totally serious... I am sure, both's of your hard work will open up the path to your parents' heart.

 

[yewee]

Hi etleen,

If your parent is those who dun really have time or dun like to go out for dinner/lunch type what i will suggest is to aks your bf to buy some food which ur parent like and eat with them.

That was what my hubby did. My mother love crab, so he always buy to my house and have it with my parent.

Hope this help
PS: my sister's bf use the same trick also.

 

[lovingyou]

Agree with Milo. It is like trying to get involved and blending into the family culture.. Spend some time at home occasionally, this will helps as well.

 

[snoopies]

No need to get your bf involve with any serious talk unless things got worst or you guys sitting down and talk about marriage... this may start off with all the firings of questioning and such and your bf may be in a awkward position.

It will be nice for your bf to be involved with your family activities... just like what Milo had mentioned. Doing little things with thoughts and let your parents feel that your bf constantly care for them / have them always in his mind. This little act might help if your parents are those who are afraid to be ‘left alone’ thinking that their daughter is dating someone and will have left very little time for the folks.

Sending festive gifts helps too.. you may like to check out what are the upcoming ones... Just let your parents know that they are being appreciated… and over time, they probably just happy as you are… to have found someone like him.

Yes, spend more time at home, watch tv and communicate... the easiest, most convenient and cheapest effective method.

 

[miloice]

yes... accompany them watch TV and listen to MIL scold and curse the victim in the Taiwanese or Korean dramas.

 

[etleen]

snoopies,

they gave the "play play" remarks cuz they feel that im only 21.. and probably becuz i didnt mentioned anything abt settling down young..

i did talked to my dad and told him that, before i got into this r/s with my bf.. i told my bf that i know im only 21 but im serious in this r/s.. and i want a long-term r/s.. my bf oso wanted a serious and long-term r/s.. that's why we got together..

my dad's reply was.. you confirm you're gonna be with him? you sure you dun wanna try other guys? wat if you meet someone better? i know my dad's intention.. he wants the best for me.. he hope that i can really meet someone who is the best for me.. who can take care of me.. but wat if the other isnt as good as the present guy? who is to blame? myself or my dad?

my bf is trying mingle more with them.. wanting to bring them out for meals.. but i felt bad when my dad is not available..

 

[miloice]

its not only because he wants the best for you. It because we have all being young before. Very frankly, my views and goals in life at 21 differs significantly from now at 34.

You are in the early stage of adulthood, naturally, their concerns. They know you have not tasted many things in life. You could potentially really go on to regret your decision now. Give yourselves a few yrs. You can continue to date your bf. A relationship is a great way to discover yourself. Don't commit to a marriage until you are really stable. Be it 23 or 33.

 

[snoopies]

Hmm.. just wonder why your dad has such impression about your bf. Could it be your dad feel uncomfortable with his manners / appearance or such? You know la.. some folks will start saying that he / she can judge pple v. well, and will say 'this guy cannot make it la' if the poor fellow din give a good impression.

Probably your dad just doesn't want you to settle down on one guy too fast... he wants you to see more, learn more... as you mentioned, you had seen what happened to your family (tho wasn't mentioned what are they), but these might be the reasons why your parents are extra protective towards you.

No worries on this...your parents will soon see the light, given from both you and ur bf. Just ensure them you know what you are doing.

Dont push too hard on bringing them out for meals, since ur dad always not available, then just plan for other things that work for your dad.

For eg, my dad hardly in town too... he's only back to sg once monthly, for 1 or 2 weeks... my bf just turn up whenever there's a family gathering... he do so even if my dad is not ard.. this is to build bonds with my other family members which include my baby nieces too. When my dad returns, and see my bf talking and laughing to everyone, he feels very contented inside. Or maybe even... 'what's got beneath this guy? he's happily chatting with everyone except to me... ahh... I need to find out more about him' tsk tsk...

 

[snoopies]

Ha.. ya.. agreed with Milo.

Settle down when you are ready. As long both of you stay strong together... marriage is just a matter of time. Nothing to rush into. Its a big commitment to proceed with.

Share a joke with you.. My dad's friend who was a fortune teller told me this when i was 18yrs old... that i will fall in love n married at the age of 23... n my future hubby gonna be a foreigner too... its all BS lo.. coz I'm so much way over my 23rd years.. I was so gaga over his words when I was much younger... if I knew its all BS.. I wouldnt have wasted so much time before.

 

[lovingyou]

snoopies: that is so funni..

I think it is a matter of time that our parents will be able to sense the sincerity. Moreover, which couple doesn't hope for a long term r/s? However, our mindset, perspections change at different stages of life, what we want now might not be what we are looking for in like 3 yrs etc down the road.

 

[powder]

do take note tat right now u are serious, he is serious, but both of u can be equally Ignorant. the world u know is gonna change as u age and the relationship u have is not gonna be founded on the same fundamentals that it started with... there will be a paradigm shift in time to come unless u intend to stay blissfully ignorant.

that said, enjoy yourself, and if u wanna win the trust of your parents... it's not by telling them all these things, nor abt how serious u are in your relationship. i'm 35 and i've heard this over a thousand times, with over half of the pple declaring it - ending in split-ups. so it doesn't really give the relationship any credibility to declare how longterm your relationship is. i dun often hear pple declare it's only a short one and it's purely for sex either... so in fact your declaration is Moot.

just abt every 21yr-old (including most of us here) are very keen at one stage to be more adult, more mature-showing. unfortunately, u're just one of the many thousands or 95%...

i'd rather my daughter tell me tat she's brought condoms and will never let the guy cum inside her.

 

[green_tranquility]

Etleen,
I maybe wrong...

But I find that you are too gancheong/impatient for things to happen. E.g. want to get married within 1-1.5 years, want parents to trust your bf within 2 months. Both relationship and trust take time to nurture!

You said you hope to settle down in 1-1.5 years time, do you and bf have the $$ to buy house and host a wedding? Do you get along with his family? There're so many issues that you should think about besides the final goal, a piece of rom cert

If I'm your parents, I'll also worry that you commit to things in a rush leh.

 

[etleen]

milo,

i know my views now and in 10 yrs time might vary..

to be frank, i always wanted to settle down young and start a family young.. maybe some of you guys here might think that im not mature enough or might not have the ability to handle it.. issit becuz of age factor or... ?

i did hint my mum abt my bf and i getting married but she simply brushed it off.. i really need to convince my parents that i might be settling down young.. and from the advices - it's time and actions from my bf proves it all..

last week, his mum, himself and i went for furniture shopping for his new house.. and i was made to decide the colour of the new bed frame.. becuz my bf felt that it's our bed.. at that point, i felt touched.. maybe to some, it means nth but to me, it shows what am i to him?

but i guess, if i were to narrate the above scenario to my parents.. they will think im crazy...

 

[miloice]

Since the age of 17, every gal that I fell for, I really wanted to marry and care for at that moment. And it sure feels like its forever.

Saying you are very serious at the age of 17, 21, 31 or 41 will have a significantly different weight. They look at the entire context. Your age is only one of the element they are looking at. Without the historic records to build on, its natural that one would be skeptical.

Life is a walk. No one can really tell u what is good for you. You need to taste it yourself. But, it will definitely make your folks worry. Afterall, you are only 21 and your previous relationship was such a short one too.

My advice for you is still the same. Take your time in this walk. Ask yourself, can you be happy hurting your folks? For me, I cannot. Parents are important to me but I will not just follow them blindly. Instead, I take time and effort to influence them. If you tried everything and it doesn't work, so be it.

Don't rush your walk in life. The older I got, the more I realized marriage shouldn't be rushed. From young, I had always wanted to marry early. But now, when I looked back, I needed these yrs of growing to have the maturity to be ready for my marriage. Any earlier, my marriage would probably be less smooth and blissful. To put it quite frankly, I didn't have a clue what a marriage and relationship really meant. All the ideals and dreams are pretty far fetched from reality. I am getting exactly what I wanted and needed in my marriage now.

 

[etleen]

green,

settling down in 1 to 1.5 yrs is not set by me.. but my bf's mother..

bf already got a house.. so housing issues is not a problem.. so far, im okie with his mum.. maybe i've yet to encounter any problems..

and of cuz, i know getting married is not juz a piece of paper.. when my bf and i roughly calculate the amount of money need to hold our wedding.. i really see the importance of savings.. and was glad that i have at least 10K of savings..