seeking advice

[Linus84]

hi all,

would like to seek your advise
I've been single for the last 8 years and currently 30s
Basically my look are average. (overall presentable)
Although I'm a introvert but I usually behave like a extrovert.
So I have no issue holding a conservation and listening.
I can get attach easily but


The main reason for me being single :

1) Drive or Chemistry
I just didn't managed to meet anyone that give me the urge to start a relationship.
Look and appearance just isn't my top priority now.
just didn't manage to meet anyone that make me feel impulse or chemistry

2) Network Circle
Have to say as my age increases.
Ladies around me are either attached or married.
The circle is definitely shrinking.
I pick up advice from a friend to start using dating apps. ( just started)
but still didn't have much progress

3)Value
The idea of choosing the wrong partner really bother me.
I come from a single parent family
Saw many of friend divorce or being unhappy in marriage life
so i have the strong concept that choosing the right partner is very important.
but recently i realized that my ideal partner concept might not be realistic.
Also i'm really tired to start all over again if I landed myself in a causal relationship.


4) Friends
Many of my friends advise me to just start off with my single ladies friends
But i just felt i knew them too well if there was a spark in the first place
we should have already began and also knowing too much their dark secret
definitely affect me a lot.

I'm trying to change myself but i have to admit that i feeling the pressure.
As around my age i see people either married or having children.
Seeing my parent getting older and it definitely lonely.
I kept many thing to myself so something it hard for me to open to people.
If i do trust is one of the key factor.


I hope i can get some advices or similar experience so i can know what my problem.

Thank you

 

[wluyan]

I don't think there is anything wrong with you. I'm sure there are a number of people out there feeling the same way as you do

 

[buddhabar]

Fear not to try My friend.
You seems pretty afraid perhaps due to your family background. If you need affirmation before you can commit into a relationship then it ain't happening. Life is about trying and sometimes it's the setback and failures that defines you.
You are still young ... at least for a guy.
One day someone will sweep you off your feet. Don't be afraid to love again.

 

[pipitbj]

I don't think you can aim one shot one kill in terms of relationship. I seen friends getting married after few months together, seen friends 10 years then get married or even break off. nothing is for sure unless u step out and embrace whats coming your way.

the most assure way is to find a guy who u feel that he loves you more than u do, then mmost likely wedding bells are on your way.

even if you find the perfect guy, there is no guarantee he wont cheat on you or whatever. so don't think too much, go along with the flow and let guys dote on you, enjoy the process, and you will know the next step.

 

[Infernolord]

I don't think you can aim one shot one kill in terms of relationship. I seen friends getting married after few months together, seen friends 10 years then get married or even break off. nothing is for sure unless u step out and embrace whats coming your way.

the most assure way is to find a guy who u feel that he loves you more than u do, then mmost likely wedding bells are on your way.

even if you find the perfect guy, there is no guarantee he wont cheat on you or whatever. so don't think too much, go along with the flow and let guys dote on you, enjoy the process, and you will know the next step.

LOL i think TS is a guy...

i dun agreed on finding a guy that love a ger more than she love her... its mutual thing.
Anyway TS, fret not, you are not alone. I feel you as well. I am the eldest son. Feel that i didnt do my part as a son sometimes.

 

[Linus84]

Dear All,

Thank you for your reply
Really appreciate your kind advises.

 

[Linus84]

LOL i think TS is a guy...

i dun agreed on finding a guy that love a ger more than she love her... its mutual thing.
Anyway TS, fret not, you are not alone. I feel you as well. I am the eldest son. Feel that i didnt do my part as a son sometimes.

Ya I'm sort of a single children
so at time i'm very independent
I know my mum always hoping i can get married soon
although she didn't really emphasis it to me
but i understand how she feels
so sometime i felt i disappointed her

 

[Passionate]

Have you tried SDN? Have seen success stories from my friends

 

[newproject]

Have you tried SDN? Have seen success stories from my friends

I personally don't recommend sdn

These days not as good as last time.

 

[newproject]

hi all,

would like to seek your advise
I've been single for the last 8 years and currently 30s
Basically my look are average. (overall presentable)
Although I'm a introvert but I usually behave like a extrovert.
So I have no issue holding a conservation and listening.
I can get attach easily but

Let me stop u here. You say you CAN get attached easily but have you?

How many relationships have you had?

You are 32 and have been single for 8 years. That means you were attached before?

 

[Linus84]

Let me stop u here. You say you CAN get attached easily but have you?

How many relationships have you had?

You are 32 and have been single for 8 years. That means you were attached before?

Yes I was attached before
2 relationship before.
When i say i get attached easily is more like i think i can interact with people easily
which mean i stand an equal chance like any people who wish to be attach.
I'm definitely not a player or a very shy introvert
I can hold a conservation confidently with most individual.
Just want to give a clearer picture not boasting.

 

[Infernolord]

Yes I was attached before
2 relationship before.
When i say i get attached easily is more like i think i can interact with people easily
which mean i stand an equal chance like any people who wish to be attach.
I'm definitely not a player or a very shy introvert
I can hold a conservation confidently with most individual.
Just want to give a clearer picture not boasting.

Honestly, i dun think you have any issue on this. Just meet more gers and join more activities.
At least you know exactly wad kind of gers you looking for.

Yes, these days, the values of commitments are abit screwed. Both from gers and guys. Usually the pretty and good looking ones.
However based your descriptions and characters, i dun think u have any issues with keeping up the rs.
May i know the past 2 rs, are you the one that initiated?

 

[miloice]

Yes I was attached before
2 relationship before.
When i say i get attached easily is more like i think i can interact with people easily
which mean i stand an equal chance like any people who wish to be attach.
I'm definitely not a player or a very shy introvert
I can hold a conservation confidently with most individual.
Just want to give a clearer picture not boasting.

I think whats more important in relationships isn't the number. Rather, what you do learn from the experience?

• Why did you guys break up.
  
• Do you discover what are your needs and priorities in a relationship and life in general through the relationship.
• What do you really want in a partner. Chemistry and sparks are over rated. You will never feel like this with your partner over time. What it develops into is a different kind of attraction and bond. That is the kind of quality to sustain a life long relationship, not the initial chemisty in courtship.

 

[Linus84]

Honestly, i dun think you have any issue on this. Just meet more gers and join more activities.
At least you know exactly wad kind of gers you looking for.

Yes, these days, the values of commitments are abit screwed. Both from gers and guys. Usually the pretty and good looking ones.
However based your descriptions and characters, i dun think u have any issues with keeping up the rs.
May i know the past 2 rs, are you the one that initiated?

Thank you for your advise
The last rs was initiated by me.

 

[Linus84]

I think whats more important in relationships isn't the number. Rather, what you do learn from the experience?

• Why did you guys break up.
  
• Do you discover what are your needs and priorities in a relationship and life in general through the relationship.
• What do you really want in a partner. Chemistry and sparks are over rated. You will never feel like this with your partner over time. What it develops into is a different kind of attraction and bond. That is the kind of quality to sustain a life long relationship, not the initial chemisty in courtship.

My last relationship ended as both of us drifted apart. We have different goal in life.

I know chemistry may be a word that is overly use and overrated. But without it I don't know what am I supposed to be look out for then.

I assumed I'm looking for someone that I can trust and also be myself when I'm with her.

 

[miloice]

My last relationship ended as both of us drifted apart. We have different goal in life.

I know chemistry may be a word that is overly use and overrated. But without it I don't know what am I supposed to be look out for then.

I assumed I'm looking for someone that I can trust and also be myself when I'm with her.

Bro, we will always be attracted to cute, fresh, young things. If you base on that kind of attraction, better don't marry. Then, you can always get the freshest ones in town. I don't think there is a fixed thing we look for. Every person's needs are different.

For me, apart from the physical appeal, admiration etc. What I needed is a soul mate, someone I trust that will back me wholeheartedly. There will be differences and conflicts but at the end of the day, she doesn't have her own agenda in the relationship. I don't believe in couples having their own schemes and plots. We deal with that with in laws, colleagues, its tiring enough. At home, we come back to a safe haven, that we can let down our defenses and be ourselves. We mend each other wounds, and needs, pampering each other. This is the reason for my marriage, without this, I will not know why I will hold on to a marriage for. For this same reason, losing my wife, will be losing the world.

 

[Linus84]

Bro, we will always be attracted to cute, fresh, young things. If you base on that kind of attraction, better don't marry. Then, you can always get the freshest ones in town. I don't think there is a fixed thing we look for. Every person's needs are different.

For me, apart from the physical appeal, admiration etc. What I needed is a soul mate, someone I trust that will back me wholeheartedly. There will be differences and conflicts but at the end of the day, she doesn't have her own agenda in the relationship. I don't believe in couples having their own schemes and plots. We deal with that with in laws, colleagues, its tiring enough. At home, we come back to a safe haven, that we can let down our defenses and be ourselves. We mend each other wounds, and needs, pampering each other. This is the reason for my marriage, without this, I will not know why I will hold on to a marriage for. For this same reason, losing my wife, will be losing the world.

Yes I agree that the ideal soul mate.
Having a common goal is very important
I believed it not easy to find one.
I think you are very lucky to met your.