Hey all... i'm in a really stuck situation and i really hope i can get some advice here...
well my parents are (yes, still are) divorce(ing) after more more more than 5 years and it hasn't been settled and the immense pressure is just taking a toll on me.
For starters, my father kinda blames Me for breaking up the family (though it was because the relationship drifted apart n affairs n money n hatred n anger n wad not) and he puts every single problem on me and i'm the jinx of the family. So, there is always this deep animosity towards me by my father and his side of his family.
I hear insults and accusations like me shielding my siblings from visiting my father n his family from my grandma (his mom) and what not, saying i'm bias, i'm bad, i'm fat blah blah blah i've endured for so many years all through junior college and university, being the middleman of the two warring sides, i'm the messenger, the one in the front line. I took care of everything ever since the family broke apart despite school because of my siblings.
But recent developments have made me realize i cannot take it anymore and go anymore further. When my father was sick or got into some problem, i would always be contacted. Yet, All of them thinks i'm being heartless or bad by "lying" about being busy with school, exchange programs, writing papers etc... seriously.
I had enough but i don't know what i should do. My partner who walked me through the entire episode and my siblings told me that i should not be living a life like that because all these that has happened isn't my fault and i need to learn how to be selfish n think of my own life and not someone else for once. I am so tempted to cut off all ties with them despite him being sick or facing with problem or wad not. i want to freeze my heart and put everyone there away so i will not let it interfere with my studies, my future my life, my happiness.
But i know there are consequences and repercussions such as unfortunate events of passing on as such and i am stuck. stuck whether i am being heartless, unfilial by cutting off ties to lead a new life without my father and his family around or should i stick around, hold on stronger, out of duty. i wasted half my teenage life being kicked around like that. i wasted half my university life worrying about this incessantly. i don't want to waste my future away.
i am so sorry people for this super super long post. i'm just really stuck n it brings me great comfort to know 3rd parties' POV because i guess, everyone close to me must be emotionally distraught and affected too.
well my parents are (yes, still are) divorce(ing) after more more more than 5 years and it hasn't been settled and the immense pressure is just taking a toll on me.
For starters, my father kinda blames Me for breaking up the family (though it was because the relationship drifted apart n affairs n money n hatred n anger n wad not) and he puts every single problem on me and i'm the jinx of the family. So, there is always this deep animosity towards me by my father and his side of his family.
I hear insults and accusations like me shielding my siblings from visiting my father n his family from my grandma (his mom) and what not, saying i'm bias, i'm bad, i'm fat blah blah blah i've endured for so many years all through junior college and university, being the middleman of the two warring sides, i'm the messenger, the one in the front line. I took care of everything ever since the family broke apart despite school because of my siblings.
But recent developments have made me realize i cannot take it anymore and go anymore further. When my father was sick or got into some problem, i would always be contacted. Yet, All of them thinks i'm being heartless or bad by "lying" about being busy with school, exchange programs, writing papers etc... seriously.
I had enough but i don't know what i should do. My partner who walked me through the entire episode and my siblings told me that i should not be living a life like that because all these that has happened isn't my fault and i need to learn how to be selfish n think of my own life and not someone else for once. I am so tempted to cut off all ties with them despite him being sick or facing with problem or wad not. i want to freeze my heart and put everyone there away so i will not let it interfere with my studies, my future my life, my happiness.
But i know there are consequences and repercussions such as unfortunate events of passing on as such and i am stuck. stuck whether i am being heartless, unfilial by cutting off ties to lead a new life without my father and his family around or should i stick around, hold on stronger, out of duty. i wasted half my teenage life being kicked around like that. i wasted half my university life worrying about this incessantly. i don't want to waste my future away.
i am so sorry people for this super super long post. i'm just really stuck n it brings me great comfort to know 3rd parties' POV because i guess, everyone close to me must be emotionally distraught and affected too.
