i am posting a story similar to strawberryshortcake's
i am a teacher, and my hubby was posted to my school. we hardly talked for 4 months, then were posted to the same school to do invigilation duty. we started chatting on msn, and later during the breaks between exams.
he asked me out for Saw 6 for our first date (-_-"), and things just snowballed from there. within 4 months of getting together, he proposed. within 7 months of getting together, we ROMed and then got hitched about 13 months since we got together.
it all seems so fast! but i am 100% sure he is the right man for me. one of my bfs lasted 6 years, others -- quite a decent amount of time, but this man is really something
we will be celebrating our 1st ROM anniversary in less than a month! he is truly, i believe, the best man for me. don't give up on love, as cliched as it sounds, sometimes all u need is a little faith!
Met at shooting range in Malaysia. Invited her for a game. She was very confident. I won and got her contact. She was actually from Belgium, and we hang out in Singapore after her work. She had a boyfriend, but she ditched him after we saw each other too much.
We love movies. But she had to return. Lasted about 1 yr. Attractive woman.
I met her at Mediacorpse. One of the two most attractive girls who caught every guy's attention at the set. Ended up I was dating her after we chatted... We met a few more times at Mediacorpse and... after a long while, we broke off.
Met someone from Finland, she was a mix between two European bloods. She was in Singapore for a 6 month course, and I was selling things on the streets. I got her contact... the first week she was in Singapore, and we dated for the next 6 months.
I was recovering from a fatal JC crush... Was at the library, I read until library closed. And one girl was working there leaving for the day, and we met at the bus stop a few minutes later. She was very adorable, and I felt like chatting...
Then we dated for the next about 6 months.
Johore had a car show many years back. About five car models. One with long hair and pretty tall caught my attention, so I tried the car and got a chat. Ended up she was also a member of the same agency in Singapore, so our first date was a copi-shop lunch below the agency.
She had a boyfriend in Malaysia, but we dated anyway. After 2 months, she only saw me. And we lasted about 1 year, probably a month more.
Met another immediately after the Malaysian above. She was on divorce with her husband (the first 'married' woman I dated) at 20 something. She's very attractive, but I wasn't told she had a husband. I smiled at her and directly told her she was really adorable in her uniform...
After a few months, she was starting to talk about marriage with me and I probably got scared off...
We met at a trade show. She was a middle east CEO... Super mesmerizing woman. She noticed me literally staring at her. I remembered she initially tried looking away, but we ended up kissing that night after the transactions during the show.
After she returned to her land, she married her fiance... We dated for a week... It was a most magical time... She was wild and gentle, and she looked great in long gowns.
She tried to contact me a month after she was married... But I was seeing somebody else then. So... ...
I was fired from a part time job because the fvcking boss wanted his sexy secretary, but only after one week at work, he found me dating her... and she was rejecting all his moves. Dirty old bastard...
But this woman has a little problem... Her 'needs' was great. And she sticked to me like glue since I was a 'top performer'... LOL~ I told her to fire the boss, then I left her. She migrated two years ago, married.
I was booking a ticket, and this China lady who happened to be very attractive took my case... I asked for the namecard in case anything went wrong, smiled at her and nicely invited her to leave her handphone no. on the card.
She ignored my 10+ sms till she showed up for our first movie trip...
Just drop by here, again. So share a little experience for those interested. Finding a woman is always easier than finding real love.
"Met at shooting range in Malaysia. Invited her for a game. She was very confident. I won and got her contact."
I stopped reading until here. This is NOT Love at all. Love is not a prize. U can't just treat love this way. You don't go around winning games and having people's contact number. I'm glad that the relationship only lasted a year. Usually it only last at most a mth. It probably is a hard journey for you and i'm glad that you have made it last 1 year =)
yup scope guy, your history is really... amazing... but it doesnt seems to be true love...
i met him on 3rd Nov 07 at this event. we're colleagues but from different department so we never see each other before. My manager wanted to introduce him to one of my fellow colleague, whom i see her as a friend. But he's interested in me instead, and ask that colleague for my number. My colleague, then started call me "Jian nu ren" in the manager's room so loudly, everyone can hear. So i told him about it, wanted him to clear the misunderstanding, but from then on we started talking, blah blah,and started dating after 3 months. We quit the company almost the same time, went to the same school, though different course, pursuing our degree.
it seems like a sweet fairy tale, but we didnt work out. SIGH.
my friend, was with her bf for 2 years, they quarreled over something and broke up. the guy went to australia to study, so he only return to singapore during his holiday. whenever he's back, they still behave like a couple, but with no status. It's like a on and off or grey area thingy. though it affect my friend, but the relationship continues to be like this. When the guy finally graduated and are coming back to singapore to work, my friend is heading to holland to study. so the same thing happens, ding dong like this for 2 years, until my friend ask the guy last christmas if he wanna work things out together, coz she really wanna spend the rest of her life with him. So they're back together, with the gf/bf status after 2 years of "grey area". and she's still at holland now. happy for them.
I was hoping and praying that my relationship could be like hers! but only time can tell.
Thomas, judging with the amt of hot air talk he generated in here. His strengths is probably more in talking big and selling himself on the 1st impressions and flooding with bullshit.
Hence, he is never able to sustain anything beyond after all his past women seen his true personality. Of cos, he can put it nicely as fear of commitment or true love etc but they probably see a jerk in him.
My BF and I have been friends for many years before we got together. Dunno how to explain it but the feelings just came suddenly. It's like we both just realize we want to be with each other for lifetime.
I met my fiance online and started to chat via msn, actual meetups, and proceeded to dating.
Getting married next year (that would be around 2year+ of knowing him)
I second milo's observation. None of Scope's stories involved love, and they just showed that he is someone who don't understand love. I only see a loser who can't even attract one single, proper woman who loves him enough to be willing to build a future life with him.
it's heartening to know that you're a very positive person. I believe you're healing really well!
Anyway, trust me, you'll find your true love one day, as long as you're determined and learn from past mistakes. I had had 8 failed relationships before I met my hubby and decided he's the one. There's nothing very romantic about how we met but I just could feel the connection with him. It's rather inexplicable.
Anyway, after reading so many posts here on divorce cases, I think you rather explore further and be really sure before you decide that he's the ONE.
Damn it, who is that wise-crack that reveals scope's face? His face is gonna stick to every post he writes.....
If he had so many exploits, I think he probably did with his brains then his looks.... Way to go scope, you just reassure me that looks is not everything !!!!!!
I got to know my husband yr 2003. I was 22 then.... just got to know a guy, my hubby's colleague, for 1 mth. That guy was actually going after me..... My Husband will be A, and that guy, B.
I was then working a stone throw away from B at that time. Thus, quite many days, after work, B will try to date me out. Which of course, I was single, and agreed to. Why not. Until 2 weeks later, B introduced me to A, whom was packing his stuff into his car at the Loading/unloading bay at their company building. I was immediately attracted to A.... Cos, I have soft spots for guys wearing glasses. Heeeee.....
However, B did warn A that I am a girl of his greatest interest and if A do treat him as a brother, A will not fight over with B for me. However, things got more and more interested, as during B's birthday, A purposely attended the party, just to get to see me, and talk to me. And during my Birthday, A helped B with arrangements to surprise me. But also, to learn more about me and what I like. Eventually, I still feel sparks do not fly when I was with B.... and finally agreed to go out with A. We are both guilty towards B though.... but this can't be helped.... And yr 2004, I married A eventually.
My marriage wasn't that smooth sailing. But would love to think back on those days, when I first met him. Getting married to him, is fate. Whether our marriage will last, will all lies on destiny. Still.... it's so sweet to think back on courtship days.
to choey: if it's fated, your bf will come back to you. mine did.
but you have to let things go first. don't place very high hopes on your bf coming back to you. otherwise, you'll be emotionally drained. i went through that before and it's very tiring, much to the extent of almost going into depression.
that was the lowest point in my relationship with my htb. i knew he had feelings for me but it wasn't clear cut and he didn't tell me about the things he was going through until he got everything on his side sorted out. that lowest point taught us how to work around things, become stronger and how much we meant to each other.
find yourself, do the things that you really want to do, like learning a dance or a new language. do something to occupy your time. when it's time for your bf to come back, he will. otherwise, it'll also be the time for you to move on and you'll be better prepared for your next relationship.
we were together for a short while before something cropped up on his side and we split. can't remember how long exactly but it was like 7 - 8 months? all i remember is that those months seemed like years. both of us suffered. he was worse off.
two groups of friends offered me two different advices. one was to totally cut him off and date other people (which i couldn't bring myself to do as i still felt that our relationship wasn't really over). the other group told me that if i wanted to hang on, i could but i have to know when to let go and they would be there when i needed them.
both of us hung on to each other emotionally during that time because we didn't want to lose each other but it drained us out. i decided to cut off contact in order to save my sanity. at that point in time, i was prepared to lose him then. i even deleted his number from my phone but his number was so darn easy to remember and i ended up sending him sms-es at times to scold him. haha...
when he was done sorting out his stuff, he dropped me messages but didn't hope for me to reply. however, slowly i did and 8 months after the break, we got back together. the hurt he caused had also diminished quite a bit. he also changed his handphone number in front of me in order to strengthen my trust in him.
one of my ex-colleagues mentioned this. if a couple had gone through a rough patch during the relationship before marriage, the marriage would be a stronger one because they would have trusted each other more and know how to handle such things.
right now, 4 years (or is it 5? we don't bother to count the years nor when we exactly got together) later, we're planning our wedding and have applied for a flat. we will have our ups and downs but we're confident that we'll pull through everything together because our relationship is now stronger.
you're still young. hey, even 50 years is still considered young! okay, the number sucks big time. 21 sounds better. haha... but, yah, you don't need to worry about your bf not coming back to you or something. when he's ready and your paths happen to cross in the future and both of you are on the same page, you can then talk about living your lives together. in the mean time? let him go. relax and go with the flow of things. keep him as a friend (if you want) and let him do what he wants before he settles down. if he doesn't and settles down with you now, he might blame you for not letting him do what he wanted when he was younger at a later time. That's when arguments start and both of you will wonder if you have made the right decision in choosing each other as his/your life partner.
wow! i have to say it's really inspiring and really makes a good point. i really have to agree about the part:
"one of my ex-colleagues mentioned this. if a couple had gone through a rough patch during the relationship before marriage, the marriage would be a stronger one because they would have trusted each other more and know how to handle such things. "
at least i wouldnt dread breaking up so much. and there's something for me to look forward to... ;^)
well, i'm not 21... turning 22 come july ... hahahaha!! hmmmm... i wonder is it really true that guys mature later than girls in this kind of matter? or more like he's not mature enough to be able to balance both r/s and career, and chose to "sacrifice" me (which he prolly planned long ago)?
it depends on the experiences that they have. let's say we're talking about a guy who's about 30 but had gone through a lot (e.g.: supporting his family, been through financial crisis, blah blah blah...), he would be more mature than a guy who's about 40 but his life happens to be smooth sailing.
same thing applies to gals too. my htb is younger than me but i can say that his mentally is quite matured though his boyishness pokes through at times (that's when i tease him by saying, "wah, you so cute! like boy boy like that!"). he knows what he wants because he's been through a lot of experiences. for me, because i'm was quite sheltered (girl mah!), i am not as matured as him in certain aspects, although i know what i want.
even for gals. i started working earlier ('cos my A'level results sucked but i still got my degree in the end, yay!) so i was more realistic when it comes to work and expectations. another friend became a mother when all of us were dating so she is more matured when it comes to having family and financial planning.
it all boils down to experiences. hmm... if your bf does return to you, be sure to see a more matured him.
meanwhile i've already sign myself up for courses like wind surfing, volunteering and guitar... intend to be a Jack of all trades! (but master of none)
thanks for ALL the encouragements!!
i know it sounds super silly, but i happen to come across this webby giving guide and tips to "get your ex back". The way they suggest is like playing a little hard to get, to arouse the ex's curiosity and attention. On the other hand, this group of friends suggested me to just stay by his side, supporting him, maintain the love that he still has for me, "make him fall in love with u again", he'll appreciate it one day and will come back to me.
but like red garnet says, i'm pretty worn out thinking what should i do, blah blah... and yupp.. feels like i'm going crazy anytime, mood swings like nobody's business. enlighten one min, devastated or confused the next. but i'll try to remain relax and just take whatever comes my way. (since i've been putting in hell lot of effort in the whole relationship for the past 2+ years, i'm really burnt.)
guess i'll just put it aside until my exam ends, or when he comes back from Kenya or India or wherever. Just take one step at a time! (walk one step see one step... translate to chinese pls.. hahahaha!!)
BUT STILL!!! a really big thank you for all the advice and encouragements and enlightenment from the experienced "seniors"!! Kam Siah!
"one of my ex-colleagues mentioned this. if a couple had gone through a rough patch during the relationship before marriage, the marriage would be a stronger one because they would have trusted each other more and know how to handle such things. " -- not true at all
Choey, I agree with tpk. Do not assume or generalise bcos of a few stories u hear fr colleagues or read in forum. Every relationship is unique since everyone is a different entity with different backgrounds, experiences and thinking. It's ok to read etc but dun dwell too much on it and think ur relationship will necessary be like others. Many a time, we choose to believe what we hope to be the outcome only to feel disappointed later. It's best not to have expectations and use our heads more than our hearts at times, something which most women often find it hard to grapple with.
tpk: i guess it depends whether the conflicts behind the 'rough patch' has been worked through or not...if the couple got back without resolving the issues, then of coz there will not be a stronger relationship. Otherwise, the fact that the conflict managed to be resolved makes the relationship more stable(after all the tension has been released)
choey: Be interested in yourself, and live for yourself. If he comes back, who wouldn't be dazzled and attracted by a more confident, self assured, happy and a more mature version of you?
On the other hand, when he comes back, you might have grown so much that he may no longer be attractive to you anymore! Jiayou choey!
Its really a half empty or fill cup analogy. One can draw strengths from the experience. Some people learn from their mistakes but many others get poisoned so badly and affecting one's perspective completely.
hmmmm... between me and him, there's not much issue... the break up is because of him... because he doesnt want to feel constrain, focus on career blah blah... otherwise, we're very happy together.
i'm a insecure girl in the beginning. Because he want to break up so suddenly, the insecurity now got worsen by all his actions, during break up and after.
of course if he were to come back, i'll definitely not jump back into the relationship blindly, without making him work for it and open my eyes big big to see the whole situation clearly.
finally i felt i'm in control of my life, emotions and everything. i will not let myself be such a pathetic girl anymore. i shall live my life. and i'll TRY not let the next guy be my only source of happiness (because knowing myself, i'm those who will give in my all if i were to be in a relationship).
though i still wanna be with him very much, i am very sure that the him right now is not "the one". but in the future, only the future will tell if he'll change for the better or i'll find a better guy.