Royally played out


New Member
I have been married for 7 months and stayed with my husband for a year where he works; Korea. We never had issues of cleanliness/toilet seats/little pet peeves.

I take it as my full responsibilities to cook, clean, wash, household stuff.

Whenever we come back to sgp for vacation, it's mixed feelings coz I miss my family, but when I go back to his house to stay, his mum constantly picks on me.

About 2 months back we were making our customary dinner plans and paid the deposit after consulting our parents if they were agreeable to the plans.

Then 2 weeks later, his mum called to say she wants the dinner plans changed or else none of his relatives will go, and he immediately agreed and ordered me to e-mail the hotel to change the plans which would eventually cause us to lose out because the contract was for a western and not chinese dinner.

I got upset that he didn't consult me, and he saw nothing wrong in his decision making. I got so upset that I needed a breather I told him I have nobody in Korea but I would shift to a nearby inn for awhile because it felt uncomfortable to be in the same house acting like strangers.

He told everyone I walked out on him. But anyway I went back 4 days later after coming to terms that I just have to give in. He also acted as though nothing happened. But he also resigned his job saying he felt too devastated to work because he had no mood, he thought he had lost me.

Ever since, he was jobless for a month and we saw each other everyday. From the time of all those planning, I was beginning to get panic attacks and suffered from panic disorder. The doctors there could hardly understand me, but gave me sleeping pills instead.

So when we were seeing each other everyday the sleeping pills caused me to sleep longer, especially if we were out the night before till late and I could only take the pills then it takes a longer time to take effect especially I needed to let the alcohol loose it's effect first. Because of this, our issues started that I didn't go to bed same time as him I disturb him when I go into the room (I use my mobile phone as my source of light to find my way to the bed), and I wake up late and there is no breakfast...etc.

So sometimes I prepare all the stuff for breakfast and all he needs to do is pop the bread in the toaster, butter/spreader/plate/fork everything layed out, even coffee powder already in the cup, just add hot water.

For me, life was back to normal because I would do my usual cleaning, grocery shopping, packing, cooking. For him he's sit in front of the TV the whole day to play computer games. Sometimes he would go out and take his bike for a ride, and both are happy because he has something to do at least.

Few times he offered to take me to the mall since the last time we went shopping together was pre-marriage. He says he needs to do his part and sometimes do what I like, or help me with the grocery. Knowing very well he hates shopping, I'd either say no, or just go with him but make it a quick one.

SOmetimes I follow him on bike trips just to enjoy the rural scenery. One occasion we went riding and I requested that on the way back to stop somewhere to buy some late lunch since I have not eaten anything since late morning. But he already had breakfast. He then took me to a cafe and had some food. Next door was a knick-knack store. My favourite type of store that sells cheap stuff. So after our food, I said I wanted to go in just to look around.

About 5 mins later, he yelled from the entrance of the shop to tell me to finish now, his bike is beginning to heat up. I put everything I wanted to buy back. And we headed home. First thing after taking off the helmet was the telling me off session. He yelled at me saying I just couldn't respect his riding day, making end up as my shopping and leisure day, which of course I retorted that that was really unreasonable.

We didn't talk much after that. ALso, during the time I was staying in the Inn, I went to perm my hair on impulse. It turned out a disaster and trying to straighten it made it worse, so the salon sold me some treatment thing to use everyday. It was troublesome because the treatment had to be left in my hair for 1/2 hour before washing off.

So sometimes I'll do it first thing after waking up, if we had no afternoon plans or do it after we come back. But there were few occasions when in the midst of doing the hair treatment he needs to go out and collect stuff, and we needed to go by car (he doesn't drive) So I quickly washed everything off and we rushed out, and he would mumble that I am slow in everything I do which irritates him.

We were supposed to come back for vacation mid december, but his company offered him a temporary post in Abu Dhabi for 2 weeks. So I went back to SGP, he went to UAE, we arranged for the same day to leave. From the island he worked in, we had to take a 5 hour bus ride to Seoul and 1 hour taxi ride to ICN airport. We left the house at 10, to the bus station only to realise the last bus was at 9.30pm, so we ended up taking a taxi which cost him USD$500 but it was claimable.

In the taxi we chatted a little and when we came to the topic of wedding plans, he either didn't answer me, pretend to sleep or tell me to get over the changes. During that time we both knew we had some tension but agreed to try work it out.

We reached the airport at 4am, and he was very grumpy because there was no where comfortable to lie down and it would be another few hours before we could check in. I could go in first because my flight was 9am while his was 10.30am.

After a few days in UAE, he called to say the job would last 2 1/2 months meaning christmas and new year could not be spent with me the second time.. and what was worse, where he was there was internet connection, but skype, msn, yahoo messenger were all banned so we could only call each other, e-mail or chat on facebook. I would e-mail sweet nothings to him, or about my day, or call him or sms him.Sometimes he replies, mostly he doesn't.

I then received an e-mail from someone who only stated "you'd hate this"In the attachment was a facebook inbox conversation between my husband and a girl he used to go after. She said she broke up with her boyfriend, while he bitched about me being difficult to live with, the marriage is failing, and he wants his singlehood so he can get his freedom to do anything he wants. And they couldn't wait to meet up after he gets back. And this was dated 2 weeks after we left Korea and the times stated were his lunch and evening times.

I got very hurt because we didn't argue from the time we left korea, because we agreed to try to make it work, and he said he couldn't call or e-mail me because everyday was busy and he would be very tired.

Then on last monday, a public holiday, he called me, I was shopping in carrefour for some clay thing to clean his bike. He sounded nonchalant even though he was the one who called. It was then that I asked him casually, so how is it being 'single' in UAE, he said he missed me. I started to break down when I told him I knew about the conversation. Then he got angry and said he had all the right to bitch to his friends. I agreed, but this didn't seem like bitching to me, more like insinuating something to happen between him and that girl. He got all defensive and started telling me how hard his work is and I'm still finding fault with him and that I'm ruining his off-day.

In the middle of carrefour I was crying, and the whole wide world looked at me even though I wasn't making any noise except a shakey conversation. He told me he's sick and tired of all this BS, and owes me no explanation and that I'm difficult and he wants to get out of this.

About 3 hours later, he called me back to apologise and say he didn't mean what he said and wanted to work things out. That he loves me and doesn't want the marriage to fail. I just kept quiet, and told him not to yell like that at me again.

Few days later he e-mailed me telling me everything about me that pisses him off, and asked me to tell him what about him pisses me off.. I only replied "How you magnify and exaggerate every little thing you think I do wrong".

These e-mails continued for the next few days, but I would always make it a point to sms him good nite, since I could say it to him face to face. He never replied to any of them. The e-mails were eccentric. One would say how he wants it to work, the other would say i should fault him on things he doesn't think he's done wrong. And how I like to argue over little things, and he will just walk away when I do so because he thinks it's the same kind of arguments. I felt very insecure.

Last night he called and we were talking like acquaintances. Then I told him I couldn't differentiate when he means what he says and when he doesn't. As it was we left Korea with a heavy heart but determined to work it out. Then all he replied was he wants to sleep. I told him he cannot keep doing this, it's escapism. I wanted to trash it all out and really finally let everything go and start working it out without all that past issues. We ended up quarrelling and he insisted we just weren't compatible in character, and it was a mistake. I just couldn't agree because throughout the time we lived together my character never changed and we were ok.So when I finally asked him how can we work it out. His reply, maybe I'm not meant to be married at all. I find you a pain and you pick fights with me. I asked so what's the solution while crying. He only said 'separate'. I couldn't talk anymore and he said he just wants to sleep, so we hung up. Last night was the worst night I ever had even though for the past few days I was already affected by his mails and haven;t been eating/sleeping well.

Since the wedding is 6 mths away, the compensation to the hotel would be $7K, lawyer fees about $5k or more, and from the beginning his mum told him not to add my name to his house. So basically at the end of the day I have a loan to pay, and not working and dumped. He had already planned to go back to Korea after UAE to work meaning he just wants to escape.

I'm at this horrible situation and crossroads, no idea what I've done wrong to him, no idea if he had it all planned. I can't even find a proper word to describe my feelings, except I haven't eaten for a week, I only drink and take my medication and cry.

I'm so lost. I really have no idea what to do, I'm legally bound to him while doesn't seem to take it seriously at all...


New Member
Sorry for the lengthy post, I didn't even realise I was rattling so much. But so far, which I'm gonna admit I'm very much blinded, is that maturity isn't the age. He's 38, I'm 28. But how stupid am I to always think he's right just because he's 'matured' and i'm not?


New Member
It never crossed my mine to annul or divorce, I took my marriage and vows very seriously and carried out duties as a wife. I sacrificed all I had and I'm totally dependent on him. I have lost everything while his lost is minimal, life goes on for him since this is his call. He said to separate and what made me feel even less worthy was when he said to separate and "cut his losses"


New Member
I am in a state of confusion and daze. I'm happy when he's happy, but feel tortured when says things like that to me. All I know, I love him alot thats why it is so so painful. If he knew he always wanted to be free and single, to date anyone he wants, he shouldn't have gotten married, because now he is ruining someone's life.


New Member
13 yee

you need time to think over it..since now you are in a state of are too dependant on him love him alot but does he love you?


New Member
i don't know, i think he THINKS he loves me, but someone who loves doesn't talk like that right?


New Member
Oh dear.

Let us think of an action plan here and explore options.

1. I know you are emotionally weak right now, but what are the chances of you getting a job? It is no just about the money. It will help you to meet new people (not for dating), make you preoccupied with stuff.

2. Do you have close friends? To whom you can pour your heart out? Maybe call some of them to stay with you for some time. Watch movies, read books, if you ever had a hobby that you wanted to pursue go for it now.

3. Do some physical activities. Go for a swim, jog, go to a gym. These are not expensive activities.

4. This is not for everyone, but you can try it - Make a list of things you want to do. Do not include him in it for the moment. Things like, places you want to see, books you wanted to read, maybe you wanted to learn how to play the piano, maybe you always wanted to sing. Things like these.

This all might not mend your relationship at the moment. However, from what you have written it seems you have put in your best. Now, don't think about what will happen, just focus on YOURSELF.
Occupy yourself. Don't think too much. I know it is easier said than done, but you have to try because it is your life and in the end you are the only one who can take control of it.

Don't contact him for some time. At all. No messages, nothing. You seemed pretty devoted to him, I am sure he will feel the void and will truly miss you and try to get back. But don't think about it, don't have any expectations, if it is meant to be, it will be.

I hope this helps.

Take care.


New Member
Actually, I do not know him now anymore. He was never ever the husband I described above. I know now I need to find a job, pick myself up. But at this time, it's quite difficult. And he a procrastinator. I cannot afford to stay married for another 3 years then separate for 3 years then divorce. It's like a jail term, a crime I have never done, but I have to pay the fine and face the punishments.


New Member
It really really hurt so much when he suggested separation, and to cut losses. And he sounded emotionless. I am still trying to get over the shock and surprise and the stress I will soon have to come to terms with


New Member
i think you got an answer yourslf ..just that you need to pluck up the courage and act on it..

obviously you need to find a are just got a long road far ahead of you...


New Member

You will soon be going though

1) Shock
2) Bargaining
3) Denial
4) Grief
5) Acceptance

They may not come in sequence...

Be gentle to yourself and take each step at your own peace and time

I will pray for you


New Member
i am actually now in denial... i was told. I am looking for all reasons and excuses for his actions. knowing well he's worthless to me. He appeared to me and my friends even those who know him for a long time, as a dependable and responsible guy. Yes, he is dependable.... and responsible... to himself and his mum. anybody else is just not important, even the one person he vowed to in times of sickness and in health and blablabla...

I just gor back from a session of drinking with a good friend and my blood brother who not only scolded me, but screwed me upside down. They do not believe in soft approaches. They commented that now i look like a self-pitying rat, with no confidence and deserves absolutely no respect. When before I looked healthy, and attractive. WHen I argues that now i'm thin is better than good, my brother gave me a good hammer.

I'm trying to wake up. I am still in shock and denial, Miko, you are right, I can't accept it till it comes to the time of the actual signing of papers. I will definitely bargain to try to reconcile but I guess deep down I know it;s not the right path to go for.

I'm trying to get into the grief part, but before that, I must know that it's the end.... I acknowledge it but because of all those games and mental torture he's given me, I do get confused, and secretly hoping. My brother told me that I could reconcile for sure, but things would either be worse or go back to square 1 when we get back to korea, coz he gave me terms and conditions.

Rules are only applicable to schools and companies, not relationships of love. I have accepted that the annulment is inevitable. I have a long way ahead of me, and hopefully meet someone who's a real man to cherish me and not play games.

It's s easy to say right now but how am i to afford my 12K for my incomplete MBA, 6-7K for the lawyer fees, and start from scratch. I'm actually penniless right now because when i first got to be with him, I stopped work and used up all my savings coz he thought the amount he gave me for groceries was all he needed to give.

I also have a 7K debt on hand. That means it's close to 30K. A very great sum that I cannot imagine having in the first place.

Money aside, my emotions are being played with horribly. The turmoil and torture will only lead to madness..... I need to cknowledge that and stop the possibility of turning crazy.

Essentially, I'm still helpless. and I'm beginning to feel the realism of it all. I do not want anyone to worry or me esp my folks.

I just hope he will come back in time to sign the papers and stop being a coward. I would be the responsible one if I start the petition when he started the idea of a separation. BUt I do treasure my next 6 years, so eventually I'm gonna have to start it first. WHat do you think I should do, it's not just the emotional pain now, but also logically, he's still playing me out


I think no amount of money could buy your happiness. If that is the amount of debt you have to get into to have a happy life in return, i think it is dang worth it.

He is already 38, yet he does not even have a clear head above his shoulders. You really think this guy can give you happiness of a lifetime? It must have been a nice dream afterall.

You are only 28 now, not 38. You have a long way ahead of you and I think you can go far in future. Why are you being held back by someone who doesn't treasure you??

I tell myself, if I were to sacrifice that much for my guy, he better be loving me like a queen, placing me as a priority and treasure me like his most prized possession.

You need to decide and be firm about leaving him, otherwise all the useful advice and suggestions are just words...


I agree with most people above.

The problem now is that you have been with him for some time so there is an emotional attachment to him. It is now whether do you really still love him? Is it still worthwhile to go thru the "above" again...which is causing you pain?

As you mention, you are studying for a MBA. So I am sure you have a basic degree. I have frens who were 28 and looking for their 1st job.

My suggestion maybe be hard but it's a first step. Try not to think about him, try looking for a job. Whether temp or perm as working sometimes take your mind off things. And the good thing about it, is that you are earning a salary too.

Take that first step...find a job. Try to's never easy but I believe each of us are strong in certain ways. Try to remember WHY you took the MBA? Refocus your attention to other things.

Remember you are 28. You aren't 108! There are many more people out there that deserves more of u.

Take care

i think ur guy is a self-centered guy. from e incidents u mentioned, it seems like he is quite impatient and picking on little things (the hair-thingy and shopping thingy). are u sure u can live with a man w such poor attitude for the rest of ur life?


New Member
hmm dirk I am not too familiar with horoscopes.
He is an escapist who till now when legally we still have issues to settle, I cancelled the hotel dinner and I'm gonna have to settle that as well. During the times in Korea where his bank account went blank (his mother has unlimited access to his money) I had to take a loan from my family just to tide over till his next payday. I can't handle all the stress with the debts and the mental abuse.

Because I followed him overseas, I stopped the MBA and no turning back, so the school has sent me several lawyer's letters , which I am not intending to pay.

AT this moment I 'KNOW' what I must do but at the back of my mind, I can't bring myself to because I keep thinking its all a joke and everything will be ok.

I know if I go back with him, I will be feeling better but like all of you mentioned, it just sums up to square 1 again. He has always been the kind of bachelor who's happy -go-lucky, and he told me when he proposed twice, that i make him wanna give up singlehood and live the family life to grow old with me and see our kids grow up together.

I have absolutely no idea where and when this changed, because I really do not think I am the kind of difficult person.

Desired_happiness, at this point, the question you are posing to me, i am not surprised if I would answer yes, because of the void I am feeling all the time of such a sudden change in my life... change of environment, debts suddenly thrown on me, ...etc.

I know jolly well leaving him is the right thing to do. But it does feel like ripping away a part of me after i devoted my life to him.

Now i must file the annulment because the escapist had planned to just ignore it all and let me handle all that.


New Member
13 yee
hey you finally have a clear mind what you should do need to take the courage to take the 1st step..


New Member
i have 2 daughters, though they are only in pri school, i keep telling them that the only thing no one can ever rob one off is the treasure one puts in the head..a.k.a education...with that, one has freedom, power and independence...sadly, you chose to give up yours...

i assume you are still young, by hook or by crook, delay no further and find a way to get back into a life without him...your debt will not disappear overnight..ask for a loan from friends, family and your so-called blood brother...and then work your damnest to repay the money...30k seems plenty but if you sort your life out soon, that 30k will seem small...


New Member
Dear 13 Yee,

My heart goes out to you after reading your post. At this moment you must be strong. Please let us know that you will walk out of this a stronger and better person.

As you have mentioned, you know what you must do. Some things are better off letting go rather than dragging.


New Member
I want to forget him, all these issues settle the debts and move on. But having been a housewife for close to a year, my previous work experiences are considered obsolete by now. I am so scared especially during this recession period that I'll just remain jobless, broke and unable to settle my debts or worse, be sued.

My brother with his own business is already facing enough problems, and my friends can only offer a listening ear. I will have to go to my parents to ask them help me pay off these debts.

I know education is very important, I have 2 degrees, but never completed my MBA like I mentioned before the reason. I shouldn't be afraid of not being able to look for work. However, with my lack of experience, which the job market frowns upon, I cannot see the light of the future. And i cannot be dependent on my parents all the time.

In fact in Korea, I always told him I want to get a job just in case; and to feel secure and at least a little independent. He told me he can easily afford everything I want, just stay home and be the tai-tai most people desire to be. But he thought it was an easy statement, especially the housework piles on me like mountains because of how he just assumes clothes are automatically washed, and put nicely in the closet, toilet paper is always automatically replaced.

I must pick myself up, but I don't know how long that's gonna take, and if I can ever let myself into another relationship with confidence.



You have 2 degrees. As long as you are not asking for an unreasonable amount (in terms of salary) and willing to work for it. I am sure you can find a job. Although there will be rejections, I am very sure as long as you try will get a job.

Dun think about the next relationship. Trying thinking about getting a job. It's a very scary step but I am sure you can do it. Slowly start taking out resumes. If you need help, I dun mind helping you vet ur resume (you can delete those pte stuff - such as name/add/ic..etc).

Also maybe you can let us know what sort you might want to do..maybe a kind head hunter is around and might have a position for u?



Dun go back to him.
Actually I hate men that are like that. They seem to have a huge EGO. Plus if you go back, u will end up being a stay at home wife and again, financially you will always be strain. No matter what happens in life, I always believe that a woman should have some sort of savings. It's safer this way.


New Member
13 yee

all this takes time.step by step you will find you way out from this darkness..when there is a will there is a way...


New Member
Nice you notice a lack of the regular forummers here offering advice to the TS?

That's cos there was some history on 13yee before that which sort of turns a lot of us off...

But no worries, I think, you should find out for yourself...


New Member
okay.. i'm seriously getting hum tum here.. Powerful has grouped the "regulars" as regulars.. *go hide*.. sorry.. just can't help being "funny" from all the seriousness at work and i need a break..
so don't blast me into forever land..

and since I'm a "newbie" I keep quiet.. and go hide. Although I'm quite curious over the old story here..


New Member

No worries lah...that newbies term is just a term for people who are not in this forum long enuff...It's not meant to be degrading don't take it too seriously...

Can't really tell you the old story cos I think it was deleted...
But given what we have understood back then, I can only wish good luck to the people here who does not understand the history...

I'll leave it to you people to carry on...


New Member
the old story? let me tell you... and how i got slammed by these 'regulars'

I started a thread during the time I was staying in the Inn. Advices were given at first to quickly pack and go home. I told them I couldn't because he took my passport and left it with his company to help me get a green card, as a spouse for multiple entry.

These regulars didn't buy the story, insisting their advice were right with no repercussions.
If i recall clearly, some of them said something like no point giving you the advice over and over again if you're giving excuses to stay.

MY take is: I believe people who are in this forum, the regulars i mean, majority have been divorced before. Hence it's just so easy to say leave and go home. And when I couldn't swallow that as an advice, I was condemned by these regulars.

I take marriage seriously, I always wanted to work it out despite it will take a hell loada work. I complained about how he is such a filial son and leaves me to worry about my future with him, because he allows her (as like a compensation for being a divorcee) all the money she wants, and having very little in my CPF and MEDISHIELD He gave it all to her to use while she claims from the insurance later which goes back to her bank account. The regulars said it is no mistake of his to do so, Yes, but what about emptying his pocket when he's in Korea and needs to survive there?

THe other part was the wedding dinner. Both agreed on western style. We signed the contract AFTER she agreed. And like i mentioned way up above, she called to threaten him to change to a chinese menu, to which he took a grand total of 2 seconds to agree to do so. And with this, we would end up paying more per head, because of the contracted agreement.

The regulars condemned me to being selfish for complaining he gives his mum all the freedom to his finances, which disturbs me because he still has a long future and no savings. YEs it is right to give your parents at least a fraction of what they have given you, but not ALL. THey also condemned me when I bitched about the dinner having to change the cuisine and I was upset because it's our wedding, and I feel it's a once in a lifetime (obviously not anymore) that him and I have the liberty to decide what we want, how we want it. And his mum who constantly picks on me, makes him the sandwich when i do not feel defended. I did not insist on him doing the traditional 10 tables for the girl's side thing, but when I calculated my relatives, it amounted up to more than that. No worries, my family would fork out for that. But THE husband and THE mother apparently have not heard of this tradition, BUT they do know of ang pows to be used to cover the dinner.I have no intentions to keep the money which comes from my side, even though there are brides who do so. But I have to think of my future since I have absolutely no savings....

I got all you regulars to make my bad day even worse. And mind you I don't think you own this forum; you regulars have caused too many 'newbies' to make their way out not being allowed to speak my mind...

give you a suggestion; why don't you just gloat over my soon to be divorce? self-righteousness seems like the only way you guys feel powerful.

Now THAT is the old story, and I STILL stick by it


New Member
So you finally taken our advice then? To divorce your husband...So were we right or were we wrong then?

Did your stupid pride gets in the way back then when we were advising you to do the proper things and yet you chose to ignore them and got into this proper mess right now? And now we're being branded as "bullies"?

If I might have remembered correctly as well, I think you also managed to turn a lot of us off (no mean feat) with your drama mama antics as well...

Look...based on what you have mentioned above, there were a few instance where you behaved wrongly and we voiced it out to you...but, hey, apparently you don't like hearing opposing opinions...So now we're arseholes for telling you off for doing things wrongly?

My recent post was just a warning to the newbies on what they should be expecting to give to you...
*hugs and kisses*...

No need for sound advice or anything like that...Apparently you don't care much for them...

That was my old opinion of you and I'll still stick by it now...


New Member
I just gor back from a session of drinking with a good friend and my blood brother who not only scolded me, but screwed me upside down. They do not believe in soft approaches. They commented that now i look like a self-pitying rat, with no confidence and deserves absolutely no respect. When before I looked healthy, and attractive. WHen I argues that now i'm thin is better than good, my brother gave me a good hammer. ""

So your brother was correct and we were wrong...
Your brother was hard on you and we are arseholes...
Your brother said you're a self-pitying rat and we're big bad bullies...

Geez...we need to work on our language skills...


New Member
Now you know what I mean?

People who are HARD on you or gave you a piece of their mind ARE NOT NECESSARY BAD FOR YOU!

People who are stuck in a situation like yours needs to be given a hard jolt to wake up...
You didnt back then and you're still persisting in doing so...

So how are people going to help you?
I'm just doing the newbies here a favour by letting them know what they are getting themselves into....


New Member
"That's cos there was some history on 13yee before that which sort of turns a lot of us off..."

That was also the reason I stopped asking for advice here. Matters of the heart is not to be judged. Misconstruing of people's plight is your forte and you seem to take pride and joy to condemn and make your circle of self-righteous "regulars" give people reasons to shut their gaps and rather pay for a counsellor.

If you ever had your share of problems, it's time you should realise so do others. And gleefully taking your own opinion and point of view as the one and only god-given best rule to follow, you sound exactly like my husband.

Having made more than too many people in the entire forum leave with the heavy heart of not being heard yet being chided makes one wonder if you ever have any semblance of empathy. I believe nobody comes in here to start a thread with an existing problem/opininion/statement waiting for you/doll/koi/ whoever else the regulars are to sarcastically comment on. But of course if you enjoy accusing people of dwelling in self-pity just because your advice is more than they can handle, then do realise that if you were all that of a darn good problem solver, advice-giver, or a solid confidante, there would be a religion under your name by now with worshippers who are of course with no contest, smaller than you.

Have a bigger heart, don't press your 'advice' onto others who circumstantially are not able to 'faithfully follow'


New Member
No I did not take the advice to divorce him. And whatever drama mama you were referring to, I'd request you take that back.

If you've read carefully, he was the one who insisted on the separation, and i'm not back because i 'woke up' with you godly advice. I'm back here because it was planned that way.

My brother's advice came wayyyyyyy after whatever happened about that issue. Notice there is no brooding over the issue you're trying to convince the public that you were so right and I was so wrong and now i'm gettig what i deserve?

So when issues turn up in a marriage, "leave him" is your best advice. Excellent counselling. SOrry, but I do take my vows alot more seriously than that.


New Member
No worries...

Tell the same thing to your brother and good friend as well....stupid of them to think the same way as we do...
I'll like to hear what they have to say as well...Let us know, ya?

Maybe they'll back off and let you continue with your antics...

All the best, you'll need it


New Member
My bad, I'm sorry...

Don't divorce're right...Leaving your husband after ALL that had happened is A STUPID option; I'm a really really bad counseller...
You should stay married according to your vows...
Silly of me...

For better or for WORSE rite? Til Death do us part rite?

Again, my bad...stay married, you'll be happier that way...

Where are the hugs and kisses gang when you need them...


New Member

This divorce is HIS REQUEST. I am not in the liberty to stop him from wanting out. HIS way of escaping, HIS way of gaining back freedom, HIS version of trying, HIS tactic to cut losses.

Yes, I would stay married if i could and try as hard as I can to work it out, but now he is walking out and it isn't my move. You make it seem like you could read the future eh?


Active Member
think your priority now is to list out your options to start life anew Without him, which i'm sure your double-degree should get u a headstart, then after u've settled in a new job/new direction/distraction... u can wait for an opportune time to resume your MBA... if your company recognise your new qualification and opens doors for u, then good. if it doesn't, then u can move to another company, which might actually be a better idea.

as for hubby, i guess it might be good to gain your independence Away from him... being there with him, he takes u for granted royally.

personally, i think the rest of the side-issues like wedding dinner and whether western/eastern; his endearing mother etc, should not be given thought nor priority... they should only be given thought IF u guys have reviewed and decided to persist in the marriage. so leave those out for now...

as it is, i think u should find some distractions in the meantime... it's not healthy to spend 1hr thinking of solutions and 3hrs re-visiting the problems... think best to use all 4hrs trying to kickstart your life again, as if u are reborne... trust me the problems will still be there and will not change much.

first step is to start getting out of the hubby/wife frame of thought, and get into the "I, ME, MYSELF" frame... just getting into that frame of thought WILL open new doors for u... and when u start living in that realm - u WILL see a whole new world waiting for u to partake. this world welcomes u for yourself, whether or not u're single or divorced... the only condition is - leave your past n problems behind and dun carry that baggage.

it's time to wean off him and your marriage... there are some things in life where perseverance doesn't pay off... leave u to judge for yourself.


New Member
Yes, I could...
Based on what I have seen so far...

YES, It may be his request; but you, on the other hand, still insists on STAYING in it despite what had happened...You tell me...What does your future holds if you insists on your way?

Let me know what your brother think about your comment as well, yah?


New Member
*clap clap* so see? not only you're a god, you are also a prophet. just listen, you are taking credit on a right guess and gloating over the plight of other's failed marriage on the expense of others who are already mourning. To me, perhaps harsh advice or soft advice works, but not condemnation.

just stop for a moment there and wear the shoes of those in such difficult times, walk around and feel the pain. nobody needs to be chided on day 2 of their most recent time of grief.


New Member
"Nice you notice a lack of the regular forummers here offering advice to the TS?

That's cos there was some history on 13yee before that which sort of turns a lot of us off... "

and please your words are not only piercing and offensive, they are also very uncalled for. Leave people who are mourning to mourn, those who are upset to be, by aggravating me at this point makes this forum a very useless one.


New Member
Like what I have bad...

Please...ignore my gibberish...
I'm sorry for wanting you to have a better life when you're so obviously looking at staying in your current situation and staying married to that fine specimen of a husband...

I hereby apologise on behalf of all those regulars who have "insulted" you before...It was a waste of your time reading our opinions...You were right, we were wrong...

Please kindly enlighten us on what you would have done, so that we can learn from you....


New Member
my brother hammers me because he knows the whole story. and he knows my husband. what you know is described in words, which may easily be misconstrued. didn't you just ask me to improve my language?