ROM, tea ceremony and AD clarification

[deeBTB]

Hi Guys,
I'm super confused about these 3 things and the order.
Is tea ceremony the same thing as when the groom goes and pick the bride up from her house?

1. Am I right to say that the bridesmaids/groomsmen will be needed for the tea ceremony (if it's the one that involves picking the bride up). Could we forgo the gatecrash? What happens then? Anyone any experience? The bridesmaid and groomsmen stand around and do nothing? Or are they actually not needed? Who to help you get in your car, "bring" you to each other's house etc?

2. I've checked old threads with people recommending the tea ceremony done on the same day as the AD. Sadly we may not be able to have our AD on the same day as the ROM. Does it mean that the tea ceremony is the one that should be done on the auspicious date (chinese belief right?) or is it the ROM that should be done??

3. Which is the better order
Tea ceremony > ROM (either at the office or some place outside) > reception? >>>>(another day that we can book our AD) AD

ROM > reception >>>>>>>>>>>> (another day that we can book our AD) Tea ceremony > AD (we can renew our vows here or something)

my HTB and I are thinking of having a super small AD with just immediate family and close friends. I suspect my mother has other ideas (she wants the extended family to have something) so would it be the correct/normal thing to do if we invite our extended family for a reception after the ROM and not invite them for the AD (lol). If the AD is tiny I could probably do away with the bridesmaids too and have them help me for the ROM/reception day (more people, more things right?). Or do I need them for both days if the tea ceremony is done on AD. Am I totally mistaken?! SO CONFUSED!!!

SORRY FOR ALL THE STUPID QUESTIONS

 

[Loveinstills]

Dont worry, there are no stupid questions let me see if I can help you out.

Hi Guys,
I'm super confused about these 3 things and the order.
Is tea ceremony the same thing as when the groom goes and pick the bride up from her house?

Traditionally, the tea ceremony serves as a time where the Groom or the Bride gets to be introduced formally to the other side of the family (immediate and distant). Usually it starts with the Groom side first (simply because in the olden days, the bride will be 'fetched' to the Groom's house first)

1. Am I right to say that the bridesmaids/groomsmen will be needed for the tea ceremony (if it's the one that involves picking the bride up). Could we forgo the gatecrash? What happens then? Anyone any experience? The bridesmaid and groomsmen stand around and do nothing? Or are they actually not needed? Who to help you get in your car, "bring" you to each other's house etc?

The bridesmaids/groomsmen are also known as the bridal party. Not necessary but good to have. If the groom's side has a 'mei po', then she will be the one serving it to you guys (but its good to have another sister to help out to wash the cups). As for the brothers, they can help with the shifting of the furniture if the tea ceremony area is too confined

Gate crash is actually a form of ice breaker for bridal party. But traditionally its also a 'test' to show the groom's sincerity. Perhaps you can consider a 'less' challenging sort of games? But if you decide to forgo it, then just seize the chance to have more group photos taken (indoor or outdoor).

2. I've checked old threads with people recommending the tea ceremony done on the same day as the AD. Sadly we may not be able to have our AD on the same day as the ROM. Does it mean that the tea ceremony is the one that should be done on the auspicious date (chinese belief right?) or is it the ROM that should be done??

Tea ceremony is usually done on the same day as AD for the reason stated above

3. Which is the better order
Tea ceremony > ROM (either at the office or some place outside) > reception? >>>>(another day that we can book our AD) AD

ROM > reception >>>>>>>>>>>> (another day that we can book our AD) Tea ceremony > AD (we can renew our vows here or something)

my HTB and I are thinking of having a super small AD with just immediate family and close friends. I suspect my mother has other ideas (she wants the extended family to have something) so would it be the correct/normal thing to do if we invite our extended family for a reception after the ROM and not invite them for the AD (lol). If the AD is tiny I could probably do away with the bridesmaids too and have them help me for the ROM/reception day (more people, more things right?). Or do I need them for both days if the tea ceremony is done on AD. Am I totally mistaken?! SO CONFUSED!!!

Traditionally, the AD is to be a grand affair for the parent's sake as its a celebration, hence everyone in the family tree will be invited. But I have seen couples just do ROM + Lunch banquet and that's it. At the end of the day, though its usually between you and your husband, the main reason for the AD banquet is really for your parents. Unless they are super chill about it. Then again, its a sign of respect as well. (just think of it when you are a parent and you kids throws a party for you to invite your friends etc. the feeling is quite similar)

SORRY FOR ALL THE STUPID QUESTIONS

 

[deeBTB]

hello, thank you so much for your patience!

 

[Loveinstills]

hello, thank you so much for your patience!

you are most welcome

 

[carriesim]

Dont worry, there are no stupid questions let me see if I can help you out.

Hey deeBTB and Loveinstills! I've actually been pretty confused about the same things as I was planning my ROM (because we're getting keys this year) and deciding how we should work with a different AD date since we're not ready to do the big ceremony yet!

Thanks Loveinstills for the clarification! This was very helpful! And thanks deeBTB for asking!

 

[kytheon]

Hi guys, im having my rom on may 9th 2017, am looking for a nice lunch area for about 10 pax. just family only. any suggestions?

 

[bibiyku]

Last time I went to Skyve accompanied my husband playing music for Valentine's event there. It's a nice place, and also serves a good food. Homy and living room style indoor, also has alfresco area.

Another place's MAD Bistro at Tanglin Rd. They can set long table there, nice ambience, more like modern museum and gallery. They also have good food.

Table at 7, they cater and serve Indonesian and Austrian nice cuisine, more semi fine dining style.

All of the owners are nice and friendly. Just to give you some ideas @kytheon

All the best for your preparation and God bless you

 

[kytheon]

Last time I went to Skyve accompanied my husband playing music for Valentine's event there. It's a nice place, and also serves a good food. Homy and living room style indoor, also has alfresco area.

Another place's MAD Bistro at Tanglin Rd. They can set long table there, nice ambience, more like modern museum and gallery. They also have good food.

Table at 7, they cater and serve Indonesian and Austrian nice cuisine, more semi fine dining style.

All of the owners are nice and friendly. Just to give you some ideas @kytheon

All the best for your preparation and God bless you

Thanks @bibiyku for the suggestions, will look at it. however, both of our families are more on the traditional Chinese. any recommendations for those Chinese styled restaurants?

 

[bibiyku]

@kytheon for Chinese restaurant I don't have any experience, but I just browsed around to find it one which may suit on your preference. My selection will go to Cassia, Capella - Sentosa for best Chinese fine dining restaurant. The reviews are very good 4.8 out of 5 on google, good service and good food and wine *drooling*. The 2nd selection would be Michelin restaurant - Wah Lok at Carlton Hotel with 4.4 out of 5 rating. Yeah, I know it's lower than Cassia. You may take a look and do some further survey for it.

Hope it helps

 

[hellobunny]

I have a similar situation to @deeBTB. Would love to pick everyone's brains here!

We have already booked our customary AD venue for mid next year. The original plan was we would just have a simple ROM at the Registry Office and go on with the customary next year. After meeting up with a few videographers and also asking a friend who just recently signed his papers at the ROM Office - all have mentioned there's no personalized vows in the office. It's just "I do I do" and over in 5-10 minutes.

Which is making us rethink about the whole flow of events again as we do want to exchange personlized vows. The thing is we will have to sign some sort of paper work this year since we are getting a house. My friend (abovementioned) shared that I could just sign the papers like he did, and exchange personalized vows and rings on the actual day. The thing however, is that he will be having a church wedding to exchange vows but my HTB and I are not.

The thing is we are not planning to have a separate ROM at a venue just so we could exchange vows - as it's also additional cost for a separate day photographer, makeup and whatsnot.

Just curious if anyone has similar experience or seen any weddings where vows and rings are exchanged on actual day without the sign off?

Any input or ideas would be super helpful!

 

[kytheon]

I have a similar situation to @deeBTB. Would love to pick everyone's brains here!

We have already booked our customary AD venue for mid next year. The original plan was we would just have a simple ROM at the Registry Office and go on with the customary next year. After meeting up with a few videographers and also asking a friend who just recently signed his papers at the ROM Office - all have mentioned there's no personalized vows in the office. It's just "I do I do" and over in 5-10 minutes.

Which is making us rethink about the whole flow of events again as we do want to exchange personlized vows. The thing is we will have to sign some sort of paper work this year since we are getting a house. My friend (abovementioned) shared that I could just sign the papers like he did, and exchange personalized vows and rings on the actual day. The thing however, is that he will be having a church wedding to exchange vows but my HTB and I are not.

The thing is we are not planning to have a separate ROM at a venue just so we could exchange vows - as it's also additional cost for a separate day photographer, makeup and whatsnot.

Just curious if anyone has similar experience or seen any weddings where vows and rings are exchanged on actual day without the sign off?

Any input or ideas would be super helpful!

Hey hellobunny,

Now that you mentioned it, i do have the same situation. just my opinion, perhaps on the actual day you could get the MC to insert e vows exchange as part of the program. What matters at the end of the day is how u n ur HTB want to do it since u both already signed the papers beforehand. More like a form of presentation.

 

[hellobunny]

Hey hellobunny,

Now that you mentioned it, i do have the same situation. just my opinion, perhaps on the actual day you could get the MC to insert e vows exchange as part of the program. What matters at the end of the day is how u n ur HTB want to do it since u both already signed the papers beforehand. More like a form of presentation.

True. We are not intending to do it in front of a large crowd though. Even if we were to do a separate event, we will only have immediate family members present, just like the plan for ROM Office signing. Some of my friends have shared that they signed in the ROM office first and then exchange vows and rings on the banquet day in a small room with their parents and in-laws (and maybe jiemeis and brothers) - and is presided by the parents and in laws and can be made very meaningful too.

 

[walkwithme]

Thanks @bibiyku for the suggestions, will look at it. however, both of our families are more on the traditional Chinese. any recommendations for those Chinese styled restaurants?

Hi I booked Conrad (Golden Peony) for my ROM - it's a super intimate ceremony with immediate family (13 pax)

It wasn't my first choice cos Grand Shanghai was not available on my preferred date but the Conrad staff were v accommodating and they did not charge extra for the use of a small function room with the ROM table at one end and the round dining table at the other end. The min spend per adult for food only was S$110++ but it's ok for me