Need help - a failed marriage....

[missywinnie]

Hi everyone here, i need some help here. My hubby and i went through a 9 years relationship and we finally ROM in year 2009. We got a 5rm HDB flat which we had collected the key in 2007. We had planned to hold our banquet this year in June however something happen and we need to call off the wedding. He was the one who initiate the divorce but after some talks with him, we decided to salvage the marriage. But sad to said, once there is a crack in the r/s there is no ways to really mend it.I had decided to go ahead and file for divorce. I am so lost now and dont have the mood to really go research so much on the procedure for divorce. Please understand my pain. Thus i need some advise and help on how i should go about doing it. What will happen to the flat? How long does the Divorce going to take? Can i just go alone to the lawyer and file for it? Can the marriage consider NULL or what? I need help and advise please.

 

[sps]

hi missywinnie

sorry to hear this. 9 years is such a long time. and if you are finally holding a banquet this year, it must be really painful and difficult. =(

just a thought, if your husband initiated it, maybe you can ask him to settle the divorce?

it is not a complicated process as long as no one counter-petitions. its actually very easy. just contact a lawyer and let him handle for both sides. it can take under 6months for a straight forward case to settle.

you can nullify the marriage if you fulfill certain conditions http://www.lawsociety.org.sg/public/you_and_the_law/divorce.aspx

speak to your lawyer for more info.

please dont mistaken, i am not encouraging you to. =( not my intention. but i do have some experience in this minus the flat part.

if need be, you can email me at [email protected]

take care!

 

[missywinnie]

Thanks SPS. He is the one to initiate it but later on we decided to work together to salvage the marriage. But then his actions simply shows that he is still lost...lost as he dunno what he wants. To part or to salvage. When i look at how things turn out to be, i feel really upset and heartbroken. Thus i decided to file for divorce. When i settle everything le..just pass the paper work for him to sign will do right?

 

[sps]

in a way, yes its like that. but its not like in hk drama where both sits in the law firm in front of the lawyer to sign the papers.

the person who petitions actually sues the person. so it's like a legal case and the person has to appear before the judge during hearing and a judgement will be passed.

so if you are still on good/talking terms with your ex husband, maybe can discuss this abit more. i allowed my ex husband to "sue" me after discussing it with him as i really didnt want to appear in court before the judge. i read the petition. it really made me look quite bad and i understood it will be recorded and filed in the family court.

it's easiest to speak with the lawyer for advice. my friend's ex wife met someone new and wanted to get a divorce. in the end, she sued my friend for unreasonable behaviour coz my friend's lawyer advised him that its hard to prove adultery. and my friend accepted that. the case ended in months too. and i think she remarried quite soon after.

but do think twice or many many times. sometimes when we are very highly emotional, we may not make the best decision. i remembered going for counseling and making sure i knew what i was doing. but even then, sometimes when i look back, i wished i worked harder at the wedding vow i took.

if you need to talk, let me know! =) and have a great start to your week!

 

[sgbabydoll]

Unless you have special permission from the court, you can't apply for divorce if your marriage is under three years. You can do a separation now, which is a private agreement, and there is no need to involve a lawyer or the court especially when there are no dispute on child custody, joint property division and/or alimony. Save the money.

 

[sps]

hmmm thats not true. policy wise yes... but lawyers can do alot of wonders. in a warp way i guess. my friend was married for under 3 years but the lawyer managed to backdate the separation and the divorce came into effect.

i myself was married for 2 only before i got an annulment.

ok my last input on this. coz i dont want to be seen as encouraging a divorce. =) thats the last thing i want for anyone to go through what i went through.

cheers!

 

[simpleman]

"hmmm thats not true. policy wise yes... but lawyers can do alot of wonders. in a warp way i guess. my friend was married for under 3 years but the lawyer managed to backdate the separation and the divorce came into effect. "


Does not make a lot of sense here. If married for less than 3 years.. how to backdate separation to more than 3 years? Not logical right? You sure you got ALL the facts right?

If you are married for more than 3 years.. but actually only separated recently.. then yes, you can backdate - provided it is mutually agreeable.

 

[simpleman]

The process is actually very simple if it is not going to be contested.

If you have the 3 years separation - you don't have to petition to make the exs look bad. Just state that marriage had breakdown beyond help.. irreconcilable differences..

Very painless and easy..

 

[sgbabydoll]

If marriage is under three years, it's either separation (and divorce later), annulment or divorce with special permission from the court.

 

[fraiii]

It always seem that the guy is always doing the wrong thing. My case is the girl did me wrong n yes I'm still sore n lost at the same time.

 

[texasholdem]

mostly guys are condemmed as seem to be they are alwasy the one having affairs. so does that spare the women who have affairs but not condemmed?

 

[frankiejade]

hi, i would like to file for a divorce but my marriage has not last for more than 3 years. I've checked but i can't go for the annulment. Is there any lawyer to recommend?
I've been in a misery ever since i am married to this guy. I simply can't stand his parents.......caused me such a trauma & all the mental torture. Can anyone help?

 

[dinnielooi]

if can prove extreme hardship, u can get the court to grant u to go for divorce

 

[frankiejade]

i have to 1st get a lawyer rite?

 

[jefferson_edison]

First wise suggestion is let the flat be 5 years old first. 2007 until 2012 is 5 years. go file for deeds of separation. 3 years separate can divorce with the other party concern. remember to ask for maintenance and split the money earned from the flat.

he must have someone already, or he've sicked of being with u.

anyway, u need money to survive. so that's the way it should be. just let him do the payment for the law firm. peace out with him. state what you want in the separation deeds as he's the one who initiated.

oh yeah one more thing, you can Back-date the time of separation. so you can declare that you and him have already been separated since this date etc.... so when the 5 years up for the flat, sell it, divorce and cool, you got the freedom and the money.

Rmb to let him do the payment.

 

[umechan]

What were the reasons for him to initiate a divorce in the first place? Are the reasons something that can be sorted out? Do you guys still have feelings for each other?

To have him initiate the divorce is sure to hurt you. But he is willing to work things out now. Unless the reasons are really "valid", maybe you can give yourself a bit more time to think? It is definitely shocking and hurtful to come to this point. But will you regret your decision in time to come?

 

[michie66]

hi, i have same situation here, my husband and I went through 5 years relationship and we have rom 1 year ago and hold our customary 7 months ago. All my family & frends said he is very nice to me and i feel grateful i have such a nice man to be my husband. Last 2 months ago i found that he is keeping something from me and after i confront him he told me he has been keep in touh with 1 of his secondary female classmate before we married and he himself didnt tell the woman that he is married. They have gone out a few times for dinner and he said he only treat her as a very good friend but after that he realised she is fancy of him so he tried to make things clear to her. He has promised me he will not contact with her anymore. I decided to believe what he said. 1 month later i accidentally saw a few photos from facebook which he taken with the women which both of them are very close in the photos it doesn't look like they are just good friend! i showed him the photos he said those are taken last time and keep telling me that they are really close friend and they have know each other more than 10 years. Again, i decided to believe him. Few days later, again another blow to me, i found out that they went to thailand together but he was lying me he went to taiwan for business trip. And yet he still telling me they are very good friend they stay in diffirent hotel room when they are in thailand! i am really lost and dont know what to do, we even quarrel in front his parents. His dad has lectured him and told him to stop contact with the woman, he has promised to do so. I decided to give him another chance, though he still insist they are good friend but i decided forgive & forget. He even sweared to me that he is no longer contact with her. but then recently, i found out that he stil contact with the woman, i am very depress now, even i confront him he will still deny it. I am totally lost, Should i file a divorce with him? if you were me what will you do?

 

[triple]

A person needs family as well as friends.

If he has treated u well, and did not neglect u, why can't he have friends?

If u cannot accept such behaviour, then perhaps the 2 of u are not meant for each other.
Ask yourself if this man is worth your stress. Tell him how u feel, and dun get emotional. Talk it out with him.

 

[daybreak_rose]

it depends on whether u love yourself more or u love him more...