My parents' relationship has been really bad since many years ago, back to the time when I'm still schooling. My dad is those really stubborn type, when he was young, he has already been managing the whole restaurant and the whole group of ppl. He thinks very highly of himself and shows black face whenever ppl are not doing what he expected. All his subordinates are very scared of him, and in fact, it includes my mum n me. My mum is those submissive type, and I know she has always put me and my dad in her top priority. By the way, I’m the only child, but I’m not very close to my parents.
Abt 10 years ago, he quitted his job and opened his own stall at hawker centre, my mum quitted her job to help him out too. Tat was the time when their relationship turned really bad. My dad stopped talking to my mum and shows black face all the time. During that time I was in JC, I could sense something wrong, but I didn’t do anything, I know I should have done something during that time but I dunno why I just ignored the problem… really regretted of not doing anything to help…. The hawker stall business was not good, so we stopped after one year and my dad went overseas (back to our hometown) to work for some time. He did setup another stall at hometown, 2 separate times with different ppl, but both didn’t turn out well, and somehow I think he and his partners couldn’t get along that well, had very different opinions, so he quitted. And he thinks that the failures were due to the partners’ but not his, and probably bad luck. And unfortunately during that time he had cancer and needed an operation, my mum flew back to take care of him, and fortunately, my dad’s cancer got cured after the operation. After some time, both of them came back to Singapore. Since then, my mum found a job as cashier but my dad has nvr worked (probably due to his health and age, he couldn’t find the same kind of high pay/level job as before, and he himself is unwilling to accept low pay jobs). I have tried to encourage him to go for some activities or try out some hobbies, but somehow he refused to do so, and stayed at home and played computer games everyday. Probably becos of that, his temper got worse and worse. And he gets angry very easily, shows my mum black face all day, and sometimes to me also. And as years go by, I got married, and my dad’s temper continued to get worse. Even my mum cannot stand him anymore, becos he shows black face for every single thing that my mum does, that he thinks is wrong.
I did try to talk to my dad and finally realized, because during tat time when my parents set up hawker stall, my dad thinks that my mum has took all the ‘profit’s. He claims that, he’s the one who paid for all the raw materials n rent, etc, and my mum will keep all the earnings. And another main thing was that, back to almost 20 years ago, when we migrate to Singapore, my parents sold off their flat in my hometown, my dad claims that my mum has kept all the money in her pocket. To me, yes, my mum is very thrifty, and thinks that money is very impt, so she spends very little, and indeed she has some savings of her own (all women do that I think); whereas my dad spends a great lot, becos he was indeed very well paid during the time he was working. However, I seriously dun think my mum will do until the extent of keeping all the money to herself. Anyway, well, all the problems started with this money issue. And the problem is that, my dad refuses to listen to any explanations. He refuses to listen to anybody, as long as he think that way, he must be right. Really stubborn. All his brothers, sisters, me, has tried our best to talk to him but he just refuses to listen… and now, every single thing that my mum does, will irritate him. And when he’s not happy, he shows black face, and he purposely does something to irritate ppl back, like throwing his chopsticks on table. There was once, my mum needs to OT and forgot to inform him, he was very furious, and he complained to me, even scolded vulgar when he complained to me.
My mum knows abt all these and she finds it really hard to take it. I know it’s very hard on her too. Actually both of them has tot of divorcing each other long long long ago (dad told me, and mum told me). However, both decided not to open mouth, cos dad is very traditional and I think he want his face, for mum, she kept the marriage becos I was young, and now she is scared to open mouth, dunno wat’s the consequences, etc Now everyday they’re living under the same roof, yet, leading separate lives, but yet, cant be totally separate lives, as my dad still cooks for mum, and mum needs to report to him if she comes back late, etc. I know both are very unhappy and mum feels suffocated… as their daughter, I really dunno what I can do… tell them to divorce? Like very unfillial… let them suffer like this? Is very sad to see tat also…
I’m very sorry for the long winded story… I have no siblings to share and discuss wat to do… is there any kind soul can let me know wat I can do?
Abt 10 years ago, he quitted his job and opened his own stall at hawker centre, my mum quitted her job to help him out too. Tat was the time when their relationship turned really bad. My dad stopped talking to my mum and shows black face all the time. During that time I was in JC, I could sense something wrong, but I didn’t do anything, I know I should have done something during that time but I dunno why I just ignored the problem… really regretted of not doing anything to help…. The hawker stall business was not good, so we stopped after one year and my dad went overseas (back to our hometown) to work for some time. He did setup another stall at hometown, 2 separate times with different ppl, but both didn’t turn out well, and somehow I think he and his partners couldn’t get along that well, had very different opinions, so he quitted. And he thinks that the failures were due to the partners’ but not his, and probably bad luck. And unfortunately during that time he had cancer and needed an operation, my mum flew back to take care of him, and fortunately, my dad’s cancer got cured after the operation. After some time, both of them came back to Singapore. Since then, my mum found a job as cashier but my dad has nvr worked (probably due to his health and age, he couldn’t find the same kind of high pay/level job as before, and he himself is unwilling to accept low pay jobs). I have tried to encourage him to go for some activities or try out some hobbies, but somehow he refused to do so, and stayed at home and played computer games everyday. Probably becos of that, his temper got worse and worse. And he gets angry very easily, shows my mum black face all day, and sometimes to me also. And as years go by, I got married, and my dad’s temper continued to get worse. Even my mum cannot stand him anymore, becos he shows black face for every single thing that my mum does, that he thinks is wrong.
I did try to talk to my dad and finally realized, because during tat time when my parents set up hawker stall, my dad thinks that my mum has took all the ‘profit’s. He claims that, he’s the one who paid for all the raw materials n rent, etc, and my mum will keep all the earnings. And another main thing was that, back to almost 20 years ago, when we migrate to Singapore, my parents sold off their flat in my hometown, my dad claims that my mum has kept all the money in her pocket. To me, yes, my mum is very thrifty, and thinks that money is very impt, so she spends very little, and indeed she has some savings of her own (all women do that I think); whereas my dad spends a great lot, becos he was indeed very well paid during the time he was working. However, I seriously dun think my mum will do until the extent of keeping all the money to herself. Anyway, well, all the problems started with this money issue. And the problem is that, my dad refuses to listen to any explanations. He refuses to listen to anybody, as long as he think that way, he must be right. Really stubborn. All his brothers, sisters, me, has tried our best to talk to him but he just refuses to listen… and now, every single thing that my mum does, will irritate him. And when he’s not happy, he shows black face, and he purposely does something to irritate ppl back, like throwing his chopsticks on table. There was once, my mum needs to OT and forgot to inform him, he was very furious, and he complained to me, even scolded vulgar when he complained to me.
My mum knows abt all these and she finds it really hard to take it. I know it’s very hard on her too. Actually both of them has tot of divorcing each other long long long ago (dad told me, and mum told me). However, both decided not to open mouth, cos dad is very traditional and I think he want his face, for mum, she kept the marriage becos I was young, and now she is scared to open mouth, dunno wat’s the consequences, etc Now everyday they’re living under the same roof, yet, leading separate lives, but yet, cant be totally separate lives, as my dad still cooks for mum, and mum needs to report to him if she comes back late, etc. I know both are very unhappy and mum feels suffocated… as their daughter, I really dunno what I can do… tell them to divorce? Like very unfillial… let them suffer like this? Is very sad to see tat also…
I’m very sorry for the long winded story… I have no siblings to share and discuss wat to do… is there any kind soul can let me know wat I can do?