Need to divorce my wife to save my health !, Advice needed
- Thread starter mystuff
- Start date
Curious, why can't post here to entertain us as well with your colourful rantings?
And yes, if you really want to work on your marriage, seek advice in that direction..
Seek help for your wife.. if she is mentally disturbed.. or suffering from some depression..
Since you are the closest to her, you should know how and when if she has changed..
But don't play on your "merits" and on your wife's bad points. If you want to help your wife be a better person and better wife.. it is possible..
Else if your wife is incorrigible then divorce may be the best - even for the kids.
And yes, if you really want to work on your marriage, seek advice in that direction..
Seek help for your wife.. if she is mentally disturbed.. or suffering from some depression..
Since you are the closest to her, you should know how and when if she has changed..
But don't play on your "merits" and on your wife's bad points. If you want to help your wife be a better person and better wife.. it is possible..
Else if your wife is incorrigible then divorce may be the best - even for the kids.
Dear Faith, yr pm not avail. I actually have some qns regarding how to cope after the divorce, arrangments and effects on children and you may not want to post it in public. On the other hand, I don't want to dig up the past if it is unpleasant. Just let me know if you are ok to discuss
John,
No worries for that.
The absence of my ex did not impact much to the kids becos they are 3yr and 2yr that time when ex left. If you are asking about how to explain to the kids about the separation. I only do it when my son started to ask me recently who is now 7yr old.
Do bear in mind not to tell the kids the negative part of the mother, just tell them that both of you cant get along and need to be separated.
Assure the kids you and their mother still loves them and is not their fault in the broken marriage.
Do consider separation for 3 yr instead of divorce, give your wife a chance to wake up and change. During the separation pls allow the mother to visit the kids and you can also take this chance to see how your wife progressing.
Meanwhile pls cool down to think what had gone wrong with your marriage is it all your wife fault?
Hope the above is what you want to know. You may ask what you need to know here.
No worries for that.
The absence of my ex did not impact much to the kids becos they are 3yr and 2yr that time when ex left. If you are asking about how to explain to the kids about the separation. I only do it when my son started to ask me recently who is now 7yr old.
Do bear in mind not to tell the kids the negative part of the mother, just tell them that both of you cant get along and need to be separated.
Assure the kids you and their mother still loves them and is not their fault in the broken marriage.
Do consider separation for 3 yr instead of divorce, give your wife a chance to wake up and change. During the separation pls allow the mother to visit the kids and you can also take this chance to see how your wife progressing.
Meanwhile pls cool down to think what had gone wrong with your marriage is it all your wife fault?
Hope the above is what you want to know. You may ask what you need to know here.
Dear Faith, may I know what was the reason , you split up? In yr opinion, can children do without male role models? and what is the main thing a single mum cannot replace?
Does yr ex see them every week and has he indicated to you , he would like to start all over again. In yr own opinion and circumstances, do u think divorce was the right thing to do?
Does yr ex see them every week and has he indicated to you , he would like to start all over again. In yr own opinion and circumstances, do u think divorce was the right thing to do?
miloice
Well-Known Member
is this character for real? He seems to me someone just trying to trig response from as many people as possible. What opinion does he really need? His cynical and arrogant give little credit to the person he is claiming to be.
Why even bother to continue entertaining his rant?
Why even bother to continue entertaining his rant?
John,
We split up becos I am not a good wife he choose to leave for another woman. That is how I realised my mistakes and try not to repeat it again.
Yes Children need both Male & Female model to let them live up to. Since your wife is still there she still can be the model for the kids.
Yes my ex just started to visit the kids not long ago becos I see the kids are growing up and I spoke to my ex to make an effort to bring them out and did not restrict him for bringing his GF along.
Some couples do come back together after divorce. I may consider to start all over again for the kids. I believe in forgive and forget.
My own opinion is that divorce should only take place if there is a 3rd party in the marriage if not both should try all the best for the family.
We split up becos I am not a good wife he choose to leave for another woman. That is how I realised my mistakes and try not to repeat it again.
Yes Children need both Male & Female model to let them live up to. Since your wife is still there she still can be the model for the kids.
Yes my ex just started to visit the kids not long ago becos I see the kids are growing up and I spoke to my ex to make an effort to bring them out and did not restrict him for bringing his GF along.
Some couples do come back together after divorce. I may consider to start all over again for the kids. I believe in forgive and forget.
My own opinion is that divorce should only take place if there is a 3rd party in the marriage if not both should try all the best for the family.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Maybe he just needs a new stage and audiences?
He seemed more interested in responding to "sarcastic" comments and ignored advices.
He seemed more interested in responding to "sarcastic" comments and ignored advices.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
He need not appreciate any of our advices but minimally if he is so bothered with the marital woes I would think he will look out for advices. Instead, he chose to engage in wars of words! Perhaps this let in some light on why his wife said things like "serves you right" when he knocked into something?
Thanks faith for sharing. it must be hard to share these info with a stranger. I don't want to bring a GF along to visit my kids next time. It just doesn't seem right. Its good food for thought, esp. the 1st and last sentence you wrote.
Thank you, actually yr current response very much condenses the whole issue about the cause and effects of divorce.
wish you all the best and patience handling the kids
Thank you, actually yr current response very much condenses the whole issue about the cause and effects of divorce.
wish you all the best and patience handling the kids
shirleypoise
New Member
my, my.. our little johnny here is ignoring the rest of the forumers with our curt remarks and has became a change person overnight!!
WOW!!
WOW!!
he is either:
a) way too egoistic and self-absorbed
or
b) he is seeking attention.
but in any case, john, let me tell you this from a person who has been through a divorce family - THE AFTER EFFECTS ON YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE FELT SOONER OR LATER.
you ask yourself clearly in your self obsessed mind WHY in the very FIRST place you marry her... If you claimed you had MANY suitors, why marry her then?
I give credit that you are really mad and angry therefore you can't think rationally but every human has FLAWS and it is these very flaws that make us growing human. If we were to give u a challenge to list 10 GOOD things about your wife, can you? If you could even say your VOWS and I DOs, why are you blinded by the ugliness now?
You are a pessimist, an ironic pessimist. you want to "save yourself" but at the same time you hand your wife the death sentence.
But to give you credit, if you are really bent on divorcing your wife and think that this is the best solution for your children and your "health", i suggest you go ahead, swift and clean, in hopes that it minimizes the aftermath on your children in future. There is nothing better than to end a sour relationship quick and snipping fast than to drag on.
All the best.
a) way too egoistic and self-absorbed
or
b) he is seeking attention.
but in any case, john, let me tell you this from a person who has been through a divorce family - THE AFTER EFFECTS ON YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE FELT SOONER OR LATER.
you ask yourself clearly in your self obsessed mind WHY in the very FIRST place you marry her... If you claimed you had MANY suitors, why marry her then?
I give credit that you are really mad and angry therefore you can't think rationally but every human has FLAWS and it is these very flaws that make us growing human. If we were to give u a challenge to list 10 GOOD things about your wife, can you? If you could even say your VOWS and I DOs, why are you blinded by the ugliness now?
You are a pessimist, an ironic pessimist. you want to "save yourself" but at the same time you hand your wife the death sentence.
But to give you credit, if you are really bent on divorcing your wife and think that this is the best solution for your children and your "health", i suggest you go ahead, swift and clean, in hopes that it minimizes the aftermath on your children in future. There is nothing better than to end a sour relationship quick and snipping fast than to drag on.
All the best.
mum_of_2_girls
New Member
Hi John,
I agree with andee low. There will definitely be some after effects on the children due to an absent spouse.
My hubby had look after his nephews from babies due to their father having to work overseas long term.
My hubby acted as their replacement father. They were very attached to him and were jealous when I was introduced to them.
I could understand that they were afraid to lose my hubby to me.
So I tried to befriend them and be involved in their activities and baked their favourite cakes and cookies. Play remote cars, fly kites, cycling, arcade games.
Gradually, they accepted me and I got married to my hubby.
After marriage, we still bring them out for outings and visit them often.
Now plus 2 of our own children. There are 4 children altogether. Weekends can be quite noisy and fun.
Now they are teenagers, I don't think they miss their dad that much any more.
I agree with andee low. There will definitely be some after effects on the children due to an absent spouse.
My hubby had look after his nephews from babies due to their father having to work overseas long term.
My hubby acted as their replacement father. They were very attached to him and were jealous when I was introduced to them.
I could understand that they were afraid to lose my hubby to me.
So I tried to befriend them and be involved in their activities and baked their favourite cakes and cookies. Play remote cars, fly kites, cycling, arcade games.
Gradually, they accepted me and I got married to my hubby.
After marriage, we still bring them out for outings and visit them often.
Now plus 2 of our own children. There are 4 children altogether. Weekends can be quite noisy and fun.
Now they are teenagers, I don't think they miss their dad that much any more.
alcifertoh
New Member
Yeah mark, I know what's LPPL. I also know KLJKT. You know what's that?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
A former New York City mayor is reported to have said to someone he was conversing with, "That's enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do you think of me?"
Classic narcissism.
Classic narcissism.
My real advice is this:
"Look at yourself in the mirror... do some self-reflection. Stop blaming or trying to put the blame on your wife for a moment. take a step backwards.. If you need a break. take it. And if you really need help. Find someone real to talk to. This forum can only offer so much. People are responding to you in this manner because of the posts you made in the last couple of days. "
"Look at yourself in the mirror... do some self-reflection. Stop blaming or trying to put the blame on your wife for a moment. take a step backwards.. If you need a break. take it. And if you really need help. Find someone real to talk to. This forum can only offer so much. People are responding to you in this manner because of the posts you made in the last couple of days. "
mark - wahahaha.. your Hokkien really not even half the bucket..
sm - Trust U still wasting your breath & saliva.. hiazzz...
If onself "refused" to wake up the idea, what's there for more input? Guess he may not even know that this is a forum whereby anyone can "squat & shit" in it...
sm - Trust U still wasting your breath & saliva.. hiazzz...
If onself "refused" to wake up the idea, what's there for more input? Guess he may not even know that this is a forum whereby anyone can "squat & shit" in it...
sgbabydoll
Active Member
It's always easy to fix the blame in someone else, and even if that person is really to be blamed in some ways (in relationship it is unlikely the fault of one single party), we can't be spending too much time blaming and blaming. Things must move. Please do something about it.
Really, please for all of you who thinks the guy is always blaming the other party thing. Please don't take up the space, I already told you all wat I do as a husband and wat she did as a mother. I really need to find people who KNOW they were wrong and willing to admit it and maybe talk to my wife before she really breaks up this marriage and the future of my children. So please , sharp tongues please go somewhere else so at least I have the slightest hope of finding good advise and someone , just maybe willing to help
you can't communicate with you wife.. and you expect a stranger.. ok.. a woman.. to admit she was wrong to her husband.. and then tell your wife.. "you see.. i was wrong.. so you are wrong as well.. please be nice to your husband otherwise the marriage is gone?"
Don't you have a better chance to talk to someone that your wife is close with and that she can listen to? Or she may really need professional help?
Don't you have a better chance to talk to someone that your wife is close with and that she can listen to? Or she may really need professional help?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
You think your wife will trust a stranger enough to want to talk?
alcifertoh
New Member
Yes we are wrong. You are right. Let's nail and burn her at the stakes. She's wrong to live her life this way and for doing all these to you. Zero sense of appreciation from all your goodwill gestures. You are suffering because you are such a responsible guy and being a whole round capable husband. Women like these do not deserves you at all. She should kiss your feet and ask for forgiveness and live by your standards. May any kind soul enlighten the wife please or direct her to this forum to let her realise the plight she had forced her husband into.
Iris,
You want to tio liao sibo? Later I ask fat cat to KLJKLET. Then you can enjoy the effect of stereo surround sound and HUGE impact.
Iris,
You want to tio liao sibo? Later I ask fat cat to KLJKLET. Then you can enjoy the effect of stereo surround sound and HUGE impact.
salsa_babe
New Member
this is getting so weird...absurb!
the hb is hoping to get some strangers here to give advice to the wife? The forumers here do not have a full picture of wat is happening btwn the 2 of us. What we are hearing are your glorified actions you did for your wife.
If you truly wanna save the marriage...you shld be the one making the effort. Dun say you have tried before but she is not listening.
the hb is hoping to get some strangers here to give advice to the wife? The forumers here do not have a full picture of wat is happening btwn the 2 of us. What we are hearing are your glorified actions you did for your wife.
If you truly wanna save the marriage...you shld be the one making the effort. Dun say you have tried before but she is not listening.
salsa_babe
New Member
heng I dun understand Hokkien...if not, I will be corrupted by you guys....
Repent NOW! hbh, Mark and iris
*tsk tsk tsk*
Repent NOW! hbh, Mark and iris
*tsk tsk tsk*
alcifertoh
New Member
Man... What have you done to deserve this?
alcifertoh
New Member
Salsa mai K K lah... Everyday got ppl knock your head Zzzzz
Dear All, let's admit it women are often ill advised by thier peers because most of thier friends know NUTS. All they do is to fuel the fire because many a time, the sinister part of human beings surface to see that another human being share the same fate.
OR to seek approval and be a good friend , one tends to agree to whatever the poor woman is saying about the husband.
Likewise for men, they gather watch football, drink beer, go clubing, golfing , geylang whatever and badmouth about each other's wives.
So yes, its a long shot that the person will talk to my wife or my wife will listen, but this is what a desperate husband and father sounds like. Reading all sharp tongues' comments , I suggest u be careful, yr tongue may be so sharp that u cut yourself in the mouth oneday.
OR to seek approval and be a good friend , one tends to agree to whatever the poor woman is saying about the husband.
Likewise for men, they gather watch football, drink beer, go clubing, golfing , geylang whatever and badmouth about each other's wives.
So yes, its a long shot that the person will talk to my wife or my wife will listen, but this is what a desperate husband and father sounds like. Reading all sharp tongues' comments , I suggest u be careful, yr tongue may be so sharp that u cut yourself in the mouth oneday.
John,
I dont know whether you understand my post well or not.
I would like you to know that I reflected myself on my failed marriage instead of blaming my ex for falling in love with 3rd party.
I wish you to understand that your wife reacted this way is partly becos you did not communication well with her. That is why I took him for granted becos he did not voice out and he sweep everything under the carpet thinking that is more peaceful that way. It take 2 hand to clap. Reflect on yourself and stop putting all the blame to your wife. Dont expect to her to change or realise her mistakes. REFLECT on yourself FIRST.
I have no issue with my current partner becos we communicate well with all issues and resolve them along the way. Of cos I am more respectful toward my partner and learn not to take him for granted I am still in the process to improving myself to be a better person.
I dont know whether you understand my post well or not.
I would like you to know that I reflected myself on my failed marriage instead of blaming my ex for falling in love with 3rd party.
I wish you to understand that your wife reacted this way is partly becos you did not communication well with her. That is why I took him for granted becos he did not voice out and he sweep everything under the carpet thinking that is more peaceful that way. It take 2 hand to clap. Reflect on yourself and stop putting all the blame to your wife. Dont expect to her to change or realise her mistakes. REFLECT on yourself FIRST.
I have no issue with my current partner becos we communicate well with all issues and resolve them along the way. Of cos I am more respectful toward my partner and learn not to take him for granted I am still in the process to improving myself to be a better person.
purplesky379
New Member
IMHO and oso based on my own experience, sad to say that, its hard for ppl to admit that they are wrong. Ppl tend to blame other party for whatever they had done.
Dear Faith, I have reflected many many times, when I want to talk, she wants to watch korean drama. wat u think? Again, I did not force her to slap my son or tug my son's hair when she is angry.
Its so difficult, I really want to learn but if I ask u sensitive question, u may become angry.
So are you saying u caused him to go and find someone before you guys divorced? and u mentioned that now u are more respectful of the other party because you admit that peviously u were not, that's why yr ex left?
Its so difficult, I really want to learn but if I ask u sensitive question, u may become angry.
So are you saying u caused him to go and find someone before you guys divorced? and u mentioned that now u are more respectful of the other party because you admit that peviously u were not, that's why yr ex left?
alcifertoh
New Member
What insistence and now categorizing. Reflection is tough for a self righteously perfect.
Dear John,
i can relate to your wife. She is somewhat behaving like how i was consistently reacting towards my husband some months back - from pinching, pulling hair to kicking his balls - even then, he almost tolerated all my nonsense...
can u farking believe that?
well, i can be pretty unreasonable and chose to marry this particular guy because i knew that i could twist him around my little pinkie finger most of the time...
i dunno about your wife though.
yeah, i know i sounded and acted like a conniving, arrogant b*tch, but anyway, he didn't put in effort to stop me either.
can u believe that most of the times after our fierce verbal exchanges, i usually would end up with his "spa & massaging package" in the nearby river abt 1km away...
pretty cool eh?
additionally, he didn't want me to do any freaking thing back home. he said that he wanted to be the man of the house.... or perhaps, man in the farm... hahaha.
i was sooooo bored and that meant that our farm bull had more mating to do...
i still think that the cow didn't find out.
he might seemed like "perfect"?
i'm not too sure and actually, not particularly guilty abt my behaviour...
i realised that he was rather full of himself. he often proclaimed that there were village gals who would blush at his mere presence, and there was this city gal who volunteered as a "vacuum cleaner"... whatever hell that meant...
i've already gotten so damn tired of hearing this crap.
in short - he wanted to be the perfect, all-rounder kind of husband who could seemingly tolerate my nonsensical crap in the first place, and yet, he could whine like a broken record and would boost his ego at the same time...
contradicting?
to answer your question, i don't think i've had regrets abt leaving him. i did my own reflections and i do need some rational tuff' muscles to tame me like a little lamb whenever i'm naughty....
a punch or something might perk me up, in fact.
do u still want me to talk to your wife?
Best regards,
Mary
California
i can relate to your wife. She is somewhat behaving like how i was consistently reacting towards my husband some months back - from pinching, pulling hair to kicking his balls - even then, he almost tolerated all my nonsense...
can u farking believe that?
well, i can be pretty unreasonable and chose to marry this particular guy because i knew that i could twist him around my little pinkie finger most of the time...
i dunno about your wife though.
yeah, i know i sounded and acted like a conniving, arrogant b*tch, but anyway, he didn't put in effort to stop me either.
can u believe that most of the times after our fierce verbal exchanges, i usually would end up with his "spa & massaging package" in the nearby river abt 1km away...
pretty cool eh?
additionally, he didn't want me to do any freaking thing back home. he said that he wanted to be the man of the house.... or perhaps, man in the farm... hahaha.
i was sooooo bored and that meant that our farm bull had more mating to do...
i still think that the cow didn't find out.
he might seemed like "perfect"?
i'm not too sure and actually, not particularly guilty abt my behaviour...
i realised that he was rather full of himself. he often proclaimed that there were village gals who would blush at his mere presence, and there was this city gal who volunteered as a "vacuum cleaner"... whatever hell that meant...
i've already gotten so damn tired of hearing this crap.
in short - he wanted to be the perfect, all-rounder kind of husband who could seemingly tolerate my nonsensical crap in the first place, and yet, he could whine like a broken record and would boost his ego at the same time...
contradicting?
to answer your question, i don't think i've had regrets abt leaving him. i did my own reflections and i do need some rational tuff' muscles to tame me like a little lamb whenever i'm naughty....
a punch or something might perk me up, in fact.
do u still want me to talk to your wife?
Best regards,
Mary
California
Dear Vios,U probably didn't open your eyes when u read. Please re-read my thread . I m looking for people who know about thier own mistakes. regret abt thier actions. Obviously u don't, so why do I want u to talk to my wife. Unlike yr husband, I didn't boast to my wife about women approaching me, because i care how she feels . It would make her insecure and uncomfortable.
Dear John,
i certainly wrote from my heart - the eyes were hardly opened, then and now.
actually, if u do open ur heart like i have, u would see my mistake like how i've had acknowledged it in my post - basically, there was this 'cause and effect' for myself and the husband.
I do see the similarity in your case as well...
that's why i am rather concerned.
btw, it would hardly made a difference whether i had heard those ego-boosting claims from the cannon or not.
the fact still remains that - he IS pretty sure that he IS a dream catch for women, and i was one lucky gal to have married him.
to that... i would say, Up... Up... Up yours.
Best regards,
Mary
California (moving to LA soon)
i certainly wrote from my heart - the eyes were hardly opened, then and now.
actually, if u do open ur heart like i have, u would see my mistake like how i've had acknowledged it in my post - basically, there was this 'cause and effect' for myself and the husband.
I do see the similarity in your case as well...
that's why i am rather concerned.
btw, it would hardly made a difference whether i had heard those ego-boosting claims from the cannon or not.
the fact still remains that - he IS pretty sure that he IS a dream catch for women, and i was one lucky gal to have married him.
to that... i would say, Up... Up... Up yours.
Best regards,
Mary
California (moving to LA soon)
I am actually confused with John's stand. He started the thread by wanting to divorce his wife & now he wants "repentent" wives to talk to his wife - for what? If he wants a divorce, no need to talk right? If he wants to salvage, then shouldnt he & his wife seek professional help - like SM suggested instead of canvassing help from completete strangers???
Right now, what I am reading is John wants to get an admission of wrong-doing from his wife, an apology. Thats why he's on a manhunt now for "repentent" wives who will encourage his wife to admit & apologise to her "wrongdoings"?
Right now, what I am reading is John wants to get an admission of wrong-doing from his wife, an apology. Thats why he's on a manhunt now for "repentent" wives who will encourage his wife to admit & apologise to her "wrongdoings"?