its always depend on individual..
Everything just need two hands to clap..
There are sucessful cases whereas after the incident, the couple tends to know more abt each other and have a stronger bond..
If being a friend to the other party is diffcult.. then why hold on..
Time to move on.. And time will heal..
Who knows what will happen in future..
Future, no one can predict..
Agree that it takes 2 hands to clap. What's more important is that both of your hearts must still beat for each other. Give yourself a realistic timeline, if things still doesn't work out by then, perhaps its really time to let go. I hope you find your inner peace and learn to be happy again, regardless of the outcome. All the best to you.
i feel that patching up after breaking might bond the relationship even closer.. u tend to compare ur partner and the 3rd party, before u decided to go back to a relationship. both might work even harder than before to makes the R/S work... but it depends on different couples...
U can forgive if he/she err for the first time, but not for 2nd or 3rd time...cos it clearly signify that the partner have some problem..
What one patch back, it has to be because they are surer than ever of what they want and need. If its simply cannot bear to lose the relationship, please forget it. If the reason is all about possession and fear of losing, you aren't have any idea what you want in your life relationship at all.
I think it all depends on whether both of them really realised that they need and love each other after breaking up. If it is, i think it is a good thing to patch back. U will treasure each other more. So couples patch up because they are afraid to move on. then i feel is no good.
She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up,
Till I close my eyes.
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know.
And though she's so far away,
It just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go
Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows.
My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her,
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in time
I'll know she's mine
But tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go
'Coz heaven knows
Why I live in despair
'Coz wide awake or dreamin',
I know she's never there
And all the time I act so brave,
I'm shakin' inside
Why does it hurt me so?
Since ur case is esp 3rd party.. it depends on how much u love the girl and whether u can forgive her.. however, its always hard to forget..
One of my friend actually patch up with her bf thou her bf betrayed her before...they are getting well for these few yrs after the patch-up and getting married soon..
hi all. i am new here. would like some views from you all. If your current bf asked you what you have done with your previous bf, would you tell him everything cos my curretn bf asked me what initimate acts i had done with the ex . Btw, my current bf is actually my first bf. The ex was actually my sec bf but broke up after 2mths cos character and mindset totally different.
i just patch up with my ex.. it took him 2mths to gain back my trust of a 3yr plus r.s.. but after 2wks we patch he told me he realise we both are not ourselves and his feelin for me have changed... it took me a hard time to get over it.. and he come back promising this and tat.. and now like tat... walk away.. seriously it's not easy when patch up.. and there's alot of things goin in ur mind.. which will causes u to behave abit differently. but I cannot say u cant try bcoz only when u try.. u can dun live with regrets in ur heart 'saying the what if' in future..
Boy and Girl A broke up 8mths ago due to difference in lifestyle. No 3rd party.
Boy and Girl A recently resumed contact as friends. Boy liked another Girl Z, but there was no clear signal from Girl Z. It appeared that Girl Z was interested in someone else.
Boy confided in Girl A and Girl A gave words of encouragement to Boy. However Girl A still had some feelings for Boy and in fact was upset when Boy talked abt Girl Z, but she did not reveal her disappointment.
Should Girl A continue to lend her listening ears to Boy? Maybe Boy will come to understand Girl A's concern and feelings? Or should Girl A withdraw?
A should limit contact with her ex if she is not comfortable seeing him falling for another girl... and frankly, what's the use of continue pining for him when all he wanted is just a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on? the fact is, they r ex-lovers turned friends!
I patched back. And we're getting married soon. Took me about a year not to feel hurt when I recall the events. Ultimately is how you forgive and forget. Yes, forgetting is very very difficult, but it's not impossible.
Took us another 3 years to finally decide to tie the knot. Many lessons learnt from what happened. There's always Push AND Pull factors.
Personal take - Trust broken are hard to mend, yes, I believe in that, but it does not mean that it cannot be mended. What I understand from what happened is that there's no such thing as a perfect relationship. There are bound to have some cracks here and there. It's how we move on that's important. No one can guarantee that there's no 3rd party after marriage if they dun appear before marriage. If 3rd party after marriage = divorce, then what's marriage?? a contract that can be undo with another contract that's call divorce?
Afterall, it all depends on the parties involved. There is no certainty in relationships.
Like the advices given by most people here, it realli depends on individual, how much you can forgive and forget about the whole incident. There was a 3rd party in my marriage (after my ROM) as well. But now my hubby and I are happily planning our dinner that is going to be held in this Dec. It is not easy to let go of the feelings for your partner, jus as it is the same to let go of the incident and regain the trust that you had for your partner. But make a decision that you want and not regret.
personally i feel if u have put in too much of yr feelings/emotions into it,it will be truly hard to remain frds after breaking up. Its not vengeful or hatred its just the kind of emotions/feelings u gotta face yrself thereafter.
Its difficult to completely let go of the feelings after breaking up if u still see the person often,like at wkplace. Or if ur still keep in contact. This will gives u constant hope as in patching back possibility if ur the persistent type.
Unless u can really 'na de qi fang de xia' easily. Too emotional its very dificult to do it lor, u can also but u gonna give it extra more time & do not harbour any hopes. Otherwise its gona be real torture..
my ex also tried patching up after me initiating it. But i told him its impossible coz at that time I still have someone else in my mind, which actually the person was aldy there right b4 i knew my ex.
Then after together with my ex for mths i found that i still misses the other guy which i have been one-sided affections for 1yr +. Although i knew I definitely couldnt end up with the one i love eventually, but i also prefer to end the ex r/s as i realised my true feelings thereafter.
yongqin, as of your previous 2 posts, it is not very complicated if you simplify the way you think.
1) "personally i feel if u have put in too much of yr feelings/emotions into it,it will be truly hard to remain frds after breaking up. Its not vengeful or hatred its just the kind of emotions/feelings u gotta face yrself thereafter. "
Honestly, i don't think it is very difficult to remain as friends after breaking up. I am now friends with 2 of my ex-es and i even went clubbing with 1 of them (of course witha grouop of our friends). I can get advice on relationship from him and even msn him when both of us are free at work. So where is the difficulty?
2) "Its difficult to completely let go of the feelings after breaking up if u still see the person often,like at wkplace. Or if ur still keep in contact. This will gives u constant hope as in patching back possibility if ur the persistent type. "
I believe my above explanation had provided you with the answer. Though my ex-es and I don't see each other at work, we are still in msn and phone contact. One of them was from my Sec Sch and we meet during gatherings. Even during our clubbing sessions my friends are constantly making fun of us due to the past relationship. Even if we don't meet up, our friends will still bring up the past as jokes.
3) "Unless u can really 'na de qi fang de xia' easily. Too emotional its very dificult to do it lor, u can also but u gonna give it extra more time & do not harbour any hopes. Otherwise its gona be real torture.."
When a relationship end, i believe we should try to put down any extra feelings for each other. One of the ex whom i had mentioned had a very bad break up with me. We broke up because he is seeing a 4th party (i was a 3rd party from his relationship back then). Recently, he married the 4th party and i even congratulated them and gave them my blessing though it turns up that my friends and family hated him instead. His current wife even invited me to their wedding dinner but i cant attend it since i will be going for holidays with my fiance. It really took a long long time to get past the feelings but if i don't move on, i will never be able to go into another relationship.
4) "Then after together with my ex for mths i found that i still misses the other guy which i have been one-sided affections for 1yr +. Although i knew I definitely couldnt end up with the one i love eventually, but i also prefer to end the ex r/s as i realised my true feelings thereafter. "
You are already in love with someone else, why do you still want to patch back? It is very obvious that you will be wasting your time. You have another thread bout your problem with your current bf. Do you still habour feelings for your the guy whom you had the 1 sided affection for 1+ years?
I guess whether the couple are able to continue in remaining as friends after the breaking off will be dependent if both sides are clear of the status quo; some people jus can't do it whereas some people can.. I guess it also depends on the time factor; how long were the couple together and how deep in love that they were be? it will take time for the couple to be back as friends in general.
Some people can truly become frens with ex but like littlewoman mention its dependent on individual. Its my ex who wanted to pactchup after brokeup for weeks, but i didnt wanted coz i do not have feelings for him anymore.
I know its heartless of me but I find that i still think of the other guy whom i had affection for 1yr +.
Actually it really takes alot of time & self-effort & determination to get past a r/s