Need Advice

[jaslynteo]

I suppose to have reunion dinner with my parents-in-law. However, I also wish to have dinner with my parents. So, I ask my hubby can we also eat with my parents. My hubby has no problem.

As worry time will crush, I ask my hubby can we eat with my in-laws slightly early like in the afternoon or 5pm. So, we can keep accompany them slightly long and they will not complain that we only stay for 15min plus my hubby’s younger sister family will also go back for dinner. As my hubby’s younger sister family always come back for dinner.

Problem comes a few days before Chinese New Year Eve. Suddenly, my in-law said they want to have reunion dinner 6pm. My hubby tried to talk out with them and told them 5pm. So we no need to rush to eat and rush back to my parents’ home. They don’t seem to understand what my hubby said.

It seem that their daughter unable to make it for reunion dinner so, everyone has to wait for her. BUT I AM ALSO MY PARENTS’ DAUGHTER. How can I expect my own parents and relatives to wait for us until very late.

Two day before Chinese New Year Eve, my hubby call back home from work and told them we have give in. 5pm is the best time so, we no need to rush and have more time for them. Then, my father-in-law said too rush. No need to have dinner with them. I was shock. Too rush? We have the whole day to prepare for the steamboat. Must we eat the steamboat from 6pm to 9pm? Plus I don’t know is it what he meant from his heart and it is difficult for us as we are living with them.

On the Saturday, both in-laws left the house very early and no chance to communicate. Is the reunion dinner still on? And we are worry later they said they want to have reunion dinner with us. So, we went for marketing. Try not to buy so much.

On the eve, around 9.30am, I realized the whole house is empty. They went out very early. I ask my hubby where they go on the day where all shops are closed. The only answer he give, must be going to his sister’s place.

We waited until 5pm. They are not back. So, we start to prepare to go back my parents’ place. We wait until 6.30pm then we go back.

For the next two days of Chinese New Year, they go out very early. Want to wish them Chinese New Year, I have to wake up twice to catch them. The moment they saw me, they said put on the table and left home. What kind of parents is this?

The third day of Chinese New Year, my hubby starts work. My mother-in-law scolded him and said this new year, they and sister’s family unable to have reunion dinner because I want to go back to have reunion dinner with my parents. She demand us to apologize to them. I am shock. They are the one cancel reunion dinner. Didn’t come back home for reunion dinner. Even we get a mobile for them to use. They never use. Where the hell we know where are you and ask you to come back for reunion dinner. My hubby is very angry and he took me along, ask me to stay at my parents’ place. He will pick me up after work. The next day morning, we avoided her. We went for work very early and we came back after they slept. Guess what, she woke up used the toilet and called my hubby’s sister said want to chat. Using this matter, she tried to scold me over the phone. I feel very hurt. I treat her very nice. Cook for her when I was at home, help to do housework. I went back to my own room and cry. I told my hubby why in the beginning told me to stay with when I want to have my own place.

My hubby saw my looking to sad and he know that I am very upset. He said we will move out to my parents’ place. To him, his parents is too much, he under stress and need to works.

I need advice. Did we do wrong?

 

[yesno333]

Frankly speaking u guys did nothing wrong...but let's face it...u marry a guy who dun even own a house and is staying with parents...so this is the price u need to pay....harsh it might sounds...this is the sad truth...><"

 

[jaslynteo]

Thanks yessno333. We will be getting our house 2 to 3 years later. But I am thankful that we still has a place to go and my parents are happy that we are coming back. Both my parents dote my hubby alot. Plus my hubby is happy staying with my parents. He felt love. And come back got hot warm rice and soup to eat and drink. My mother-in-law always off the rice cooker. So, when we back home, rice is cold.

 

[cococherry]

You should ask your in law personally on their preferred timing, don't ask their son to do the job. Our husband sometimes will create some misunderstanding so it's better that we discuss with them ourselve.
And I felt that you shouldn't expect them to accomodate to your timing. Afterall, u are married into their family, I'm sure they will wanted you to put them as priority and wanted to have the dinner with their son. You can have the dinner one day earlier with your parents as well, that doesn't make you a bad daughter! I'm sure your parents are understanding enough to have the dinner earlier with you.

I'm the only daughter and I have my dinner with parents one day before. My parents are okay with it and my MIL is happy that we can accompany them the whole day.

 

[jaslynteo]

Actually I want to ask. But my in-law is not like your in-law so understanding type. Their daughter also married out. She can come back on the eve with hubby and daughter. Their daughter has in-law too. Plus on the first day, I married in. They dont seem interested having dinner with me. I waited unit 8 to 9pm to have dinner with them.

My hubby can understand why we need to start dinner around 5pm as my aunts and uncles will be going to my parents' place around 7pm for dinner.

Chocolatte, for your information. I come from a very big family with many generations. We already paisei as dinner always start at 6pm. My parents has give in.

 

[yesno333]

Oh...ur hubby n urself is staying with ur parents...if tat is so....then i really dun think it should be a concern for u...i thought u are staying with ur in-laws....><"

Anyway i can guarantee u tat no matter how u tok to them...it would be of no use...obviously they are biased against u guys for watever god knows reason.....

But then again no harm trying to tok to them....

 

[jaslynteo]

We are staying with my in-laws. After this week, we are moving to my parents' place. Thanks yesno333

 

[yesno333]

I have personally witness marriage that fail not becoz of the couple themselves...but becoz of their in laws causing problems....at least u n ur hubby are taking the same stance....not easy i must say....><"

 

[yesno333]

Lucky u...at least u 2 are moving to ur parent's place soon..things will for sure be for the better for u guys...but i am sure relationship between ur hubby, u n ur in laws will sour...but i guess there is a price to pay for everything...><"

 

[jaslynteo]

U can say "baoyin" to my mother-in-law. When CNY, she never visit her mother-in-law, always tell us no never visit her. Go to the same to my father-in-law. Even accompany them the whole CNY, they would not be happy unless their daughter around. Plus this is not the first time, they treat people badly. Can you believe no relatives from either my in-laws side come for CNY visiting. She also not happy that I bring him to visit my relatives.

yesno333, you are right lucky me. As when she scolded me, my hubby around. He heard everything. My parents never scolded me like this before. Not to mention my grandma and my aunt who bring me up. He said to her WHAT KIND OF PARENTS ARE YOU?!! ARE YOU TRYING TO MAAKE THINGS DIFFICULT FOR ME?!!! WHY ARE YOU MAKING HER CRY PITIFUL IN THE ROOM?!!! IF YOU DONT LIKE US, WHY IN THE BEGINNING TELL US TO MOVE IN WITH YOU?!!! DO YOU KNOW SHE GIVE IN AND GIVE UP ALOT OF THINGS FOR THIS FAMILY?!!!

Chocolatte, if your mother-in-law also has mother-in-law which your grandma. How do you think of a person who never visit her during CNY and keep saying bad things in front of her own children and hubby. Not all in-laws are the same. When I havent married to my hubby, she want to control everything. Like want me to come of eve to have dinner with her, go shopping with her. Please I have my own things to do. She even dont want us to get a house but we still go for it. Plus my in-laws has no $$ always ask from us to buy new things. Like sofa, other family can use the sofa for many years, her sofa is 4 to 6 mths then change again. Alot of $$.

 

[jaslynteo]

My hubby enjoy himself at my parents' place. Got somebody like my parents and my siblings chatting with him, game to play, newspaper to read, hot and warm food to eat. My dad even bring him out for praying, grooming him and my brother as his successor. This is the first time I saw him so happy. At home, he and I always in the room and take turns to use computer.

 

[denise80]

Jaslyn, I also think like chocolate. I'll eat with my own parents one or even two weeks before the eve of cny and reserve eve of cny to have reunion dinner with my in-laws. My parents understand that and so do my in-laws. I think it's not very nice to ask in-laws to accommodate our timing to start early so that you could leave early to go home and eat. You're giving them an idea that your family must be on par with theirs etc and that there must be fairness. When it comes to family relationships, there is never fairness to begin with. As the daughter or daugther-in-law, I feel we should still try to respect the elderly's wishes unless they are extremely unreasonable. This thing about dining at the time they prefer is pretty alright to give in I feel. I didn't like the sofa matter though but if they really like to splurge on things and get you all to pay, y dun u ask your hubby to pay can already? As wives too, I don't think we should meddle much with our hubby's decision on giving their parents $ unless your hubby is not doing well which boils down to the problem that yesno333 highlighted earlier.

Frankly, I feel we shouldn't also judge if our in-laws are nasty based on how they treated their own in-laws or parents. We just have to mind our own business and be respectful as far as possible. Peace in the family is important.

Your hubby who spoke u for you isn't helping to make things better btw.

 

[powder]

almost every couple with 2 sets of parents will face the same logistics. so most pple fix it on 2 different days, or at 2 different time-slots... most older folks understand and know this. working around it is As much a way of life each CNY.

rather than ask for who's at fault, i think u guys handled it pretty naive and badly. 2 reunion dinners with a 1hr buffer between? That itself is not the wisest decision.

would have just placed it on 2 different days. it's how pple manage all the time... and if really need same day then u need both sides to more or less be COMFORTABLE with the time slot.

as far as i see it, u guys didn't put in enough Personal effort in achieving a harmonious compromised timing. u just wanted it your way.

 

[cococherry]

Jaslyn,

my first post was referring to your very first post on the dinner part. I too didn't like the sofa part and the scolding. but coming from a big family, everyone have to wait for both of you to start the dinner isn't a good excuse, I'm sure they are fine without you this year or join them for coffee, games and catch up only after dinner. Both of you are the ones wanted to dine at your parents side and putting blame on your in law for not accomodating.

 

[jaslynteo]

If you are small family is easy, can start early. If big family how to start early plus my parents works especial my mum work shift. I dont get to eat with her everytime. I already do my part.

desise80, their daughter can come back at night for dinner. She is married. Do you think is fair for me?

My hubby dont like her to splurge on things. She wont ask me to pay and my hubby also will not pay. He only give pocket money to them and I never meddle how much my hubby should give and I never ask him for a cent. Opposite I spend the most money. Pay bills, go marketing and others. For ur information, we earn quite a bit but we want to save for raining days.

I never judge her. I ever put nice words in front of my own parents.

My hubby just call, she told us not to move. She promise not to make thing difficult for us.

She knows she is too much also. My xiaogu told her stop it or next CNY dinner not coming back as she also married.

 

[jaslynteo]

Chocolatte, if we blame them, we wont wash the vegetable and wait unit 6plus near 7 and go back.

Our family has rules. Hv to come back for dinner even you r married. My parents also invited my in-laws and xiaogu's family. As we believe in reunion plus my family is missing me alot especially my younger sister. Maybe you are not close to your family. But we are. My parents treat my hubby like their own son.

 

[jaslynteo]

Forget to mention. My mother-in-law returned all the things I give her to me yesterday. She put them on the table. What is this mean? The whole matter I never said anythings. Only her son knows what is this mean.

 

[oneder]

You know, I also got the same problem.

I have already retired and I suppose to have reunion dinner with my daughter and son. However, I also wish to have dinner with my daughter in law. So, I ask my son can we also eat with your family. My son has no problem.

As the time will crush, I ask my son can we eat with them slightly later like 6pm. So, my daughter family can come back for dinner.

Problem comes a few days before Chinese New Year Eve. Suddenly, my son family said they want to have reunion dinner 6pm. I tried to talk out with my son family and told them 5pm. So my daughter family can come eat with us. They don’t seem to understand what I said.

It seem that my son family is unwilling to make the change so, eating together is impossible. BUT I AM ALSO MY DAUGHTER PARENT. How can I expect my own daughter's husband to sacrifice his reunion dinner for us.

Two day before Chinese New Year Eve, my son call back home from work and I told them we have give in. 6pm is the best time so my daughter don't have to rush. If not nevermind, no need to have dinner with them. My daughter was shock but i don't know why. Plus I don’t know why it is difficult for to wait for one more hour.

On the Saturday, we left the house very early to do our stuff and we thought the dinner is off. Don't know what my son did after we left home.

On the eve, around 9.30am, We also went out very early to go to my daughter place. Later then we know that our son is waiting at home.

For the next two days of Chinese New Year, we go out very early as usual. Want to wish my son Chinese New Year, but they wake up so late. When they wake up, we already rushing to go out.

The third day of Chinese New Year, my son starts work. I scolded him and said this new year, our family unable to have reunion dinner because my son want to go back to have reunion dinner with his parent in law. Naturally i expect an apology. I am don't know why my daughter in law was shock. They are the one who wants to change the reunion dinner. Didn’t want to wait for one hour for reunion dinner. And moblie phone? Simi lai eh? My son is very angry and he took his wife along, ask her to stay at her parents place. He will pick his wife up after work. The next day morning, my son avoided me, So sad. They went for work very early and came back after we slept. Guess what, I woke up used the toilet and called my daughter and want to chat. I talk to my daughter in law over the phone wanting to tell her my feelings but she ignored me. I feel very hurt. She went back to her own room and cry and told my son why in the beginning told her to stay with when she want to have their own place.

My son saw his wife looking to sad and he know that she is very upset. He said they will move out to my place. To him, we are too much, he under stress and need to works. But his wife not too much meh?

I need advice. Did we do wrong?

 

[yesno333]

Seriously speaking i think ur mother in law is too much...it is obviously she is trying to create a rift between u and ur husband....u should know truly what is going on.....instead of listening to some of us telling u whether u are wrong or right...u should choose the path most suitable for u and ur husband...coz marriage can be destroy with in law problems....last thing u want is that to happen....u 2 are grown up now...if walking out of one side of a unreasonable parents will solve the issue..just do it...dun let in laws create problems for u....it will ruins ur marriage...

 

[cococherry]

Why don't you rebuke when she was behaving unreasonably?
Your family is missing you alot? you mean SIngapore is so big that you couldn't travel back to visit them often?
I have regular dinner with my parents, we won't need to really make a big deal about this reunion dinner. My relatives, my parents don't set silly rules and are perfectly fine having dinner themselves on the eve and that we have the dinner with my parents day before eve. Are you then gonna say maybe my parents don't love me and my husband that they are okie without us?

 

[denise80]

desise80, their daughter can come back at night for dinner. She is married. Do you think is fair for me?

Jaslyn, I can sense from your above statement that you really compare a lot. In the first place, how can we the daughter-in-law compare ourselves to the daughters of our mother-in-law? I'm not saying your MIL is the nicest person on earth but by comparing this and that and showing your unhappiness isn't going to improve your relationship with your MIL.

I feel that if you have to rush off to attend to another reunion dinner, your MIL might have felt offended that you're not sincere. We all know that reunion dinners are meant to be a 'long long' affair with lots of quality communication and bonding and should never be a 'rush rush' affair. When you leave, you also bring along your hubby inevitably and thus of cos they'll be upset. Though there's no right or wrong here, frankly, according to traditions, the actual eve of cny, married women will usually dine with the in-laws only - what's wrong with arranging a reunion dinner with your own big family on another day? To me, bonding with my family members need not wait till reunion dinner. I often meet up with my own family members together with my hubby for dinners at my place, at theirs or at restaurants. It's a great way to dine together. If your MIL doesn't understand this then I think it's okay to accommodate where you can. The rest of the things that you said she didn't want things you gave her etc - of cos lah, she's already fed up with you...so I wouldn't even take all these into consideration. You also need not tell us how bad she was to her own mother or in-laws etc because when I gave advice, it was purely really about the cny dinner matter and how other families did their own arrangements and that peace and harmony in a family is the most important thing. There are times where I waited for one or two hours for everyone to come back to have dinner too when I used to stay with my MIL, let alone reunion dinner. While I'm hungry and need to catch up on my work at night etc, I also didn't get angry and start complaining like you. I have a feeling that you have little tolerance when it comes to accommodating your in-laws and this coupled with your MIL's hostile behaviour will only make things worse.

I come from a very traditional family who values time spent together bonding and dining etc. Hence I don't understand why your parents didn't think of arranging another day for reunion dinner. This will solve all problems isn't it? Then on the eve of cny, they will dine with their own sons plus daughters-in-law lor. So difficult to arrange meh?

 

[texasholdem]

not i helping Jaslyn, but since u say :" Hence I don't understand why your parents didn't think of arranging another day for reunion dinner. This will solve all problems isn't it? Then on the eve of cny, they will dine with their own sons plus daughters-in-law lor. So difficult to arrange meh?" --- may i ask why jaslyn in-law didnt think of arranging another day then? why must be the girl's side to give in? this is way tooo conservative.

 

[oneder]

Jaslyn, if you could step back and read from a 3rd person perspective without the bottled emotions in both you and your parents in law mind, you should realise that the problem and solution can be easily reached. It is only one hour difference and if EITHER one of you can take a step back, the problem is not longer a problem. It is just one hour after all.

If you have tried and both sides timing is fixed, not a problem. Leave earlier in the first one and be a little late on another, I am sure both parents can understand. And you need to understand that.

 

[denise80]

kctan, like I've said, either side can give in but if the whole world doesn't keep to traditions, then all the more it's going to be difficult to arrange. Besides, it's not about 'conservative views' or not. It's about working out a viable solution. What do you propose then, kctan? For Jaslyn to continue to rant here and then for her MIL to continue to dislike her and for the hubby to continue to help Jaslyn talk back at his own mum? Frankly, I wouldn't think much of my hubby if he talks bad abt his mum in front of everyone including me. It tells a lot about a person's character.

Lee, precisely they are arguing over one hour of difference, why not just change to another day? Can only say Jaslyn you are just suay that your parents are as unaccommodating as your in-laws if they are not willing to change day. All stubborn ppl - how to arrange a nice dinner? Still got harmony in either family meh?

 

[watervapour]

So u do really need advice or just ranting since u have every valid justification to your actions.

 

[oneder]

Denise80, you can try to ask both families to change the timing or another day but you need to know that they have their own concern on the changes because it is going to affect another couple or children. No one would want to fixed a time just to make things difficult for you during a reunion dinner, or at least TS parent in law is not doing that.

If all else fails, just compromise with your SO to divide the time among the 2 families.

 

[denise80]

Yes. I begin to wonder if Jaslyn just needs to rant or needs advice/solution. Seems to me she's here to rant. Whatever advice we dish out, she'll have her justifications for it like her own family has 'rules' or if not, maybe you are not close with your family. Very funny.

I've run out of ideas already. Still, try to maintain peace and harmony. I'm proud to say that till this date, I've never had any conflict or unpleasant disagreement with my in-laws when we stayed together or even now. TS might say...your in-laws different mah..you are lucky. Sure but I always believe that you should treat others how you like to be treated. Even if I don't like anything about my in-laws (which I could hardly rem anything regarding this), I would tell my hubby nicely and my hubby will never talk back at his parents or what. We are not kids. Talking back at our own parents to help our special other half is only courting doom and inviting more trouble and conflicts. Next time you want to mend relationships, there'll always be scars. Now in Jaslyn's case, certainly got scars already. So my advice is still try to give in if it's possible and make peace.

 

[mirrorcelcius]

i will leave this problem alone and move on. in marriage not every problems can be solved and deal with, because it involve many people. we are born as a imperfect human so act like one. ignore the problems and don't forget it ever happend before. sometimes the best way to solve it is not doing anything about it especially dealing with human character and emotions. it is just too confusing and too much.

fail this time, compensate more next time to cover previous failures. easy.....

 

[miloice]

you need not stay through the entire meal. If they want to start only at 6pm, then leave at 6.45 or so. Alternatively, plan for reunion lunch in future. Limitations are set by people, we can be flexible and put your foot on things that matters. If you need to leave early, do it.

 

[matka]

The strategy is to get the TWO SIBLINGS (ie. her husband and his sister) to first discuss the best timing solution to deconflict everything, then only do they arrange the schedule with their parents.

 

[denise80]

Sadly, the true meaning of 'reunion' is lost when families can't even give in to one another and make flexible arrangements.

An important affair that is supposed to bond families becomes one that drives a wedge between two or more families. How ironic this can be especially with TS posting here and seemingly hoping for people to empathize with her situation and to suggest solutions that require her mother-in-law to give in but not herself. Guess she already has the answer in mind and very confident that her hubby will always be supporting her. She's doing very fine actually (so she thinks).

 

[simpleman]

I don't think Jaslyn is asking for advices. She has her pre-set way of thinking.

Almost every married couple will have this issue of having reunion dinner with parents and in-laws. There are many ways of handling this.

Of course you can look at it from a extreme personal point of view - that I am as much a daughter as well as a daughter in law.. and I have as much right to have dinner with my parents as much as my hubby wants me to have dinner with his parents.

The tradition has always been the wife to "follow" the husband.. I am not saying this as a rule but for obvious reasons - your children take the surname after the father and not you. But still there are rooms for flexibility.

Every parents that have daughters and who love their daughters will understand the position their daughters are in - and hence most understanding parents will NOT insist on EXACT timing to have reunion with their married daughters - they will tend to be a little flexible in timing for married daughters.

As daughters, you have ample time to catch up with your parents day-in-day-out.. and CNY reunion is just one of the time..

I think arranging with so tight schedule - even up to the hour is asking for trouble. And with both sides expectation, it is hard not to be stress.

Best alternative is to have it on another day with your own parents.. or lunch.. or even dinner on the same day, you have to negotiate amicably.

I guess I have sort of mastered this art. When ex-wife married me, she has to follow my timing.. but my family is big, and she has only two brothers.. and when one of her brother passed away, all the more she wants reunion with her parents. So I always negotiate upfront with the timing.. either early dinner at her mother's place or early dinner at my mother's place. The we leave slightly earlier/later - no one is going to make too much of a noise. Everyone is happy. You just need maturity to handle it and not insist on so strict timings.

 

[arsenal_84]

there is always the option of having the reunion dinner with your own set of parents.
though it might felt a bit separate but is a reasonable option for both parties.

 

[denise80]

haha arsenal, haven't you read that TS own family even invited her in-laws for the reunion dinner? They are insistent that EVERYBODY must be around...not one less. So difficult. Glad I have nice in-laws and understanding parents!

 

[jaslynteo]

hmmm... Everyone has their own think. Our plan is move on and move out once get house. Both my hubby and I feel upset as it is truth that my in-law prefer their daughter than him. Is not that I already has my own set of think or I like to compare or being childish.

My family has give in twice to them for the changing of time.

sm (simpleman)The tradition has always been the wife to "follow" the husband.. Sorry to tell you, I ask my hubby before I said yes to my parents. Plus I have a different set of education from some of people here. Most of my time, I am in oversea. If you said follow, I dont like the ideal. It should be a period of being equally and fair being man and woman.

I dont think I get any advise from anyone here. Maybe my hubby is right, you gals, never know somebody around you never get to have reunion dinner with family. Actually, we get some good advise from friends that face the same problem like us.

So close case. I will close this post.

PS: my mother-in-law dont want us to move out after she heard the whole arrangement plan from my father-in-law. I wonder what my hubby said to my father-in-law. But the reality, my in-law is unwelcome by all their relatives. Can say nobody come the visit during CNY.

 

[miloice]

all the education received haven't taught the basic skill to achieve win-win solutions. Such issues with reunion dinners isn't so unique. Instead of thinking of the best possible outcome, u think about gender equity? This has nothing to do with if one has studied overseas... it has to do with narrow minded less... fighting silly battles that burn bridges.

 

[matka]

"a different set of education"?


Jaslyn, has it ~ever~ occurred to you that it is the women in the Western societies who predominantly adopt their husbands' last names? On the other hand, Asian women tend to keep their own family names... or in recent years, adopt double-barrelled names.

I do not know whereabouts you were sent abroad to study, but isn't that ironic given your 'argument' about being "different" from "some of (the) people here"?

In any case, Milo is right about one thing. It has nothing to do with your "non-gender biased" education abroad. Perhaps you haven't realised that most of the contributors here have been encouraging a peaceful and amicable resolution to your problem.

"Maybe my hubby is right, you gals, never know somebody around you never get to have reunion dinner with family. Actually, we get some good advise from friends that face the same problem like us."

You think? The CNY reunion dinner is not an uncommon problem. Yet there are so many people who have actually worked around it, peacefully... without causing a ruckus to the family dynamics. So I don't know what kind of advise you are seeking, or if you just wanted some proponents to your cause.

Also, the terms that you have used quite consistently "married out" and "married in" do not tally with whatever gender equity you're championing.

 

[ah_o]

Care to share what good advices had your friends gave?

Does the advices include moving out and never have reunion dinner again with your in-laws?

 

[clearskies]

It seems here that the problem is that you don't really respect your in-laws and your husband, according to you, doesn't seem to like his parents much either.

Since there is already this background of them being difficult, it's no wonder that you feel upset about compromising. I can only share with you my solution, which is that I have a reunion lunch with my parents before going over to my in-laws' place.

About your parents "giving in", I somehow don't think it's giving in, by the standards of a Chinese family. Most traditional Chinese families would agree that daughters should give priority to the in-laws at family events. But your parents were still asking you to have a reunion dinner with them.

When I told my mum that I could have reunion dinner with her (like you, I felt that I would miss my family's presence on CNY Eve), my mum told me not to be childish and that I should go over to my in-laws' place for dinner. I had a reunion lunch with my parents instead.

Perhaps your parents are also not that fond of your in-laws, which is why they're not so willing to "give up" their daughter to them.

 

[miloice]

Being educated overseas bear little importance frankly... unless you worked and paid your fees independently, okie, that reference would probably be more sound. Still, it lacked the consistency with TS reactions in here. Having worked in MNCs for the past 8 years of so, my observation of our european counterparts are far more open to voice out but they bear no grudges. What disagreements and conflicts that go on in the war room is biz related and its over after the conclusion is done and the meeting is over. Being vocal about their thoughts also come with the openness with others opinions. Not shut off opinions and close case. That, in fact, is very local typical auntie / princess behavior.

 

[yesno333]

I think that it is best we leave this post close as it is...we are really not helping much by throwing insults at her...

End of the day i am sure only she knows what is really goes on...we are all bystanders here...none of us really experience what she went thru....

Anyway all the best for u Jaslyn and ur hubby on watever path u choose for urself n ur in laws...

 

[miloice]

throwing insults? well... she wrote for advice but turned a deaf ear.

"Maybe my hubby is right, you gals, never know somebody around you never get to have reunion dinner with family. Actually, we get some good advise from friends that face the same problem like us."

many that wrote here aren't women in the 1st place. Its a mixed group. This isn't the 1st time we see people that asked for advise only to reject everything... I mean EVERYTHING... there is no selection nor filtering just block everything once she got defensive. Then, why post in the 1st place?!? Kind of ironic.

The response to such behavior is expected.

"End of the day i am sure only she knows what is really goes on...we are all bystanders here...none of us really experience what she went thru.... "

If one apply this to every single thread, i think the forum should shut down.

 

[yesno333]

The thing here is that she already ask us not to contribute anymore to this post....

Since this post is started by her...aren't it better if we respect her wishes....><"

 

[miloice]

yesno, can understand your point.

However, we are not getting into that 'thread ownership' discussion as in the CNY resolution one. lolz

If she simply voice her wish to not discuss anymore and it would pretty much settle. She had to end it with more comments herself that is opened to rebukes. The need to have the last say with something she thinks would rebuke others, her words contradicts her intent.

 

[denise80]

Gdness, y bring up 'thread ownership' and relate to my cny resolution?

I want to stress for one last time...if powder and toma can ask me not to post anymore to engage them any further, I think there's nothing wrong for me to ask them to not post in a thread I started. If they don't start with A, I wouldn't respond with B too. Pls get it right. It's not that I'm a domineering person and I want to dominate my thread. Period.

 

[powder]

how dumb can u be?,

how can u stress for a last time if u never did it the first few times in the first place?

the word is Threadstarter, not threadowner, and u yourself call it a thread u started. Duh?

and dumb again, who the hell started with 'A'? nobody was talking to u but u had to farking initiate and draw first blood each and everytime. so dun call yours 'B' when u are the freaking 'A' to begin with. other pple can't talk to other pple in a thread u started? then 95% of your posts in Other threads started by others makes u...a Big Farking Hypocrite?

can u just Stop Lying? have u not even an ounce of integrity?

not domineering my ass, u have been trying to dominate everything with that pea-brain of yours, falling flat on your face each time and still shamelessly thinking u're smart.

u are the one who should 'pls get it right'

time and again, u seem so obsessed with mentioning me... absolutely stupid.

ya ya, very unimportant to u indeed. are u hiding your adoration for me and secretly trying to impress me? seriously u are stupid, and i'm not even saying that to call u names... i mean, u Are stupid.

 

[denise80]

Lol. U r indeed an obnoxious ass. Adoration for u? Pee and look at ur own reflection if u dun have a mirror. Puke. I mentioned toma too. Does that mean I adore him too? R u not getting enuf adoration fr ur own wife that u need to stoop low and delude urself that my unfriendly posts to u r a sign of adoration?? Lol!!! Unbelievable. Puke. Stop responding to my posts if u think I'm stupid and not at ur level. Continue to engage those at ur level. Period.

 

[powder]

u have very poor ability to rebutt...

the "i'm not X, does it mean i'm Y' sort of agument is rather lame cos like all your other posts, they lack facts and the purpose is simply to throw a facade to lead others to think in a certain way.

given the progress we've made mentally, u are operating at levels which we should already have surpassed at tertiary levels.

u like to mention your disdain for profanities, but u have no qualms bringing other pple's spouses and family into the argument, and in a very auntie way. i wonder who is stooping low.

your talk of peeing if i dun have a mirror reflects how outdated u are, and your inability to think logically. in modern day an age, that phrase simply has no bearing unless we're speaking in mandarin, direct translations from the chinese language shows how inapt u are in expressing yourself in englilsh. perhaps this is why u have comprehension disability and can hardly hold an argument in a proficient manner. on the logistics, u dun need to pee, neither does peeing help, it is harder to avoid mirrors that finding them.

u have skirted proper rebuttals with emotional throws of silly reasoning... trying so hard to mask your weakness, yet still trying to con others into thinking u are smart. that in itself is stupid, to say the least.

u dun put in effort to better and improve yourself, and u are happy to just operate at school levels of mental ability. u have stopped progressing since leaving school and that is very apparent.

instead of responding to facts, u choose to dabble in your å°äººåŠ¨ä½œï¼Œbecos that is what u are... your nature shows it very clearly. it is sad that u dun see it... but it's hard to be sad for too long seeing how fugly u are inside.

majority of your posts have nothing to do with helping others, yours is quest for self-validation which u're trying to build on how others view u. i no longer have that need for over a decade.

if u bother to explore the pple who can actually have conversations with u... u will find one common thing - the conversations hardly go into anything deep or worthy... becos they would have to be just as inapt as u. like 5yr-olds talking to 5yr-olds.

u're a frog in the well.

 

[miloice]

come denise, are you being too sensitive?

I brought up the point as a relevant usecase to avoid repeating a similar dispute here. Its not about your new year resolution at all. Its about the behavior of owning a thread and trying to decide what gets posted in it. I have often used usecases to elaborate my point. But, this instance, you took it personal.

The argument or insults between powder and you is none of my concern. Going on from thread to thread to continue your disputes. Go on.

 

[yesno333]

Is it really worth it to attack one another on a forum...seriously...live and let live....just helping others on this forum beats throwing around all this insults....><"