My situation

tammyl

New Member
don't tell me what i believe or do not believe because i think *I* know best what i believe in.

my view is simply that "a marriage is sacred and one should at least try to salvage it"; how is it not "suitable" or "relevant"? in any case, our advice here is by default personal, and therefore is certainly influenced by our beliefs. isn't your advice due to your personal belief that "love does not require possession" etc? and my advice was certainly not "cluttered" solely by my beliefs. i believe advice should be doled out "case by case" as well. but of course! i certainly showed an "understanding of circumstances" when i observed that
1) they seem to still love each other
2) they seem to be playing mind games with each other, no honesty and communication between each other
3) it seems potatochip hasn't tried at all to save the marriage
4) it has been a month or so since the cracks surfaced. it seems too easy for an 8-year relationship to be engulfed by such a sma

just because you were able to "PREDICT" the "outcome" of this situation certainly does not make you a better "reader" of the situation! it's just the way things unfolded!

erm i disagree about my words being "nice and dandy and politically-correct" (HAHA. what POLITICS is involved here?) 'cos if i wanted to be all fairy-godmother about this, i'd tell potatochip, don't worry everything will be FINE! but of course, i can agree to disagree with you..

thank you jadeite. i really appreciate the effort! i have to say though, i'm not so much miffed because we have differing views (certainly not!), but because of the obnoxious assumptions and baseless comments that have been made, particularly at something as serious as someone else's impending failure in marriage. i could quote till the cows come home..but shan't.

i stand by my view that advice ought not be dished out in a laissez-faire manner, as seen here. and given that we do not personally know/understand the people and their problems here, we should always err on the side of caution and encourage reconciliation, unless it has certainly reached the point of impossibility, which in my view has not. (even you believe that the marriage "hasn't broken down irrevocably"!) that's all i'm trying to say here. i don't think anyone wants to, or should, carry the burden of being the devil's advocate to a stranger's failed marriage.

after all that's said, i concede that we indeed speak very different langauges.
 


tammyl

New Member
one thing to add, i never extolled the virtues of staying together as a married couple REGARDLESS. my parting statement from the beginning was this:

"Regardless, give yourselves at least a longer timeline. It seems to me that everything (the separation) has happened so quickly and no proper "cooling" period was given to either party. It has been a little less than a month since the "crack" surfaced. Surely there's more to be done before throwing in the towel!"

and i stand by it. i really don't see how these statements are cluttered by any ideals.

powder, like you, i tell it like it is (something i sincerely appreciate from your COUNTLESS contributions in this forum - really, no sarcasm here.) so no worries, a little curtness never hurt anybody.
 

powder

Active Member
u dun seem able to take as much as u dish out...

i didn't predict, i just read better. your head is so far up your ideals tat what u read was peppered with it. i stayed neutral n open. so yes we're on 2 sides, but u're on the blind side. i pointed tat out to u before the outcome. i like the way u phrased it to cover your poor reading, and turning it into my guessing game and trying to make me look like someone guessing...

aren't these spurred by the need to be politically correct? - "impending failure in marriage", "err on the side of caution"

u seem more concerned with deemed Success than True Happiness. more concerned with not Failing a Result than what's learnt on the journey.

i used "perhaps" when addressing u, u use "seem" when addressing their issue... and u grill me???

laissez faire???

so u Empower the Marriage and keep insisting on sticking to the rules.

whilst i Empower the Married and question the blind following of rules for the sake of it, and at the expense of Happiness.
 

powder

Active Member
yup i agree with tat last statement abt giving more time... tat's a definite. i weren't encouraging a divorce, but more thoughts to be given to the Marriage itself, some self-exploration and Not simply added effort in trying to salvage it. without knowing the actual cause, applying generic solutions isn't very helpful, might be detrimental...
 

saggitarian

New Member
lol . side note .. powder i think u r sleepy .. u need to post 2 times on 2 different threads..

jade.. i dunno about other ppl .. but when i read thread or posts .. i will see what is the timing that this person is sending out.. from my pov .. you suddenly appear and replying one shot 10 threads at one go .. giving advice to 10 different type of situation .. its not wrong in some ways . as you may have some pov where you want to share it with us.. but. it doesnt mean that your idealogy can be usefully or shall i say effectively apply on all 10 situations ..

seriously .. i know some will dun like what i say . but i do believe there is really such a thing call love without possession cos it really happens to me befoe.
 

powder

Active Member
oh for this thread the 2nd reply is to tammy's 2nd post.

for the other one was cos after posting, i was trying to think of a book or material tat might be helpful for 'amiblind' to sorta find herself again. then i rem Joy Luck Club, something the mother said to her daughter, which struck me on knowing one's own value...
 

vane

New Member
Potatochip,
Annulment of marriage is only possible if marriage had NOT been consummated. Otherwise, it is not applicable.

If married for less than 3 years, can file for divorce based on the grounds of "irretrievable breakdown of marriage". If need more information, let me know.
 

jadeite

New Member
qwerty, thx for your astute observation.. i think everyone on a forum is motivated to post because they feel they have an opinion to share - and same for me. I post in threads that motivate me to share my POV. And of course I post at one go... I will post at the time when I'm online.. right? :/

Of course it's understandable that people have differences in opinion and thought, and it appears that you seem to disagree with me quite often. Fair game, I don't take any offence by it. We all learn by sharing opinions and deciding what we agree with. Rather than people getting mad at each other for having differences in opinion, I personally feel that airing all the thoughts simply helps clarify what you believe in. Like you read a reply and decide that you feel differently or feel the same, and that clarifies your own POV so that you understand yourself better.

Sure, my ideology may not be useful or effective in all situations in your POV, but my ideology may appeal to a few others who feel the same way as I do. Hope you are not suggesting that I am not entitled to mention my POV then
happy.gif


Anyhow, been lurking for quite awhile on these forums, just that recent late nights and holiday lull period at work makes me feel like posting.
happy.gif
 

saggitarian

New Member
Morning Teacher ..

i hope you have a wonderful holiday..its gd to show the femine nature side of yours ^_^.

"Why must you seek to analyze every word that is said and how it is said? It's the Internet, without facial expressions, intonation, etc. It's just words. Maybe one person cannot find the right words to convey exactly what he/she means...must they be taken to task?"

Apology, but i have commited this error.

i just wish to clarify that the focus in my post is not on people cannot post solutions or advices to 10 threads at one go, rather the focus is on if all 10 pov is effectively useful for people.
 

jadeite

New Member
Maybe you mean feminine? Hmm, ok, don't really see how it's feminine, but I think we shouldn't hijack this thread to quibble. Again I'll just restate my view that diff people may find diff POV effective and useful. Just because you do not find it useful doesn't mean that others won't. And that's all I will say on the subject from now on... sigh.
 

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