jealous? the women's charter has screwed him, his ex-wife has screwed him (just for the flow), now u wanna screw him too!
why not check into his allowances to his parents, or perhaps if he is supporting his siblings, and then decide if u wanna manage that and use that against him too...
on a more serious note, u should just drop the relationship and find a totally untouched boy in order to better manage your psychological well-being. this alimony thing can stay for a lifetime and it's not gonna just go away... so if it's impt to u (it would be impt to me if i were a girl too)... then u might have to call it quits.
i mean no offence, but it can be a huge psychological burden so dun invest further unless u know u can get over it. u need a big understanding heart.
hmm i dun think your bf had a choice when he pays the alimony its more of the womans charter taking its effect.. hmm perhaps u might wanna think if u can accept it that he has to put part of his salary for the alimony as this is going to continue till his ex wife remarries i think
Loan is you asked for it but alimony is you are force to give? She is jealous may be the money is paid to another woman and she felt that that woman is enjoying it without having to work for it while her bf work hard for the money? Or may be with the alimony, her bf is unable to spend more on her. Can a divorced woman having a bf but decided not to get married with him so that she can continue to receive alimonyâ€¦.best of both world?
Just to be clear here. Alimony is paid to the ex-Wife and it is meant as a form of allowance / upkeep for the ex-wife usually given in the case of an ex-wife whom is not working even though in some cases a token sum might be mandated. Maintenance is meant for the children. It is entirely 2 separate matters legally.
If you are interested in a future with your boyfriend and are at a stage in your relationship to be considering this.
You should be more concerned with the cause for the failure of the marriage and do a risk assessment for yourself on whether based on his current salary, what other financial commitments does he have?
Lastly, how does he treat you? Does he make you happy? Are you happy spending time with him? Do you share the same hopes, dreams and goals?
Pinkie, if you want to remain in this relationship you need to learn to accept his past and also the associated consequences. The alimony is his legal obligations to his ex-wife and no jealousy should be involved. There is no way out of this. So you either accept it and enjoy your relationship OR you can let it affect you and destroy the relationship. Simple as that!
my bf told me they divorced because of his ex wife has extramarital affair. So why should he pay his ex alimony and house? Should I doubt of their divorce reason and he just doesn't care anymore. I confuse
this is singapore.. even if the ex wife committed affair, the man will still have to pay alimony to her unless she herself give up her right to it.. unfair as it is, just suck it up.. ur bf is just complying with the law.. if he have a choice, i believe he would be glad not having to pay alimony to her too..
hmmm, im doubting the facts... alimony gt 44k so much meh ??? Ur bf is earns abt $$$$ how much?? I dont think alimony gt $4k so much , somemore no children...
i think u r being cheated.
i was in the same situatuon as u man pinkie, my bf (now hubby) also divorced. they have a daughter. His ex wife (Helenlina) also got affair jus right after their marriage... in fact many affair. some of the guys happen to be i know one... and she is pregnant with the other man's child. i know my now hubby when they r already 2 years plus in their marriage n seperated as (H)is living with her affair guy, and im pregnant with my bf child...
so bo bian, we settle divorce issue fast within 1 mth. Late sep file,early oct done. H needs to deliver in Dec and already did... so , i told her we wont need their divorce if she dont agree to the terms.. cos my hubby pay low... so i told her she is not fit for alimony since she have affair n joint child custody, care n control solely my hubby. she bo bian agree to all condition. but, frankly, i dun wan the care n control de, its my mil who wans ...
anyway, jus to say... ur bf gt the right to choose to n fight . n frankly, i dun believe in $4k alimony. u shd ask him to show u the final judgement of the divorce paper. maybe they r nt even divorce...
Pinkie: Ur words sound really childish. Dun take it badly. Let ur mind be quiet n take some time to think about it fairly.
Wat has happened between ur bf n his ex-wife is his business. He agreed to the conditions of paying her $x amount each mth for alimony. If the amount is true, then it shows 3 things: 1) he has the financial ability to pay tat amount w/out being broke, 2) his ex-wife has shown some prove or supporting documents tat she deserves or requires such an amount for her monthly expenses. 3) the court has deliberated fairly before passing the final amount n both parties have agreed on it.
U are v much blinded n childish if u see it as his ex-wife being a lion to ask for so much. U shd instead be wondering y she COULD ask for so much n why UR BF agreed to give so much. If she is really a lion, then she is a smart lion n ur bf is a stupid man who can easily be chopped. Then u should be asking urself if u can indeed trust n rely on ur bf. For all u know, there are many things abt his marriage tat he didnt tell u abt. Maybe the amount is not true as well. Dun just take things on a narrow one-sided view.
Plus he is not using ur $ to give to his ex-wife. There is no sane reason for u to be jealous cos tat reflects a lack of maturity. U know his status n he can nva erase off the fact tat he was once married n has an ex-wife. U are but a gf to him, whom he can easily kick aside. So dun waste ur time thinking abt whether to be jealous or not. If u want to hold on to ur bf n have his love, respect, trust n admiration, then its time to stop sweating over the small things in life n focus on building a strong r/ship w him.
ok, she's dumb. and i hope th bfren drops her as soons as possible... at this stage already trying to take ownership and control of such matters, i can't imagine later stage if marriage does occur.
she's the type who marries a poor man and spend everyday questioning why he is poor.
she's so dumb i won't be surprised if she walks up to a blind busker at orchard and asks him, "why dun u find a proper job?"
how do such pple even live amongst society, i have no idea... i think maybe dumb pple spend alot of time encouraging each other with dumb ideas. and pple like me who dare to tell them tat they are dumb.. are chased away for being cruel n harsh...
of cos if the bfren is lying to her, i can really understand why. it takes only 2 dates for aguy to instinctively protect his financial status from such pple.
If I'm dumb. You are idiot and a fool. He will drop me or not is not your business. I think you are the poor person. Sleep on the street and beg for money everyday. You dare to tell other people are dumb, I'm dare to tell you FXCK OFF.....
I think u guys have nothing to do rather than writing this kind of nonsense here. That's why Idiot will said other are dumb......I don't care what you will reply here because I have many better thing to do rather to discuss my matter with 2 idiots. Cheah!!!
Why r u so emo over pple u dun even know? Get a hold of urself.
What they r saying is that whether or not she deserves the alimony or if the amount is too substantial, this is not something within ur control, so no point questioning it. U chose a divorcee, this is the baggage he carries, like it or not. For all u know he could b reply her debts owing to her! So what's wrong w her wanting her money back?
There're a lot of things in this world that r beyond our control so u shd not spend time getting all upset abt it. Just accept that this is part of the package. End of the day, u got the man, din u...
pinkie, if your bf has to pay $4k to his ex-wife as alimony, he must be earning quite alot or rich, think you are the best person to know since you are the one with him now. anyway, if court deems this amt to be justified, it shows that his ex-wife must have contributed to his success today.
Sad to say, there are many men whom will walk out on their wives and families for younger gals despite the fact that their wives had contributed so much either by helping in their now successful biz or just simply by giving them support in form of not making noise when husbands were struggling to keep biz going in initial stage. It's such strong support that allows the husbands to be able to go all the way into their work.
It's only fair to pay alimony to ex-wife right? Every man's success is link to a good woman (99.999% refers to wife) support behind the picture afterall, so without her, your rich bf may not have what he has today.
I'm going to share with a real life situation. But it's a NAUGHTY way, your goody BF may not approve of it.
The Story in Straits Times featuring Alimony :
A self-employed doctor who has an extramarital affair in fact chose to go to jail than give his ex-wife maintenance.
After serving his jail sentence, he went back to work in his own clinic as usual. Life still goes on happily for him and his new GF. The ex-wife was really mad the law couldn't get him to give her the maintenance.
The Doctor's new GF is really lucky. She enjoys her BF's success and wealth without having to go through the period when his BF was a struggling houseman and trainee, working long hours in hospitals with little pay.
Pity the Aging Ex-wife. Struggle so much and let the cute little girl enjoy the high life with her ex-hubby.
Just curious, your nick is pinkie88, are you born in 1988 which means you are only 23 yrs old.
Wow, Sweet, young girl. Don't all men love sweet young girls? You are very lucky, your BF loves you very much.
So much so that he divorce his wife for you.
You got the Man. You got his love. If you got all his money. Wow! You are the real winner.
I think more girls should be smarter like you and not compromise and be a suffering aging yellow faced wife.
your posts doesn't do u any favours. u are definitely not smart...
"If I'm dumb. You are idiot and a fool."
"You dare to tell other people are dumb, I'm dare to tell you FXCK OFF....."
- haha, quite cute... abit funny in fact. anyway going by his 4k alimony and your level of intelligence, i would think there's a big disparity between his thinking and yours... the match is likely just physical...
he's better off with just Dumb, than Dumb & think she's very smart.
ok lah, but on a more serious note... i think the bottomline msg from most would be that the alimony is something that is beyond his immediate control... i'm not sure if u get it, but he has to pay this amount by law...
if u have been reading the papers in the past few months, u would realise there was alot of coverage on alimony and non-payment of it. it is a legal matter, not something whereby he can choose. of cos, if he choose not to pay and ends up in jail for it, will u still want him?
Albee - actually quite difficult to know what has happened between the couple to such hostility, only they know best. but if men really found a new love, usually they can become quite heartless towards their "old" partner, even own kids.
Sometimes guys are not rational about the "not-paying" - especially if the divorce is ugly.
For me, if my divorce is ugly and wife insisted on me paying.. Even $1.. I will not pay. I will rather go Jail. It is a matter of principle.. not the money. If the divorce is nice - then paying is not an issue.. I am happy to pay as much as I can afford.
I am actually quite happy. My divorce is painless and very nice. No arguments. I don't give a cent to my ex-wife. In return, I have custody and is responsible for them (financially and all). I give my ex-wire unrestricted and liberal access to the children. She has the key to my house - she can suka suka come in. When I am travelling, she comes to sleep in my house with the children. Other times she can take the children with her as she pleases as long as she informs me.
When she is happy, she pays for the children expenses.. Otherwise I won't ask her to pay for anything.
sm - you must be a lucky and happy man then. 2 of my friends also divorced with their spouses and can still remained as friends, or rather still on friendly terms. but i believe such couples are usually separated due to their own differences, without a 3rd party involvement, hence less animosity.
i think the 'heartless' term is subjective... this term is commonly used to describe instances where a person doesn't care anymore... but seriously if u leave someone, or u split with someone, and that someone still wanna be with u... i think it's a whole lot more cruel to continually show them concern and discourage them from moving on.