Need advice....do not know wat to call my hubby's elder brother

[poohbear80]

Hi there

I just got married about 2 weeks ago.

My hubby has a elder brother who is 2 years older than us. (he is 31 and hubby and me 29). I do not know should I call his brother by 'name' or 'gor'. My hubby calls his brother 'gor'.

During our dating of 3 years, I don't address his brother by 'name' nor 'gor'. He is usually away and we seldom meet. Last year, he was away for 1 year as the company sent him to Malaysia. During these 3 years, I do see him at home but we dun talk much. When he comes home, I knowledge him by saying hi or hello. But now since we married now, should I follow what my hubby calls...or should I call him by name or just stick to it hi and hello. But it seems rude to me leh. My hubby says it will be gd that I calls his brother 'gor'.

Any advice? Cos I am going back to my in-law's place tomorrow to stay so may see his brother. Some of my colls says must follow...some says dont need to call 'gor' cos we are in the 21st century.

I felt a little weird to call him 'gor' lol .... anyone has an elder-bro in law mah?

 

[lovingyou]

Eh.. I guess it is a matter to get used to it ba.. if your in-laws don't mind, I think can address by names? I told my sis-in-law to address me as my name.. as what she used to do.. though my HB's grandma did mention that she used address me as "da sao" at the tea ceremony of my dinner.

 

[ariebeth]

er... a few factors come into play here.

How traditional is your hubby's family? Also, how much does this mean to your hubby. Seems like he already wants you to call his BIL 'gor'. How against it are you? In a marraige you kinda have to pick your battles, and this is quite a tiny little minute detail.

If it were me, I would call my BIL by name. It's not like we grew up together or had fond memories together. In this situation, it seems like the BIL is practically a stranger anyway. And yes, it's the 21st Century.

But that's just me. I'm very untraditional and had quite a westernised upbringing, so this is my opinion.

 

[alcifertoh]

Same here. I am fine with even my siblings calling my name directly. It's just a chinese tradition. Depends on how the receiver feel about it ba.

Imagine the westerners do it. Hi Brother in-law? Hey Bro?

 

[ariebeth]

I like "hey bro"... sounds quite cool hehe

 

[salsa_babe]

I call my BIL Uncle...hahaha..

 

[miloice]

be flexible.... it depends in situation. Sometimes, I call them by names in casual and really personal level.... its more closer and friendlier.

And sometimes as 'bro' or 'sis' especially during formal occasions out of respect.

 

[powder]

bro?
bruh?
dude?
robert?
ge?
ge-ah?
da-ge?
da-ge-ah?
ah-hiah?
brudderrrr?
bludderrrr?
siao-eh?
yan-eh?
yandao-eh?
deyyy?
ah-deyyy?
bang?
abang?

 

[clipperjunk]

the easiest is to ask what he wants to be called...most likely if he is modern he will ask to be called by his name.....that's what i did and that's what my younger in laws also asked and i said my name is cool....

 

[its_fate]

Hehehe... is this a question to be answered by strangers here??

Why can't juz ask the addressed person directly?? Utimately, is that person preference....

Don't see a need to "worry" so much when one is given a choice to have the answer straight away.... Hehehe....

"Yong1 Ren2 Zi4 Rao3"....

 

[chelsea_tan]

Hi strawberry,

do check it out with your parents in law about how you should address your brother in law. I do address mine as tua pek even though he's older than us by three years....

 

[poohbear80]

thanks everyone for your opinion and suggestion

I know its a small thing but wanna see what most pple call their elder BIL.

My in laws are okie one. they are not so bothered with this issue bah.

I juz in a fix in calling his bro. lol.

 

[skylar]

Powder!!!!

Sibeh crap leh u! whahahahhahaha

 

[alcifertoh]

I tot salsa will go by Jie fu~~~~ then follows by HEEeeheeehehehehheheeee that transit into hiak hiak hiak before fading off....

 

[powder]

just suggesting...

 

[salsa_babe]

hbh...sibeh bo liao leh....

I called him Jie Fu once..when I 'jing ca' to him.
hahahah....

powder...so helpful of you hor

 

[powder]

i try... it's something pretty simple. i would think name is ok but no harm giving the options and alternatives...

 

[its_fate]

Ermmm... ya,, giving options is good..but I dun understand why "robert" come into place????? Wahahahahah.............

Nbz! sounds like "cai tao" to me.... wahahahaha..

 

[lookingback]

Have a younger brother myself.
My sis-in-law just call me by my name. Its actually fine with me.
Anyway, I m much older than you r, late 30s liao. So no worries.

 

[happygirl198230]

my sister in law who is younger than me also calls me by my name though the correct term shld be "da sao".

my husband calls my elder sister by her name though he shld be calling her "da jie".

none of our parents mind. but i agree w e others tt u can ask ur BIL how he prefer to be addressed. most likely he will call call his name can liao. haha...

 

[poohbear80]

hmmm...seems like its 50/50 wor.... by name or by 'gor'

i wanna follow the times so wanna check majority how they address their SIL or BIL.

hmm.... still cant decide. I quite scare of his brother. paisay also..sometimes also dun know wat to do talk.

 

[xinxin]

hi strawberry,

Traditional point is to address ur hubby's elder bro as his status i.e. "bro-in-law"or "da ge" since he is older than you. But it is rather odd rite? Depends on how is ur in-law culture loh.. How abt ur bro-in-law views?

While calling his name also possible cos at least u address him mah, not like so rude like "eh", rite? I guess he n u will feel more comfortable tat way.

For my case is my hubby's only younger sis is older than mi by 4 yrs, (since my hubby n mi gap is 5yrs.)by rite according to my traditional cantonese culture, she hv to address mi as "sis-in-law" ie.DA SAO. But i find it rather weird, my status is higher than her but age is younger, so i prefer her calling mi by name n vice versa..

My younger sis (6 yrs younger than mi) sometimes greet my hubby as "jie fu" i.e. "brother in law" or by name, depends on her mood loh.. But my parents insisted on her calling by status, cos they find it rather rude. Also, my hubby feel respected and shiok! Whereas my elder bro is older than mi by 6 yrs n my hubby by 1 yr address my hubby by his name n vice versa too..

Watever it is, best scenario is to be comfortable when addressing each other siblings unless u r being forced to, then too bad..