My husband is an introvert and boring person

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by katc, Apr 28, 2019.

  1. katc

    katc New Member

    I have been married with my husband for 8 years. I found he is a very introvert and boring person.
    Our communication is really bad.
    He doesnt like to have conversation with me. He doesnt even respond to me.
    He is a good guy , hard working but his personallity is really weird. Because of this, we quarrell a lot and I am getting so tired with this.
    I told him many many times that I just want a normal life like other people but he never change.
    He also doesnt have interest or appreciate with what I do.
    What should I do?
     


  2. Eggwhite

    Eggwhite Member

    How did both of you get married ?
    There must be something that both of you get attracted to each other...
     
    ing1 likes this.
  3. rip_curl

    rip_curl Member

    You mean you do not know he is an introvert and boring person before you got married? How long did you date? Boring or not, I think its unfair for you to say that. When a marriage is not working out, its easy to point fingers. Have you ever wonder if your hubby will feel you are too "active" doing your own stuff for his liking? So think abt that? Go for counselling at the very least.
     
  4. ing1

    ing1 Active Member

    Do u have kids? Are u working now? Or has been a stay at home mom after marriage?
     
  5. katc

    katc New Member

    Seemed he was a decent guy, he is a decent guy now too not a playful but he is very introvert. I didnt know that.
     
  6. katc

    katc New Member

    We dated less than a year. I didnt know he is an introvert and boring person before we got married.

    I have been trying to work it out. I already told him what I want him to do example can he respond when I talk to him or can he look at me when I talk. His eyes always on tv when i talk to him. He doesnt appreciate to my cooking /bakes, and never respond to my jokes. I feel so upset when he doesnt reply me.
    We have 2 tv at home, 1 in the living room 1 in the bedroom.
    He has different taste of movie, so If I am watching a show he doesnt like in living room , he will go to the bed room and watch another show or he will be in the study room doing something else. But I always accompany him in the living room even I dont like the movie he is watching. Why cant he doing the same thing?
    I always listen and respond to his story about things bothers him like problems at his works, his boss. But why he cant listen to my story as well... He only said he listened already.

    We seldom go out together. We only go out on sunday morning to the church.

    I am thinking to go for counselling but I dont think he will go. He doesnt feel there is something wrong with our marriage.
     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2019
  7. rip_curl

    rip_curl Member

    Sigh..the problem with many of us is that we took too long to realise that things are broken or need fixing. We start to wonder if only we could turn back time when everything is too late. 8 years is not a short period. I know its easy to say but we all fail in our communications thinking that things will simply fall in place thru time. Good luck to you and I hope there is still some chances to salvage this marriage. Have a good talk to your hb.
     
  8. katc

    katc New Member

    We are still trying to have kids. I am running my own business.
     
  9. Eggwhite

    Eggwhite Member

    Have both of you through this 8 years done something together ? Travel? See shows? ..
    Done things together outside the home ?

    Didnt try together for a baby ?
     
  10. katc

    katc New Member

    @rip_curl
    Thanks rip_curl, hope things will get better with you too.

    @Eggwhite
    We travel overseas once in a year. I found that he likes mountain and hiking so much. Everytime we go travel, he will search for mountains, lake on country side area, he doesnt like big cities.
    But the air tickets and hotel are expensive we only can afford once in a year. I feel we only have our quality time during our holiday.
    So I told him to ask his company to relocate him to overseas (example germany) so if we want to go to the mountain the air tickets is cheaper and we could have more quality time together even i prefer to live in asia. He said he doesnt want to because living and working overseas is not good as it looks. The tax is higher and we cant really save much.
    I also told him since He doesnt want to talk to me that much, I just keep a dog to accompany me. But off course he not allow me to keep a dog.

    We still trying to have a baby.
     
  11. Eggwhite

    Eggwhite Member

    @katc

    So what has changed ? Dnt not see not able to travel or hike mountain or lakes..etc as a main cause...
    He seems like a outdoor guy...

    Why he dont want to talk to you ? Is it because of your tone or something else. ? Normally who would start conversation first ?

    Expectation at this time from both parties have not been filled by both parties it seems.

    To work first ....both need to want to accept to improve the situation. Both needs to see counselling.
    Cannot be just 1 side.

    Since you and him are trying to have a baby..is still a very good sign... dnt give up.

    Not bothered would be more of a concern.
     
  12. maritalbliss

    maritalbliss New Member

    Given the circumstance (factors, situation, happenings, etc), ... "trying to have a baby" is just purely for procreation?

    Sadly, .. there is much lacking in the love & affection aspect of your relationship. And your marriage does not seem to focus much on companionship either from what you have shared.
     
  13. ing1

    ing1 Active Member

    hmm.. try to recall THE reason why you agreed to marry him in the first place. "seemed he was a decent guy" can't really be the reason.. I am pretty sure there are many decent guys around you then, but why you are attracted to him only?

    I agree with maritalbliss. Sorry for being harsh but it may be a blessing that children is not in the picture yet. You have to solve the issues that's bothering you guys first. Your children deserve the best including a happy family. Children is not a "tool" to solve problems. (I am not saying that you are using them as a "tool", pls do not misunderstand me)

    Date him out. Find a quiet restaurant, have a heart to heart talk over some drinks. Don't do the talk at home so that you will not have the TV to interfere with the talk. Turn off the mobiles during the date. Encourage him to talk first. Try to approach the talk in a neutral tone, i.e. "I hope you will respond whenever I talk to you" rather than "Can you respond whenever i talk to you" etc. Also, if/when he starts talking, try not to be defensive and start challenging back. Listen to what he has to say first.

    You may have to do this dating thingy a few times before he starts talking. I think you know your husband better, keep trying.

    I sincerely hope you will be able to get over this hurdle with your husband and your bond will come thro stronger. Good luck.
     
  14. rip_curl

    rip_curl Member

    Yes indeed. When you have kids there are alot more implications. I always teared for my kids now and no more for my wife thinking why they should be burdened with all these. They are so innocent but unfortunately victims of circumstances all because of someone being selfish.
     
  15. maritalbliss

    maritalbliss New Member

    Ultimately, ... children have 'no choice' whether to come into this world or not.

    We do.

    They should be our product of love.

    Not to be utilized as a tool / bargaining chip. Or as a 'hope that he/she won't leave me, .. things will get better' etc.
     
    rip_curl likes this.
  16. katc

    katc New Member

    @Eggwhite
    he is not an outdoor person at all... difficult to explain. he never goes out anywhere unless go to office, church, cut his hair.
    he only likes go for sightseeing (hiking etc) during holiday. He even lazy to buy food. He always complains if I ask him to buy food. I cook for him weekdays, so weekends sometimes I ask him to buy food. At the beginning I am the one who always provide him everything. He typical old man the wife must provide him everything.
    Saturday If I go out with my friends, I have to quickly home and buy him food.

    To answer this question:
    "Why he dont want to talk to you ? Is it because of your tone or something else. ? Normally who would start conversation first ? "
    I also dont know why, maybe he thinks my story its not important? he got said that to me....
    Normally I start the conversation first.

    I am getting stressed. Difficult to sleep. I told him can we have chit chat first before go to bed because i cant sleep. As usuall he is always busy with his notebook. He said chit chat what?
    He likes to hang up phone when I havent finished talking. I am so upset about it. Can he say ok or bye not just hang up the phone. If I call him back he doesnt want to answer it. So I did the same to him. When he called me He hasnt finished talking I hanged up. So now I carry his bad habit which is not good at all.
    I have tried said nicely to him if I havent finished talking dont just hang up the phone.

    @ing1
    date him out ? thats a scary thing for me. In the past during my birthday he never bought me present or take for dinner. I am the one who ask him since its my birthday can we go for dinner outside?
    Then on the day I dressed up already He yelled at me until I felt so sad. I asked him where should we go for dinner? He said " How should I know!".

    so if we go for lunch or dinner outside he is busy with his phone. we also never talk.

    about the baby, I know ... I also have same thought, but I still want to have a child...

    Thanks for replying me everyone....
    Sorry been busy with works. will be back soon.
     
  17. ing1

    ing1 Active Member

    Was he behaving such when you were dating? Or after wedding day?
     
  18. katc

    katc New Member

    @ing1
    when we were dating , he was really nice to me. he asked me out, took me dinner, bought me bag , cake on my birthday.
    after married we quarelled alot about his mom. I complained a lot. he is a mama boy.
    His mother isnt a normal person either in my opinion, but actually my husband knows about it but doenst dare to resist his mother.
    Is it normal for an adult man to sleep 1 bed with his mom? His mother asked him to come back to her house so can sleep in 1 bed. I felt so disgusted when I first heard about it.
    But then got e few of my friends , the husband also like that. They stay together with the mother in law, if the wife is not around the husband will go to the mom's bedroom.
     
  19. maritalbliss

    maritalbliss New Member

    Now that is weird.
     
    newproject likes this.
  20. ing1

    ing1 Active Member

    Is your husband the only child? I assume his father has passed away? Do you mean sleeping in the same room rather than sharing 1 bed?
     
  21. maritalbliss

    maritalbliss New Member

    She clearly stated that leh ... twice.

     

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