Poor Mid income guys in their 30s not getting married

[poor30s]

I'm in my mid 30s and many of my friends more or less have gotten married. Although some have complained life after married is not really happily ever after but i would still like to have a pretty loving wife to settle down. Problem is, my pay is only 3k+ and don't have much savings in my bank. How am i able to afford the HDB downpayment, COV and wedding expenses ? As such i would rather remain single without having to worry about such things.

Any guys in their 30s here in similar situation ?

 

[denise80]

3k plus okay what...
when my hubby married me, he's drawing about that too...

there's this thing called bank loan, hdb loan etc...just make sure you find a sweet wife who doesn't mind a simpler wedding. How about relatives' help? Possible to stay in your current home?

First of all, do you have a gf? If not, then find someone nice to date lst alamak...

 

[simpleman]

How about a sweet, pretty and rich wife?

 

[vios]

ya la, there're alternatives to an overpriced hdb or lavish wedding. and we don't marry 1st then date, right?

based on your thoughts, i'm concerned that you might have the tendency to frighten away nice gals. there are plenty out there who are not that princessy.

 

[poor30s]

In childhood days, kids focus on fun more than love or money. 20s somethings place love above fun and money. People in their 30s more or less place money more impt than the other 2.

Hence i feel women in their 30s will focus on having a financially rich person with excess so he could provide comfortably for her as well.
So i kinda feel it's happier for a 30 something guy who have missed experiencing the kind of "uncontaminated by $" love that people feel in their 20s to remain in his comfort zone and enjoy life without having any worries for monetary issues and debts and other issues (in-laws, quarrels etc) married couples will face after marriage.

Although there are times which he might feel lonely. But I guess, it’s a tradeoff.

 

[kittenpie]

Poorly Tan,

not necessary to be obsessed about doing the Singapore thing of HDB and wedding dinner.

go to the internet. join websites such as Match.com. this will give you exposure to people in very different strata of life. could be foreigners (ang moh ladies/ expatriates), could be someone with a very unique life experience ... you could meet people out of your league, or in a different league from you, who do not impose expectations of HDB-Wedding dinner on you.

who knows, you might meet a kind-hearted and wealthy cougar. or an ageing heiress. or people with colorful and interesting backgrounds.

you are fortunate to have option. realise that.

 

[cocoeizing]

match.com?
haha. i found my going to be husband there^^

 

[cococherry]

Poorly Tan,

U will get grants when applying HDB flats and I'm sure yr spouse shld be able to share the expenses if she's wking.

Whereas wedding, definately will gt half the amount spent back from ang baos, u r worrying too much.

You should start worrying abt where to find a loving wife first lah

 

[miloice]

The question is not so much on your pay but your savings. For a 30+, after working for some 6 yrs or more, what have you been spending your money on?

Do you have heavy financial commitments?

When I got to know my wife, I was in debt. And my pay was also 3k+.

 

[poor30s]

I've lose quite a huge portion of my savings during last yr financial crisis in the stock market. My unit trust is still suffering a lost of abt 40%. No debts, no heavy financial commitments except mthly parent allowance and a car which have been fully paid.
I created this thread just to share my dilemma between actively looking for a partner at this age or staying single to enjoy life. I wonder are there many people in singapore who are facing the same dilemma as me , how many of those feel that it is better to remain single in this situation and have chose to live that way.

 

[babystorm]

Milo, what kind of debts did you have and how did you manage to clear them all?

 

[powder]

u will settle down when u do... money is never an excuse since it's something u have every option to make. switching a job with a 10% increase gives u maybe 4 k liao, and soon andso forth.

if u have not met the one, then your question isnt very relevant. until u meet, u'll then be able to answer..

 

[rafflesjay]

Find gf quick, ballot for hdb flat( cheapr), thn rom without dinner loh. So have u think of ur children name and what pri should they go? Or leave sg, by thn house will be more ex. Face same problem as u again.

 

[miloice]

hi Tan, for your investments as long as you don't let go, u didn't really lose them right? Its still assets that you have with you. Just not at the highest value.

babystorm, I had bought over my dad's share of the condo to prevent a forced sale. Dad was a bankrupt then. It was to protect my mum's share of the property. The sale also helped him settle all his debts and discharged his bankruptcy. I cleared the debts bit by bit paying back friends with my monthly pay and bonuses. And the housing loan was settled when we managed to get a buyer at valuation price. The place en-block just 1 yr after we sold it actually.

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi poorly tan,

You thinking about marriage or single?

Please don't think too long if you intend to be a husband, father and grandfather.
Time passes quickly before you know it. You don't want to be a father at 60 yrs old, right?

So who says only women have biological clocks, men have them too but the time is probably longer than women by 10 yrs.

 

[miloice]

Risk of heart diseases in men is higher than women. We are at risk from 40-45 while its 10 yrs later for women on the same risk level.

No one can plan when to die. Marrying young doesn't necessary mean you will live long enough for your kids to grow up. And everyone's health condition differs. Some 30 yr olds have more health hazards than the seniors.

 

[giantemu]

marry or not....better do some financial planning on your own. its more relevant if you r starting a family / getting married / buying flat.

3k+ is not low what...there are families getting by with lesser pay. its just a matter of how you utilise what you have.

if you feel you are not saving enough, start saving...whether or not you are finding gf or you intend to be single (by choice or not)

And finding a partner is not like buying something from NTUC, it may not be there or it may take a while. Whatever it is, get to know more people and take it from there.

After that, you and your partner should plan based on what you have, what you want and how to get what you want. HDB too ex? rent or stay with parents for time being. Or lower ur expectations to get somewhere far or low floor...compromise.

whatever it is, life goes on....and we got to prepare for it...unfortunately, this is Singapore...we are not a welfare state...almost everything got to plan and fend for one self. including $$$

 

[shannat]

many families with only the father as a sole breadwinner, mum as a hsewife with 2-3 kids can survive on a 2K+ or less pay, i dont see why u cant. since u earn 3K+ n if ur future wife earns arnd 1K+ to 2K+,im sure with savings n investments, shld be able to get marry (a simple one) and get a hse (BTO will be cheaper since little reno needed n COV not needed).

even if u dont intend to marry, i think it would be gd to start saving n invest part of it. though a bit late, but nvr too late to start now.

 

[thommy]

when there's a will, there's a way.

 

[red_garnet]

Being rich or poor doesn't matter. What matters is that both are financially stable and/or prudent. Doesn't mean that one can't get married with a $3k+ salary. You can do that with careful planning. One of my friends got married last year even though they were financially tight with not much savings too. So it's not right to say that you can't get married with a $3k salary.

HDB downpayment for BTO flats is between $1k to $2k, depending on the type of flat you are getting. Forget about resale. My htb and I chucked that into the dustbin a few months back. The amount of COV 'asked' for is ridiculous. I just saw one unit on iproperty asking for a COV of $35k but the whole place is very ill-maintained. The kitchen doesn't have cabinets and the walls are black with soot from the cooking oil. I'd rather spent that amount on doing up the place so that it looks presentable then to give it to the owner who would laugh all the way to the bank.

 

[rafflesjay]

Actually blessing in disguise, image u and ur partner both make 4.1k each, no chance to try BTO also. I hav coupke friend jus make over 8k cant apply bto. Congrats!

 

[wat_are_dreamz]

Hmm, since when is $3k+ pay/mth poor? Then wat abt those who earn $1k-$2k/mth?

Marriage requires some financing but it has no direct relation to $ or wealth. Most imptly, its the lifestyle u want to have.

 

[simpleman]

I think what he is saying is that with his 3K+ salary - he can live comfortably as a single (but lonely) versus higher financial commitment if he is getting married.

 

[miloice]

if he is going to sit around and feel lousy about himself all day, nothing is going to change.

If he is hungry enough, he should be pushing himself to achieve more in his career.

 

[powder]

"Then wat abt those who earn $1k-$2k/mth?"

- Poorer... Not Rich... Financially-Challenged.

"Marriage requires some financing but it has no direct relation to $ or wealth."

- yup. think of the amount of money u save on paid sex... dun need money in marriage for sure. it is just a status symbol.

 

[simpleman]

No need to push..

Just find a rich wife can liao..

 

[bedokboy]

i can empathise a bit with TS lah.

tho I'm not sure how hard he is trying or whether he is on the brink of a relationship, it's valid to be concerned and worried or stressed out.

Living standards are getting higher and higher. Property prices, car prices, even a nice dinner in the dating context can hurt too, not to mention that the girl you are courting or even attached to may not work out in the end.

I also know it's counter-productive to be so negative and thinking of the negative outcome even before it happens. But when you're not exactly living within your means there is cause for worry.

I do try and be frugal and yet I'm already close to limit. Anyone who knows a little bit more about me may know I have my reasons for certain extragravances, but fact of the matter remains that I am not very comfortable, hence the worry sometimes.

Still, especially as a man, always have to keep the chin up and keep going. If stay still is the worst option to take.

Haiz.

加油 myself and all the 'poor' single guys out there!

 

[the_giving_tree]

It all boils down to living within your means. When we got married some 18 years ago, our combined income was only close to $4k. Our church wedding was a simple affair; no bridesmaids, no church decorations, no choir etc. The whole church wedding cost us less than $1k.

We didn't want a Chinese dinner but my MIL insisted on having one, so she foot the bill (but recoup from the angbao money). Honeymoon was at a nearby country and it was a free and easy package.

Now, 18 years later, although our salaries have risen significantly, our lifestyle has not really changed that much.

We bought our 5-room HDB flat in the suburbs; therefore the loan is very manageable. We can afford a car but we choose not to. We buy big ticket items and go on holidays only if we can afford to pay them in cash. We don't buy luxury or branded goods. We are debt-free.

So, yes, it all boils down to living within your means.

 

[denise80]

Faith, nice to know that you and your hubby are pretty frugal. Yet, not many couples are like this. This includes both males and females. Most of us do want a better life, with cars, private properties, a grand wedding, dine at better restaurants etc...

It really therefore depends on the kind of woman TS falls for. If most sg women are like Faith, TS will have hope. If not, maybe...try a foreign talent? Most of them are more realistic and less demanding especially if they are from families of humble backgrounds. Women in sg a little tough and before all women start throwing stones at me, let me just say a word of fairness...it's only because we are more educated here and we earn as much as men these days. In fact, I've encountered many men who only date women who could match up to their educational backgrd and income status too. When I asked them why, they all said...for a better combined income and better standard of living. There you go! It's an SG thing it seems!

 

[powder]

the current generation of young couples, although are getting higer salaries... i feel are highly disadvantaged in housing n cost of living... and our property prices has seriously gone up. altho loans can help us attain the homes, the length of loan and the Interests paid can easily buy another property. not forgetting the consequent prices in renovations, appliances, utilities n even internet connection n subscriptions.

at least back in our days there's 12oz size of coke at Mac's at 70cents and hamburger at $1.10. now the minimum size is 16oz and i have not noticed if a normal hamburger is avail. also the coffee trend which is like 5 bucks! if u want a large cup it's $7!!

it's no longer as easy But i definitely agree with the principle behind what Faith is saying. i think it's very impt for us to spean money at the right places and in the right things.

 

[the_giving_tree]

We don't think we have missed out on anything by not having a car or living in a condo/landed property. It's not as if we are living a hermit's life. We still indulge in life's little luxuries once in a while but these are luxuries we can afford.

In fact, I find living in a big house cumbersome; I have to engage a maid to help with all the cleaning! And being saddled with a huge housing loan means:
1. we cannot afford to lose our jobs (read:have to stay in a job that sucks just for the sake of paying off that huge, stupid loan) 2. we cannot afford to fall seriously sick but this is a no brainer. If we have to slog to pay off a huge loan, do you think we can afford the time to exercise, eat healthily and take care of our health?
3. we have very little left for our retirement. Unless we are prepared to depend on govt handouts in our golden years, this is a scary thought.

The best investment I give myself is to spend my hard earned money on my own education. If anything were to happen to my spouse, I know I can still make a decent living with my own earning power.

So yes, less is more. And get your priorities right.

 

[ariel84]

"the current generation of young couples, although are getting higer salaries... i feel are highly disadvantaged in housing n cost of living... and our property prices has seriously gone up. altho loans can help us attain the homes, the length of loan and the Interests paid can easily buy another property. not forgetting the consequent prices in renovations, appliances, utilities n even internet connection n subscriptions."

Powder, so glad that you pointed this out! I am so tired of hearing comments from people of older generations who don't seem to understand the kind of living / housing / wedding expenses that younger couples (especially those newly setting up homes) have to face.

Like my fiance and me, balloted so many times for BTO but cannot even get a decent queue number. We have no choice but to buy resale and that wiped out whatever savings we have. We even have to borrow money for the COV. Then now we have to think of taking reno loan and also, buying furniture and stuff on installment. SIGH.

 

[powder]

well it's a pretty known fact, but guess it's not getting as much acknowledgement as u'd like. end of the day we've still gotta make that purchase... i can only hope that more head was involved in the planning than heart... yeah it's a constant struggle...

i guess expensive housing will be here for awhile, perhaps even a way of life for the future... now it's how we deal with it. of cos, i'd not be too pleased if told the same by the older folks... perhaps just take the wisdom and not what's being said at face-value?

one of the things i do notice, is the extravagance these days compared with the frugality of yesteryears. i can only hope that the remuneration improves to bridge things... otherwise it's back to the single most impt factor liao... - Self.

 

[vios]

yeah don't be a keh-kiang when one can't afford a condo or a car but die die want to own. it's self-suffocation, and quarrels will soon follow with monetary problems.

 

[thommy]

ariel, ur plight is the same as mine although I did not have to go to extremes like you...

don't sigh, take things one step at a time. furniture/appliances wise, buy those that are most important first. The rest can come later when you are financially better off.

 

[magicalhome]

Maybe you can have thoughts of upgrading jobs (in terms of pay) and learn to save more

 

[araire]

Dear Poorly Tan
I think you feel lonely and deep inside would like a life companion to settle down with but is afraid that you won't be a 'good catch' because u think your pay is low. Whilst it is true that many girls at this age will think about material comfort (it is unavoidable as this is Spore after all), there are some who are also reasonable and willing to look beyond a guy's paycheck.

Firstly, I think u'll need to look beyond your self-doubts and build you confidence. Girls are attracted to confident and charming guys. Then you can slowly take it from there. Good luck

 

[jefferson_edison]

u people in here are really rich.

earning 3K plus is alot of money.

No saving is because you had spend or gamble the money away?

I'm getting alot lower.(2K plus only, minus CPF 1K+, and Got O.T work no O.T pay, some more I'm a graduate in engineering for Uni)

I'm not as young as you and I'm planning to settle down this X'mas.

I don't have much saving and yes, will face money problems but slowly will clear.

you are single and no gf, where did all your $$$ went too? buy car? buy stocks, KTV , geylang , go tour? so the money is spend instead of getting the right thing.

 

[miloice]

Yong, read b4 u comment leh.

TS is not that poor, he just have them stuck in his investments.

But, he did not mention his CPF. Normally, should have quite a bit by the time one reached 30+.

Need to move around, either internally or externally and negotiate for the raise one. My increment in the last 2 yrs is more than the increment over the last 10 yrs I worked before. The difference is I didn't capitalize in the negotiation to review my package all these while and happily accept whatsoever increment my boss gave.

Its not much now but at least more decent than my old pay. The irony is, my staff reporting to me from beijing is getting a SGD60k package which is really not too bad in China context.

 

[sundownprince]

jefferson > time to get a better paying job... what sort of engineering did u do btw?

 

[powder]

jefferson,

i think u should have a good look at your career path and choice of jobs... it is very difficult to earn this little if u had put in more effort in your planning stages and taken some steps, including leaving... U need to speak to some close frens who are on a faster track if possible...

 

[stanzza]

I'm migrating =)

 

[vios]

stanzza, what's the relevance? =)

 

[vios]

jefferson, if you think that a family income of 3K plus at the present time is alot of money, you might be mistaken. pls hor, i'm not saying this to embarass anyone but it's likely that it is going to be less than comfortable. speaking of setting the right priorities - like in Faith's case many years ago and obviously, their combined 4k has more purchasing power back then - there won't be other priorities to talk about.

anyway we shouldn't just live with the same salary bracket (ie.combined 3K plus) when it's another fact of life that costs are escalating.

so for TS, of course it's possible to marry with 3K plus (ie.simple wedding/stay with parents), but first and foremost, he gotta find the right match and also look to increase his income - all assuming that the wife-to-be is a home maker. if the good match is earning her own keep, there will be alternatives.

 

[stanzza]

Is way too expensive and stressful here in Sg and it is only going to worsen.

First is "how to marry". Next would be "how to have kids". Then would be "how to support parents and kids". After that is "how to retire". Follow on "how to pay for medical bills". Finally is "how to pay for funeral".

Migration could be an option =)

 

[vios]

that depends where you're migrating to, i believe.

 

[dimpxtt]

migrate to where?is it aus?

is other country's moon rounder than sg? u will feel happier there?

 

[stanzza]

Yes, to Aus.

Moon wise is same. But live hood wise is definitely better overall.

At least you don't have to worry about retirement, marry, kids, parental support etc. Yeah you get tax a lot but you get the peace of mind rather than worrying all ur life away.

Pay in Singapore is 50% of oz, us, europe before tax anyway, thanks to the lax immigration rules to flood our labour market.

 

[simpleman]

Depending.. Migration is an option.. but not a solution for everyone. If it works for you fine.

 

[infojunkie]

yeah, the weather here depresses me