Perspectives

Infernolord

Active Member
Hi guys.

For ppl who are active here, i have wrote abt my past experiences here. I used to call myself useless guy and always got ditched by my ex. I have no problem in getting attach but i hv problem sustaining it. My values in rs is very traditional and simple. I believe in putting efforts to a rs rather than find a perfect gf. I always been trying to get my message across to my ex gf.

I currently dating another ger. Being hurt so many time, i am really afraid i got ditch again. I been pondering if this ger is right for me. She is a very smart ger in a sales role who always tell me she have no problem getting a bf. Why she picked me because she feel connected with me but recently due to quarrels she feel i am giving her a wrong impression and she might made a mistake being with me. :( sadly i beg and she stay on.

1. So this questions about perspective. Like i mentioned i am someone that feel rs is commitment and devotion. Compromise each other. forgive and forget. Be it in a rs or marriage, if quarrel then find solutions and work it out no matter what. End of the day, say gd night to each other no matter what. Marriage is a life time commitment and both have to put in even more efforts to work it out.
Her views is very different but i dun think she is wrong either. She feel that if a couple cant communicate and always have clash in views, should just move on why stay and put in efforts. Worst thing is i feel her threshold on this is very low, ie. quarrel abit, she feel that communication breakdown, values different and not meant to be together.

2. Every quarrel must have a valid reasoning. ie. if you cant out talk me, why shld i be listening to you and compromise??? To her intelligent debates into quarrel are very healthy, which i strongly disagree cos i think sometimes we need to work things out and we shld try compromise and accept each other. Debating with her always end up in a nasty quarrel.

3. When its come to family, I come from complete family, i value alot of family respects and bonding. I.e We as children shld always respect elder regardless of what. We shld not be rude.
She comes from single family, just with her mom. She took care of her financially and take her out to eat, I think this is good, however she dun respect her mom. When she is angry, she threw tantrum on her. When her mom ask her out of concern, she shut her up. I spoke to her, but she just say this is just the way they communicate.

4. Decision making. This is another i cant comprehend. When comes to planning, she like to plan things ahead, but i am a chill lac person. When she asked me something, sometimes simple things i just answer based on the question but she feel i didnt use my heart to communicate. :(
Example. Choose between 2 dresses. (A,B) She told me she had similar dress like A but B need to be altered and tailored to her size. (not fitting)
In my humble opinion, i told her A is nicer on her and i like, she repeated that she have a similar one, so immediately i tell her to get B. She say need to tailored. If that the case, I ask her to pick A cos it really nicer.
So she get frustrated, saying i cant make simple decision like this and I just answer her without thinking cos she told me beforehand she had a similar dress like A.

Then again we quarrel such issues many many times. I apologized many times for answering her without thinking. Sometimes i feel stupid here, and angry.
 

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Hi there, the last example you gave was hilarious..anyway given only 2 choices, you can only give one answer out of the 2. I dont understand why she tried to make things difficult. And your problem is u're not firm enuf. If its my bf, he will scold me for asking him to make such decision. If u like A stick with A! Dont care what she said. Perhaps she wans a man who can override her and make firm decisions? Given her daily chores in sales and her mum, she may need a man to lean on and depend on. She shld see that you r reliable and dependable.
Dont need to beg her my dear..if she is yours she will stay with u..else imagine how ur married life will be- she threatened to divorce and u kneel to beg her stay?? Not possible..man up dear. U're better than u think!
 
Oh and about quarrels, me and bf does that occasionally. Yes and its abt compromising and 'agreeing' even if u dont. Whats more important- u win the quarrel or spoil the relationship? Unless its a life and death argument. Anyway if u love her and if she loves u there must be some kind of balance between who is right and wrong. U can say ur opinion and she has her right to speak up. But there need not be a conclusion to every argument like who is right or wrong. U wont win a million dollar anyway.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
hi
Hi guys.

For ppl who are active here, i have wrote abt my past experiences here. I used to call myself useless guy and always got ditched by my ex. I have no problem in getting attach but i hv problem sustaining it. My values in rs is very traditional and simple. I believe in putting efforts to a rs rather than find a perfect gf. I always been trying to get my message across to my ex gf.

I currently dating another ger. Being hurt so many time, i am really afraid i got ditch again. I been pondering if this ger is right for me. She is a very smart ger in a sales role who always tell me she have no problem getting a bf. Why she picked me because she feel connected with me but recently due to quarrels she feel i am giving her a wrong impression and she might made a mistake being with me. :( sadly i beg and she stay on.

1. So this questions about perspective. Like i mentioned i am someone that feel rs is commitment and devotion. Compromise each other. forgive and forget. Be it in a rs or marriage, if quarrel then find solutions and work it out no matter what. End of the day, say gd night to each other no matter what. Marriage is a life time commitment and both have to put in even more efforts to work it out.
Her views is very different but i dun think she is wrong either. She feel that if a couple cant communicate and always have clash in views, should just move on why stay and put in efforts. Worst thing is i feel her threshold on this is very low, ie. quarrel abit, she feel that communication breakdown, values different and not meant to be together.

2. Every quarrel must have a valid reasoning. ie. if you cant out talk me, why shld i be listening to you and compromise??? To her intelligent debates into quarrel are very healthy, which i strongly disagree cos i think sometimes we need to work things out and we shld try compromise and accept each other. Debating with her always end up in a nasty quarrel.

3. When its come to family, I come from complete family, i value alot of family respects and bonding. I.e We as children shld always respect elder regardless of what. We shld not be rude.
She comes from single family, just with her mom. She took care of her financially and take her out to eat, I think this is good, however she dun respect her mom. When she is angry, she threw tantrum on her. When her mom ask her out of concern, she shut her up. I spoke to her, but she just say this is just the way they communicate.

4. Decision making. This is another i cant comprehend. When comes to planning, she like to plan things ahead, but i am a chill lac person. When she asked me something, sometimes simple things i just answer based on the question but she feel i didnt use my heart to communicate. :(
Example. Choose between 2 dresses. (A,B) She told me she had similar dress like A but B need to be altered and tailored to her size. (not fitting)
In my humble opinion, i told her A is nicer on her and i like, she repeated that she have a similar one, so immediately i tell her to get B. She say need to tailored. If that the case, I ask her to pick A cos it really nicer.
So she get frustrated, saying i cant make simple decision like this and I just answer her without thinking cos she told me beforehand she had a similar dress like A.

Then again we quarrel such issues many many times. I apologized many times for answering her without thinking. Sometimes i feel stupid here, and angry.

hi buddy, when women involve you in the decision making, that's because she cannot make up her mind. What she needs it really someone to validate her preferences rather than make the decision for her. Many guys will just stop shopping with their partners altogether. What worked for my relationship with my wife is, to listen to her considerations, basically point out what you think. Leaving the decision still with her. I would have told her, B is not fitting, you can kiv that and shop around. A is already something similar to what you have, so, no matter how nice, she already have it. If she cannot decide, either buy both or come back another day so that she has time to revalidate her decision. Shopping itself is a very emotional thing. The buy that will make you satisfied is one that you really want. If its this undecided, it aren't worth it.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
About you begging for her to stay. Well, have more pride. Ask for more time for the relationship because you guys believe something good can happen with it, never beg. You are not in the mercy of her.
 

newproject

Active Member
Bro I have been following your story with interest because I used to be similar until I got smart. Also I have friends who have the "nice guy" issue and they always end up getting walked all over.

The bad news is I don't think this girl is going to work for you.

1. She sounds spoiled (issue with mum)

2. Arrogant - always saying she got no prob finding bf, in sales role implies a pretty ambitious strong willed girl who is going to be difficult to handle even for alpha guys much less guys like you.

3. Incompatibility in values.

Bro if I were you I would cut it off now. It's never going to work not with girls like this. Think in your heart you know too.

If anything I sense she already has contempt for you and you being the nice weak guy you are will grovel and beg which will increase her contempt for you further.

Dump her.
 
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newproject

Active Member
About you begging for her to stay. Well, have more pride. Ask for more time for the relationship because you guys believe something good can happen with it, never beg. You are not in the mercy of her.

Sadly this guy in past threads comes off as utterly weak and most girls even average girls will eventually have contempt for goody two shoes guys like that who can be walked over.

I might sound harsh but I was like you until I learnt better. I have seen your story so many times by friends just like you.


Bro I am not saying you need to be a "bad boy" but you need to realise a relationship is a two way Street and your gf should treat you as well as you treat her.

It's ok to try to work on relationships but you need to know when to bail. Sad to say if you act like you die die need your gf she will have crazy amounts of power over you and trust me giving in all the time will just make hee lose respect for you and dump you eventually . You need to have pride and your self Esteem to be attractive.

To be frank, unless you change its hard to find a girl who will marry you.

A female version of you, a girl who is almost a 100% giver, perhaps a simple,sweet, introverted girl who is traditional in outlook and grateful for a partner would be best for you.

The problem is such simple sweet girls in Singapore today almost don't exist.

At your age range 30+, I would be surprised any such ladies who are decent looking are left.

You seem attracted to girls who are totally wrong for you. Type A strong willed materistic girls with princess complexes.

Initially they find it charming there's this guy they can dominate and they do feel good and maybe happy that's there's this guy who will do literally anything for them and it makes them feel good.

But in long run they will feel disgusted and contempt for guys who are weak and don't stand up for themselves.

Personally I suggest you start dating girls who are more demure, less dominant. Never mind if they aren't the best in the looks department. Looks will fade anyway.

You lack self confidence so it might be better to date a bit younger girls say 8-12 years younger as you will be more experienced in life and the girl is likely to be less cynical.
 

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