Sharing finances?

ioanw

New Member
Hello,

I just got married and my husband is talking about starting to share our finances...the whole discussion got me a little uncomfortable...I don't know what to do, I guess I should take a decision..
Any advice?
 


kittenpie

New Member
i manage my finance independently from my husband. having money of your own will give you means to exercise your rights and freedom in this relationship. if you feel uncomfortable, then respect what your instinct is telling you.

you may want to try things out first by setting aside a small amount of money in a joint bank account. observe how he handles that money and watch his attitude. that will tell you whether it is worthwhile to take it further
 

coolie28

New Member
Hi Ioana,

1st Congrats,just got married.
Agree that every couple will plans for their financial for future like HDB,childrens,and etc.

Can we know what discussion make you feel uncomfortable...
 

robo

New Member
for me is i propose us to set aside around 20% of our net income to be deposited to a joint. all expenses like utilities and groceries come from there.

another account like 5-10% into it purely for savings only.

remaining personal shopping is from own's pocket. we do maintain a separate saving account.

for the car, 1 person pay installment the other take care of the rest. petrol parking insurance rd tax
 

kenturik

New Member
Since you are in a relationship together, what's wrong with sharing finances? There is really no hard and fast rule to it. Some choose to have the wife have full control and some visa-versa. However, lately I have come to understand that most would set aside some amount depending on each other's earning and that takes care of the household expenses while the remaining it is really up to each individual how they would like to manage it.
If you are planning to buy another property or engage in some other investments then it maybe wise to also set aside some amount jointly.
I never thought that having money would give anyone rights or freedom in a relationship.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
I dun think there is a fixed plan for everyone.

How much can you trust your partner? If u do, then there is no issue with sharing finances.

However, u may not be comfortable with losing control over your own finances. Actually, u can work out a balance in between.

Like what some has already suggesting. Establish a joint account. And pool resources for big investments. There is absolutely no need to micro manage each other finances and this will ease the comfort level about losing control over one's finances. Work out something win-win.

However, if you are calculative to the cents without a need to, it would be something to self-evaluate about. Most of the conflicts isn't because of the joint account but how up tight we are about controlling and managing it.

Personally, I maintain a joint account with my spouse. All minor expense comes from there. It remains healthy through the combine investments we have made and occasionally withdraw some of the returns for holiday expenses or to do so renovation for the house or angbao for our parents. Big purchases like car, we just pool resources. Who has more savings and less commitments would be naturally able to take on more. No need to audit exactly the percentage each pool in.

One other thing, don't overstretch your budget and expenses unnecessarily and beyond your own means. This is the very reason why many become calculative and uptight. Because, they feel the pressure and start to become particular of every minor expense and contribution. As long as you maintain a healthy buffer, u minimize the need to micro manage.
 

sparkless

New Member
some people feel more settled having a joint account for household items. Some couples don't feel comfortable at all, having a joint account.

I have seen both sides' couples and they are doing fine in their own ways.

But shouldn't you guys talk about managing finances way before you signed on the dotted line? Marriages break up too because of differences in managing financial issues.
 

oneder

New Member
That would depends on why you feel uncomfortable. Is it because the idea of putting your money in a joint account or the idea of the need to pay for the expenses?

Some couple don't share finance by putting the money in a joint account. You can still own your money but share the expenses. Eg you pay for electricity and he pay for the groceries.
 

denise80

Active Member
Yes, I think it's abt trust and our own upbringing too. We tend to mirror values inculcated in us by our parents or environment. If u feel uncomfy, let ur partner know. There is no right or wrong answers. For me, I got my hubby to start a joint account where we will put in 500 every mth and it's for renovation of our new flat. Other than that, we manage our own expenses and only discuss with one another for big purchases that cost more than 1k for eg.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
the joint account is never mandatory. Its only a suggestion to ease the logistics and avoid needing to follow-up so closely over dollars and cents on minor expenses. For sure, one can do without it.

If you are up-tight about money, then u need to find someone compatible and able to work with u on that. But, if u cannot trust your partner, then I question why u marry for?
 

powder

Active Member
no joint account for me... either i pay or wife pays... no need to count or keep track. we had separate accounts before we married, we will not suddenly need to have a joint one now...
 

cklp

New Member
my bf and i don't have joint account, but we invest our together, sometime all the money ended up in his account, sometime all in my account, sometime, don't know whether he is buying thing for me or i am buying thing for him. haha.
 

vios

New Member
are you too used to his generosity when he was still your bf?

and gotta be more specific... share what kind of finances?
 

lingzicy

New Member
hmmm.. i personally don't have a joint account with my hubby.. we have discussed and decided who will be paying for what matters..
 

powder

Active Member
Ioana,

yeah another crap article... i dun understand why pple are reading ang mor articles instead of local ones... they could come from a completely different culture, and spore is very unique...

"Most modern families are financially separated, each member is earning and spending his own money separately so money becomes a symbol of control and not sharing it shows a lack of trust in the partner."

money is money... only pple with the lack of money would read the sign so intimately to what it means... i have money, u dun have money - i pay. vice versa. we both dun have money, we starve together. we both have money we enjoy together... i pay or u pay... no need to create some Account to create equality in the spending.

to me, pple who need to share acocunt also shows a lack of trust in their partner, and thus create an account to to account for the lack of security... Joint-Account - jointly account to each other.
 

lingzicy

New Member
Since you are uncomforable, i guess you might want to let your hubby know about it.. Though married doesnt necessary mean have to open a joint account together.. it depends how comfortable both of you are.. I have a frend who haven married but bf wanted to open a joint account.. she was uncomfortable intially but later go ahead with it.. i heard her say that her bf got once thru online banking withdraw money.. he mention that it is accidently...so not sure how true izzit la..
 

whitelv

New Member
I feel it's important to have separate accounts for personal use. I have friends who quarrel over the wife spending too much from the joint account. Having a joint account makes u accountable for every cent esp. if the girl shops too much but the guy doesn't then it's not fair.

but there are also guys that are willing to share everything.

we keep most of our expenses separate and pay 50-50 most of the time when we go out so i can say im pretty much financially independant. it feels good cos i can buy whatever i want. we have a joint account from our marriage money but none of us tops up the account. after a while it does get pretty pointless. heh

i think the best solution is to carve a % of each others salary into a joint account and also have your own for personal expenses.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
The number one rule... get someone that you can trust and not exploit you.

Everything else, joint accounts, 50-50, 100-0% ratios are just pre-arrangement to ease the logistics really.

Everyone's comfort level differs, we need to respect that. Imagine sticking to 50-50% when u know your mate is struggling with commitments while you are having huge reserves. Or you earning less than half your mate but expected to cough out the same amount over everything?? Doesn't make sense right? Be flexible. Financial control is pretty much a personal responsibility. Don't stretch the budget beyond your own means.
 

denise80

Active Member
"to me, pple who need to share acocunt also shows a lack of trust in their partner, and thus create an account to to account for the lack of security... Joint-Account - jointly account to each other."

Well, Powder, you're half-right in a way. To me, this lack of trust has nothing to do with the lack of trust in one another but a general lack of trust in ourselves to save up for something major (since we both spend without much thinking) and thus the arrangement to 'force' ourselves to save a fixed amount of $ in a joint a/c. But u're quite right there about people who have joint a/cs don't mean they trust each other too. It could be the reverse.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
powder, completely disagree. a joint account is merely a tool. Its implementation and usage is completely unique to the individual. The suggestion that having a joint account immediately suggest the lack of trust is really a bad assumption.

Personally, I use that to GIRO most of the expenses at home. Frankly, I'm contributing atmost everything in it. It has absolutely nothing to do with trust. Initially, we set up the account when planning for marriage and wanted it as some form of commitment and being able to see the combine savings grow together. Its as good as having multiple accounts. Now, its pruely logistics actually. I keep my GIRO deductions from my personal accounts for personal expenses and family ones in the joint account. Simple as that. And we fully trust each other on the finances.
 

powder

Active Member
well denise, if both of u are spendthrifts then i can understand... i guess it helps to have something u can do together, like putting money into a joint account.
 

powder

Active Member
milo,

i was merely offering the other way of looking at it. otherwise most pple seem to have this 'contribute into joint-account to pay for everything' mentality...

let me put it this way... my expenditure a year for me+family is about 20k a month in fixed expenses. so whether u agree or disagree, my wife won't be putting 50% in a joint account... neither will a joint account serve me any purpose for holding money which i already hold in my own bank account for my family expenses. so what good is setting up a joint account for me to contribute 18k and then my wife contributes a token 2k?

these are expenses that exclude car, house, watches & luxuries.

i dun think guys who are paying for the bulk of things need to offer any joint-accounts setups. it's moot... whether for logistics or trust or whatever u think it conveniences... cos it's actually an inconvenience. logistically it's irritating to have so many accounts.

anyway just sharing... put yourself in my shoes u will realise how stupid u'll feel.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
powder, it need not be irritating at all to have multiple accounts. I have them under the same bank and its all linked up needing only 1 login and ATM card. Its extremely convenient.

I would prefer to focus on the trust and relationship rather than penalize the tool mah.
 
"this lack of trust has nothing to do with the lack of trust in one another but a general lack of trust in ourselves to save up for something major"

denise80 - agree with you. I was the one who initiated opening a joint account with my husband because I'm rather bad with my finances and spend without saving (before we got married). Since then, I am able to apportion certain % of my pay to this joint account and work out my budgets carefully. I ended up having more personal savings than before.
 

powder

Active Member
milo,

tat's the thing... do u think i'm not focused on the trust n relationship by not having a joint account or several bank accounts?

particularly in my case... would u open a separate account for expenses to put 18k and wife put 2k? or would u just handle the 20k yourself?
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Actually, I don't see a need for a joint account for expenditure-only usage when there is trust that each party will undertake whatever expenditure types he/she is committed to. I don't need to see the money coming into the joint account to be able to trust that he has the money to pay for expenses. Neither do I see the need to show him that I got the money to pay for what needs to be paid.

It's an extra step and by all means if you do have a joint account to pay off expenditure only. But please don't say that this is a show of trust. No co-relation.
 

kittenpie

New Member
Powder, what do you spend on with the S$20,000 per mth? i am new to starting a family and would like to learn how older and more successful people make and handle their money.
 

powder

Active Member
hmm, i dun think i'm the right example for starting new family cos some of the spending isn't within a normal expenses, tho for me it's necessities. but for simple rough gauge... houses+cars is easily 8k liao. then kids' dailies + mum's allowance abt 3k, insurance 2k, sponsorships 2k, etc etc... it's actually abit more than that but there are some portions i'm not gonna list, like 5k to my mistress... ok ok kidding, i haven't met her yet, but it's likely to happen in another 2 months... my mistress will be my next car, Not a woman.

i'm NOT a saver... neither am i a spendthrift... i just go by the simplest solution in life of always earning more than i can spend... and i'll always be safe. 1 of the house i'm servicing is a safeguard for my kids, it'll either be their education fund when they're off to study, and their home when i'm dead. anyway all these expenses are Not pure expenses, but can yield returns in a decade or so... except the car i guess.

u gotta find wat works for u, dun just blindly do all these 50/50 thing... or open joint account. end of the day, u will be quarrelling over what's fair, what's not fair... i'd rather pay for everything and save on the quarrels.
 

kittenpie

New Member
will you be asking the tertiary education fund back from your children when they work?

my financing for my children's tertiary education fund will be a loan, not a grant. i find the common wisdom prevailing now and exhorted by financial planners - that parents have to provide funding for their children's education - hard to swallow. if they were so capable, they could jolly well get a loan from the bank. if they weren't so capable, then they come to me, but i will not be letting them have it for free.
 

powder

Active Member
tat's not a bad idea... but i'm more for making them pay me rent when they start work... the education thing i feel it's my responsibility for as long as they are serious abt it... but upto the basic degree... the rest it's either they earn their own scholarships or work part-time. but i think if they end up looking to take a bond, Then i'll step in...

we'll all have our ways to educating our kids... i prefer to be the relak relak type.
 

simpleman

Active Member
For children's education.. it is a matter of being able to afford it. As far as we can afford, I feel we should support our children to the fullest extent possible.. but also at a certain level, they may need to work during vacation to help with expenses (if money is an issue)>

Loan to children for education is an alien concept to me if you can afford it. If you can't afford it, the point is moot anyway.
 

pinktweet

New Member
it's a fine line between fully support kids' eduation (to their fullest potential) and not let kids take parents/things for granted.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
no 2 persons will behave the same manner, one could be very appreciative while another could be completely taking their folks for granted.

However, parents love are generally not as conditional. No matter how children treat them, many parents would love and care for them unconditionally. There are exceptions but generally, parents love us more than we as children. We are all guilty of taking someone we care for granted to a certain extend. Especially our spouse, family and parents.
 

powder

Active Member
that's quite true, but let me throw an element there...

we can't assume that all parents are wise... thus whether their love is unconditional - will affect our judgment of their judgment.

a proud father who Refuse to admit his son is the scum of society... a stubborn mother who keeps feeding her son's drug addiction. most parents are a little biased, i'll admit, but some dun have the mental capability to deal with failure, such that they are in denial over the character of the children they bring up.

as long as there are bad pple in this world, they have to be born and brought up somewhere, by some parents...

if our kid is gone, we can only try to bring them back. we can't support them in their grave mistakes and moral wrongs...
 

kittenpie

New Member
sometimes i think - when i die the $ will go to the child anyway. that is for me and i believe - for the majority of people out there? if you are someone who wants to leave $ to charity instead, pls share your thoughts and discuss.

i ask myself, so why be so 'stingy' with $ now? for me, children should not grow up with a sense of entitlement. i feel that providing sense of security vs entitlement are two very different things. to come to think about it, even a sense of security may not be a very good idea.

but i feel that life is full of contingencies. what if one day, serious illness befalls self or spouse? there has to be a big reserve to stand by for life's negative events, so better draw a line when it comes to granting children with free cash for tertiary education.
 

simpleman

Active Member
May,

My view is this. The cash money whether to give to your children is for your own judgement.

For me, I would give enough for basic but not for luxury. For tertiary education, yes, I would pay the tuition fees and some basic allowances but not excesses like buying them a car or renting them a condo. We should support them but not spoil them.
 

simpleman

Active Member
But powder is very right. Most parents. I use "most" because I have seen it even among my peers (not to mention the older generation), they thought they know best for their children but they are sorely out of touch.

Parents not necessary wise just because they eat more salt than you eat rice. Wisdom does not necessary comes with age.

As to our children taking us from granted.. I guess it is how we teach them the "value of things". Firstly I have no expectation of them to return any favour. So, in a way, they can take me for granted precisely because I have no expectations of them to return me anything.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Kids should not expect inheritance.

i never expect any cash from my folks. I wish them long life and able to spend their hard earn money to the fullest happily while they can. They don't need to worry about their life as we will support them in whatever way we can. When my dad passed on, his CPF went to TOW.

Though disappointing, its his wishes and I respect that. I don't resent him a single bit. I just miss him.
 

powder

Active Member
i prefer to give emotional security than financial security. i think some fears over financials at a young age, goes a long way in how we place value on things...

i'm quite unlikely to leave much for the kids cos with my death, the insurance will pay them millions already, so money shouldn't be an issue. and besides, i dun think i need to die with millions in the bank... i'll feel so stupid not using the money when i'm alive leh... hehe. i think will give the money to a good cause... afterall money is best spent on such causes.
 

powder

Active Member
that's the thing Milo... u & me and of cos many others of the gen-x are naturally thinking of how to make our own life... doesn't even cross our mind abt our parents' money... never in the equation when we plan things...

i can tell u that there are pple, who plan their future with their parents' money, when the parents in their 50s Only. these are the scary pple...
 

sighh86

New Member
i told my hubby that i will not leave any money for our children. haha. he was horrified to heard that. lol.
 

powder

Active Member
they'll be getting the insurance money + cpf anyway... tat's still quite alot! and most will get the house, worth alot too!
 
If you and your partner manage your own financials separately but have a joint just to pay for utilities......

Question for husband: do you let your wife see / keep your bank account (the account is 100% under your name and your wife do not have control over your spending)? Do you mind if your wife looks at your credit card statements? Do you let your wife know how much money you have in your bank??

Question for wife: do you know how much money your husband has? what are his monthly expenses?
 

scope_guy

New Member
May Ong and Powder:

There is nothing wrong planning with parents' money or inheritence. LOL~

I don't understand why there is such interesting views of it being monsterous or scary.
 


kittenpie

New Member
for example a guy whose parents are rich wants to buy a condo, and budgets as if his parents will help him with the downpayment, while his parents have not said anything. this guy makes an assumption just because he thinks his parents are rich. the assumption could be so strong that it colors his judgment and he tells his wife-to-be about this 'plan'.

in the end, the parents do not help this son with the condo. they take the money to help another child set up a business. would the son feel 'betrayed' by the situation. with this 'betrayal', how would it affect his attitudes to his parents? the wife screams at him for the condo fiasco, how badly is their relationship affected

then when the parents are getting gravely sick, the son thinks to himself, "they may do something to compensate me for not helping me with a condo". operating from this belief, he tells his wife to serve at their bedside.

then nearing the parents' demise, fight against the sibling for a larger share of the inheritance, saying that the sibling already took a share of the pie by getting funding for the business?

if we start to think of our parents' money as being eventually our own money, it will give us a false sense of entitlement, it will lead us to bitter disappointment, it will inflate our arrogance, it will corrupt our relationship with our families. it makes us lazy and it makes us make poor money decisions - budgeting with money that is ultimately not ours.

how is that not monstrous, Scope?
 

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