Should i be brave and firm this time..?

[blueycrystal]

i thought i just want to seek some advice. I believe i am stronger now but not sure how strong.. i have finally gathered my courage after 4 good years of self deceiving and choose to believe him cos he is my hb.

It happened 4 years back, although we are back together, he has never really break off with this woman. Come to think of it, I am really stupid all these years. i have never been really happy. and I dont know after patching up with me is he really change for good.

so i start partying, focus on work, and doing rather well these years. I try to be understanding at the same time although I am not very sure how is our future. he seems to treat me lovingly. but i can tell u my sixth sense feels otherwise. his body language, his frequent sms, the hp that he never let go of his sight.

It triggered me when my relative saw him having dinner with TOW. when i confront him he denied. condom in his car also denied, viagra in our house also denied. phone bills record wich show the same TOW number again and again he also denied and even said to me that the phone operator must be making mistakes.

how ridiculous taht i mus accept whatever he said because i do not have evidence. so with my savings over the years, i can now afford to enaage a PI. the truth is out. but i am shock.

TOW is not an attractive woman.. he told me she was pretty 4 years back. i thought this is really very insulting. she is bigger , taller than him. and definitely look much older than me. and the dress she wears is terribly, there is no dress sense at all. so WHY? I asked myself. these 1 week is very hard for me as I am trying to hold my emotion while the PI gathering all evidence.

I see him every day, saw thru his lies every day, yet I have to maintain cool.

PI and friends suggest I confront him next week at her home and make him choose. basically i am prepare to hear anything not nice, the reason why i wan to be there is to let her know that things are not going to get easy for them.

at this point of time, I want to divorce. yet i am still not sure shld i just do it. can i? would I? maybe i am scare. but i know i dun want to be unhappy anymore. i want to set myself free...

 

[margret]

why confront? and insult yourself even more? why let him choose. U already got the evidence and he have already show u he can't leave that women after 4 years.

Very simple, use the evidence and file for divorce.

 

[infojunkie]

dun flatter her.

u r giving too much importance to her when u start to see this whole thing as a competition between 2 women.

stay focused.

 

[infojunkie]

and to treat this whole thing as a competition between u and TOW, u flatter the cheater too.

 

[serene_yam]

Hey bluey, there's no need to confront. Your hb likes this kind of lifestyle, this type of woman, let him be. What you need to do is to cut him off from your life, divorce him, get your real life back. There's no need to tassle with such minor things. You have your own life, please live yours

Don't see it as a competition between you and TOW, dont't see it as an insult to yourself either. For a man who chooses to live in such a way, let him live his life the way he wants. Please be strong, and don't beg him back to your life, it won't help, and you will also lose all respect for him in the process. Where there's no respect, how do you really love? Let go, and do yourself less harm

God bless!

 

[joiedevivre]

Don't ask why, because you cannot explain attraction. Since your hb likes ugly women with poor dress sense, let him be. Maybe both of you will be happier with the divorce?

 

[mewmoon]

I wouldn't suggest confrontation. So what if he chooses you in the end? This is definitely not a man I would choose to spend the rest of my life with. He's not even worth another minute of your time anymore, blue.

Ultimately, it's YOUR call. Not his. Why choose to spend more time with this man if you don't have to?

Move on and be happy.

 

[powder]

bluey,

it looks like shit, smells like shit, tastes like shit still Not Enough... u die die need to send it for scientific tests to prove that it's shit???

the funny part is - u allow shit To Choose to be eaten by u somemore. this one sibei kao-lart.

kena betrayed liao, still must fight for the guy... no wonder he married u. cos u're not very intelligent... he wrong but u're the one to put in effort and spend money...

what do u want me to say? - u're a good wife??? he definitely knows his shit when it comes to u.

 

[thommy]

no need to ask why anymore when things have already progressed to this state. get out of this shitpile asap.

 

[dinitegrity]

Move on....

 

[cococherry]

Still so silly, confront him and let him choose...

Please don't believe naively that he chosoe you now = he will be faithful to you in future.

 

[moistfaucet]

bluey,

it seems like your huband is very bad in hiding things.

either he is, don't care, or purposely let you know as he want to leave you also.

 

[icepanda31]

haiz,

woman simply loves man more than the reverse..
we dies at their hands

y..woman so vulnerable when comes to emotions

even if forgive and try to forget, the wound will always be there..

 

[jerix]

Do you still loves him? I guess "moving on" may feels like a lonely and "long" process.

No one can gaurantee that things will be better or worst (no matter wat you choose) but as you said it, you thk you are stronger now? That does not sound like you have the strong resolve in your future.

 

[infojunkie]

panda,

u think u representative of the whole woman clan ar? and dun everytime say die can anot?

 

[powder]

this type of attitude not very endearing also... how to love in the first place? sooner or later sure prefer to find any other girl outside... damn freakin auntie...

 

[thommy]

junkie, I think panda has a serious prob with the opposite sex here...better stay away from ppl like her (if u happen to run into one)

 

[infojunkie]

i think she needs some re-education that would do her gd in the long run

 

[strong_lady]

we are in the same situation. My TOW is a china woman not an attractive woman and look much older than me. and the dress she wears is terribly.WHY? I asked myself too. If u don’t mind we can share our hard time. We must be strong.I understand your feeling

 

[icepanda31]

aiyoh
junkie and thomas,

so many scenerios on hw the guyfrends/hubbys been snatched away..
hw not to be scared..

 

[sgbabydoll]

Icepanda, being scared is of any use? Means will not happen meh? No mah.

 

[thommy]

if so easily can be snatched away, then probably u shld look at yourself in the mirror first.

 

[infojunkie]

eh panda, they wanna snatch let them snatch lor. then u can go find a new man and still look uprite... stand down there lament and scared here scared there oso no use. u think u lin daiyu waiting for jia baoyu ha? like that ppl see u no up one...

 

[icepanda31]

aiya.
i sympitised with bluey (blueycrystal) & [email protected] (strong_lady)

as a woman, i feel so sad loh..

 

[elizann]

I just don't understand how local men can be ever be attracted to China women. what is so great about them? don't these men ever learn from stories in the media about the trouble China women create?

I have no sympathy for local men who get cheated by China women when they (the men) already know how China women are like.

 

[ariel84]

Eliz, not all women from China are bad.

 

[powder]

if u're reading from the media, then u have to note that u're less likely to get magical articles of 'happy local men+prc ladies' type of unions... it doesn't sell and it's likely to offend some narrow-minded pple.

local women cheat too... amidst being not very attractive on some personality issues.

 

[salsa_babe]

icepanda....you dun even know bluey and strong_lady personally...

you sad abt wat? Abit fake leh..

If you are so scared that your partner will be snatched away so easily...then might as well stay single and stay away from men....coz all men are not reliable mah..

 

[leibit]

yup, local women cheat too, yucks, as bad as the men. I don't understand, maybe it's the thrill of instant sex-gratification. What i'm more concerned, is the kind of diseases transmitted. But well, we need to open our eyes BIG BIG. For men and women who constantly cheat, my spouse or friend whatsoever, I GLADLY let them have such way of life, but that will mean I also don't want them to be in my life anymore, TOO DIRTY LIAO

 

[cococherry]

There's women or men cheating everywhere. Even Gays and Lesbians will cheat too.

 

[icepanda31]

Eliz (elizann)

i guess most singaporean guys are the elderlys..\
come on lah..do you think there is such thing as love when you are old and ugly..
only $ to them is not old and ugly.

they think they have found 'new springs' as the china women are more gentle like small bird/submissive/can act and let them be the man in front of them..
whereas singaporean women are more aggressive.

they think we have too high standard.too demanding

they think those women will submit to them..never realise at the end of the day..they are after PR status and their money..
so cant blame others that are they been willingly to be cheated..

 

[powder]

HI AUNTIE

 

[wjchiang]

-

 

[ariel84]

"come on lah..do you think there is such thing as love when you are old and ugly..
only $ to them is not old and ugly. "

icepanda, if this is truly the way you think, no wonder you say you don't meet good men. Because you already sentence all men to be like this, to behave this way, like FOR SURE they will all cheat when you grow old and ugly. This kind of attitude will really scare the good men away.

 

[powder]

it's the mind that makes an auntie...

 

[its_fate]

Heheheh.. maybe she falls under the category "aggressive" woman whereby ALL UNRELIABLE MEN detest!

Oops.... did I used ALL MEN?? my bad.....

 

[icepanda31]

no meh

mostly those old men..y are they cheated of money by china women?
do u tik china women love them?

or the $ n pr status?

so many cases liao

 

[thommy]

yes...all men are unreliable...all china women are bad eggs...when old and ugly there will not be love but $$$ instead...

Anymore?

 

[powder]

icepanda,

your granny was prob PRC, if not great-granny.

the isolated cases u see in the papers are meant to appeal to pple like u... especially those chinese nite papers that sensationalise...

local women cheating local men will Not be reported as much.

if u revolve your life around wat u see on papers or the tv instead of actually mingling with pple in real life... then how much exposure can u have?

 

[sgbabydoll]

"I just don't understand how local men can be ever be attracted to China women. what is so great about them? don't these men ever learn from stories in the media about the trouble China women create? I have no sympathy for local men who get cheated by China women when they (the men) already know how China women are like."

Such animosity pretty much uncalled for. I don't know, have you forgotten that most of our grannies are your so-called "china women"???

 

[infojunkie]

the cultural revolution had completely wiped out china's intelligentsia... the new elite manufactured by the communists is no match to the old one... i think it will take at least another 50 yrs for the mainlanders to 学好礼义廉耻...

not anti-china or what. just my observation

 

[sgbabydoll]

I don't know but what is new about extramarital affairs and why some of us are talking about it like it was never heard before until lately. It's probably started all the way since human first existed.

 

[elizann]

I know it is unfair to paint all china women with the same brush, but I have just read too much about them that I tend to be cautious of them. yes, our grannies are also "china women" but they were of a different generation. Now what we see is a worse behaviour by many china woman. ok, if not all, then can I then use the word 'many'?

I am Singaporean Chinese and is proud of the Chinese culture, food, etc. But when some people behave in a certain way, I tend to be cautious.

for a start, my uncle's girlfriend is a China woman in her 20s!!! And is is not easy to deal with. She'll pester my uncle for money and create trouble.

 

[ariel84]

Eliz, I do understand the point you are making.

But it is like those people from forums like hardwarezone complaining how terrible many SINGAPOREAN girls are because they are materialistic, blah blah blah. Do you think that's fair? But what is many? More than 3 that you have met in your life? More than 10? Do you realize there are millions of women in China? And "many" are actually virtous, humble women?

 

[elizann]

yes, the comments made in such forums are not fair at all.

hm...u are right, there are so many women in China...I do really hope to meet more of the virtuous and humble China women and I also hope more of them will come to Singapore....

 

[cococherry]

those that came here to be 3rd party are usually from the poorer province.

 

[leibit]

I hope that this thread is not turning to a bashing-the-PRC-women place....infidelity occurs, regardless of the nationality of TOW, locals, PRs, Malaysians, China....Let's be objective here.

 

[nylek]

Move on ba... After 4 years still like that, just get the evidence and divorce him...

Reason why men cheat, certain emo needs are met by TOW and some met by u... Once you left, he will be empty... Even if he n TOW gets together, they won't last very long... Because u left and there's emo void not fulfilled by TOW and therefore he needs to cheat again to find someone to replace the needs once provided by u