Problems with MIL & BIL

samanlyt

Member
I need a place to vent my fustrations. The story goes like this:

1) My BIL (bro-in-law) and the wife (then gf) got ROM-ed 2 yrs back, and they have no intention of holding a banquet as they do not have the budget to do so. My BIL do not have a stable income/job, while my SIL is holding an admin job. Me & hubby intend to hold our banquet in Sept next yr, and we've booked our venue, BS, and got our flat. The prob is now the relatives commented that we (me & hubby) cannot have the customary before the elder bro. My MIL, being the soft-hearted one, sort of got 'manipulated' by the relatives, and she urged the son to hold the banquet before us. The relatives even offer to sponsor their banquet if they do not have the budget! So now they are planning to have it in March 07.

2) In Sept, we applied for a HDB flat, and everyone was very happy for us! Upon hearing that, my BIL & SIL applied for one too! They are getting the keys next mth. They have been staying with my PIL for the past yrs (even before they got married).
*NOTE: My BIL and hubby (this happened before my & hubby got ROMed) used to share a room and a bed, but my SIL shamelessly shift into that room, and my hubby felt so uncomfortable, but still he bear with it. There are several occasions when my hubby came home late, he discovered tat the room was locked, and not wanting to disturb the couple, he had no choice but to sleep on the sofa in the living room! I was so upset when i found out. So I asked my hubby to move in with me (i stayed alone then in a rented flat). For what I know, they do not intend to buy a house that soon, since my hubby has moved out of that room.

My hubby claims tat (the above issues) are just coincidental. But i doubt so...
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I'm ANGRY...I dun understand why we can't have our customary before the elder son? I noe it's a tradition thingy, and there's nothing i can do abt it and I feel so fustrated! Last night, my hubby told me tat the bro called and asked for our geomancer contact. He wanted to get his AD date from tat geomancer! ARgggH! I can't help feeling angry! Why must they 'copy' whatever we are doing?
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HELP!
 


venusian

New Member
Hmm, stay calm...

Well i would felt unhappy when i 1st heard of it but i think i'll just heck-care. They are the one who are rushing and not you rite? It seems like you and your hubby have planned nice nice liao, which is very good...

Actually from this, you can see how your BIL and his wife character liao, those kind of "people push then you move" mentality.

Maybe the most ultimate way to vent your frustration is... have a baby before them lor. Like that they sure won't be able to catch up if you announced you are already 4 months old,haha!

But again i must specify one thing, the above is only allowable if both of you have intention to have baby so soon. 2ndly, both of you LOVED kids a lot. If not having a baby to spite them is a no-no thing, ok? Cool down...
 

venusian

New Member
And i must say something again, i think you should feel proud for having someone copy you. Plus your BIL does not have stable income rite? If the expenses are all relied on your SIL, in future they might might suffer if they do not having savings after wedding.

Thus there's this saying, "If you failed to prepare, you are prepared to fail" (But maybe not so cham) Hehe, stay cool!
 

samanlyt

Member
Hi Venusian

Thanks for listening (or reading) my rants.
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You're so right! They are that kind of ppl where you'll have to 'push then they move'.

Hmmm...hehe, have actually considered the idea of having a BB to spite them. But on second thoughts, I think not. I should not do such a stupid thing. I wouldn't want my BB to become my 'tool for revenge'
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Well...I'm hope I should feel proud that they are copying us, but I definitely dun feel good about it! Last week, they heard that me & hubby were getting a LCD TV and the next thing I know, they got one too! Haiz...The last thing I want is another set of twins.
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I pity my own hubby, kena sandwiched in between myself and my MIL. I know that its useless to get upset over things that is within my control...
 

venusian

New Member
Haha, well after this LCD TV thing, i think it's so obvious they are copying you. But are you getting LCD? I heard from my hubby that his friend mentioned sometime early next year, there's another kind of better quality TV coming up so plasma and LCD maybe going at cheaper price, so maybe don't buy now 1st. Hehe, let you BIL spend the $ 1st...

Yah, better not use babies to spite them. Maybe in future if you don't want them to copy you, try to keep low profile lor. If they ask what ID / contractor you engaging, tell them you are still looking around but in fact you've found one, hah! If they ask where you gonna buy sofa, dun tell them, let them source it. I suspect they copy you also out of convenience. Since you buy that particular brand, maybe it's good so they no need to source or ask around and can get quality stuff liao! Hah.
 

jengcc

New Member
Hi Vanilla,
chance upon this thread n jus want to say i TOTALLY understand how u feel..
having ppl copy this copy that..
i have a friend who copied everything i did too..

maybe u tell them all the expensive n not gd things to buy lor..
let then waste the money..
nv tell them or show them what u like or interested in..
i share my hse design with her n now she did her like mine..
getting same brand fridge..
i buy LCD she also LCD..
i get what brand hob/hood also she go take..
even my ROM gown design also she got a similar one..
 

noxy

New Member
Venusian, the new lcd i think are called High Definition LCD or HD LCD something like that.

JL, you never try to hint to your friend that she is fast becoming your twin by copying so many things?
 

samanlyt

Member
Hi Venusian,

Oh got new & better quality TV?? I wan!!! But too bad, my reno finishing by this end mth, so may not be able to wait that long. Maybe I'll just get the Samsung R71 LCD TV. Been eyeing on that for a long long time. Hehe
I've been the one keeping the low profile, it's my hubby who kept spilling the beans. Even i'll ask him to lie ah, he also cannot do a good job about it. He's a bad liar, tats wat he said lah.
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. So when his brother ask him for contacts, he dunno how reject them.
My MIL knows that I'm unhapi abt the wedding issues, and all she says is: 'So wat they are holding the banquet before u both? Doesn't affect and clash with you right?' *Fainted*

JL,

Thanks u so much!
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. I tried explaining to my hubby but he just dun get it why I get so upset. As i mention, he thinks it's coincidental. Sianz...See? Everyone in here can see my point, but not my hubby & MIL.
Since u oso have a 'copy-cat', maybe you could voice out ur happiness, since she's ur friend? Perhaps easier to talk things out?
 

noxy

New Member
Hi Vanilla, did you BIL get a flat near urs?
If they are going to live some distance from you, I guess you can just bear with it. Once you and your hubby get your own hse, you will have less interaction with them.
 

samanlyt

Member
Hi Noxy, they got it @ Hougang, near my PIL house. Cos they have the near parents grant. Initially, I wanted to get the near parents grant from my hubby's side. But in the end, we choose Sengkang and forgo the grant. Cos nearer to my wrkplc. Hubby said they need the grant more than us. Well...I agree lah.
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Haha, heng ah, Sengkang & Hougang a bit far. No need to see them everyday. :p

Few days ago, we went to open the door for my new house with my geomancer. PIL tagged along, the BIL say he wans to tag along oso, so that he knows what to do when it's their turn. I told hubby NO! Very bad hor? Hehe.
 

jengcc

New Member
noxy/ vanilla,
the fren of mine damm fake lor..
she say she wanted to do zen then in the end copy my design..
she can go tell ppl i petty getting upset n avoid her for theses reasons..
say she c my "true colours" as a fren..
most irritating is when i ask her to get same area as me she say die also don wan then in the end got the same area n going to do gher hse like mine
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samanlyt

Member
Oh voxy, Error. I wanted to get Hougang cos nearer to my workplc. But in the end we chose Sengkang lor. Decide to let them have the near parents grant instead.
 

samanlyt

Member
Wau JL, ur friend quite obvious in her 'copy-ing' hor? Maybe next time you can drop little hints like: 'Wau ur house very nice hor? But dun you think the design looks a bit like mine? Ur fridge oso the same ah? Wau, everything same as MINE leh!
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But if she go around telling tales about you, mayb you can sit down and try to talk things out with her.
 

jengcc

New Member
aiyah!
i found out she tell tales behind my back liao..
but to those ppl who dunno me..
they think she so poor thing got "such fren"
oredi no fren liao lor..
she can say "c my true colours" over such things..
she not remorseful at all..
tell her straight in the face also she kept denying..
even another of my fren heard her say she still die also don admit..
if she jus want a photocopy of my hse then ok lor what can i do..
learnt my lesson the hard way..
like my husband say..
really c the "true colours" of a so-call fren
vanilla, u at SK also?
me too..
which area?
PM me maybe we r neighbors..
hahaha!
 

samanlyt

Member
Huh? Lik tat ah...If it's me, I'll make sure I drop sarcastic hints everytime I c her... :p Keep a distant from her lor. If not everytime make ur blood boil how? Ya agree with ur hubby, can see ppl's true colours through little things that happen in life. Of cos, I'm not perfect, i believe i have my own true colours oso.
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Ay, u oso at SK? Same leh! I stay at Sengkang East Way Blk 261A (near Compass Point). U lei?
 

jengcc

New Member
noxy,
poly frens till now..
abt 5/6 yrs lor..

vanilla,
i think we r quite near..
me opp varinice..
aiyah..
everyone also have "colour" but i find offensive that she did thing behind my back lor..
if she tell me frankly she take my hse referene n take my gown design referenec is ok for me to share but till she write in her blog then i find its very irritating lor..
totally disgusted with her actions..
moreover when she attend my ROM ask so much things from my venue decor to accessories to gown to MUA to hand bouquent..
she even took pics n till now i didn't even get 1 single pic!
 

samanlyt

Member
I think there are ppl out there who knows how to act blur and treat as if they have done nothing wrong. Sad to say, bobian lor. Such things are within our control and I hate this feeling.
As what Venusian has said earlier in her posts, mayb we just gotta tell ourselves to be proud that other people are copying our stuff. *hugz* Afterall, she copy all ur stuff, it's not her 'orginal' work. She wun feel proud of it oso.
 

jengcc

New Member
hahaha!
totally agree..
but i is not use crying over spilled milk but jus hope no one falls for the same trap as me..

vanilla, me n you shd try to find a way to block out such ppl..
*hugs to u*
cheers to us creative ppl and may retribution befall them..
hahaha!
*evil*
 

noxy

New Member
Vanilla, JL, don't worry. this goes to show that you gerls have good taste! That's y pple want to copy u. Don't be upset over it k? Not worth getting frustrated over them.

JL, I can't believe rom dress she oso wan to copy. tot everyone wans to be unique on their very special day!
 

samanlyt

Member
Hahahaha..We jus happen to be so 'suay' to meet such people lor. *high five*!
Imagine i have to see them for the rest of my live. I start to dread the day of my tea ceremony and having to call them 'brother' and 'sister-in-law'. Arghhh! I told my hubby, maybe when its their turn then I'll pretend to have tummy ache! LOL
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samanlyt

Member
Noxy, I feel so much better after venting my fustrations here. Buay tahan. Told hubby that I can foresee that there are more coming up. Just wait and see lor. I will sure blow my top if they do anything funny again. Hmphh!
 

venusian

New Member
Wah wah! So active this thread. Haha, so many copy cats around, no wonder nowadays they keep saying singaporeans or youngsters have no creativity, haha.

Hi Noxy, yah i think so about the TV type. I hope to get a LCD too cos my living room not that big lor. If can buy something flat, the distance wouldn't be so near lor. My eyesight getting worse *sob sob*

Hi Vanilla, yeah i agree with you that i would hv made sarcastic remark if i were to visit JL's fren's hse. I would ask ask, "how come this arrangement and everything so familiar huh? Like i walk into my house leh..." Haha.

JL, i can't believe ROM dress can copy also! I have already tried my best to find a dress not too "Daniel Yam" style liao cos i just wan to be different. Can't believe got someone wan to copy the same design! No creativity! *poor thing*

Oh Vanilla, just to tell you something also, you mention how come MIL and your hubby say something about how come they dun see where you coming from...i know the answer, cos...they are mother and son mah! Same blood runs through so the thinking erm...may think same same lor... *no offense*
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we as girls of Gen-Y think alike mah, haha. Oh but then something i dun understand, you said "....start to dread the day of my tea ceremony....maybe when its their turn then I'll pretend to have tummy ache! LOL " This part i dun understd wor...
 

samanlyt

Member
Venusian,

LOL. Ya lor, tats wat i told hubby lor. They come out of the same 'factory', tats y they dun understand how I feel lor. I told my hubby that he dun have to defend mi in front of his mum or bro. I'm ok if they noes I'm unhapi, at least I dun have to bottle up my feelings mah.
Oh when I said 'I dread my tea ceremony', I meant that I cant bring myself to offer them tea and call them 'Da Ge & Dao Sao'. I feel so disgusted! So I was thinking: When it's their turn to sit down, and me being the bride has to offer them tea right? (Cos they are my elders mah) I would pretend that I have a tummy ache! Then I make sure I'll spend a long time in the loo, till they lose their patience and gave up!
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Lame joke right? Jus my silly thot lah!
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jengcc

New Member
Venusian,
ya..
can u imagine that!
u c both of us is plus size..
n when i mention that the gown which shares similiar design ->
bustier cut
colour
material
only diff is mine got some embro/ beads and hers nothing..
and u know what her reply is:
- thats the only one that make me look not so fat
- my best fren choose one
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vanilla,
hahaha!
i totally understand what u mean..
c/ hear them oredi damm disguted still must call them "da ge/ da sao"
really can die lor
 

samanlyt

Member
JL

Hahaha..ya lor, silly of mi to come up with such ideas. I even planned to get away to maybe Bintan, so I can avoid attending their wedding dinner in March. LOL
Regarding ur frd, i have an idea: how about u copy her designs someday, and flaunt it in front of her, and see what she say la? If u claimed that u r the copy cat, then u shall say: 'So now u noe how i feel lah, when u copy my stuff la?' :p
 

samanlyt

Member
Oh JL sorie typo error again:

If she claimed that you're the copycat, then maybe you should 'shoot' her back. HAHA
 

jengcc

New Member
vanilla,
i understand what u mean by don even wanna attend their wedding..

i don wanna copy lah..
such ppl not original and no taste no creativity one else they will not be copying from us..

moreover don wanna let ppl got chance shoot me say i copy her so she copy me is right vice versa..

if they want everything also copy then let them b lor..
forever a shadow of others sooner or later ppl also know their pattern..
shame is shame themselves but i don think they know shame *hahaha*
 

venusian

New Member
Haha, JL i agree with you! they got no creativity and want to copy us liao, where will they come up with ideas worth for us to copy leh? We are just a bunch Creative-Happily-Married Women who "suay suay" meet these kind of Unoriginal women out there, haha.

I guess JL and Vanilla, both of you should feel less angry liao? There no people around you have heard you ...we understand...
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samanlyt

Member
Hello JL & Venusian

I mean it's ok for people to copy, or 'follow-what we-are-doing' but u noe what i hate most? They want to copy but yet want to show-off to us at the same time. It's so insulting! My BIL especially, likes to show off, buay tahan!

Tats y i always tell my gal frds, got chance better avoid having wedding banquet. Sure got prob with MIL. If heng heng no prob with MIL, then they're very lucky.
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jengcc

New Member
hahaha!
i understand what u mean vanilla..
they go ard boosting abt how they do this do that but others dunno they copy ours ideas and they shamelessly take the credit of our ideas when ppl comment so creative/ nice/ crazy/ different etc
worst is if got same group of frens..
so scare they come say ur hse look like their hse when the ideas was urs and ppl who dunno think u copy them *IDIOTS*
 

noxy

New Member
Hi gerls! oh noo, i can't believe those copycats so bu yao lian! take other people's idea and can still boast and pass it off as their own! goodness!

vanilla, must 'lun', sigh, it's your BIL, cannot siam afterall.

JL, just cross this 'frn' out...she's so extreme til she even copy ur rom gown...that one i got nothing to say liao
 

jengcc

New Member
hahaha!
noxy,
i oredi know her pattern liao..
feel like showing u ladies the pic man..
i show all my fren they also tell me look so similiar..

actually after i confront her she apologise but refuse to admit that she copy anything from me lor..
still know how to act pitiful to other forumers..
*so sick*
make me look like the evil kind but i don care lah..

vanilla,
u more jialat lor..
urs is BIL somemore is elder one..
bo bian..
jus keep ur ideas n plans to urself n ask ur hubby don tell the mum or the bro lor..
 

noxy

New Member
JL, act pitiful to other forumers? what? simitaiji? she very interesting can? she's amazing
 

jengcc

New Member
actually b4 she bad-mouth me behind my back i had wanted to jus leave things as it is n not start the issue but when she start this whole thing, even our common fren also say buay tahan liao..
say she too much..
cos when i told them abt my hse stuff n design this fren of ours was present too and she can vouch for me on what she said prev abt hse design/ colours..
 

samanlyt

Member
Eh...JL, tried to click on the link cannot lei. Y huh?

Wau JL, your frd noes how to act hor? Might as well join Mediacorp! Sure makes ppl wanna kick her in the as* lei! Arghhhh..cannot tahan ppl act ke lian one!

Ya lor, cannot tahan my BIL & SIL. I just have to admit la, i 'buay song' them lor. Everything they do, good or bad sure piss me off one! Everything oso wanna follow. Feel like asking them: 'If I choose the jump off a building, want to follow or not?!!'
 

jengcc

New Member
kenna block so u must copy then replace the "_" with "g"

i know what u mean..
bascially everything to do with them is like
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noxy

New Member
'If I choose the jump off a building, want to follow or not?!!'

Vanilla, this is a good one man! hahahahahaha
 

samanlyt

Member
Haha noxy, aiyoh din realise i got typo error again. Silly me
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Ya lor, feel like asking my BIL go fly kite. He ah... is a good-for-nothing son. Depend his wife's savings to pay for their HDB flat. No $ still go & buy 32" LCD TV. Imagine a 30 plus man, have to depend on his wife to pay all the bills & mother to pay for his banquet! Dunno what's to say about my MIL, dunno wats going thru her mind. Always like to listen to those 'san gu liu po' gossips. Whatever they says, she follows. I think can use the word 'simple-minded' to describe her.
 

samanlyt

Member
JL, i saw manage to see ur frd's posts. She seems reali 'ke lian' in her posts. LOL. Wau, if I'm in ur shoes, I will surely blow my top and confront her liao. Salute you lei, can tahan her. If she's my frd, I think I will want to take revenge! Wait till she's asleep, sneak into her room and shave her head botak? How's that? :p
Dun be so affected ya? We gals will cheer u up!
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noxy

New Member
vanilla, i don't mean to be a 'san gu liu po' too lah, but i scared next time your bil borrow from the wifey til she no money, borrow from ur mil til no money, later turn to your hb *gulp*

30 something no money to pay for dinner nvm, but take money from mother to haf dinner. *gulp again*

no money to buy tv nvm, but take WIFE MONEY to buy LCD TV somemore! *gulp again and again*
 

jengcc

New Member
vanilla,
really can act hor?!
this kind of ppl confront also act blur one..
no use getting so angry..
i was very angry at first but now i jus sit n watch her act lor..
let her beam with joy when ppl compliment "her hse colours" and boost how "daring and creative" she is with the colours..
 

jengcc

New Member
noxy sounds kinda logic..
mums always protect the eldest son cos they "zhang zi"
so u better pre-empt ur husband don scali later ur MIL take $$ for ur husband to give ur BIL..
 

samanlyt

Member
JL, ur frd thick skin and likes to act blur, then bobian. These are the kind of ppl that can live very long, cos they mananged to bluff their way thru many things in life. Try to act cool and show that you are 宽å®å¤§é‡.
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I'm trying to act 'cool' oso, even though i m not. Hehe

Noxy, dun worie, I'll make sure I'll guard my hubby's $$ properly! I'll be the financial controller! LOL.
Basically my BIL is a good-for-nothing lor, my MIL oso dunno wat to do with the son. When my BIL & SIL wanna ROM tat time, my MIL ask my SIL to think twice if want to marry his son, cos she'll sure suffer one. See? Even the mum oso noes how to pre-empt my SIL. She noes life wud be for her...
 

noxy

New Member
vanilla, i think ur sil's love to ur bil is true love. can go through everything.

but i cant believe it, so its only ur sil paying for their hse? if ur bil no money, what he use to pay for d hse?
 

samanlyt

Member
Noxy,

Haiz, mayb u r rite. Sometimes i pity her oso, but on the other hand I thinks she's too weak. Can't control the husband, jus let him be and bum around. Now everything is the wife pay lor. The $ he earn all spend on playing bowling. Basically, jus depend on wife and mother.
 

jengcc

New Member
either its true love or there r those woman that jus like jerks..
" nan ren bu huai nu ren bu ai "

lets hope she don belong to this group..
now oredi struggling..
future really got kids how?
 

noxy

New Member
*gulp* jl, no need to wait til future, think vanilla's sil now already feeding one 'kid' liao. next time she must feed the whole family. i admire her courage and her love to ur bil
 


jengcc

New Member
*kowtow* to vanilla's SIL..
can only pray that one day the BIL will "wake up"
if not the SIL really poor thing
 

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