Pls Advise! My mum is having an affair!

sunzhine30

New Member
My mother had an affair 2 years ago. My loving dad forgave her and still love and pampers her like before. Last week my dad was posted outstation for a year due to work.

My mum started to stay out late. My dad called her but she did not ans. When my dad called home and ask if everything's ok at home, I lied to him and said yes.

I know my mum is seeing that guy again. I really don't wish to hurt my dad by telling him. But when I told off my mum, she scolded me! My family has always been very happy!! I really don't know what to do.

I asked my mum what she wants. If she wants to stay with that man then out she goes, we are all in our thirties(3 siblings), we don't need this kind of mum. My dad doesn't deserve this.

But she told me she wants all! (the guy and our family)

Can I sue the guy who is going to break my family?
 


the_giving_tree

New Member
I think you should not meddle in your parents' marital affairs. How to sue the guy? You mean your mum has no part in this?

But to lie to your dad that everything is per normal when it is not is a bit tricky. He will surely find out soon.
 

susanna_low

New Member
Y not ha e a talk with ur mum and the man n understand fr both parties? They might be close friends n not having affair since u did mentioned that ur family was once happy.
 

denise80

Active Member
I feel that u shld stay out of ur parents' problem. All u could advise is for them to talk and communicate. Who knows perhaps ur dad is closing one eye so that he could continue with the marriage and not lose ur mum entirely?
 

infojunkie

Active Member
i think every decision to help should be made in the best interest of both parties -- ur dad and ur mom

well that's the best u can do for them as children to ur parents.

dun side and dun hide.

and support them when they fall...

they Both need it from u.
 

divasaurous

New Member
You can't sue the man.But your dad can sue your mom adultery... So in case of divorce, your dad need not pay a single cent for her.

I gone through these when i was in my teens. My mother was seeing someone else, she even brought that man back home while my dad was working outside.

Eventually she ran off with that married man... but i think at one point of time, the married man wanted to "break off" with my mother and she came back... my dad said its ok and forgave her.. BUT she went back to that married man again...

And best, she took this opportunity to divorce my dad. My soft hearted dad did not charge her adultery. And my mother bite him back by asking tonnes of alimony and money. If my dad charged her adultery, she will not get a single cent...

It all ended up ugly. They went to courts several times and my dad had to go "jail" for a few times because he could not afford to pay the alimony.

So I would advise your dad to get some evidence of her adultery. Before she do things like my mother did.
 

divasaurous

New Member
I am not trying to ask you to ask your Dad to divorce your mom. But just in case.... You will never know.

It was a painful journey for us as kids that time. And to see my poor dad suffered all these, it really break my heart. Imagine he was forced to sell off the 4 room flat that we were staying because the judge has given her 40% of the property though she did not contribute anything. And she just insisted him to sell it off so she could get the money. And she did not even consider us as kids, where are we going to stay. It was horrible. And she withdraw all their savings overnight before my dad could do it. Imagine my dad was left with nothing except 3 kids. He could just run away and abandon us but he never.

Apparently, SG law still side on women. So it's better to get some evidence of your mom's adultery. I just don't want your dad to hurt
sad.gif
 

infojunkie

Active Member
some may see one finding romance in their 50s and beyond as something unbecoming, not to mention unforgivable, if the person is still in a marriage.

maybe it's madness... but who m i to judge?

love is never a black & white thing to me.
 

uglydude

Member
It is amazing how many dumb guys out there still believes in marriage...u commit adultery u pay alimony, ur spouse commit adultery u also pay alimony.....

PS : Proof for adultery is easier said then done...lol
 

margret

Member
chloe, u might be wrong. even if the mother committed adultery, if there is a divorce, he still needs to pay her maintenance.
 

soisuka

New Member
Hmmm not really true ugly dude, I know of one case where the guy got half the house despite not ever having paid for it and i think the female received no maintenance either. But they also don't have kids.

PS: not saying it is fair in either cases
 

uglydude

Member
But each month when u need to fork out a chunk of ur salary to pay a woman who is spending it on another man will definitely hurts big time.....hahaha

PS : It was never about how much u need to pay...but why u r paying it...lol
 

soisuka

New Member
I'm jus saying legally if u get a good lawyer, u can get a judgement more hmmm favorable for you. Sadly it's generally the faithful one in the Rs who can't afford one.
 

infojunkie

Active Member
" It was never about how much u need to pay...but why u r paying it."

cos the law doesn't give a shit abt feelings...
 

uglydude

Member
The case u mention Soisuka will only happens if the woman is in a hurry to remarry and wanted to get the divorce over with asap...what you mentions happens to a friend of mine once also...but that is because the wife committed adultery and is in a hurry to remarry...

Ask any lawyers that deal with divorce case..they will unanimously tells you that the family court is very much one sided favoring the women when it comes to divorce...so unless the women is dumb enough or in a hurry to get divorce...chances of the man getting half the assets is NIL...lol
 

susanna_low

New Member
If I was in TS shoe, I also feel like fainting.. But I guess with my character, I will ask that guy out, meet both of them to understand the depth of the "issue" n "counsel" my mum.

Let the man noe that mum will be his liability if ever she left the family as the kids will standby their dad.

If he's just out of fun, he will flee in no time. However of they are really serious, u might wan to decide how to break the news to dad as it will only be a matter of time that he will find out.
 

margret

Member
it's the women charter. Even your wife is having adultery, if u file a divorce, she can claim maintenance from u till the day she remarry or die. whether u get a good lawyer or not, the law is the law, no one can overturn it.
 

infojunkie

Active Member
i oso dun like women's charter.

why r we protecting the women?

we're ALL living in the age of decadence...
 

soisuka

New Member
If u had to consider that aspect before marrying or while married to someone, I'll say the marriage began on rather uncertain grounds.

I mean like if I considered if my man will divorce me x years later, I probably shouldn't marry him in the first place whether or not my insecurities is real or perceived. And vice versa for the man if he thinks will she sue me for x amount of money? Then you start placing a monetary value on how much ur spouse is worth.

But having said that, I don't think TS's dad will consider divorce, they are what in their 50s? What's the point?

If TS feels mother has neglected both dad and family, perhaps TS will feel compelled to put a stop to it. But its really tricky. If dad is the type who feels ignorance is bliss, why burst his bubble?

If its me, perhaps I will gather evidence to prove adultery, but not use it until it is actually required. I might also send my parents away on a long holiday on some isolated resort.
 

margret

Member
before u do any talking, do u have any evidence in hand.

u confront her, and if she turn around and say there is nothing between them, then u become the guilty party.

how much u know of that man. This kind of man i believed are looking for free lunch, if ask for commitment, he will run away or if he have a family and he feel threaten about being expose, he will also run away.
 

soisuka

New Member
Why so? What about the woman in her 40s or 50s who hasn't work for 20 years with 3 kids in her custody and has committed to serving her family for the most of her marriage?

If a woman like dat has no maintenance, say she learns to stand on her own 2 feet, what job do u think she'll find? And her children? What will they be eating, drinking or wearing? Where will they live?
 

divasaurous

New Member
I guess if you have the evidence, you might not give hefty alimony to the woman. At least with that adultery issue on hand, the man can always use it against the woman.

In my situation, my siblings and I followed my dad. But my poor dad has to give her $400 a month even though he showed to the judge that he earned merely 2K a month and have to feed us. As mentioned earlier, he had to go to jail for a few times because he cldn't afford to pay for e alimony.

So by having the evidence, if your dad is ready for divorce, he can fight and give the minimum to your mom.
 

infojunkie

Active Member
soisuka,

that's why judgment should be made on a case by case basic...

not some one-size-fits-all law to protect all women...

not all women r angels and they dun deserve the law to protect them
happy.gif
 

margret

Member
to give how much maintenance don't mean how much evidence u have.

If your dad have being giving your mother that standard of life, after a divorce he have to continue to maintain the same standard of life.

If your dad have the means and your mother have the needs, the court will expect him to pay the maintenance.
 

soisuka

New Member
I agree but it's the person passing the judgment that has a problem, who isn't able to think or understand beyond the written law and hear beyond the words. I don't think that is a legal issue.
 

sunzhine30

New Member
yes, its the same man... we(our family) is everything to my dad.

i know he cant afford to lose this family and my mum. thats y im hiding from him. its painful, really painful. my dad give my mum anything she wants. I dun understand. being the eldest in the family, i always ve to bear with all these and keep it from my siblings. i got no one to turn to. i cant tell my relatives and friends. this is too ugly to let them knows.

I really dunno this man and ve not seen him b4.

i found out cos of my mum's unusual behav... she will talk over the phone like a small gal whos juz in love. hide herself in the room or backyard to chat.

they are very smart, this man will drive my mum from elsewhere within sight.

my neighbour saw and told me abt it.
 

soisuka

New Member
It sounds like ur mum really is in love. Ur parent could have been maintaining appearance for years.

Talk to ur siblings I'll say, or u will go crazy!
 

infojunkie

Active Member
"I agree but it's the person passing the judgment that has a problem, who isn't able to think or understand beyond the written law and hear beyond the words. I don't think that is a legal issue"

oh whatever...

unless u're a woman living in places like afghanistan... else i dun think u need much protection
happy.gif
 

denise80

Active Member
It's not easy to understand other's relationships including our parents and that's y I advised u to stay out of their problems and not side any. I've seen it happen to a few of my friends. They fell out with the father whom they knew he strayed only to realise its mutual, that the mother also had adultery (if not first) or that the mother had been the trigger. They regretted their immature impulsive behaviour in jumping to side either sides. Furthermore we are the children. What right do we have to confront a mother's bf or a father's gf? That's not the smartest way to solve the issue. Think again. U'll lose ur parents faster that way. Stay out.
 

susanna_low

New Member
Tzy, is ur dad a emotional man? In the event if he find out, will he ever be impulsive to confront that man, hurt ur mum or himself?

I guess no children will want to see the mum being cheated n scammed..n parents hurting themselves..
 
your mom deserve her own happiness. bear with it. they are so called "Parent" they also human, make mistake and have a bad judgment.
 

Top