Resale or New Flat?

[jeff1u]

Hi Singapore, Sorry if my English is flat, I try my best to type my situation out. Hope to listen to any views out there.

My GF and I decide to settle down.

Facts of our background:
- Both of us work in Pasir Ris area.
- We knows one another for 2 years but together for six months
- She lives in Tampines (4 RM flat), one bus to reach our workplace, travelling time: Around Max 30mins excluding waiting time
- I live in Sin Ming Road (3 RM flat), need to change two buses to reach, Travelling time: 1hr 30mins++ excluding waiting time
- She is 31 this year and me 30.
- Salary wise, she is higher than my peanut salary. Both of us add in 4K take home pay.
- Both of us are taking care of our own parents and we play quite an important role/support the family.
- Her family: Father, Mother, 3 younger sisters (all working adults) and herself.
- Mine: Mother (Jobless, my father has just passed away this year), Elder brother (Single, working but can only support on Groceries expenses) and younger sister (jobless for months)
- I have not much saving due to Family commitment and peanut salary
- As for her, She has a part time job in weekend only which allows her to earn 1.2k extra.
- I love her because of her Kindness, caring toward children and being understanding
- Me? I am just a typical guy in SIngapore but I love kids!

Hopefully I didnt miss out anything for the start before I begin.

Okay, at first we decide to settle down.
I understand from her point of view.
She hopes to settle now earlier if can. If she is older, the risks of giving birth at older age will be dangerous. I respect that.
And due to my Father's condition during our early time, we worried that we have to rush for our marriage within the first 3months or else we will have to wait after three years to get married, if my father passed away.
BUT most importantly, We love one another.

Now the issue is Flat. <main>
From the Start, We hope to get somewhere near our workplace which means we have to get a Resale flat. BUT in Singapore, getting a resale flat is 'OH My God' around 400k ~ 310k! We try to look how we can reduce/save up the amount. Our hope is to get lesser asking price resale flat/flat around 320k MAX.
1) live near parents, reduce 40K
2) our CPF is around 84K
3) according to housing Loan Calculator, we no need to pay any cash money, but 30 years loan, we are highly in risk of less CPF saving especially Me. She wants me to find somewhere near her family area so that we can travek to work easier. (another fact: Her mother hopes her daughter can stay near them.)

From my side, My mother has reserved a empty room for our marriage to stay in. My mother also hopes her son to stay by her because she is jobless and she doesnt trust my brother or sister will take care of her. beside, my father passed away, she needs someone to take care of her. She wants to put the current flat (No more house loan) under my name.
1) No need to pay any loan
2) Everything is there
3) bad points are my GF doesnt like the travelling time to workplace, she doesnt feel comfortable of my siblings' weird/unfriendly behaviour
4) Marymount MRT is about to finish, easy and shorter travel time.
5) If I move near my GF house, ALOT of my friends and Aunties even my mother feels uncomfortable for a guy to move to that place.

If I decide to move out, My mother hopes that both of us can get a New Flat, it will cheaper and lesser debt. Somewhere Sengkang, constantly have new flat project. All my aunties learned that we might be getting Resale flat, they advised me not to get Resale flat, not worth it and with the amount we have, We will have problem later.
New flat:
1) first time apply, reduce 30k
2) lesser house pricing than resale
3) Fair for both parties.
4) but it may take longer time (years) to complete and apply which somehow my GF doesnt quite keen over it.

But........ As you can understand. It seems like both of us have different views over this matter.
Now my stand is, I have to stay with my mother to take care of her and hope we can work together. plus My relatives doesnt like the idea of Resale flat. I am a poor man, doesnt earn much. They dont want me to carry heavy debt when I got older and Who knows what will happen after this 30 years if we really move into resale near her family. What if I am jobless? What if I have issues with her family? Who will take care of my mother?
For her stand, she willingly to go through with me. She hopes she can have a simple marriage. She hopes for a simple house to live a simple life. She willingly to give up her ALL CPF saving on housing loan for resale flat.
She asked me, who will stay with her till old? Family or her? I told her family and her. She wanted to reconsider and feels that I am just mummum's Boy. Cant grow out from their arms....
I feel that "Marriage is not both parties' matter, but both families' issue." We must work out our needs and try to strike a balance. But.... maybe I am weak and not pushy enough. So before I completed my sentence, she already felt upset and her mind strayed away....

(Extra) In fact, there is more issues on the money problem like loan for renovation of flat, whether on Resale or New flat.
Her say,
Resale: MUST at least do some renovation like flooring, wall, door, Toliet due to Tampines flat is 15 ~ 30 years old. We can pay the loan within 2 ~3 years.
New: Still need to do renovation like flooring, wall, toliet and others. HDB only give us empty house.

My say,
Resale: keep it simple will do. Do the MOST important one first.
New: Keep as it is and focus on furniture.

Okay Folks, I really lost of this situation. Sorry my English usage again. I hope to hear more from others. Any advices? Thank you for reading.

 

[may_be_divorced_soon]

Hi Jeff,

That is indeed a long post. A few questions from me:

Qn 1: How long has your dad passed away?
Qn 2: Are you following the ¡°get married within 3 mths or after 3 years¡± rule?
Qn 3: Are your 2 siblings planning to get married soon?
Qn 4: Is your mum receptive to uprooting herself to move to wherever you go regardless of area (eg. Tampines)?

Seems like you are considering 3 options. I am not sure if the option to stay with your mum at her current flat is possible if you are planning to get married soon. Your mum's flat is a 3 room flat and you still have 2 siblings staying there. How is it possible to have 5 persons staying in a 3 room flat unless your mum is contemplating asking your elder brother to sleep in the living room while she and your sister share 1 room.

 

[jeff1u]

Thanks Procrastinator for your patience of reading and excuse my English.

Here is my replies.

Ans 1: Nearly three months from now.
Ans 2: We plan to ROM first if required, but if everything go on smoothly, we will hold our wedding banquets next year (parents have not discussed detail on that) My mother claimed after the first year of my father away, is the BEST timing. Or else will wait after three years.
Ans 3: My Elder brother still single and I learned he might WANT to move out himself. My sister wise, still single seeking for BF.
Ans 4: Now My mother doesnt like the idea of me moving to Tampines or others, unless we go for NEW flat.

Yes our house (3rm) is small. But this is our arrangement and we have no problem over it for years. My parents (last time) stayed in a room, my elder brother (solo) a small room, and my sister and I stayed in one room (Yes weird, right? but both of us respect one another privacy, plus we are quite close)
After my father passed away, my mother reserves her room to us, she will share with my sister, my brother remains unchanged.

 

[marshmallow_07]

Now here’s my stand... girlfriend of the M.R Jeff

Reasons I don’t want or prefer not to stay with his family:
1) What if I am pregnant? Do they expect me to travel up and down from pasir ris to Sin ming Road? My working hr for next year starts at 8am leh.I have a part time job during weekends in the east and it is as early as 9am. So do I have to travel up and down with a big tummy?
2) I dun like people to play mahjong at home. His mother always has friends and relatives coming to their house to play mahjong at home and smoking filled in the air.
3) His house is not the slightly bigger 3room flat. His is the super old and small 3 room flat. His kitchen can’t even occupied more than 3 people standing.
4) His sister has habit of bring strangers or guys home to chit chat and these strangers will stay overnight at the house.
With the above reasons, Do you think it is advisable to stay with them??

The reason I want a resale flat
1) We are both not young. Waiting for a new flat has to take 3 to 4 years. During this waiting period, we have no place to stay, so we can’t get married. When the new flat comes, I will be in mid thirties. Giving birth and have children at this age is not easy.
2) Thought of renting a room frm my sister while waiting new flat. However, we calculate out the rental fee for the next 3 years, it would be enough to spend on renovation fee. So might as well, we get resale and spend the money on renov and most importantly we can get married soon and settle down.
3) The resale flat that we are sourcing does not require upfront cash. It is selling at valuation price. Our CPF is sufficient and do not need to extra cash for the monthly loan. Even if we get a new flat, we still need money mah.. it’s juz a matter to spend now or later. I koe we dun have enough cash, that's why I dun wan to view flats that required cash money. We do spot a flat that we really like. He also likes it.
4) I need someone to take care of my children. My mother has been a housewife since she married to my father. She is considered as dependent on us. She doesn’t koe how to take bus, MRT and can’t read English. As for his mum, she is a working mother for 20 over years. Compared to my mum, she is very much independent. She can travel everywhere in S’pore. I never say that I don’t welcome his mother to my flat. She is welcome to come and take care baby or stay short term with us. I am alright, becoz his mother is not really that unfriendly.


Well.. I juz feel that I never ask for Condo or bungalow. I am willing to go through with him, although I do koe he doesn’t earn much. At least he has a nice heart. I never request him to buy jewel or pay for my clothes when we go shopping, coz I koe he doesn’t have enough money for me. In his aunties (he has more than 3 aunties) and mother’s eye, I may be snatching away their nephew or son. But I never thought of that. Really..I never…

 

[may_be_divorced_soon]

Hi Jeff,

Forgot to ask what is your gf's take on staying with your mum under 1 roof?

I am making the following assumptions below:
1) Your wedding banquet is set to be next year
2) Your wife is receptive to staying with your mum

Option 1: New flat option
=========================
- Are both of you willing to wait for a few years for the new flat to be ready after your wedding?
- If no, the new flat option will be OUT and you must be prepared to pay much more for a resale flat.
- If yes, there may be 2 options in the meantime.

1st: Temporarily stay with your mum and siblings in the meantime till your flat is ready (but this could mean few years). Issue: Is your gf receptive to this arrangement?

2nd: Rent a flat and stay on your own till your new flat is ready and your mum can come and stay with you when your new flat is ready. Issue: Greater financial burden compared to 1st way.

If option 1 above is something both of you won't consider, then you would have no choice but to go for a resale flat.

I feel that somehow you are very bothered by what your friends, relatives think... from whether to buy a new or resale flat, to the location of the flat. Of course your relatives may be concerned and not want to see you being burdened by the higher cost of a resale flat, but if you and your gf cannot agree on the new flat option, you have no choice but to go on the resale flat route. Actually, you can start by taking a 30year loan if this is what you are comfortable with. Along the way as the years go by and you have more CPF in your account, you can always do a partial redemption, increase your contribution amount, reduce the tenure of the loan.

Option 2: Resale flat option
=============================
1st sub-option: Tampines resale flat
I feel that if the new flat option is out, the next best is to get a resale flat in Tampines and you can try to convince your mum to shift over with you. In this way, you can be near to both her parents and your mum can stay with you under 1 roof. But before this, you may want to explain to your mum on why you are not going on the new flat option. All parents wouldn't want their children to be over burdened with debts. If you explain nicely to her, she should be able to understand.

2nd sub-options: Resale flats in other areas:
You can also consider resale flats in Sin Ming, Pasir Ris or any other areas. But a resale flat in these areas will mean that you gf will not be near to her parents. Actually Singapore is not that big and if this is not a big concern, then you can also look at the prices of other areas and do a price comparison to see if you have other options. Somehow I feel that the point about being near to her parents is not such a big concern since both of you are willing to consider a new flat in the Sengkang area.

This is what I would do if I am in your shoes.

 

[marshmallow_07]

Hi procrastinator,
Please read my first post and you will have better understanding of my stand. =)

 

[may_be_divorced_soon]

Oops...didn't see TS' gf's post before I post.

Looks like TS' gf has already set her mind to get a resale flat in Tampines area so that her mum can help to look after her children in future.

Just wondering if you (TS' gf) is receptive to your mil staying with you if she won't be helping with the care of your children in future?

 

[marshmallow_07]

Another thing about new flat.. It is so difficult to apply for one. I koe of couples who took 7 to 9 tries before they could get a new flat. And also the frequency of new flats to be available is not that fast. It takes about 3 to 4 months for a new project to be out. To me, buying resale is buying the location. Can save on transportation fee. As for new flats, it is like 'ti gum'.. You can't be sure that that place is really convenient. Well..that's my stand...To some of you, I mabe sound a bit unreasonable.

 

[marshmallow_07]

Actually I have no objective if she wants to stay with us in the future. Since now she still has an elder son and a youngest daughter (ard 27 yrs old), she can wait for them to marry and shift in with us. I can understand that Jeff is a filial son. I am fine. As for my parents, they also have plans to stay with us when all their daughters are married.(I still have 2 unmarried sisters) But if we live near with them, they may even drop the idea. My mum has no son leh...

 

[may_be_divorced_soon]

Marshmallow,

On the issue of staying together, looks like you are receptive to it. But what if Jeff¡¯s siblings do not get married at the end of it all and your mil wants to move in with you, are you ok with it as well?

Jeff,

From what you have posted, I wasn't able to decipher what is your stand on the new vs resale flat issue cos somehow you seem to be echoing what your relatives are telling you. Somehow I feel that you could be sharing the same views as your relatives, if not you probably won¡¯t be posting over here.

Marshmallow has made her stand very clearly that she wants a resale flat near her parents. So if you are ok with buying a resale flat there, you would just have to bite the bullet and live with the higher cost of the flat and both parties will chip in, you do not have to bother with what your relatives are saying cos it is you who is paying for it. If you are not ok with buying a resale flat, you will have to iron it out with marshmallow and reach a consensus.

You mentioned that your mum ¡°doesnt like the idea of me moving to Tampines or others, unless we go for NEW flat.¡± With regards to this, if you are with Marshmallow on this, you would just have to reassure your mum that you are able to cope with a resale flat in Tampines and she can always come and stay with you.

 

[marshmallow_07]

I would say... I wan to have few years to live on our own...to be able to lead a life of our own first. I would also in difficult situation,my parents have no son at all. what if they also wan to move in too, even my 2 sisters not married? How am I going to reject them? So in my opinion, to be fair... parents are allowed to move in with us, unless NO ONE is taking care of them. Sound selfish, right? but have to be fair and need to balance.

 

[jeff1u]

Hi

there are a lot of issues involved this whole thing.

My aunties is just concerned. My mother just doesnt like the idea of her son like "Lu Zui" and living alone most of the days next time.

For me, I will rather slow down everything first, will still seek out for any Resale flat (hopefully can get 350K ~ 300k) and look into New flat project. Do enough research, is there a need for renovation for New Flat? I will rather Stick to what HDB give us. Save up and focus on Furnitures. I heard New Flat has Everything is Okay quality.

 

[green_tranquility]

Jeff,
A new flat definitely needs some renovation. It at most comes with floor tiles and doors if you opt for them during selection. Besides floor tiles and floors, it's empty! :X One will need to fork out at least 20K to renovate and furnish it (paint walls, install wires, furniture, electric applicances etc).

"Lu Zui"? It seems that your mum is feeling insecured. Well it's natural for parents to feel insecured and lonely when they think about their filial child moving out after staying with them for 20+ years. You must do your part leh to reassure your mum during this wedding preparation period, for example you can tell her that singapore is very small, it's fast to travel between towns, you will visit her often after you move out etc.

When my hb and I were getting wedded, I reminded my hb to give regular reassurances to his parents so that they felt less insecured.

 

[marshmallow_07]

Aren't you very contradicting? Your aunties and mother are giving u pressure on not taking resale. You are confused and unsure, so u wrote in and ask for pple's opinion. Now, you still thinking of taking resale?? Aren't u not scared of ur aunties and mother? If I am younger by 5 yrs, of course I will wait for new flats.
And one more thing? I never proposed or insist you to stay at my place. My place oso has a room ready and available for us. Morever it is near our working place. It may considered as "Lu Zui" if u r staying at my place and not moving somewhere else.
If your mum is scared of living alone and wants his son to be by her side, you will never leave her arms.

 

[jeff1u]

Contradicting? yes I am. SUPER confused.

Never mind, my fault after all. I am immature, live in my own world.

As for resale flat, and to ensure my mother, We will have to ask her to visit the flats with the agents.

Marriage wise, we shall wait. Dont rush over it.

 

[altiora]

do u want to have kids after marriage? if you want then to be honest you don't really have a lot of time to wait for a new flat. i have a few friends, ballot 6 times still don't have, in the end went for resale instead even though they really wanted new flats, so keep in mind of the potential hidden time spent.

wat type of resale flats are u all looking into? i think a 3 room resale flat should be manageable.. hopefully with the recession the price should drop over these 2-3 years...

good luck =)

 

[powder]

Jeff,

if u want your life to improve, i need u to Open your mind...

actually, Our problems in Life are almost 100% due to Who we are, How we Live and How we think... the kind of person we are - will cause the kind of problems we get.

your problems are actually VERY easy to solve, BUT... BUT... it requires u Not To Be your usual self. it requires u Not to think like how u normally think. it requires u to Think outide your usual comfort zone...

can u do that? i hope u can...

now YOUR biggest problem now is NOT housing. it's not money. it's not even money... it's YOU.

pls dun get defensive nor feel offended... In Solving problems - the solutions often lies in OURSELVES. so even for myself, the 1st problem i solve - is Myself... cos it is often Our thinking, Our Wants, Our Preferences, Our influences... THAT causes the problems in the first place.

i will identify the problems... but u have to open your mind... IF u are really interested in solving the problems in the first place...

end part 1

 

[marshmallow_07]

Hey, Powder, still remember me, Marshmallow_07? i give u some keywords for u to recall... vegetarian, pig trotter, meat...refuse to give in to in laws? Can remember now?

 

[powder]

the easiest of your problems is actually housing... marriage is also not a problem...

1st issue to solve: Yourself - u're not gonna get anywhere if u are so easily affected by others... there will be tough decisions in life, and not all your decisions are gonna please everyone - Pls learn to accept that.

u Want this, u want that, but u dun wanna sacrifice this, u dun wanna compromise on that. u just Want IT, and u want everyone to be happy... Got such thing in life? - Dun hvae. u gotta learn to make the best decision for Yourself and Your life first. Dun forget that your future children are not out yet, once they are out... u also wanna please them and u'll be the Unhappiest person in the world!

2nd issue to solve: Your Ears - u listen to pple for advice... GOOD SOLID ADVICE. not listen to pple for their preference... Are they gonna live with u? Are they gonna face your inconvenience? Are they gonna help u? Are they VERY successful decision-makers themselves???

this world - everyone always have something to say... even the homeless ah pek with No Money, no Life, no nothing - will have something to 'teach' me abt life... but honestly, u think i bother listening to him??? if he fcukup his life and is left with nothing... what can he possibly teach me which will not end up with me in the same fcuked up life?

get the opinion of pple who have made good decisions. our mums, relatives, best frens - can step one side if they are not good decision makers. We love them, but for decisions, they should just shut their mouths up. they dun know sh!t. my mum loves me like hell (same as u my dad died liao), but my mum definitely cannot help me with my studies nor advice me, she definitely cannot teach me how to make money nor tell me abt good decisions. She's a great mum ONLY becos of her nurturing qualities... not becos she's a good decision-maker. else she would be the CEO of IBM liao... but she's Not.

so pls.. Love your mum and relatives, but u Dun Have To listen to them on such matters. You decide, and U TAKE THE LEAD.

3rd Issue to Solve: your Head - u are currently Not-so-rich and have a poor salary Not becos of education, not becos u got no chance, not becos of anything except - yourself. u dun think highly of yourself, u dun believe in yourself, u dun want to fight for yourself... Why would u have anything better than what u already have???

if i were in your shoes, i would be holding 3jobs. even my mum worked 4jobs a day when we were poor... i know cos she brought me along to the 2 nite jobs after i finished school.

IF u really love this woman and u really want a better life. What more are u doing IF u know what u have now is not enough??? it's not abt what happens in the future if this happens or that happens... IT's ABOUT how u do more NOW to prevent all the future worries from happening... Am i right to say that if i put sgd 500,000 in your hands now, u would have solved most of your problems? well... what do u think?

Financial problems are the easiest to solve. the only reason why pple think it's diffcult is becos they have no idea how to make more money... but the thing is - how do u make more money if u die die hold on to the jobs that take away 8 hours of your time a day - that makes No Money???

end part 2.

ps: bringing my wife out for dinner now... hope u can understand abit of wat i'm saying First...

 

[green_tranquility]

Mashmallow,
Dun need to give 3 keywords to make ppl recall. The "pig trotters" is enough for me to recall your previous thread hehee.

 

[green_tranquility]

Jeff,
You maybe super confused because you try too hard to please all the people around you.

 

[marshmallow_07]

Haiz... now new problems, new issue... Not me asking for opinion, now it is him asking...

 

[green_tranquility]

Marshmallow,
Problems are part of life. It's always better to discuss and iron out these differences before signing on the marriage cert. Love alone is insufficient to substain a marriage.

 

[may_be_divorced_soon]

Jeff,

It seems to me that your problem basically boils down to:

a) Money issue - You do not have much money, don't earn alot and you are concerned about the higher cost of the resale flat, renovation cost of new flat. As long as both of you are willing to work extra hard towards paying off the resale flat, I don't see this as a big issue. In fact, once you have kids, you will see your financial commitments going up. If you intend to live with the same level of salary which you have now, you may even have to shelf your plans to have kids in the future.

b) You want to stay with your mum under the same roof - You still have 2 siblings who are staying with her. It doesn't mean that you have to stay together in order for you to take care of her. Since your siblings are staying with her now, they would at least be at home with her under the same roof. You can always go back say once a week to visit her and continue to help out with the finances at home. When the day comes when your siblings have shifted out and there is no one with her, you can always get her to move in with you.

Actually I don't quite understand your point about "lu zui". You won't be staying with Marshmallow's parents, you are only staying in Tampines. So what is this thing about "lu zui"? Not sure what you meant by "living alone most of the days next time", your siblings will be staying with her right? Even ultimately your siblings shift out, you can get her to come and stay with you and she won't be living alone.

As to your question on new flat, usually they should come with wall tiles, floor tiles, toilet bowls, windows, doors etc. Some renovation will still has to be done on the aircon piping, electrical works etc.

 

[powder]

hi marshmallow,

yeah... hmm, u know, i also missed out on your posts as his gfren... Wow, small world!

 

[powder]

ok Jeff,

to continue... (oh by the way i missed out on marshmallow being your other half)...

as i was saying, u gotta get out of the mould and take the lead. u're building a life here for yourself and your future... u are in no position to consider too many pple's opinions, particularly those unimportant to u.

for 1 minute, forget everyone's preference... Let's just be Logical and Objective. given the current scenario, i would no doubt pick the place closest to work + would give me the lowest price/highest subsidy - this will ensure that i am not financially strapped just going into marriage and setting up home. the choice here would be to stay near future-wife's parents...

i find some pple very weird... they'd pick to stay Between both sides, when they should actually pick 1 side. Always Always stay closer to the side that is Most Able to help out... with kid issues especially. it will come in Very Very useful when kids are sick/need child-care etc... between sin ming n tampines, for HDB i'd pick tampines. it is also near work.

another impt reason is, from what i see, your future in-laws are more financially-capable of offering proper care of your kids. Pls dun take this the wrong way, it's just that finances are an important consideration when it comes to the daily upkeep of children.

i find the 5rms at tampines selling at 400k+, the 4rms at 350k+ and the 3rms at 270k+... i think it's not that difficult to afford the houses there. here's some examples taken from a local website...
http://www.iproperty.com.sg/propertylisting/671929/Tampines-5_Room_HDB_Flat-ForSale
http://www.iproperty.com.sg/propertylisting/708761/Tampines-5_Room_HDB_Flat-ForSale
http://www.iproperty.com.sg/propertylisting/723867/Tampines-5_Room_HDB_Flat-ForSale
http://www.iproperty.com.sg/propertylisting/723006/Tampines-5_Room_HDB_Flat-ForSale
http://www.iproperty.com.sg/propertylisting/719837/Tampines-4_Room_HDB_Flat-ForSale
http://www.iproperty.com.sg/propertylisting/744609/Tampines-4_Room_HDB_Flat-ForSale
http://www.iproperty.com.sg/propertylisting/754013/Tampines-3_Room_HDB_Flat-ForSale

oh ya, if u couldn't choose your place then OK. but if u can choose your place NOW, always pick one that cuts down unnecessary travelling time... i dun think i wanna wake up 1hrs earlier when i can wake up 1 hr later than everyone...!

end part 3

 

[powder]

jeff,

u seem like a nice guy and responsible, thoughtful for your family... especially your family.

one thing u might wanna consider is - why isit that nomatter how much effort u put in to cut down on expenses and reduce debt... those pple who are spending much more than u, seem to be having a happier and less restricted life?

i think it's good that u dun wanna go into a big debt over your HDB nor take up too much loan... Yet, i feel that Maybe - taking a hughe loan and debt Might actually help u push yourself towards better things...

u know when i bought my 1st HDB with my mum, i was the only person who's gonna service it. still, i just bought it and set myself a goal to pay it up the loan within 11yrs... i took a 15yrs loan, but i paid up for the flat in less than 4yrs... at that point of buying i dun earn much. but after buying, i just wanted to pay up as soon as i can... i changed jobs and worked hard, then changed job again and finally paid it off at 3yrs 4mths... u can say that my 1st HDB became my motivation. it's different staying at mum's place where i need not worry and i can just come home to this free shelter... it's different when i have to worry abt losing this shelter.

i have since transferred the HDB fully to my mum and bought a place with my wife after getting married. my mum is now staying with us, and the HDB i gave her is giving her a rental income of abt 2k a month.

my whole point is this... nothing is impossible But everything good requires Planning, and Good Decisions. so u've gotta decide if u're gonna get stuck at this point of tampines versus Sin Ming... or are u just gonna go ahead and start buiding your life NOW. if not now, When???

at the same time keep on looking out for opportunities to upgrade your finances. we dun have to earn Alot alot, but it's important we earn MORE than we can spend... dun just aim to spend less than u earn. aim to earn more than u spend... rem that.

anyway i hope and wish u all the best with your wife-to-be. dun quarrel over such issues or get stuck... just keep finding the Best Decisions to make.

what your relatives think dun matter unless they are PROVEN very very good decision-makers themselves.

 

[powder]

lastly, THINK logically and CLEARLY. dun clutter it with emotions...

humans are adverse to changes... we dun like to change and go out of our comfort zones... but the thing is - we are also very adaptable... once we find a new environment, we will no doubt learn to appreciate the new life it brings us, and the freshness it gives us... it's like a breath of fresh air...

 

[marshmallow_07]

Hey Powder, thks so much.. you even help us to source for resale flats..keke... so kind of you..Thks for the rest too.. for ur points and advices. I duno how much he can take it.. i guess we have decided to let go of our getting resale flat plan. He tried to make our stand to his family and relatives. But it din work out. So we now die die have to take new flat. We will keep trying balloting. Meantime, we slower down our pace. Rushing things out like what his mum used to do.. kept rushing us to ROM before his father's 1 year death , is not helping us in planning for our future. We decided not to talk about wedding plans now. Put everything to a stop. When there's new flat, we will try. Try until we get one and then bring out our wedding plan again. Haiz... that's the end of our second issue. More to come.... I still dun get it loh... by getting resale in tampines, can help to resolve the problem of his mother being left alone at home in future. I can use the excuse that since my parents are staying near us, then she can stay with us mah.. Now if we got new flat, whose parents are we bringing to in future?? strange... More to come.. really... Haiz..

 

[green_tranquility]

Meantime, work on improving both your incomes and start saving for the wedding and house renovation expenses. Without $$, there's no wedding, no house, no kid and no ability to support your parents.

I think the $$ issue is more urgent than deciding whose parent to move into your new house.

 

[octo]

Hi Jeff,

I read that you put "New flat: 1) first time apply, reduce 30k ". If I am not wrong, the 30k grant only applies to resale flat. For the new flat, the pricing is already considered subsides. Hence, there is no grant of $30K.

And you mentioned about the $300K - $350K resale flat pricing, which flat type are you looking at? 5room? You might want to start with small flat, like 3-room since you are aware of the tight financials

I didnt see any references to the wedding day. Have you set aside some budget for these? Do consider a smaller size flat, the reno cost also come lower.

 

[soontobe]

Marshmallow _07, I will suggest that you think thru whether you wan to marry this guy first even before getting a flat....

I remembered your earlier post on the pork trotter...and now after reading his post, I seriously think that you have to really think thru whether is this the guy that you want to spend the rest of your life with?

31 is not old...in actual fact, a lot of people are marrying late......it's not the age, it's getting the right person to be with for the rest of the lift..Min, someone who is willing to take care of you, not jus monetary but also emotionally...can he do both?

Do you foresee yourself with this man who will not be able to take care of your emotional needs? I worry for you that you have countless "battles" to fight.

Yes, I agree with your bf that marriage is not 2 person affair...but what does that have to do with AUNTIES????

I remembered when I was preparing my wedding, my hubby was also this auntie said that, that uncle said that. I put a stop to it...I told him, after marriage, you and me form the family, our parents and sibling form the next circle, relatives form the 2nd circle. WE (my hubby and me) can listen to what they wan to say, but only WE will decide wat's best for us. It took him a while to understand this concept, but gladly to say, he is doing this...

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi Powder,

I agree with most of your points but would like to add a bit more.

It is good to live near parents due to the advantages stated by you.

But you also have to consider your children's future school distance which is more important than your work place distance or Parent's house distance.

I am living in Yishun because it is near our parents. However, when my children reach school-going age, we have no choice but to shift to Bukit Timah soon as the school is there.

We are going to stay there for the next 20 yrs. As the Pri, sec, jc and uni are all around there.

But very heart pain because the houses there are not cheap. I am wondering why most of the good schools are in Bukit Timah.

Wouldn't the government make more money if they sell the land for residential use instead of building schools?

You know what is my hubby's answer to my above question?

He said if not for the schools, Bukit Timah will not be able to command a high price.

What do you think?

You have shifted house a few times, you must a reason for each shifting, can you share with us so we can learn?
Which area are you living now, why did you choose it and is that going to be your final home?

I enjoy reading your posting very much as most of your advise is wise and inspiring

 

[powder]

hey marshmallow,

welcome... well tat's me - i dun normally take things at face value so wanted to check the flat prices there before i comment anything. i prefer to verify information First. else we can talk alot but it might have been based on Wrong info... tat would be a complete waste of time, dun u think?

i feel the main issues here is the 1) adversity to change, and 2) the preservation of one's pride... the Main issue is likely the pride-preservation, which might be a sensitive issue.

will elaborate when i have time... i personally feel that the issues are all personal issues and not so much of logistics... so it can be worked out IF both of u are focused on a common goal without too much worries on pleasing everyone.

 

[powder]

hi Albee,

am heading out for a meeting... it's quite an interesting topic u brought up... my 1st question to u is - why do u need to shift to a school when there should be one around where u stay? and whether u need to plan this Wayyyyyy in advance?

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi Powder,

I know that some neighbourhood schs are just as good and not necessary students from top sch will do well in life but we really like our children to study in that particular sch.

My eldest is already 5 yr old and will be registering for Pri 1 next year so we don't think we can wait too long to shift.

Do you have any children and which sch will they be attending?

 

[powder]

hi Albee,

i dun have very nagging worries on school issues for another 3yrs i guess... as for the school also not very concerned... just go to the nearest one i guess. my wife and me are not as anxious abt 'good schools'... for me i'll have to monitor my kid... at the moment seems more artistic than academic, so the 'good schools' might not be the right environment for her.

end of the day we've gotta be in touch with our current environment and the changes in the future... whilst i believe academic foundation is Crucial, i'm not so certain abt focusing on just the academics... so the environment they study in - is important. prefer a school that focuses on a well-rounded education, than one where there's an obsession with results...

anyway this is quite a tough topic... i understand most pple would like to put their kids in good schools...

 

[jinnous]

Hey....I haven't been on to the "apply for new flat" for 5 years.....so I'm pretty surprised why they are not able to get a new flat leh.

Probably no one wanna stay in the houses in the north area bah that's y we were able to get a flat on 1st try???

If price is really a factor, why not get new flats? Punggol or Sengkang? Its near Tampines. Sin Ming I'm not so sure. I worked in Jurong leh! So journey is an issue too but I try to get around lor. My hubby's workplace is in north. You can't please everyone.

If resale, you can try to get somewhere near marshmallow's parents hse so you get 40k off. Go to HDB website and check.

About schools....ya, I think a lot of ppl wanna put their kids in good schools. Sometimes it does make a difference to the kids. But i think neighbourhood schools are pretty good too. U just have to look around.

 

[powder]

Albee,

hmm... on housing, actually bukit timah was already pretty prime if i can remember... when u hear '6th avenue', pple seem to think u're rich. not so sure abt schools but they've been there for as far as i remember.

on shifting, so far for me i only shifted twice (those decisions by parents nothing to do with me mah...). for me the motivation to move is just to fulfill my dreams... i'm a city-boy so i would stay as close to orchard as possible... it's where i feel the most Alive n Zesty for Life. i like the fact tat if i dun wanna drive, i can just walk across to taka/cineplex etc... i mean it's where i grew up as a teenager running around places with my schoolmates/and dating during the days of the 'centrepoint kids'. unless orchard is vacated, i feel the prices there will be the most stable yet have the most potential to Rise.

places like bukit timah gives me a rural feeling nomatter how prime u tell me it is... the morning jams will kill my spirits and make me feel lousy. i dun even wanna think abt having to travel on PIE... my kids will not study in bukit timah if i have to drive them... tat's something i'm very sure abt.

i guess all-in-all it's abt Feeling... i know frens who love the east, and they love cycling/jogging along east coast in the morning... i can't imagine having to stay near good schools and living everyday wishing i lived elsewhere... and telling myself it's worth sacrificing for my kids blah blah... cos i'll be lying to myself.

lastly, i think i earned my right to stay where i want as i move into the 3rd phase of my life... my kids will take a backseat not becos i dun love them, but becos they have not earned any rights. i will just provide them with a good home and good values... if they prove to be good in academics and have the character for it, they will have to fight for it to secondary school and into university. for them to go with the flow... is to take away their individualism, and to make them average - even if their grades may generally be better than others, it does not make them any less a part of the population.

i want the best kids, not kids with best academics... that is worthless to me as a father. i will never need their money nor their financial support, nor will i ever want it. I only want for them to have the Values to love me when i'm healthy, and love me more when i'm no longer healthy...

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi Powder,

Well-said. Good moral values are indeed more impt than just being academically smart.

Our parents were not well-off and very strict. They insisted that we must work part-time to provide for the family and yet study in all the top sch. fr pri to uni.

All the top schs we attended were far fr our home.
Every day we had to spend 2-3hrs travelling.
After sch, still have to work part-time.

I still have to do household chores because my parents said girls must do housework.
My hubby was lucky. He didn't need to do housework.

My hubby and I still have an enjoyable childhood.
We didn't think we "suffer" at all.
Our parents were also proud that we did well in life after graduation.

Do you think we should follow our parents' parenting methods?
Sometimes, I don't whether I'm spoiling my children by shifting near their schs.

 

[powder]

i guess proximity is very important to logistics/time, especially when kids are young n new to the environment of travelling Without us by their side... in another 10yrs they'd hate to be seen with us so gotta treasure such times, hehe. i wouldn't call it spoiling a child, but i think we should not be overly preoccupied with sending them to good schools hoping their grade would naturally be good. It's a convenient choice if u ask me... it shows that we might just be pushing the responsibility to others... of cos i believe some sincerely look forward to the rounded education.

i think our parents' generation had good parenting method for that era... it is definitely not as applicable now, perhaps exception being the caning which i feel is impt for very grave moral misdemeanours.

i'd love for my kids to go to the same schools i studied in, unfortunately i draw the line when it comes to shifting to very far out places... which for me is a reality. so i'd just go for the schools nearest to central areas.