Why not? As long as he takes care of his health and is responsible, he can still lead a normal life. My friend has Type 1 diabetes and she's happily married. Even trying to get pregnant now. Diabetes is on the rise in SG....some women even get it during pregnancy (gestational diabetes)..still..that hasn't stopped them from leading normal fulfilling lives.
Honestly,if you love or commitment is only that much, i think it is a good idea to reconsider your marriage plan, just to be fair to your bf, how are you going to overcome other obstacles in life with him with such little faith???
To be fair to Chick77, diabetes is definitely not terminal, however, it is a hereditary disease. I will marry a guy with diabetes provided I don't intend to have his offsprings. If I want to get pregnant by a guy, I feel that it's only fair to consider the impact it will have on our children, grandchildren and so on. I've heard and seen cases where children get diabetes. It's a torture to them. And for generations, your offsprings will have diabetes.
Unless my love for my bf is "Till death parts us" type and I can't live without him, I will definitely reconsider the relationship.
Honestly if you are having second thoughts due to his illness, best not to proceed with the marriage. I think it is not wrong to stop the plans in view of the illness, diabetes is a long term illness and can lead to kidney failure, blindness, loss of limbs etc. Not many people realise the seriousness and the impact it can have on the quality of life. Thus, be sure you are prepared to accept all things that come with the illness before you proceed.
This is absurd. I cannot believe that you guys are like discussing Type I diabetes like a terminal illness. Please check out the details about the disease before coming out with spurious comments like this. Type II diabetes, in fact, has a stronger familial/hereditary component than Type I. South East Asia has such a high prevalence of Type II diabetes, and I don't see many people like not getting married for such reasons. In fact, I bet at least one of you or your partner in this forum has a family history of Type II diabetes, may be you should reconsider not getting married or divorcing for this 'reason'?!?!?! Very absurd indeed.
Please be fair to your boyfriend and leave him. If you have doubts abt this relationship just because he has been diagnoised with diabetes (which is controllable) Type I, I believe you are are not commited enough to this relationship and not prepared to go through thick and thin with him. In life there will be more obstacles then just diabetes. Put it bluntly, either you and your friends are selfish to give/heed such advices. I have friends whose one of their parent have diabetes and they are in their 60s already. Go figure.
Hi all, thanks for your comments. I just needed to clear my head by writing out to this forum.
Just some b/ground - I had already made up my mind to stick with him through all this, but when some of my friends expressed their concerns on whether i was aware of what was involved and marriage is not just about love, etc..it dawned on me that maybe i had not really thought through...I like so many of you on the forum just kept telling myself that as long as he took care of himself, things would be ok. Put it succintly, i did not think of the worse-case scenario.
Like 'Empathy' has said, i need to be prepared to accept all things that comes with diabetes and this encounter with my friends has served as a reality check.
I've decided to still go ahead with the wedding because he is a great great guy. Am sure he will try to control it as much as possible, and for the rest, we'll leave it to God. Hope for the best!
Glad that you're gonna stick by your man. Honestly, we will never know what kinda cards life will deal us. People can get struck by diseases, illnesses anytime. We can't always expect life to be all hunky dory. Knowing that he has the illness and being educated and responsible about it will definitely help. Good luck to the both of you.
In my opinion, I will not marry a man who has genetic illness like asthma. However, if dibetes is not genetic, why not?
It's true what when you marry a man, you marry his family, including all the genetic disorders.
Well, thing is, there are many people now have such illnesses, or the genetic pre-disposition to develop them. Some are not even aware of it till later on. So what are you gonna do? Take Thalassaemia for example. Some people don't even know they're carriers until their child develops Thalassaemia major. And you don't need to have such illnesses in your genes to develop it yourself. My friend, who has Type 1 diabetes, is the only one in her family who has it. So it's not hereditary. Genes can skip generations too. What you and your partner don't hv may not mean that your child will be automatically immune. So well, the gist of it is, you can't guarantee anything in life. Sure, you can try to reduce the odds, but you can't eliminate it. Sad thing is, there are so many people out there now who have relatives, family with some illness or another, like high blood, diabetes, cancer...prob difficult to find anyone with a totally clean health sheet.
your next thought is whether these frens are pple worth seeking advice from in future and the credibility of their thought process. when u move on in life and require advice - always seek from pple whom u know can give u good ones.
We will respect your decision either way. It's really your life happiness and we cant decide for you. Just glad you hv made your decision.
I suppose your friends try to mean well. As outsiders, it's easy to look at things in the practical way. But they forgot you are emotionally attached to your partner and things are not so easy say leave him then can leave him rt?
fyi whether type 1 or type 2 diabetes, the disease can lead to the same complications.
"Diabetes is a life-long condition. High blood glucose levels over a long period of time can cause blindness, heart disease, kidney problems, amputations, nerve damage and erectile dysfunction. Good diabetes care and management can prevent or delay the onset of these complications."
"To be fair to Chick77, diabetes is definitely not terminal, however, it is a hereditary disease. I will marry a guy with diabetes provided I don't intend to have his offsprings. If I want to get pregnant by a gu<textarea>I agree with Abreath:
"To be fair to Chick77, diabetes is definitely not terminal, however, it is a hereditary disease. I will marry a guy with diabetes provided I don't intend to have his offsprings. If I want to get pregnant by a guy, I feel that it's only fair to consider the impact it will have on our children, grandchildren and so on. I've heard and seen cases where children get diabetes. It's a torture to the<textarea>I agree with Abreath:
"To be fair to Chick77, diabetes is definitely not terminal, however, it is a hereditary disease. I will marry a guy with diabetes provided I don't intend to have his offsprings. If I want to get pregnant by a guy, I feel that it's only fair to consider the impact it will have on our children, grandchildren and so on. I've heard and seen cases where children get diabetes. It's a torture to them. And for generations, your offsprings will have diabetes.
Unless my love for my bf is "Till death parts us" type and I can't live without him, I will definitely reconsider the relationship."
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. However, you will go this path alone, none of the forummers or your friends even family member will be there to help you with (for example) the medical cost involve etc. Prolly they will lend you an ear to listen to your problem and thats about it. You know lah, when it comes to money people are selfish in general.
Imagine if your hubby is just an average earner, what about if his illness getting worse? And later on when you have kids what about if your kids also got it? So, all family members got it? you know diabetes in kids can be so terrible. They will keep on scratching until the skin all comes out, and you will incure lots of skin consultation cost.
More importantly you are making a big sacrifice for him, are you sure he is the type of guy that will cherish you and treasure you and stand up for you in front of his friends and family? Someone that will be there for you too through thick and thin?
If you are sure he is worth of your love that much and ideally if he is more than just an average earner, it helps the equation. At the end of the day, trust me, there is no such thing as love is blind. (love is too overated, anyways). Dont be silly, and make your decision just because you dont want to look like the bad guy, coz you are not, you just want to be a prudent customer, know what you buy hehe. Think about all the consequences that you might face in the future.
if everyone thinks like you, that means more than 230 million people in the world are destined to be alone/not have a relationship because they have diabetes la ...
even a 'normal' guy might not cherish or treasure you etc etc etc so please don't use any illnesses as an excuse if you want out. with today's medical advances, most illnesses can be kept under control and most lead a normal life.
next time make sure you screen your future partners ok - if they are susceptible to even the smallest thing like flu, etc then they're not up to standard because it means that their immune system is weak lor. then just pass them up ok. keep on looking for type A ok ..
Hmm, first Abreath's message shocked me and now Vivien Elizabeth's thoughts terrify me.
Vivien, good luck finding that disease-free guy if he ever exist and just to let you know that diabetes is not a disease, it is a health condition that can be kept in control.. in fact one of the easiest ways to.... I have never met a person diagnosed with diabetes who scratch their skin "until the skin all comes out".
Next time we judge other's by their health state, bear in mind that everyone wants to be "disease-free".
countryroad... or rather, we should be wishing her good luck to remain disease free hreself. And touch wood, it sway luck she kenna some illness, then how?
But nevertheless, I do understand where she is coming from. Life is about choices isn't it. We are accountable to no one but ourselves. But for me at least, I cannot live my life making such a selfish decision. Everyone's priorities, beliefs and values differs. So, there would be some that would view it as natural and practical thing to do effortlessly.
Its just a personal balance of how much we value our own needs and wishes above others especially the one we suppose to love and share our lives with.
Just to add... my own husband has a hereditary blood issue.... In fact, if I were to get pregnant, I need to let my gynae know immediately and let her monitor me closely....
Moreover, my hubby and I cannot try for kids unless my hubby stops his medication for at least 6 months...so accidents are stictly not for us...
Just another point, my hubby medication cost us about 300 to 400 per month and that is not inclusive of any consultation and tests that he do regularly....
Hey, then what made me jump into this marriage? haha... I seriously dun know.... desperate to get off the shelves????
haha.... No.... I trust that he will love me and take care of me.... and I believe that nobody is perfect....
I, myself was born with heart problems... though I am offically discharged after my operation years ago... but from that experience, I understand the pain of growing up with some problems..
From what I had been through, I understood his struggles and pain and so, I want to be by his side and stand by him...
Isn't that what marriage vows is about? In sickness and in health???
Anyway, he or I didnt choose to be ill... and even if we are both healthy, which I am now... haha.... if anything happens, do we throw and leave or do we hold each other hands and walk?
I always envy those old couples we see on the road, holding hands and helping each other.... In my heart, I always think, they had to go through so much things to have the simple joy of growing old together.....I hope to have that day too......
If you love him, truly love him, then marry him. Love isn't about vain things like having a hard life due to illness it is about living with someone because you can't live without them.
Wedding ceremonies are quite serious when they say "in sickness and in health". He sounds like a decent guy and he's trying to stop his condition from affecting your relationship.
You shouldn't let people mess with your head.
I had Thalassaemia minor but was not aware until my daughter had her blood checked.
My daughter inherited Thalassaemia minor from me. Both my 20-year old daughter and I have been perfectly healthy without any sign of the genetic blood disorder. The offsprings of the family on my side all have Thalassaemia minor and are healthy and lead active and normal life.
I advised my daughter to do a pre-marital check up to see if her bf is ok if she intends to tie the knot. Both of them can then make decision whether they still want to get married.
maybe you should question yourself why you are having doubts than to question if you should marry your fiance.
be fair and frank to your partner. tell him what you think and your concerns.
is it the fear of needing to take care of him? or is it the fear of having affected children?
is it the fear of him not able to be in the same lifestyle as yours?
there could be thousand and one fears you might have now, and you need to figure that out and be honest.
if you find it even hard to tell that to your partner, you don't even trust him enough to confide with him your true feelings, then do consider your wedding. not because of the medical condition, but because you are not ready to love him fullheartedly and accept him for who he is, and support him no matter what happens.
then why get married?
Sometimes it's not that you don't love your partner, just that maybe it's not at that level that you are 100% ready. thus, it's indeed a true blessing for the right people to meet at the right time and take the right actions at the right time.
don't be one of those couples who got married and divorced due to expectations not ironed out.
We all gonna have something. If it is not this, it is that. The lucky fella not have something else. Diabetis can be treated. Can be managed well.
But you luv him!
You can marry him and help him manage his condition. He can marry you & be serious about it so he looks after himself.
Your friends are not wrong cause they luv you. But they do not know enough about diabetis. Take away your anxiety easily if you learn about the condition. It may not be watt they think it is.
Maybe they think diabetics have this problem or that problem. Yes diabetic MAY get into those. Marry your friend's guys, you'll have no guarantee they'll not come up with some deadly problems. So seeing what you gonna have, I'd advise you to help him handle it well. If I were girl, I might think sex may become an issue. Diabetics sex life can also be managed, in the case they actually get into that issue. I believe if I were a gal, my sexual libido would have decreased by the time I am 50 or so.
If the two of you are responsible. And he is diabetic. They two of you can have good sex pass 65.
I know this is a really old thread but I have a related question. I married a guy who turned out to be a thalassemia carrier. I only found out recently because we had a baby, and the baby was diagnosed. I am not happy. He says that he vaguely knew he was carrier from a medical exam when he was in high school, but since his family members never suffered any adverse health consequences from it, other than slight anemia, it slipped his mind. I feel very upset and do not find his explanation believable. Does anyone believe it's possible to be diagnosed with thalassemia and just forget??
thalassemia minor is not serious.. just slight anemia. Most people may not be diagnosed. And yes, it is not so serious.
But if you are suffering from Thalassemia (and your hb as well) then yes, you have a 1/4 chances of having a baby with thalassemia major - a much more serious condition.
As long as you are not suffering from thalassemia, it is not a big issue.. Why angry? I don't think he intentionally hides it from you because it is really a minor condition if it is not thalassemia major.
Don't think nose bleed and thalassemia is related. For nose bleed, can see specialist - it can be treated with chemicals to seal exposed blood vessels in nostrils (the most common reason for nose bleed).
sm, not sure if it's related but it was because of his out-of-the-blue nosebleeds and feeling quite sickly frequently that my sister took him to PD who did blood test and from there, they found out that he has thalassemia minor. he was seeing a specialist in the haematology department.
my uncle (mum's side), a malaysian is thalassemia minor and he didn't know till he's in his 40s. Luckily my aunt is not a carrier and they have 4 children. One of them is a carrier but went on to have 2 healthy babies. not too sure if her children are a carrier but all my cousins and my uncle lives normally and thalassemia does not affect their daily lives at all. the carrier just have to be careful that future partner goes for screening for thalassemia before trying for baby. Else the changes of having thalassemia major is very very high if both parents are thalassemia carrier.
Actually, whether or not the thalassemia is a major health problem, I am very angry that he did not tell me his family has a genetic disease. I think that is something that should not be hidden before marriage! My family is very upset about it, too. Whether it's wrong or right to not like a genetic disease, it's unfair to conceal it from your spouse. There are health and social implications to this for our children. I feel like we went into the marriage with a lie, and now I wonder what else he might not have told me, that I might consider important. I think it's common wisdom that a genetic disease is important enough to bring up when considering marriage, though. And, yes, if he was a carrier, he should have at least asked me to get tested!