My (Best) Friend and I..

A little background about this best friend and I. We’ve been friends since sec sch days. We travel together at least once a year and we are each other’s companion for the past few years. She doesn’t like to socialize so to say, I’m most probably her closest friend. However, I do have my own circle of friends and considered more out-going in this aspect (I’m a rather shy person) She has a fiery temper and I’m always the one giving in to her. She has few interest and so, I would plan activities to her likings eg, going karaoke, go for Japanese food..etc..something that she will prefer so that she can enjoy herself. All these years, we have got along well and enjoyed each other’s company. However, due to her bad temper, sometimes I feel that she abuses my good nature. I hardly raise my voice at her while she is capable of doing that once she is in bad mood. After that, she will come back to me and say, that’s her character and that, she usually don’t mean it. She can even say that I do not need to be bothered by her behaviour. How can one feel unhurt in this manner? Never mind, she is a long time friend, I treasure her so I accept that this is just her.

Thing between us has never been the same ever since I met my boyfriend last Nov. During the early days when we were dating, she is still excited and concerned about our development. Last Xmas eve, my boyfriend proposed and I accepted his proposal. When I told her the good news, she say that I’m rubbing salt to her wound by telling her about this on a Xmas eve when she is alone at home. Since then, she has never been kind with her words when its regarding my relationship. She will appear to be uninterested when I share with her on our development. Soon, I started to avoid this sensitive topic. Whenever my bf call me when I’m with her, she will be very impatient and can even shout out loud that “ask your bf dunnit to be so superglue and call and check your whereaboutsâ€etc…So I told my bf to try not to call me when we are together so we switched to SMS. She is also not happy with this and complain that I’m rude to sms others when we are out. This went on for a while till I feel that I’ve had enough of her nonsense. So I started to be cold to her. Now I only sms or email her once a while.

I’m holding my ROM next month. So I emailed her and ask her will she be coming to witness the ceremony. She replied that, she can’t promise yet because she dunno if she can be there on time or not as she needed time to doll up. Then she ask if she need to give me ang bao or gift or not. I said, its up to her but I tink ang bao will be more practical. Then she say I’m money faced and also say that gift is something for my keepsake. So, if she already have a gift in mind, she doesn’t have to ask me my preference and make sarcastic remarks right? So, I lose my patience and tell her, its really up to her. Even if she juz come without a gift, I’ll still be happy.

Her ultimate reply is “yah ~ juz come hor ~ most impt is show my face mah ~â€

……………………………………………………………….I’m really so sick of all these nonsense from her….


New Member
funtasty: BEst friends dun behave in this way.. that's how I feel.. we will always be happy for each other. Can understand how u feel, as I used to treat 2 gfs of mine in particular exceptionally good, until i realise that they are simply taking adv of me at times.. I backed off slowly thereafter. TIme will reveal one's true character and mutual tolerance is the keywords for both to get along well.
littlewoman : "always be happy for each other"..yes..this is wat I tink a best fren shd do for the least...Its abt giving your blessings to someone close to you. Now, she sounded like she can't even be bothered to witness that important moment of mine..I feel very hurt..I do not want to tink more of this friendship anymore...It's so painful for me to handle her sarcastic remarks...

lyn2wen : I'm probably not being sensitive enough but I just thot, since she openly asked me, of cos I shd tell her what is my preference. If she tink otherwise, then she shdn't have asked me in the first place..I feel she just want to make it difficult for me...


New Member
If she is still single and never had a boyfriend before, it's probably she's jealous of you having boyfriend and subsequently your marriage ..

Seems like you are losing this friendship.. If she continue to 'xiang(3)-bu(4)-kai(1)', then i see no point in you hanging on to the friendship..


New Member
It is not her not outgoing character that doesn't attract friends but more due to her self-centered character that makes her "alone"...
Faith : Can you teach me one easy way to forget? I feel so painful to just think of it..yet, this is the best way to escape from her nonsense...

PinkTweet : Prob you are right that she is jealous..She is slimmer and prettier than me..I'm just plain jane..She is probably thinking, why isn't she the one to settle down first..We are both 31 this year..Not getting any younger..

littlewoman : She has a very strong character..If she dun like you, she will show you a kind of face..even if its a big group gathering...


New Member
i still remember in my school days, i also jealous of my good friends who are attached.
But instead of giving them sarcastic remarks, i distance the friendship altogether .. Of course now that i'm already married and with kids, thinking back the old days, my actions were so childish ..


Well-Known Member
frankly, u have been a good and patient friend of her for 18 yrs. But not the other way round.

Her appearance might be more attractive. But that is skin deep. When a person chooses a life long partner, appearance is not as important as the character and personality. It takes 2 to tango, if she is so sour and unwilling, there is nothing you can do. Move on.

No one can change her thinking except herself. She needs to start 'seeing open' and stop being self-centered.
PinkTweet : I did think that she didn't outgrow that childish stage..I just didn't expected that she will react the same way to a close (if not best) friend of 18yrs...
MiLo : This "moving on" for me is not easy..I keep thinking of the fun times we had...those holidays we went together...those younger days...Silly right?

It's all becos of these that I keep going back to her, trying to mend the friendship..but she felt that I've left it to rot when I started to spend more time with my boyfriend, its useless to do anything now..Why is it that it seems easier for her to forget about our friendship?


New Member
You need to move on to the next stage of your life - ie. your married life .. Once after your marriage and future, with your kids, you will slowly have no time to even think of her


New Member
who knows, after she has found her life partner, she will come back to you and apologise to you for her behavior .. let fate decide your friendship, since it is currently beyond your control ..


Well-Known Member
most probably, she will come to her for someone to pour our her problems with her marriage. Given the kind of self-centered thinking she has at her age.
MiLo : I just have to try hard to make it easy and get on with my life..

PinkTweet : At this moment, I can only pray hard for this day to come soon...

Now, I'm worried if things will be messed up at my ROM...I really dun wish to have someone coming to the ceremony bearing a grudge against me...After all, I do not deserve this..Right?

I've searched my conscience and yes, I've been a true friend to her all these years.....


New Member
surprised that u r still comparing ur 18yrs of frdship with things that u all enjoyed each other's company.

y dun u think that u had already suffered for 18 yrs?? to be frank, she is not a true frd in my aspect of frdship.

my story, I once had a frd, say about 20 odd yrs perhaps, we knew each other since primary school. In fact I have 4 of these frds.. we were always together, doing silly & fun things like u said..

when we grew up, our priorities changed but still we nv failed to meet up often to catch up etc.. frds like such are those that u dun even hv to meet daily but once you do, u have countless things to talk abt..

but 1 such frd I feel in my own opinion abuse our frdship, she is the sort who will do nothing but risk our frdship, to her outsiders r more impt, she will do things to hurt us etc, say wildful stuff, hurt us & then apologize in the end coz we will always accept her back. That's our trait, this went on for the longest time.

then came a time when I decided to stand firm, frankly I did a revaluation of our frdship, when she was dumped, we were there for her 24/7, went drinking with her till no day or night, console her & nurse her back. When she was broke overseas, we gave her the monies to get her back, we even help in her entrepreneurship. Then when she is well, she totally forgotten who we are, she is the sort who will come find u when she hit the bump.

I did it, I change my mentality of my this frd. Right now, she is just my hi bye frd really. I no longer give her my truest heart & so thus my other 3 frds, I was the 1st to give up on her but gradually my other frds too see the light & understood my point. There is no need to become enemies really but she no longer stands on the scale of my true frds.

Life is too short really, dun be miserable due to such stuff.


Well-Known Member
"Now, I'm worried if things will be messed up at my ROM...I really dun wish to have someone coming to the ceremony bearing a grudge against me"

Nothing can mess it up more than your own emotions and reactions. Be flexible and don't allow events ruin your entire day. Its natural to be upset over such disruptions but don't allow it to affect your mood longer than it is needed.

Its your day, keep in your mind on what is important. You don't need the acceptance of anyone else. Not your friend's acceptance too.


New Member
funtasty: can understand how you feel, coz I recently jus been through it; a 14 yrs of friendship.. She was my best friend since Sec 2.. but I have to be "forced" to cut off ties with her due to some reasons of her bf. It was not easy, or shld I say it was terribly hard.. But I guess times heals the wounds. I have more or less got over it, best way to forget is not to forget, jus simply accept that memories are part of our past, without them, it wun form the present us. However, we mus also accept that people changes and changes follow times.. THus, we have to accept it in a way or another, if she doesn't want to do anything, one hand wun be able to clap a sound.


Well-Known Member
That's where the gender difference is evident. I have good friends that are very childish and pampered too. But, guys don't get jealous over this kind of things.

I know there are things that its too unacceptable to these friends, so, I don't need to talk too deeply with them about these. They are accountable for their own lives. I will still meet them to catch up and do sports and hobbies. But no need to step on each other foot and there is not open sourness over each others life.
skylar : reading your post made me recall one incident..there was once when she was posted to work in Tan Tock Seng Hospital..She called me one afternoon and told me that she felt miserable working there as the food taste awful and she lost appetide etc..after we hung up, I went out to buy a pack of duck rice, travelled from my place at Boon Lay and brought it to the hospital to her...when she was upset because her mum sided her elder sis more, I lent her my shoulders to cry on...I was there when she needed me..

Then, when my granny (granny doted on her also as we are long time fren and always concerned abt her) was critically ill and admitted to ICU for 2 months last year, she nv make a single call to ask if I need help...after that, I asked her why didn't she call me at all during my difficult times, she simply say, because she is not good with comforting words....

I was upset with her but I just told myself, this is her...

It's only after my relationship that the friendship between us turned for the worse...Now, it cannot be mended...


New Member
funtasty: we tend to know who are our true friends in times of adversity. Try not to compare anymore.. It wun help things.. We have to learn how to let go at times.. else, we will always be feeling miserable with all the "whys"...
littlewoman : I need something really sweet to neutralise the bitterness..This bitterness comes from my commitment in this friendship not being appreciated...

When things go wrong, I like to ask myself issit becos I've not done my best?

I felt that I had..but why issit that things still go wrong? Does problem lies with me? Just need to solve this puzzle then prob, I can forgive, forget and move on....


New Member
funtasty: I used to ask myself the qn that you asked yourself but in times to come by, we will realise that any r/s/friendships need mutual efforts to make it work. Why qn ourselves when the fact remains the fact? Why bother ourselves with qns and answers that are showed right at our faces?
MiLo : Thanks for the golden words...Agree that things oni get messed up if I did not control my emotions and reactions..I juz have to be composed...If I can handle a bad situation well, I might be able to turn it around...Haa..
littlewoman : Seeing thru someone is very scary...especially when this someone grew up with u...used to be close...but like you said "memories are part of our past"..I'll just kp the fond memories..


Well-Known Member
hi funtasty, the most important part isn't just remaining composed. But to be open mind and expect screw ups in life. Expect the unexpected. This will help us alot to deal with the initial shock and let us focus straight onto overcoming the issues instead of fighting to accept things.

It has a lot to do with one's mindset. With less expectations, comes less disappointments. We plan and aim high ahead both don't expect things to be smooth and to achieve everything we wanted in life.

If you do not have the right mindset to handle the situations, it will bottle up alot of frustrations in you and the more you try to be composed and suppress those feelings, the more you want to explode.
like wat PinkTweet suggested, I'll soon be busy with married life..prob later on, with kids..Well...yes, I've better things to focus on soon....



New Member
funtasty: Gal, noone can guarantee that we will be forever the same, there are bound to be changes.. shld keep your focus on other important things..


Well-Known Member
"Agree that things oni get messed up if I did not control my emotions and reactions"

Not quite. Rather, we have no control over the situation. But reacting badly to it will make it much worser. Try to minmize the negatives in life by keeping that in control and maximize your appreciation of the good times. You are right that sometimes, the situation can be turned around. Even if you can't, as u look back, most difficulties seems alot worser at the moment we were in it. After the episode, we realize that though its really bad, its nevertheless manageable and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
MiLo : I do expect myself to trip and fall on that day, being clumsy me...hahahaha...

Should I put it this way, much as we like things to turn out as smooth as we expect, there are many affecting factors that will contribute to how things will turn out...we might be able to aniticipate some but some are beyond our control...when the latter happens, we have to take the situation as it is and try to turn it around...Shd focus on "what to do" instead of harping on "why is this happening?"..
littlewoman : I tink I should forget the slogan we once said "We will be best friends forever!"

We cannot expect things to remain unchanged especially when one party gives it all up...
Thank you all for shedding some light on this...I get to see different point of views..

Thanks for all the encouragement & enlightenment..
I'll be a strong gal and move on...I must not forget that I have many friends who treasure me...



New Member
funtasty, i know how sad and tired you must feel at times, but being patient really is the best thing you can do... we all make mistakes, even to our best friends, and your friend will grow up and mature one day.

i know she can be a better friend for you, but you cant change her, only she can change herself. its not easy but you must not try to hurt her, just leave her be. ignore her is not the same as being angry at her, you must also learn to fang(4) kai(1).

if she really is your friend, she will return to you, otherwise its just as well that you give some distance between yourselves.

all the best for your rom
Hi Michelle,

I can't "fang kai" becos I wanted the frenship back very much...But now....

I've been nice to her all these years and the simplest thing I need from her now is just her blessings for me...She can't even fulfill this and even make me feel worse with her negative remarks...

Last time, when she said things that upset me...I'll stay away to cool myself down cos I understand that we say the most hurtful words when we are angry....then I'll forgive and forget and we are friends again...

I can't mend things now..I can just wait for time to heal the wounds..



New Member
funtasy: time is the best cure in fact.. I myself been through such incidents 2-3 times and it hurts. It realli hurts when we choose to give up on someone we treasure alot in our lives... But what to do? Like what my HB told me, ppl change and we can't control changes.. We cherish these people but is it vice versa? If it is not, aren't we making ourselves upset over something that is not worth mentioning afterall? After the 2nd time, the 3rd time doesn't seems hurtful anymore; perhaps i have accepted it or shld I say grown immume to it. Same like you, I am someone who treasure my friends alot alot. I remember every little little thing about them, remember what we had been through since Secondary and poly times etc.. but that doesn't mean the friendship will remain this way forever. We can't predict changes afterall. Let it be and allow nature to takes its course. Give her your best wishes from the bottom of your heart. If she is meant to be your close friend, she will eventually change and come back. Open up your heart and mind, there are always others who treasure us..
littlewoman : I just have to wait for her to come back..but given her strong character and temper, I doubt so..

Something did cheer me up a bit...I have past acquaintances getting in touch with me lately after knowing abt my wedding thingy...they could be ex classmates, colleagues etc..i do not meet up with them often, not even once a year...but i could feel their joy for me...

I still believe that, if you cherish someone, they will feel it and cherish you back the same way...


New Member
funtasty, I can understand how you feel and how much you wanted the friednship back. Actually, you can lose this friend for good and better friend will come along. It was like 8 years ago when i lost my "best" friend. As much as i was like you, my "best" friend was like yours. I give in to her and when she said to drop POA during 'O' levels and sleep during class, I did exactly to every single thing she wanted.

In the end, i lose her within 2 minutes after a call to tell her that i was attached. She simply hung up and ignored me from that day on. For the rest of the year in school, she simply ignored me even when i was just sitting beside her and refused to tell me what's bothering her. The friends around her started to ostracize me as well and i lost all my friends within 2 days.

It was during that period of time that those friends from my CCA started to show their concern to me. Today, my best friends are those who stood by me during that time. The "best" friend of mine tried to approach me when we went Poly and play "best" friend again. Well, this shows that time can heal but when the time comes, something else maybe awaiting for you and what is lost can never be retrieve.

Hope your ROM will turn out well and try to stop thinking bout your "best" friend for this period. It will clear your mind and see clearer when the whole saga is over.
Hi cow cow,

I know why she hates me..Cos I've been her buoy thru'out the she hates to socialise, I'm like her bridge to others..That's why, I have more frens than her..because, her frens will eventually become mine..It's me who will stay in touch with them...Its me who plan activities,

So, I got attached and started to plan for my wedding and new flat, I started to have lesser time for she felt that I've left her to rot...

But, being 31, shouldn't we be focusing on our priorities when time comes? At our age, we shd be finding someone to settle down with..need more time to nurture the feelings and build up the relationship..she doesn't see the point...

No matter how I explain to her, she ll still blame me for leaving her alone on Xmas, CNY, Valentine's etc..etc...

I've been trying to mend things becos I want her to go to my ROM with an open heart and give me her blessings....just so simple...but the harder I try, the more I feel I'm losing this fren....


New Member
Just skipped through. Funtasy, true friends no expectations. They understand and always spare a thought for each other and always act selflessly.

We do not need to ask for blessing. The sincere ones are what matters. I've heard and witness even much ridiculous actions from so called "best friends" of some of my female friends with ransom expectations out of this term.

Juz like some people I came across when disagreement occurs, they always talk about friendship and use it as their chip. They ought to grow up.


Well-Known Member
if you cherish her friendship, remember it for the good times. If she eventually grows up, be happy for her.