Reasonable to request for more Pin Jin (bridal price)?


New Member
My future MIL does not want my FH to throw wedding lunch or dinner (摆酒席). This is because her previous daughers (FH's sisters) did wedding lunches and "lost money", in other terms were not able to recoup the cost for throwing the lunches.

My FH is very neutral about it and I know if I insist, he will agree to throw a lunch/dinner but on the other hand, I don't want my future MIL to be unhappy about it since we are going against her idea so I told my FH if that is what his mother wants, then so be it.

The thing is, my parents are not very happy with this decision because they feel FH's family is not sincere. My parents feel they also want to marry me off in a respectable way. They are not even requesting for many tables (only 2-3 is enough) and all the red packets received by them can go to pay off the wedding lunch/dinner.

So because of that, they want to request for more Pin Jin. They have told me they will probably ask for 16,888 and only going to return 4888.

I am sure my MIL will be able to afford to pay this 12k but will like to know what you guys think. I understand where my parents are coming from too but yet I am afraid my MIL will not be happy and may even in turn ask my FH to pay the Pin Jin instead of coming up with the money herself.


Have you talked to your FH on your parent's pov?


New Member
Yes, and although he understands my parents' decision, he also knows I agree to not throw the dinner because I don't want my MIL to be unhappy. That is why he mentioned if his mother really does ask him for the Pin Jin, he will give it to her.

However, I do not want him to do that as I know he does not have much savings already (after the downpayment of house and all).


Sorry, but why is your FH giving the Pin Jin to his mom? Shouldn't it be from his parents to your's?


New Member
It should be but I am afraid his mother will ask him to contribute some of the Pin Jin because it is so much more than what she received when she married off her daughters. That's why I want to know if my parents' request is reasonable to you guys. To me, I feel it is reasonable but that is just me and I am afraid future MIL will badmouth my parents to her relatives because of this.


Sorry, I'm getting a little straight here, no offence. Dont you think that be afraid/worrying doesn't bring you anywhere/gives you any answers?

My question to you will be on you and your FH as the bride groom, are you guys keen on the banquet? Both of you need to settle on a definite answer to work out this issue.

It seems to me that you're also not sure whether to or not to hold the banquet. Your parents do sound pretty tradition from the way you describe on how they look at the banquet and pin jin. If you guys can't decide, it's going to be an endless and meaningless worry.


New Member
Honestly, I want a banquet and my FH is totally neutral about it but I do not want to go against his mother's wishes. So finally, we decided not to have a banquet because of his mother and that's why my parents are not happy about this.


I think if you really want to have a banquet, you should have it. Even if it is a small one to prevent any future regrets.

If your mil is the one who is giving you the issues try and sit down with her and your fh to get the issue resolved and explain to her your rationale on y u would like to have the banquet. She should be able to understand where you are coming from.

But most importantly, just relax while preparing for your wedding.

Don't worry so much and be happy :)


Great, your family and you already have an answer. Your FH is standing in the middle.

From your posts, understand her concern is about incurring 'losses' but in the first place, wedding banquets are never about money making opportunity?
'Losses' should be look upon as blessing of joy sharing.
Probably gotta get your FH to remind her the purpose of a wedding banquet.

Put it in a nicer way, make her think in the shoes of your parents.. takes a lot of guts and thinking.
Try to get the point across to her. She probably may not be able to accept it immediately. It takes time and patience. I know it's easier said than done but take it slowly.

Concurrently, check with your FH's sisters on their guestlists and there you'll probably be able to share with her where the 'losses' come from.

To share with you my experience, my in-laws weren't particular about the banquet. My parents didn't bother by mouth but they secretly wanted it.
My hubby wanted it because he comes from a big family and he wants to formally introduce me to his family.
While me also stood in the middle just like your FH.

I talked to my parents openly (without my hubby) about the expenses, pin jin and banquet. I made it a point that we should not position ourselves as though they're selling their daughter. My hubby too talked to his parents despite his mom's constant worry aloud that we may incur 'losses'. So in the end, we proceed with it.

Will your hubby be able to talk to his mother?


New Member
"in the first place, wedding banquets are never about money making opportunity?"

Exactly and I don't understand why is she being so insistent when she won't be the one paying for the banquet? :rolleyes:

To make matters worse, I heard from my FH that she insisted on wedding banquet for her 2nd daughter when the groom thought of scrapping it because of financial constraints. Sometimes I can't help but feel that perhaps the true reason is not the "losing money" issue but she doesn't want to go through all the trouble for the wedding banquet and really isn't sincere about the wedding..

I guess I should stand my ground and request for a banquet, hopefully she won't be upset or bear a grudge.


I do agree with leess18 that if you want it, go for it. Wedding is a once in a lifetime event.

honestly, I didn't regret going for it. Although it wasn't easy, but then I guess I would have regretted if we didn't have it!
Don't worry too much. It takes time. Since when wedding planning is easy right? :)

All the best and good luck on that.


I agreed that u shouldmjust on ahead with banquet if u want one.. It can be a simple one at restaurant instead of hotel if u r not particular and don't wanna incur too much losses? Kinda like 一人让一步..

Btw.. Can I ask.. How much are your parents going to request for the pin Jin if got banquet and giving them 2-3 tables? Since without banquet is $16,888..

Gals.. How much Is appropriate for the pin Jin if got banquet?


Esvta, depends on how your family and ur FH's family look at it and of course the financial status. Imo, there's no appropriate 'range' as it's not a deal.
My parents left it to my ILs to decide. I only knew it was a 4 figure amt and then my parents returned half of it.

We were considered very blessed that both sets of parents let us manage all the ang baos from the banquet to settle off the banquet expenses and they are all fine with that arrangment so long as we dont land ourselves in debts.


New Member
Pin Jin is actually based on "heart", not exactly must compare here and there or follow market rate, of course for those who are rich you can show more your "sincerity". But most importantly, marriage is belong to both of you, those "3rd party" actually........and in fact you can take their advise but not compulsory, just talk to your "FH", evaluate the actual cost and affordable cost, dont go and loan "A Long" will do.


New Member
Actually I agree with the rest if you want the banquet than just go ahead with it, don't care about what others say, Its your day.

Previously I have a similar problem with my in laws also. My parents asked for 5 banquet tables and $3k pin jin(Will return 80% according to my dad) but my in laws thought it was a lot. Give banquet tables already still want Pin Jin. My parents also thought they were insincere but in the end my FH settled it because he kinda agreed that his side was a bit petty.

On the other hand, my parents shared with me that whatever they took from my FH's side, it will be 100% given to me and what I want to do with the money is up to me. Perhaps your parents are doing the same. The 12k they asked for could be they are actually saving for you in case of anything. Also maybe cos they feel your FH side is insincere that's why they ask more as a safeguard for you.


Well-Known Member
you wrote : "Honestly, I want a banquet and my FH is totally neutral about it but I do not want to go against his mother's wishes. So finally, we decided not to have a banquet because of his mother and that's why my parents are not happy about this."

Part of the decision making is accepting the consequence of the decision and dealing with it.

you also wrote : "Exactly and I don't understand why is she being so insistent when she won't be the one paying for the banquet?"
This is where you do not understand the elderly. With your own folks being pretty traditional as well, you should have some context of the elderly. They come from a generation where they will FEEL heart pain over every cent, save on even tap water over some beliefs that you can cheat PUB of the water with your tap dripping water slow enough.

At the same time, they can be completely blind to their wastage in electricity to watch repeatedly their Korean and Taiwan soap operas through the day. They are generous with their precious sons and stingy on money spent for their daughter in laws and always comparing themselves on how they saved for their families back then. It isn't exactly rocket science or so unusual. These are the typical double standards of the mother in law. They are not very rational and easily stirred by their negative emotions.