My (Best) Friend and I..

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Funtasy, with friends we just can't keep scores on who has done what or not. Just like BGR, if you think your friendship with her is one-sided, then move on. If this person doesn't offer quality friendship you really can't do much, can you? You can lament or complain but it won't do a thing to improve the quality of your friendship.
 


miloice

Well-Known Member
funtasty,

u need to adjust that expectation of your friend. Like the example you gave about quarrels with family. You can minimize these fights when you stop having these expectation from them. e.g. If you know your mum likes to talk nonsense and easily sway by her moods, would you continue to be so affected by everything she says after all these yrs? You should have learn to expect this from her and become more or less immune to it. no?

Same with this friend. You known her for this long to know how she is like. Why the surprise really? Move on without her, if she is unable to give you her blessings.
 
susanna : I tried to..but no positive outcome..and it has come to a stage that I say something also wrong, say nothing also wrong..I do something also wrong, do nothing also wrong..Sigh..
 
Guess its abt moving on with life and just leave this as it is for the time being..

No expectation so there will be no disappointment..

And I really shd give myself 2 tight slaps so that I can stop thinking of the unpleasant stuffs...I'll live on with the pleasant memories that I cherish..


Wish me luck!
kao_smile.gif
 

lovingyou

New Member
funtasty: We can't stop / undo those memories we shared with someone.. I accept it as part of my past, we won't be who we are without the past shaping into who we are today.
 

powder

Active Member
for all u know, her bfren hit on her best fren... they slept n had something short that came n went... or he simply tried hitting on her...

i normally try not to doubt my best frens when i have a relationship... i would rather doubt the person i'm going out with.

that said, ladies have a tendency to just talk n talk abt their relationship... to a point of being insensitive and quite an overkill... i know some who talk abt it to be more 'showy'
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Funtasty, why don't you ask her directly to confirm your speculation - "Prob you are right that she is jealous..She is slimmer and prettier than me..I'm just plain jane..She is probably thinking, why isn't she the one to settle down first..We are both 31 this year..Not getting any younger"? If it's an answer you want to her behaviour.

Did she badmouth your bf to you?
 

hapimint

New Member
Seems that marriage or relationships are one of the many ways that tear friends apart....

My case is also somewhat similar...

I have a group of friends that I have known for over 10 years... As we grow older, most of them are in relationships but I didn't find anybody in particular.... I was a rather plump and plain so no hope for me...But this is also the reason why I treasure this group of friends so much as they were willing to take me as a friend even though I look apologetic.....

Eventually, I slimmed down and got myself married off... haha...

But because my husband offended part of the group with his words, one of my girlfriends, whom I was really good with, boycotted me and my husband from gatherings.

Even when I found out about it, I was still sincere to mend the relationship but she simply ignores the efforts... Recently, I got to know that she thinks that I am too proud after I got married so she prefers that I do not talk about my husband or my marriage life so its for the best that I do not go....

It dragged on for more than 3 years now... I just cannot understand... She is married earlier than I am... She got a happy family too and I am really happy to know that she is happy... I share her joys too...

Guess somehow, most friends will choose and drift apart... Just a matter of time...
 

powder

Active Member
well hapimint,

when such things happen, it can be very painful... it's painful becos something so longterm, so lifetime... can be broken in 1 misunderstanding or 1 sentence... u will wonder why being frens for so long, we dun accord each other that benefit of a doubt that it wasn't meant to hurt or be offensive, but perhaps a slip of the tongue...

hope your frenships will find their way back...
 
powder : Impossible..best fren only like ang moh and dislike sg guys..There were doc, executives who tried to woo her..but she just dun like sg guys..HTB dun have 5C..I tink she wont even look at him...


doLL : best fren did not badmouth HTB..

Hapimint : Can understand how you feel...What we can do is to stop trying to mend things and get on with life..

For me, I wanna welcome the new phase of my life happily..I tink I have more than enough things (reno and wedding preps and all) to keep me occupied in the next 1.5 mths rather den to dwell on this unhappy stuff...

Let's jiayou!

kao_wink.gif
 

powder

Active Member
funtasy,

if u know she's perculiar, then u dun have to be affected... u've donw wat u could, dun try to do more... it might mislead her to think u have to be in a sorry position when u really dun have to.
 

powder

Active Member
yup, just leave the door open of cos... there will be such frenships in our lifetime... the ones that regrettably die-off which we can't really do anything abt... it's one of those sad things which u can only smile and keep the better memories...
 

snoopies

New Member
I’m almost in the same plight and have a jealous gf too. I’ve known her for 12years. In front of the guys, she always behave very close and nice to me, ‘sing the same rhythm’ but what she been doing just very superficial at times. I know she is purely an attention-seeker, so I just let it be and not bothered by it. I seldom confide in her too coz I’ve seen how she bitched about her other friends and their problems to some others who also know them. I don’t want to be her victim.

She always tells me that I am her good friend, and when she got posted to shanghai last year, she mentioned if one day, I am to get marry, she will give me all her blessings and will assist me in my wedding planning. Now, finally, my big day is next year… and when I broke the news to her when we chatted in MSN she don’t seem to be excited at all. She sounded dull… and later went MIA during the chat. This happened many times already. She will reply promptly when we were chatting about her new China bf or other matters, but when the attention switched to mine, her pace slowed down suddenly and nv even replied.

Just 2 months ago, when we had catch up for lunch when she came back with her bf for short visit, she invited me and my HTB to visit her in Shanghai. We kindly replied her that we can’t as we need to save up for our marriage…her eyes were wide opened and she replied, “Oooh, you mean both of you really decided to settle down?!?!?†Her next best sentence was, “Aiyah… why worry, anyway its gonna be another 2-3yrs to happen!†You should imagine how her tone and expression when she said this… esp when she already knew about our wedding plans. Sometimes, which I think she could be a good actor… -_-‘’’

In fact, she is known to be like that… big ego, and always think she is the best and the prettiest among the gals. Well… probably that’s her way to boost her confident when the facts are totally different from what she think.
 

powder

Active Member
actually i think it's mostly with the ladies... in terms of the frenship/relationship being the source...

for guys it's mostly Money/Biz tat cause the problems...
 

hapimint

New Member
Well, snoopies, such a coincident, the gal friend who boycotted me happens to be the most successful gal in the group...

Got her degree... Work in big company.. high salary... Hubby is in his thirties, degree holder so considered to be quite well to do....Stay in HDB EA... Pretty... slim... smart...

I was really confused cos I thought at first it was my hubby who offended her 3+ years ago so she angry lar... when my hubby and i got together, he tried to celebrate my birthday for me... tried to invite this group of friends out as a surprise but most of them ignored his email...

He still made an effort to tell them time and place but most of them turned up late as I stood at the bus-stop in the rain with him waiting... so he was really pissed and was pretty direct with his words then....

After I knew from other friends that it was because she thinks that I have become proud, I really just keep thinking what have I done or say.....

I asked around to other friends who know both of us... but the conclusion is that I may have changed as we grow up but I am not proud...

You know, one of the examples that I was quoted as cocky happened in a really innocent way...

I was with her and some other gal friends attending a wedding dinner... Happened to talk about how to go home later since it is a weekday...

I simply said, hubby coming to fetch me lor.... then continued to joke that that is what a husband is for mar.... and I was laughing when I said that.. meaning it as a joke... Only her in that group of gals was offended after I asked around... so I was sure that the rest knew it was a joke....

This became one of the classic example to her that I am cocky and the rumor start spreading and I lost not only her but a few other close friends who was also very close to her....

When they say I changed and boycott me, I just asked them to meet up and let me know what I should do and what they think I have did wrong but till now, they refused to meet up with me....

My husband says that she probably has already cut me off...

When I heard the example that I was refered to as proud and cocky... I was so shocked...

I mean, she told me things like, she want to change job but her salary too high, others cannot match.... hubby says she dun need to work also can....

I was really happy for her... glad that her life is going so well....I didn't think that all these comments were being cocky....
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
it has nothing to do with a person's career success or educational status. It has to do with a person's negative and petty mentality.

I have people calling me yayapapaya and at the same time others saying how friendly, sincere and helpful I am. All kinds of people, surely will have different interpretation one what.

Why bother? You are not in some popularity contest here. Don't click well, then don't bother loh.
 

snoopies

New Member
Hi,

For my gf case.. she always wanna be part in almost everywhere. (let’s address her as AA)
For instance, if AA introduced her friends (guys or gals) to our group of gals, and if anyone in the group able to click very well, and made private meet ups (coffee or lunch) without her, she will make a big hoo-haa and start to bitch about those pple. Sometimes she will even cry lo… very emo n drama~

Most of the time, she will make pple uncomfortable talking to her as she will make sacarstic remarks on almost everything. One of our another gf, BB, had fall out with her since last yr as she couldn’t take her nuisance anymore. They were friends for about 20yrs… since primary school. Reason… she been difficult ever since BB got attached. They work in the same company for a year, and BB’s bf will pick her up from work almost everyday. AA don’t like it and started to qns BB that how come her bf so super-glue… she also threw tantrum at her whenever she got the opportunity, scream at her infront of other colleagues n such... This definitely had sour their relationship and BB refused to talk to AA even until now.

AA is very sensitive gal, she expects you to meet her whenever she calls (always last min appointment). If you don’t coz meeting up with your partner, she will be unhappy and start saying things like, got bf forgot gf kind of things…

Tho, for me… I still treasure this friendship of ours, it’s been 12 yrs and we been through lots of fun, laughter and sorrow together. She definitely has some good points in her. Now, for my wedding, I also dunno if I should invite her to be my jie-meis anot. I dunhv much galfriends tho. If I invite AA… BB may not want to be around. Also afraid that she will add in lots of remarks during the preparation. If I don’t invite her be my jie-meis… she might go ard bitching bout me. Haiz.. headache…

Hope she will say she is not able to make it coz tied up with plenty of work in Shanghai. Not able to co-ordinate for the jie-meis part. Only able to make it for the dinner. ^_^

Very bad hor~
 

snoopies

New Member
I do agree such things mainly happened to gals. A colleague just told me...

Out of 10 women out there... 9 are petty and the last 1 is very very petty!

So better dun provoke any woman.. tsk..
 

pinktweet

New Member
maybe guys are more bochap lo .. and if friend distance them, guys just take it as a pinch of salt and life just go on ..

for gals, they are more sensitive, esp in human relationships ..
 

powder

Active Member
not really, if u notice... guys typically go thru their lives with alot of good frens, and end their lives with even more... it's definitely not bochup, nor distancing from each other... in fact the frenship resumes wherever it left off even if there's a long leave of absence.

notice how guys will have more activities with frens where they bring wives along, as opposed to women having activities with frens n bringing their beaus...
 

vios

New Member
generally, women are unbelievably talented when it comes to the Details during conflicts...

just look at the forumers who has contributed in this topic. tsk tsk tsk...
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
its not that guys are bochup lah. But, its true that it has to do mainly with our gender make up.

Gals are more observant about every minor little things in their surrounding. This is the survival instinct needed for them to protect the young while guys are natural hunters and being immune to things not in our agenda is instinctive.

Nothing wrong with our instincts. But, we are humans not animals. Civilization have evolved thr the centuries. So, we cannot continue to rely solely on our instincts. We need to rationalize them and think objectively mah. Maximize our instinctive strengths and minimize its weaknesses. Don't amplify the bitching and claim the right to be instinctively petty.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Powder,

"guys typically go thru their lives with alot of good frens, and end their lives with even more."

that's precisely because guys do not forgo the friendship over petty reasons. Guys see big picture, i.e. the value of the friendship. not the minor petty things.
 

powder

Active Member
i've been to quite a number of funerals including my dad's... i tell u, the old frens and past frens who come, who cry... it tells u alot compared with the funerals of the older women who typically have mostly family. BUT i must stress the older generation of women weren't so exposed to the level of frenship we enjoy now, with facebook n frenster etc... and the years in jc/uni.

it's the current generation which i find having problems keeping frens, some dun even bother once they're attached... i guess it has to be something inbuilt. might be a good thing, but in today's context not really healthy...

by frens, i dun mean the 1000 pple u add to your facebook hor... i mean the type u really grow old with.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Snoopies, then there will be no Korean and Taiwanese drama liao. All those 500 episode dramas will have no market.
 

its_fate

Active Member
vios - I agreed with U.. Juz look at how they projected themselves (incl me) when complaining in this topic. The other parties are always in the wrong. We are juz victims in this relationship.

As I mentioned previously, think before pointing fingers. If U think this person is not worth the time and feeling, juz move on.. Dun victimised and want people to pity U... Grow up and learn from experience how to handle relationship..
 

rubbishcow

New Member
hmm.. actually something similar happen to me 2+ years ago but the difference is the gal is not my close/good/best friend so i did not give a damn to her..

She is like 29 year old back then and is the famous attention whore in the company. She is a manager from my ex company and is very famous for trying to hit on all the guys who are either from the management (be it married or single) or has a slightly well-to-do background in the company. My Fiance was one of the candidate in her list back then and it was an open secret that both of them went for movie. She even openly admitted that she will accept my fiance if he is after her.

So when she discovered that both of us were actually a couple (this was after i left the company), she deleted both of us from her facebook friend list and her MSN. I discovered this through a very complicated process. And after that we did not really talk or chat with each other. When ever there is any gathering, it is just a hi-bye thing. Lucky thing is she is not very welcome in the gatherings so it is like 95% of the gatherings, she will not be invited.
 

hapimint

New Member
Iris, agreed on your point so have let go and moved on.... I will still keep open doors as in sms them for gatherings if any....
happy.gif


But I am still curious to let them tell me my changes face to face, especially that gal friend of mine since she is the one with all the first hand information about me.... haha....

cow cow, thank god you are not close to the gal, or not, I think it might seem a little weird to meet....

I thinks guys have no such issues... Guys are less sensitive and would appreciate good advises from each other without feeling offended....so no such minor misunderstandings....
 

susanna_low

New Member
cow cow: usually with this type of "whore", don't think any guy will want to be in a serious r/s other than treat her as a public toilet. Those who want a "quick release" might be friendlier to her.
 

rubbishcow

New Member
susanna, sorry.. typo.. i meant attention seeking whore.. she even went to the extend of sms-ing some married guy colleague in the middle of the night for coffee..
 

rubbishcow

New Member
hapimint, ya.. i felt so lucky that i pulled out from her "close colleague" list after she showed me her ugly side... she like to make friends with those newbies in the company..
 

powder

Active Member
not to be a wet-blanket, but actually women like to talk abt other women this way hor? ... u know the type where u criticize the person having questionable character and stuff?

seems everyone has to be absolutely angelic and saintly to pass off and half-decent. some of the actions could be harmless, but in the eyes of certain ladies, it's slutty etc... WHY?

also, when another girl likes your guy, there's this War-mode that immediately goes up... Never once do u question if Your guy has actually Wooed her or bedded her whilst with u... WHY?

tat's why some of the more questionable men, are able to have gfrens/wives who know nothing and still think their bfren/husband is a saint.
 

its_fate

Active Member
well, it takes two hands to clap. If she has that capabilities to be that so called "public toilet", why bother?

How the hell people knows what she is doing during her personal time like smsing guys in the middle of nights? Which guys "bao tor" her? Is it bcoz he dun get what he wish for or he is not in the sms list?????
 

its_fate

Active Member
powder - I agree with U... that's the Question: WHY?

WHY position yourself so "utas"?????

Gals - U may flame me, curse me.. but really. Think first before action and speech....
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
If you don't like a certain colleague, just don't socialise with her. Why need to dig at her personal life and justify your dislike or reluctance to socialise with her?
 

rubbishcow

New Member
powder, i did questioned if my guy did wooed her but i knew that he did not bedded her since the girl will definately amplify it if it really happened. She amplified every moment she spend with a new guy even when we were at Europe training and she met new guys there. hmm.. actually, personally, i didn't go into "war mode" with this lady. I pulled out from being too close from her is because of some work relating issue.

The questions i had if my guy had wooed he or bedded her had been answered by my fiance. Because the company is small and its a male dominated place, there are really lotsa things that happened to every individual. If this thing only happen to me, i can say that this is just a plain jealousy issue but it happened to everyone in the company. So.. is this coincidental?

In fact, i was warned of being too close from her the week i started work in the company. I never understand why these people said that and finally realised it after 1 extreme issue.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Cow cow, your ex-company is a very bad place to work in. There are no secrets and even personal lives can make it to the lunch table. Ever wonder what kind of things they have said behind your back? Like that colleague can be "attention seeking whore", they can be calling you don't know what kind whore lor? Don't be too happy when you have such "sharing" colleagues lor.
 

rubbishcow

New Member
doll, actually yes but the majority of the company is my lunch group. I used to eat lunch with the gal but stop after certain issue happened (not regarding guys). That is a very small company so there are lotsa gossips around. depends on how you look at it.. some times it feels like a big family..

I did not know that she will amplify stuffs until people start asking each other if you heard rumours of "this" and "that"..
 

powder

Active Member
would u have expected any other answer from your guy?

i'm not saying it has happened, but sometimes it's good to give a benefit of a doubt be it good or bad. in doing so, we are unlikely to openly criticize and identify so quickly with the 'haters'...

ladies have a tendency to group on emotional things... Hate, Love, Hardship. look at the fans who go concert and form a fan-base. look at some segments of this forum. look at those with similar relationship problems who SEEK others in the same boat. there's this need to cry together, bitch together, love together... But once u're emotionally Ok liao, u will leave the group within days...

that is Why female-relationships seldom bond like guys. guys love different soccer clubs but they dun hate each other... they spend hours egging and making fun of each other's groups, they go home and they feel they had a great time, and they wanna Do It Again. every week perhaps... hehe... guys like the same girl, just recognise the competition and can remain frens quite easily before n after the courtship.

lady-frenships are quite weakly-bonded... there are groups within groups, and smaller groups within groups... and all these are mostly group becos u have an equal dislike for someone in the original big group. and u bond becos u bitch abt the same person... how strong is that?

guys tell each other off, and then they dun even think of not being frens anymore... nor do they sleep worse. i recently had a spate of arguments with milo, but i doubt either of us are affected by it and we're not enemies now either... same with SM/me. when we're unhapi, we just tell each other in the face, instead of me personally Emailing SM to bitch abt milo, then when i unhappy with SM, i email milo to bitch abt him... guys dun really work this way...

actually hor... once u start to gossip/bitch abt a person... pple will be careful of u liao, regardless of whether u're rite or wrong. which is also why ladies often have 'betrayal' issues... someone will tell someone something...

ps: i'm not bashing the gender, i am observing the tendencies...
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
this is not like a big family. Do you gosship about your family members like this?

Is the group dominantly female?
 


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