Should I divorce over a lazy husband?

[Waitingforthesunshine]

We have been married for 3 years and no kids. After 1 year into the marriage, we kept on quarreling until my love for him seems gone. Then I got myself super busy and less problem since then. However, almost every day I feel upset by him and Im not sure how long I could keep up with this.

The thing with him is he is not really doing anything in terms of house chores, nor pay for the food and grocery. Whenever I feel sad, I try to think why we began the marriage to comfort myself and try to think he used to be good to me. One day I asked him if I were to divorce you, would that be ok for you? He replied that he could kill me, which made me terribly frightened.

Please advise me what I should do to salvage the feelings for him or just give up on my marriage. I love to have baby but Im concerned about falling into depression if he doesnt help me with my baby.
Thank you so much

 

[arnoldchen]

im having problems in my marriage (childless) and some ppl tell me to have a kid to solve the problem.

I think it is a very bad idea.

Solve the root of the ur problem and dun try to have a kid just to make things better. If ur marriage isnt good before the child, chances are it will get worse.

If i have a kid, i would want to give him or her the best (including a pair of loving parents)

 

[eileen85]

do not have a kid and hoping that the problem will go away. this will implicate matters if you really want to divorce later on. have a talk with him and give him the ultimatum. try and talk to him and see why did he become so lazy? i believe he was not like that in the past?

 

[Waitingforthesunshine]

Every day we argue then he will start to be worked up and use vulgar words, it’s a torture to me. I now seriously only want a baby, not the husband. I even shared with him about my thought of leaving him but he just doesnt believe me. Now if I move out of the house, he will disturb my company and wait for me after work just like how he did in the past. Im so worried.

 

[newproject]

Don't have a kid

 

[Distraughtx]

I am in a similar incident as you and have been nagging my husband to do house chores till i am tired and just dont give a **** anymore. The same excuse he always give is “all these i dont know how to do”. Im quite turned off by his character till i dont really wanna have any form of intimacy with him. i know this marriage is gonna be going downhill sooner or later.
I also wanted kids but deferred this idea as i doubt he can support me at all. Having a kid is a big commitment and don’t ever succumb to peer pressure.

 

[Cloudia]

Having a kid is not a solution, if he doesnt do house chores now, what would make you think that by having a child will make him do all the work? you have to ask yourself why did you choose him in the first place? if the reason you married to him doesnt exist anymore and he doesnt even try to put in effort to build this relationship, then you might want to think for your own future. if you feel that staying alone is happier than staying with him, then you should leave before you have a child.

 

[newproject]

I am in a similar incident as you and have been nagging my husband to do house chores till i am tired and just dont give a **** anymore. The same excuse he always give is “all these i dont know how to do”. Im quite turned off by his character till i dont really wanna have any form of intimacy with him. i know this marriage is gonna be going downhill sooner or later.
I also wanted kids but deferred this idea as i doubt he can support me at all. Having a kid is a big commitment and don’t ever succumb to peer pressure.

Just get a domestic helper after have kids. Or pay for cleaning services once a week.

Problem solved. That's what I did.

 

[zorden2003]

This is like a common topic I face in my marriage. I am consider to be the lazy husband. I don’t do housework. I don’t walk the dogs (maybe once a week).

I spend most of my time, on the bed resting. Reading or on my pc.

I got a helper and I expect her to do all these. I got a bigger fish ( my job) to fry and really I refuse to waste my time doing all these chores.

 

[newproject]

But I guess some people are finances tight can't hire help or even weekly cleaning services

 

[Waitingforthesunshine]

I learnt from my colleague that you should love housechore, which I did follow. However, new problem arises is I found out he is in debt now. My bank account is drained because of lending him money to clear the debt.
Question: should I trigger the divorce on surprise or sit down with him first to clear the air?
Note: no more love from me, all left is the guilt in me for failing to hold on to this marriage.

 

[chinleng]

What do you hope to achieve if you sit down with him? That's the question you have to ask yourself. Can your objective be met if you sat down with him? When you break the news to him, he'll likely go through the following emotional stages: denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance.

The duration of each stage depends on individual.