depressedhubby
New Member
I'm a no good SOB. In the 9 years of marriage with my wife, I've strayed once in the early years. I won't elaborate. But she confronted me after our first born child, when she found out. I've begged and she relented to stay together to work things out. Then things seemed to turn for the better, we went thru retrovaille and learnt communication techniques...but she also became more paranoid and insisted that I give up viewing porn as it leads to me straying. And being a guy, I found this hard to do. To me it was simple harmless porn, but to her it was infidelity. And she caught me at least 2 other times and we literally repeated the same begging/relenting episode.
Pretty fucked up eh? Anyway, we stuck together and had another beautiful child. With 2 kids in tow, my old skeletons came out of the closet again. ah, but it was not about temptations of the flesh. Rather, among the things we or rather she had insisted was me, to change my character, to stop swearig in front of the kids, so stop driving like a mad man, to show her more concern ... and the list goes on. The catalyst of our latest fallout came when I confronted her about a suspicion that I had about her having a fling and that was when everything was unloaded on me.
On how disappointed she has been with me for the last 9 years, on how I've broken her heart countless times and how many promises I've not kept to..so we really sat down and discussed divorce proceedings. I'm not prepared to be a part time father so I'm willing to let her have the kids. But she says that's not fair to them. Fucked up husband I may be, I'm a great dad. I've said, I won't do single parenting and am prepared to drop off the face of the earth, not literally, but to guise my death to the kids, so that they won't pine for me. I told her I was prepared to uproot myself from life in sg, society, family, friends etc. She said I was resorting to emotional blackmail. Maybe.
Anyway, she has said she will give me/us yet another chance to patch things up. But herein is my problem. She no longer wants to communicate, no counselling, zip. She just wants to let things ride and take their natural course. The thing that hurts the most for me is she saying she may not have any feelings for me anymore. In this period, I've tried to see if she is willing to talk and see how we can work together. And it blew up in my face. BEcause of work stress and all, she said I was too pushy and I shouldn't even attempt to do any of such things. And to just let things be.
Seems that Venus has become Mars. and vice versa. A woman that doesn't want to talk about it. And a man,here, that wants to.
Funny thing is, we are still physically intimate in bed. if you can call whatever we are doing making love. I feel that distance in spite of the physical closeness and touch. So I even asked her what's going on, and I got fed with the same wall of "let things be".
Its driving me crazy. I swing between euphoria and depression. My heart and mind are not in snyc. Hard to concentrate at work. I've tried to give in to her, she says we've stopped going to church, so I've made it a point now every sunday to go; I've consciously stopped swearing in front of the kids and even tempered my driving habits. But I concluded that I can no longer approach her to talk about us.
I wanted to bring us both away to get away from everything to see if we can get the sparks going, her retort was, if we are going away to talk about our marriage, she's not interested. so we are still going away on our 2-person vacation, just to chill.
Sometimes I feel that life in sg has caught up with us. she has a stressful work life, always bringing work home. and before this thing hit the ceiling, I introduced us to night trading on futures market to see if can be a possible outlet for spare cash. she's now taken it as a possible avenue to get out of her job. unfortunately she's not that good and can't quit yet. but the night trading has led to me sleeping alone without her in the weeknites, on weekends, she gets too tired to do anything else but sleep early too.
so between, not wanting to talk about us, devoting time to the kids, to her work, to trading...i don't think i even have an hour of her to myself. childish as it may be, I think the kids get more of her than me.
I've summed everything up in a poem
A state of limbo
Neither good nor bad
Not exactly forward nor backward
Trapped and unyielding in circumstance
Coerced emotions
Controlled Reactions
Incommunicado
Making Empty Love
Sleeping in an Empty Bed
what can I do
- to salvage the situation
- to maintain my sanity
Pretty fucked up eh? Anyway, we stuck together and had another beautiful child. With 2 kids in tow, my old skeletons came out of the closet again. ah, but it was not about temptations of the flesh. Rather, among the things we or rather she had insisted was me, to change my character, to stop swearig in front of the kids, so stop driving like a mad man, to show her more concern ... and the list goes on. The catalyst of our latest fallout came when I confronted her about a suspicion that I had about her having a fling and that was when everything was unloaded on me.
On how disappointed she has been with me for the last 9 years, on how I've broken her heart countless times and how many promises I've not kept to..so we really sat down and discussed divorce proceedings. I'm not prepared to be a part time father so I'm willing to let her have the kids. But she says that's not fair to them. Fucked up husband I may be, I'm a great dad. I've said, I won't do single parenting and am prepared to drop off the face of the earth, not literally, but to guise my death to the kids, so that they won't pine for me. I told her I was prepared to uproot myself from life in sg, society, family, friends etc. She said I was resorting to emotional blackmail. Maybe.
Anyway, she has said she will give me/us yet another chance to patch things up. But herein is my problem. She no longer wants to communicate, no counselling, zip. She just wants to let things ride and take their natural course. The thing that hurts the most for me is she saying she may not have any feelings for me anymore. In this period, I've tried to see if she is willing to talk and see how we can work together. And it blew up in my face. BEcause of work stress and all, she said I was too pushy and I shouldn't even attempt to do any of such things. And to just let things be.
Seems that Venus has become Mars. and vice versa. A woman that doesn't want to talk about it. And a man,here, that wants to.
Funny thing is, we are still physically intimate in bed. if you can call whatever we are doing making love. I feel that distance in spite of the physical closeness and touch. So I even asked her what's going on, and I got fed with the same wall of "let things be".
Its driving me crazy. I swing between euphoria and depression. My heart and mind are not in snyc. Hard to concentrate at work. I've tried to give in to her, she says we've stopped going to church, so I've made it a point now every sunday to go; I've consciously stopped swearing in front of the kids and even tempered my driving habits. But I concluded that I can no longer approach her to talk about us.
I wanted to bring us both away to get away from everything to see if we can get the sparks going, her retort was, if we are going away to talk about our marriage, she's not interested. so we are still going away on our 2-person vacation, just to chill.
Sometimes I feel that life in sg has caught up with us. she has a stressful work life, always bringing work home. and before this thing hit the ceiling, I introduced us to night trading on futures market to see if can be a possible outlet for spare cash. she's now taken it as a possible avenue to get out of her job. unfortunately she's not that good and can't quit yet. but the night trading has led to me sleeping alone without her in the weeknites, on weekends, she gets too tired to do anything else but sleep early too.
so between, not wanting to talk about us, devoting time to the kids, to her work, to trading...i don't think i even have an hour of her to myself. childish as it may be, I think the kids get more of her than me.
I've summed everything up in a poem
A state of limbo
Neither good nor bad
Not exactly forward nor backward
Trapped and unyielding in circumstance
Coerced emotions
Controlled Reactions
Incommunicado
Making Empty Love
Sleeping in an Empty Bed
what can I do
- to salvage the situation
- to maintain my sanity
