BF and I intended to hold our ROM next year and since our flat is in the midst of construction and only be ready in 2013. We wanted to ROM earlier because we did not want to do up our flat and marry at the same time. We decided that I'll move into his place after ROM.
His family was over the moon and so were we. I thought everything will go smoothly. But... His father become very unreasonable and ridiculous.
1.) He made crude remarks on the venue we chose (despite him letting us be decision-maker since it's our wedding and he did not even view the place yet!). He even suggested us to announce to my guests that all ang baos will be donated to charity if the venue is not 'class' enough.
2.) He too commented how unmemorable our ROM is going to be (we're inviting 100+ pax, consisting of close relatives, friends, n colleagues to enjoy an interactive and intimate affair). According to him, in order to "spice" things up, since my family believes in Buddhism, he asked me to ask my Father if we want to invite monks to chant. (!!!)
3.) Personally, I feel that he showed disrespect to my family. My family is rather traditional, and since they compromised not having a typical chinese wedding banquet, I feel that I shld give in to what they wish for (tea ceremony). His Father knowing that my family is traditional, he openly said that all these traditions are bullshit and need not be held. I told him politely that since my family gives in to my request, it's every right I shld please them if I can. He even told me to persuade my family to cancel the tea ceremony. I felt very hurt.
4.) He is constantly bringing down my own Father. My Father is a single parent, took pains bringing up my brother and I. Though he is a humble taxi driver, he's a democratic father. He believes in discussion and will take our opinions and needs into consideration. My future father in law is an assistant manager and yes, he provided a lot for his family so he thinks that he is very capable. Compared to my Father, yes, my FIL is indeed much more capable in terms of monetary.
Based on this fact, he started making remarks on how ignorant my Father is when it comes to how 'class' a place is so my FIL will have to 'inspect' personally.
1 recent issue - During the World Cup season, my BF had been staying overnight at my place for sometime to watch soccer with my Father. Both are vivid fans of soccer. Over a dinner with BF's family, my BF casually asked his Father if he heard any cheering late at night. Instead of simply answering 'No', he said, 'No lah. Majority staying at my area are highly educated people. Don't watch soccer one.' I believed he was pin pointing at me as he used words - My Area. If he is answering to my BF, there's no need to be so sarcastic. FYI, they are staying at Boon Lay and me, Bukit Gombak. And my BF is an Marine Engineer, graduated with a Bachelor and I'm a Research Assistant, pursuing my Master in Science with NUS.
The above is just one of the many 'attacks'.
Some of you may question why didn't my BF voiced out. Reason being my FIL was once very abusive. Every time he feels frustrated or angry, he will vent his anger on the poor Mother physically and verbally. My BF who dotes on his Mother a lot, suffered in silence as well.
As mentioned above, my family is a traditional Chinese one. So my Father believed that once we're married, we have to stay together because I've thought of ROM-ing 1st and stay separately until our flat is ready.
Now my BF and I decided that I can no longer stay with his family so we're left with 2 choices: - 1.) Persuade my Father to let us ROM and stay separately.
2.) Postpone our ROM to 2012.
Any opinions or suggestions? I really appreciate it!
His family was over the moon and so were we. I thought everything will go smoothly. But... His father become very unreasonable and ridiculous.
1.) He made crude remarks on the venue we chose (despite him letting us be decision-maker since it's our wedding and he did not even view the place yet!). He even suggested us to announce to my guests that all ang baos will be donated to charity if the venue is not 'class' enough.
2.) He too commented how unmemorable our ROM is going to be (we're inviting 100+ pax, consisting of close relatives, friends, n colleagues to enjoy an interactive and intimate affair). According to him, in order to "spice" things up, since my family believes in Buddhism, he asked me to ask my Father if we want to invite monks to chant. (!!!)
3.) Personally, I feel that he showed disrespect to my family. My family is rather traditional, and since they compromised not having a typical chinese wedding banquet, I feel that I shld give in to what they wish for (tea ceremony). His Father knowing that my family is traditional, he openly said that all these traditions are bullshit and need not be held. I told him politely that since my family gives in to my request, it's every right I shld please them if I can. He even told me to persuade my family to cancel the tea ceremony. I felt very hurt.
4.) He is constantly bringing down my own Father. My Father is a single parent, took pains bringing up my brother and I. Though he is a humble taxi driver, he's a democratic father. He believes in discussion and will take our opinions and needs into consideration. My future father in law is an assistant manager and yes, he provided a lot for his family so he thinks that he is very capable. Compared to my Father, yes, my FIL is indeed much more capable in terms of monetary.
Based on this fact, he started making remarks on how ignorant my Father is when it comes to how 'class' a place is so my FIL will have to 'inspect' personally.
1 recent issue - During the World Cup season, my BF had been staying overnight at my place for sometime to watch soccer with my Father. Both are vivid fans of soccer. Over a dinner with BF's family, my BF casually asked his Father if he heard any cheering late at night. Instead of simply answering 'No', he said, 'No lah. Majority staying at my area are highly educated people. Don't watch soccer one.' I believed he was pin pointing at me as he used words - My Area. If he is answering to my BF, there's no need to be so sarcastic. FYI, they are staying at Boon Lay and me, Bukit Gombak. And my BF is an Marine Engineer, graduated with a Bachelor and I'm a Research Assistant, pursuing my Master in Science with NUS.
The above is just one of the many 'attacks'.
Some of you may question why didn't my BF voiced out. Reason being my FIL was once very abusive. Every time he feels frustrated or angry, he will vent his anger on the poor Mother physically and verbally. My BF who dotes on his Mother a lot, suffered in silence as well.
As mentioned above, my family is a traditional Chinese one. So my Father believed that once we're married, we have to stay together because I've thought of ROM-ing 1st and stay separately until our flat is ready.
Now my BF and I decided that I can no longer stay with his family so we're left with 2 choices: - 1.) Persuade my Father to let us ROM and stay separately.
2.) Postpone our ROM to 2012.
Any opinions or suggestions? I really appreciate it!
I think it's quite common for couples to do that nowadays...most of the frens who i know rents a place first becoz flat not ready or lease for their condo tenant not up...so i don't know...this sounds like win-win, unless there is the $ issue lah. What do you think?
