Overly sensitive or paranoid?

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by yumii, Sep 5, 2018.

  1. yumii

    yumii New Member

    I’m married to my husband for 1yr plus, but we hv been dating for 8yrs.
    Last mth, I’ve unintentionally checked his whatsapp msg which i need to confirm on something, but accidentally saw a msg to his female colleague saying that we has lost passion in our marriage. I’ve no idea y he told her that, and no idea how close they are.
    I’m feel totally lost when i saw this msg.
    I did not confess that i saw the msg, but i’ve sat down with him heart to heart talk and wanted to find out what has happen to us.
    He did not mention anything between us that makes him unhappy in this marriage. I tried to sound him out but since I can’t confess regards to the msg, i couldnt find any reasons to asked abt it.
    After a long talk that day and we are back to normal days..and there was another incident after that, that i happen to saw his whatsapp notification on the lockscreen, a girl’s name msg him and i find it uncomfortable and i’ve quarrel with him abt it, but has resolved that this was a misunderstanding (he has proven to me that the girl is his colleague’s wife).
    So, recently i’ve noticed that he has off his whatsapp notification on his screen. This is the first time he off the notifications. I do not wish to ask him straight to the point why he has off it as i dont want him to say i do not trust him again. But i feel so insecure nowadays.

    Can I ask u all your opinion,
    1. He off the notification coz he do not wish to have any unnecessary conflicts if i ever to see any msg
    2. He is trying to hide msg from me
    3. What will you think/do when u realise he has off it and pretend he doesnt know why the msg didnt pop up on screen

    I couldnt find a fren to talk abt it as the timing is not right. And i’m so depressed and lost.. i don’t know if i’m thinking too much/getting over sensitive or paranoid

  2. MrHonest

    MrHonest New Member

    As a man i could tell you. All man equally naughty is all depend on how they control over their self.

    Man will interested in other women as what JackyWu always joke, girl like seafood need eat fresh only delicious. But some only do in their imagination but some doing behind as what we call cheating.

    For me i will let my girl have access over all my privacy as transparency but not everyone think this way and work this way but i believe when i doing so, she need to be able to do so too.

    Let me answer your question
    1. Yea possible, no one love to quarrel with the love one or he have something to hide.
    2. Lost passion in love? Hmm think it positively may be it finding a answer from girls to improve yours relationship, negatively may be he was trying to flirt.
    3. I think you should heart to heart talk direct to the problem. As your condition is getting serious if this way you just cant have healthy relationship with him.

    Sit down and discuss it as a problem solving not throw temper on him, whether did he do wrong or not if you start throw temper everything get worst.
  3. yumii

    yumii New Member

    Thks Mr Honest for ur opinion.
    We have talked abt it previously and it is more than twice. He knew that i like to have communication/interaction. He is also admit that he is a phone addict. I hv asked him if he can used it less often when is with me, but after a while, he is back to his self, and didn’t realise he has started it again. While i’m talking to him, he did not make eye contact, rather he is glue to his phone when talking to me.
    He has busy schedules at work and rarely eat dinner with me during weekdays, i felt neglected and lonely. Yet, he chose to “talk” to his friends on messaging app rather than talking to me when he have chance to eat tgt. I think becoz we r tgt for very long and he found that we hv no topic to talk. After long run, mayb this the reason he found he has no passion in our marriage. I did not noticed it at first as he did not open his heart to me, he act normally daily. Until i saw the msg that he sent to the female colleague. I was straight to my point that i’ve asked him isit anything happen btw us, he keep saying nothing. I couldn’t find any ans if he dont wish to open to me. And now, he brings his phone everywhere he go, even shower. How do i not to suspect something on his actions?
  4. serene_ho

    serene_ho Member

    This is all too familiar, you are not paranoid.
    Just a matter of time that you start to think much you can take before you walk out IF he doesnt change.
    The anxiety and insecurity will eat you up.
  5. Na T

    Na T New Member

    Dear Yumii,

    How abt you guys plan for the holiday, during that time, you have a heart to heart talk to him, using soft approach which is gentle and heartful talk, ask him if you guys could give each other a chance to be like day one of love. if it's possible, agreed that no phone usage during the trip, plan for candle light dinner, then tell him that how much you love him. Writing a love letter to be sent to him to tell him how sad you were when he is more interested to phone then you. Just try harder. Dont mad, dont raise voice, just soft approach.

    Good luck Yumii, be strong!

  6. Infernolord

    Infernolord Active Member

    1st of all, dun think too much. Your insecurity will balloon.
    Just tell your hubby how you feel..take some days off for a holiday.. build some bonding.

    All i can say is that, most of guys do not feel good when wife/gf questioned on them for something that they did not do.
    If he has been open to you all these while, and you pick a fight over his msg/email on his phone.
    I believe he close notification to avoid unnecessary quarrel. Even taking his hp with him to everywhere he go.

    Next is the trickly part, you hv to tell him you prefer each other to be open including hp/email. But you have to do it subtly.
    Dun get mad or angry and fall into another quarrel. If he get agitated, remind him again some time later. Don't quarrel..
    Still not comfortable, try to meet up more often. Spend more time together. If he has a msg, just ask nicely who. Don't drill on it.
    Build back your trust slowly...

    This trust issue can kill a rs if not handle well. All the best..
  7. newproject

    newproject Active Member

    I think you also know there are problems.

    best case, he is really unhappy in your marriage but he hasn't done anything except get a listening year from his female colleague. but touch wood it hasn't gone beyond that.

    following on the best case scenario , he needs someone to pour out his woes but feels he cannot confide in you so he hides his notifications.

    You need to tell us more about your relationship. Do you consider yourself the paranoid type? Some women (may not be you) can be very suspicious type , cause a lot of drama.

    of course that's not to say he cant be cheating , THAT'S why you are paranoid

    How often do you argue? If so about what? Do you talk about your feelings?

Share This Page