i've been clapping my feet since reading powder's posts from Saturday, June 20, 2009 - 10:57 am onwards (no, i'm not mad, nor handicapped, but as u can see, my hands are occupied since my fingers are busy typing on this thread). Agree with Powder, his opinions are indeed "yi zhen jian xue" (one needle see blood).
Stop rationalizing, reasoning, comparing and searching for answers to the wrong questions. Start focusing on what you need, what you want, what u can have and what way to to best achieve it. Learn to be emotionally independent, sometimes it's ourselves and not the events/people that we tend to blame that put us on emotional rollercoasters. Stop having expectations, powder is probably right in saying that u're holding him too much to his promises. When he fails to keep his promise, u feel angry and let down becoz your expectations are not adequately met. That is, however, the wrong focus.
don't beat yourself up just because it seems like u're in a "despearte" state now. I believe u're not shallow since u're willing to open up to others' not-so-pleasant-to-the-ears opinions and really trying to reflect on them. U're capable of seeing and admitting your own mistakes so give yourself some credit for that. "I m grateful hubby is not heartless to walk away" - at least u know how to be grateful even in a situation like this and that's a beautiful quality. U're financially independent and i assume u're rather capable and doing quite well at work, u're a good mum who tend to your kids even before taking off your uniform when u get home...see? there are many good things in u to keep u moving on in life, with or without him, so don't feel so hopeless.
"I m confused n fearful. confused y he said 1 2 be together but still kept everything to himself, fearful this is just another lie waiting to be exposed!!!" -
U're in a state of being "fearful of losing, but also fearful of losing out". Let me give u an analogy:
U buy a share on the stock market, u're afraid if u sell it, it goes shooting right up in price after ("but i dun 1 2 chase him away with my own hands if this is gonna be true.") but u're also afraid that if u don't, u might lose money ("on the other hand, i cannot imagine going thru another betrayal!")
Hanging on to anything with so much fear and hesitation will only likely cause u to do all the wrong things, make all the wrong decisions at the wrong time. If u wish to give the marriage a chance and try to work things out, perhaps u should first learn to let go of some of that fear - i'm not saying it's not justified, but it doesn't help in any way. Suggest u revisit the few posts that powder has made. The first second third time u read it, u may understand it only superficially, the 4th 5th 6th, u may appreciate a little more, perhaps by the 10th time, u'll start to have a grip on the context and not focus on the details of it....I wish u all the best, take care