My insecurity is killing me and him.

[Velphine]

This is going to be a long story, but i really need to type it here to get it off my chest.

Me and my boyfriend is 24 , same age and have been together for a year. Prior to that, we knew each other for 2 years.
So back track a little bit, when we were still friends, he has always been very flirty and talks to many girls at one go in whatsapp, and when we got together he said he will only be loyal to me.

However, i feel that i do have a problem that is slowly driving me and him apart.
I was really insecure of little things. I don't know why this is happening to me, do i need medical help?
I would get really insecure when he has his free time to surf the internet, talk to his friends, or going to university.
Me and him are from different universities and i know that there are prettier girls and more capable girls in his class, and i know that since he is a guy, he will be attracted to them. I get really insecure and paranoid when he goes to school. I got even more paranoid when he had to do a project, and he grouped with a girl who he admitted that he used to like before he got together with me. It drove me to a corner. I told him not to group with her as he will be spending more time with her than me, and when they hangout more, they'd develop feelings again. He said i was being lame and why am i being so insecure? He's grouping with her for her grades. So i tried to let things slide. However as time passes, i realise that my insecurity problem is getting from bad to worst. I would literally be self-conscious of myself even when he like kpostars, when he like local girls (like those very famous girls on youtube that are singaporeans) , i feel that he wants me to be like them, but i can never look as good as other famous people. I hate myself so much because i can't look like how he wants me to be.

i have always been a little more plump than average girl, 55kg and 160CM tall, and he always says that i am too fat and he feels pressurised whenever he's out with me, he feels that people will judge him because he is really slim but i am fatter than him. So i made a note to myself that i should jog and lose weight because i don't want him to be ashamed of me. He always said that he loves me, but i don't think so.

He always says that i am too stupid because i do things without using my brains, guys like smarter girls blabla, and im dumb and fat. Everytime he will use words like this to hurt me, asking me 'have u jogge today?' etc, and whenever i do something small and wrong, for example, i ask him 'should i dye my hair like the idol you like?' he will get really pissed and angry and ask me to go away, i'm making him sick of me all these. Sometimes he just don't understand why i'm so insecure. He finds me fat and dumb and he always surf the internet, look at other girls , especially those videos of Kpop girls dancing very provocatively, wearing super sexy shorts, and i can never look like them, and he even likes local girls instagarm photos which totally killed my esteem. He seems to be very short temper and strict on me, everything that i do wrong he will never look past it. Even small things like, if he wants to rest, but i thought he want to play his game, so i told him , 'Go play your game la' then he will get really pissed at me , 'why you asking me go play my game? i wanna surf the internet for awhile, cannot meh??? why u always like to assume?? ' like, i just told him to play his game without any intention but this is what i get. I feel so hurt. And 1 mre thing, when he said 'surf the internet' the paranoid feeling in me is back again as i know he will be looking at girls photos.

I just don't know if i'm doing the right thing by changing myself, trying to be slimmer, smarter, just to become what he want me to be. I feel so trapped and sad, i cry every night and somtimes i tried telling him ' i feel sad because _____ ' and he will reply ' what you want now? cant u see im tired you keep telling me weird things? my fault la ok my fault my fault' , ;' i also dont know why you sad lol '.

And 1 more thing that made me insecure is that he has a few friends that visits prostitutes frequently, and tells him about their experience. What irks me is that he likes to reply them 'oh so what you do with them? at where ? how much' And i felt that he seems to be interested in going to prostitutes too. I mentioned it to him once i dont feel good about him and his friends talking abour prostitutes because i'm afraid he will be jealous that his friends get to have sex with pretty girls but he's stuck with me. He said i'm being crazy and lame and he will never visit prostitutes because he has morals and he's happy with just being with me he's just curious about his friends but i dont' know why i just don't feel good that he and his friends talked about it. Ps: his friends also sent him links of prostitue pages, and he looked through a few pages and sent his friend links of girls and told his friend 'this girl not bad , you can try her.' I just feel so troubled and vexed that he actually looked through pages of sluts, prostitutes, and i got upset.

Please help me. This is my first relationship and i really do love him deeply.
Side note: whenever he meets me and we get to hang out togehter, he's always nice to me and it seems that everything is fine with i'm with him. Just that when we're apart from each other, we always quarrel and i become insecure, thinking that he'll be looking at girls online, talking to girls, or looking at prostitue pages.

Do i have a problem? As in insecurity or paranoid problem? Do i need to visit a psychiatrist for help? Please help me

 

[chantilly88]

i think he's the problem, girl... no guy should ever make their gf feel stupid/ugly. why do u let him bring u down like this? learn to love urself more

 

[Sofy]

Hello dear,

Im sorry to hear that you are going through a lot of distress. One thing thats good is that, you have chosen to speak out here, which is a great first step!

Have you spoken to anyone about these issues,darling? Sisters, good friends or anyone in particular?

Big big hugs. I understand that you are feeling your lowest now. But do remember that no one can dictate how you feel especially your boyfriend. First and foremost, he doesnt deserve your tears especially when he doesnt seem to show any form of respect to you.
I know it is hard. But you need to learn to love yourself more than moving on to love someone else.

I know it can be very threatening and insecure to be with a guy who does what your bf does.

Just remember that, those pretty kpop girls, youtube girls are just fantasies. Their pictures and videos have been photoshopped.You are the reality. Girl, 55kg for a 160cm is NOT fat. Perhaps more on the meaty side. But not fat.

Big hugs!

It is more tiresome to get stressed up and get worried about what your bf does all the time when he is alone or with friends. Cus it eats you up inside. Don't worry k.. You are never alone cus believe me there are tons of girls out there with the same kind of situation like yours. You just need to know that you are not alone, dear. I understand how you feel. And i wish i can make you feel better. Just remember, no one is forcing you to be in that relationship.

It is either you adapt to him or talk to him and HOPE that he will change or leave him. Cus it is def not healthy for you to be in this state. You deserve to be loved and be happy.

I hope that you will feel better! Do feel free to contact me if you would feel you need to talk k?

 

[Hopefulbride2016]

I have been with someone similar to your bf too..imagine my ex bf laughed at me when i fall down on heels and i have to carry myself up..though it doesnt happen in public places but a few people are watching... What u need is an opportunity to meet another guy who treats u better and respects u..while im not encouraging u to have affairs but open up your social circle and get to know more friends. Who knows when fate comes along u may meet another wonderful guy! Understand that you dont want to break up now..but pull urself away from the insecurities and assume he remains faithful to u. Boys will be boys, they like to talk dirty things among themselves. But i believe ur bf isnt interested in them trust me. Just like we may find the korea guys attractive, but r u seriously interested in them? (Sorry im not kpop fan). Remember perfections dont come naturally...

 

[life_is]

This is going to be a long story, but i really need to type it here to get it off my chest.

Me and my boyfriend is 24 , same age and have been together for a year. Prior to that, we knew each other for 2 years.
So back track a little bit, when we were still friends, he has always been very flirty and talks to many girls at one go in whatsapp, and when we got together he said he will only be loyal to me.

However, i feel that i do have a problem that is slowly driving me and him apart.
I was really insecure of little things. I don't know why this is happening to me, do i need medical help?
I would get really insecure when he has his free time to surf the internet, talk to his friends, or going to university.
Me and him are from different universities and i know that there are prettier girls and more capable girls in his class, and i know that since he is a guy, he will be attracted to them. I get really insecure and paranoid when he goes to school. I got even more paranoid when he had to do a project, and he grouped with a girl who he admitted that he used to like before he got together with me. It drove me to a corner. I told him not to group with her as he will be spending more time with her than me, and when they hangout more, they'd develop feelings again. He said i was being lame and why am i being so insecure? He's grouping with her for her grades. So i tried to let things slide. However as time passes, i realise that my insecurity problem is getting from bad to worst. I would literally be self-conscious of myself even when he like kpostars, when he like local girls (like those very famous girls on youtube that are singaporeans) , i feel that he wants me to be like them, but i can never look as good as other famous people. I hate myself so much because i can't look like how he wants me to be.

i have always been a little more plump than average girl, 55kg and 160CM tall, and he always says that i am too fat and he feels pressurised whenever he's out with me, he feels that people will judge him because he is really slim but i am fatter than him. So i made a note to myself that i should jog and lose weight because i don't want him to be ashamed of me. He always said that he loves me, but i don't think so.

He always says that i am too stupid because i do things without using my brains, guys like smarter girls blabla, and im dumb and fat. Everytime he will use words like this to hurt me, asking me 'have u jogge today?' etc, and whenever i do something small and wrong, for example, i ask him 'should i dye my hair like the idol you like?' he will get really pissed and angry and ask me to go away, i'm making him sick of me all these. Sometimes he just don't understand why i'm so insecure. He finds me fat and dumb and he always surf the internet, look at other girls , especially those videos of Kpop girls dancing very provocatively, wearing super sexy shorts, and i can never look like them, and he even likes local girls instagarm photos which totally killed my esteem. He seems to be very short temper and strict on me, everything that i do wrong he will never look past it. Even small things like, if he wants to rest, but i thought he want to play his game, so i told him , 'Go play your game la' then he will get really pissed at me , 'why you asking me go play my game? i wanna surf the internet for awhile, cannot meh??? why u always like to assume?? ' like, i just told him to play his game without any intention but this is what i get. I feel so hurt. And 1 mre thing, when he said 'surf the internet' the paranoid feeling in me is back again as i know he will be looking at girls photos.

I just don't know if i'm doing the right thing by changing myself, trying to be slimmer, smarter, just to become what he want me to be. I feel so trapped and sad, i cry every night and somtimes i tried telling him ' i feel sad because _____ ' and he will reply ' what you want now? cant u see im tired you keep telling me weird things? my fault la ok my fault my fault' , ;' i also dont know why you sad lol '.

And 1 more thing that made me insecure is that he has a few friends that visits prostitutes frequently, and tells him about their experience. What irks me is that he likes to reply them 'oh so what you do with them? at where ? how much' And i felt that he seems to be interested in going to prostitutes too. I mentioned it to him once i dont feel good about him and his friends talking abour prostitutes because i'm afraid he will be jealous that his friends get to have sex with pretty girls but he's stuck with me. He said i'm being crazy and lame and he will never visit prostitutes because he has morals and he's happy with just being with me he's just curious about his friends but i dont' know why i just don't feel good that he and his friends talked about it. Ps: his friends also sent him links of prostitue pages, and he looked through a few pages and sent his friend links of girls and told his friend 'this girl not bad , you can try her.' I just feel so troubled and vexed that he actually looked through pages of sluts, prostitutes, and i got upset.

Please help me. This is my first relationship and i really do love him deeply.
Side note: whenever he meets me and we get to hang out togehter, he's always nice to me and it seems that everything is fine with i'm with him. Just that when we're apart from each other, we always quarrel and i become insecure, thinking that he'll be looking at girls online, talking to girls, or looking at prostitue pages.

Do i have a problem? As in insecurity or paranoid problem? Do i need to visit a psychiatrist for help? Please help me

Have confidence in yourself. You seem to have low self esteem.

If a man loves a woman, he will be able to see her beauty even if she is fat, ugly, doesn't dress well etc. Looks don't last. Values and character do.

Maybe you need some decent male friends around you to provide a perspective. Also, have the confidence to walk away if he is not treating you well. He should be proud of you, not complaining that you are too fat.

 

[miloice]

This is going to be a long story, but i really need to type it here to get it off my chest.

Me and my boyfriend is 24 , same age and have been together for a year. Prior to that, we knew each other for 2 years.
So back track a little bit, when we were still friends, he has always been very flirty and talks to many girls at one go in whatsapp, and when we got together he said he will only be loyal to me.

However, i feel that i do have a problem that is slowly driving me and him apart.
I was really insecure of little things. I don't know why this is happening to me, do i need medical help?
I would get really insecure when he has his free time to surf the internet, talk to his friends, or going to university.
Me and him are from different universities and i know that there are prettier girls and more capable girls in his class, and i know that since he is a guy, he will be attracted to them. I get really insecure and paranoid when he goes to school. I got even more paranoid when he had to do a project, and he grouped with a girl who he admitted that he used to like before he got together with me. It drove me to a corner. I told him not to group with her as he will be spending more time with her than me, and when they hangout more, they'd develop feelings again. He said i was being lame and why am i being so insecure? He's grouping with her for her grades. So i tried to let things slide. However as time passes, i realise that my insecurity problem is getting from bad to worst. I would literally be self-conscious of myself even when he like kpostars, when he like local girls (like those very famous girls on youtube that are singaporeans) , i feel that he wants me to be like them, but i can never look as good as other famous people. I hate myself so much because i can't look like how he wants me to be.

i have always been a little more plump than average girl, 55kg and 160CM tall, and he always says that i am too fat and he feels pressurised whenever he's out with me, he feels that people will judge him because he is really slim but i am fatter than him. So i made a note to myself that i should jog and lose weight because i don't want him to be ashamed of me. He always said that he loves me, but i don't think so.

He always says that i am too stupid because i do things without using my brains, guys like smarter girls blabla, and im dumb and fat. Everytime he will use words like this to hurt me, asking me 'have u jogge today?' etc, and whenever i do something small and wrong, for example, i ask him 'should i dye my hair like the idol you like?' he will get really pissed and angry and ask me to go away, i'm making him sick of me all these. Sometimes he just don't understand why i'm so insecure. He finds me fat and dumb and he always surf the internet, look at other girls , especially those videos of Kpop girls dancing very provocatively, wearing super sexy shorts, and i can never look like them, and he even likes local girls instagarm photos which totally killed my esteem. He seems to be very short temper and strict on me, everything that i do wrong he will never look past it. Even small things like, if he wants to rest, but i thought he want to play his game, so i told him , 'Go play your game la' then he will get really pissed at me , 'why you asking me go play my game? i wanna surf the internet for awhile, cannot meh??? why u always like to assume?? ' like, i just told him to play his game without any intention but this is what i get. I feel so hurt. And 1 mre thing, when he said 'surf the internet' the paranoid feeling in me is back again as i know he will be looking at girls photos.

I just don't know if i'm doing the right thing by changing myself, trying to be slimmer, smarter, just to become what he want me to be. I feel so trapped and sad, i cry every night and somtimes i tried telling him ' i feel sad because _____ ' and he will reply ' what you want now? cant u see im tired you keep telling me weird things? my fault la ok my fault my fault' , ;' i also dont know why you sad lol '.

And 1 more thing that made me insecure is that he has a few friends that visits prostitutes frequently, and tells him about their experience. What irks me is that he likes to reply them 'oh so what you do with them? at where ? how much' And i felt that he seems to be interested in going to prostitutes too. I mentioned it to him once i dont feel good about him and his friends talking abour prostitutes because i'm afraid he will be jealous that his friends get to have sex with pretty girls but he's stuck with me. He said i'm being crazy and lame and he will never visit prostitutes because he has morals and he's happy with just being with me he's just curious about his friends but i dont' know why i just don't feel good that he and his friends talked about it. Ps: his friends also sent him links of prostitue pages, and he looked through a few pages and sent his friend links of girls and told his friend 'this girl not bad , you can try her.' I just feel so troubled and vexed that he actually looked through pages of sluts, prostitutes, and i got upset.

Please help me. This is my first relationship and i really do love him deeply.
Side note: whenever he meets me and we get to hang out togehter, he's always nice to me and it seems that everything is fine with i'm with him. Just that when we're apart from each other, we always quarrel and i become insecure, thinking that he'll be looking at girls online, talking to girls, or looking at prostitue pages.

Do i have a problem? As in insecurity or paranoid problem? Do i need to visit a psychiatrist for help? Please help me

hi there, it is hard to pinpoint and not very objective to push blame on either party. I can only comment on what I read and pick up quickly from your msg here. Firstly, this is your first relationship. How willing are you to learn and pick up lessons from it. Don't be so hopeful about first relationships. Not that it cannot work, we are what we are because of what we went through. LESSONS in life is necessary. So, take your relationship positively regardless the outcome yah? What is important at the end of the day is not, you marrying him. IT is you finding your happiness and understanding what you need and want. You will need time to figure that out and he could be part of the lesson.

I would agree with what others are telling you, this guy is quite a jerk. He is with you but not really into you at all. Why are you settling for less? Because you think this is the best that you deserve? A fruitful and fulfilling relationship will see the couple glow. This means, they are happier and better people together. That because, they bring the best out of each other in the relationship, a positive cycle. This is what compatibility and synergy is about. A couple needs to be comfortable enough with the relationship to voice out without fear, to feedback, learn and reflect together. To fight but make up and stay focus on building and not enduring each other.

About your self esteem, part of it is about his nature, something you are insecure about and never accept. Part of it is because you don't even believe in yourself. It has a lot to do with BAD KNOWLEDGE that we have been fed for all the time, thanks to the food and health industries. All about calories, jogging etc. Believe me, if you have the right knowledge and willing to put in the effort, you can change your body, anyone can, unless you are too sick for it. PM me if you want to know more about fitness etc. Fitness is a big part of my life since 18, from no exercise, to crazy diets, long hours of exercise, to now, coping with only short workouts and permanent injuries that I developed through my extreme workouts.

 

[AceOfXF]

This is so "my situation"... he claims im paranoid. haiz. another long story which i cant be bothered to repeat anymore. its the past.

 

[Joes]

This is going to be a long story, but i really need to type it here to get it off my chest.

Me and my boyfriend is 24 , same age and have been together for a year. Prior to that, we knew each other for 2 years.
So back track a little bit, when we were still friends, he has always been very flirty and talks to many girls at one go in whatsapp, and when we got together he said he will only be loyal to me.

However, i feel that i do have a problem that is slowly driving me and him apart.
I was really insecure of little things. I don't know why this is happening to me, do i need medical help?
I would get really insecure when he has his free time to surf the internet, talk to his friends, or going to university.
Me and him are from different universities and i know that there are prettier girls and more capable girls in his class, and i know that since he is a guy, he will be attracted to them. I get really insecure and paranoid when he goes to school. I got even more paranoid when he had to do a project, and he grouped with a girl who he admitted that he used to like before he got together with me. It drove me to a corner. I told him not to group with her as he will be spending more time with her than me, and when they hangout more, they'd develop feelings again. He said i was being lame and why am i being so insecure? He's grouping with her for her grades. So i tried to let things slide. However as time passes, i realise that my insecurity problem is getting from bad to worst. I would literally be self-conscious of myself even when he like kpostars, when he like local girls (like those very famous girls on youtube that are singaporeans) , i feel that he wants me to be like them, but i can never look as good as other famous people. I hate myself so much because i can't look like how he wants me to be.

i have always been a little more plump than average girl, 55kg and 160CM tall, and he always says that i am too fat and he feels pressurised whenever he's out with me, he feels that people will judge him because he is really slim but i am fatter than him. So i made a note to myself that i should jog and lose weight because i don't want him to be ashamed of me. He always said that he loves me, but i don't think so.

He always says that i am too stupid because i do things without using my brains, guys like smarter girls blabla, and im dumb and fat. Everytime he will use words like this to hurt me, asking me 'have u jogge today?' etc, and whenever i do something small and wrong, for example, i ask him 'should i dye my hair like the idol you like?' he will get really pissed and angry and ask me to go away, i'm making him sick of me all these. Sometimes he just don't understand why i'm so insecure. He finds me fat and dumb and he always surf the internet, look at other girls , especially those videos of Kpop girls dancing very provocatively, wearing super sexy shorts, and i can never look like them, and he even likes local girls instagarm photos which totally killed my esteem. He seems to be very short temper and strict on me, everything that i do wrong he will never look past it. Even small things like, if he wants to rest, but i thought he want to play his game, so i told him , 'Go play your game la' then he will get really pissed at me , 'why you asking me go play my game? i wanna surf the internet for awhile, cannot meh??? why u always like to assume?? ' like, i just told him to play his game without any intention but this is what i get. I feel so hurt. And 1 mre thing, when he said 'surf the internet' the paranoid feeling in me is back again as i know he will be looking at girls photos.

I just don't know if i'm doing the right thing by changing myself, trying to be slimmer, smarter, just to become what he want me to be. I feel so trapped and sad, i cry every night and somtimes i tried telling him ' i feel sad because _____ ' and he will reply ' what you want now? cant u see im tired you keep telling me weird things? my fault la ok my fault my fault' , ;' i also dont know why you sad lol '.

And 1 more thing that made me insecure is that he has a few friends that visits prostitutes frequently, and tells him about their experience. What irks me is that he likes to reply them 'oh so what you do with them? at where ? how much' And i felt that he seems to be interested in going to prostitutes too. I mentioned it to him once i dont feel good about him and his friends talking abour prostitutes because i'm afraid he will be jealous that his friends get to have sex with pretty girls but he's stuck with me. He said i'm being crazy and lame and he will never visit prostitutes because he has morals and he's happy with just being with me he's just curious about his friends but i dont' know why i just don't feel good that he and his friends talked about it. Ps: his friends also sent him links of prostitue pages, and he looked through a few pages and sent his friend links of girls and told his friend 'this girl not bad , you can try her.' I just feel so troubled and vexed that he actually looked through pages of sluts, prostitutes, and i got upset.

Please help me. This is my first relationship and i really do love him deeply.
Side note: whenever he meets me and we get to hang out togehter, he's always nice to me and it seems that everything is fine with i'm with him. Just that when we're apart from each other, we always quarrel and i become insecure, thinking that he'll be looking at girls online, talking to girls, or looking at prostitue pages.

Do i have a problem? As in insecurity or paranoid problem? Do i need to visit a psychiatrist for help? Please help me

First of all, you shouldn't let yourselves feel down. FYI - I am 63kg/160cm and I am still eating like a cow. My BF is not stopping me but still bring me around to eat good food. He never had complained about me being fat.

So you don't have a problem. But you are insecure because of him. Learn to love yourselves first.