Must we find out wedding dinner rate and Bao accordingly??

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by smoky, Jan 11, 2012.

  1. smoky

    smoky New Member

    Just realised wedding dinner are so costly. Can easily be $1000/table.

    Do we need to find out the rate wedding couple booked and bao angbao accordingly?

    Is $80/pax too low? The food provided so-so, the newly weds chose the location and opt for posh 排场, it is my duty to help them pay? Especially as close relative.

    They can opt for afternoon or buffet but eventually, most newly weds chose to pay more at hotels.... my problem not to pay their actual cost?

  2. infojunkie

    infojunkie Active Member

    "my problem not to pay their actual cost"

    how can it be ur problem?

    not ur problem lah, as long as u 'pay'.

    it's their problem if u dun 'pay' enuf...

    if only i could attach price list with the invitation cards... [​IMG]
  3. denise80

    denise80 Active Member

    Barbie, there is no fixed value to the angbaos. If this is a close relative, shouldn't you give more angbao $? I'm not really getting you. You sounded like the couple asked for it and if they asked for it because they are rich, then you shouldn't and wouldn't bao so much?

    Frankly, if you have financial issues, then bao what you can afford. If you have no financial issues, then I don't think it's a time to be stingy by attributing the problem and choice of hotels and banquet to the newly weds. Basically I'll feel extremely paiseh to bao $80 if it's a hotel location. Most hotels nowadays charge $1000 per table for a dinner. In fact, the prices are always on the rise. Mine was $1400 per table and when my friends bao about $120 per person, I feel alright because I know most ppl do not really know the 'market' price and for anyone to bao $100 and above per person, I think it's reasonable. Your $80 is extremely low I feel. It's also unreasonable to say..I pay $80 because the food is are celebrating the joy of the newly weds who are your relatives or close friends. You're not going for a buffet man. Why so calculative? This is also one reason why I don't like ppl who kick up a fuss at wedding banquets when they felt they had not be served well. I would still continue my displeasure no matter what out of my respect for the newly weds. I'll feel sad to know my guests are not well taken care of.

    It's not your duty to help them pay unless you are able to afford for all tables hahaha. But what you bao will tell ppl a lot about you and how you view your relationship with them. If you can get past this, then by all means bao $80 or below. If you can't, then what is $20 more alamak?
  4. yesno333

    yesno333 Member

    Just give what u are comfortable...i ever attend a good friend wedding...end up the close relative one of them give him $100 takashimaya voucher.....does not that the relative cheapskate???

    End of the day, it's ur money...just give watever u deem fits.....
  5. bedokboy

    bedokboy New Member

    eh i give taka voucher before but i gave sgd300, at least not so bad right?

    bride was a good friend and i was quite liong at the time...
  6. yesno333

    yesno333 Member

    OK long as u comfortable with it....can liao la..even $10 taka voucher also at least give mah....end of the day is wat u are comfortable in giving...dun feel pressured to give a specified amount just becoz it is the society norm...
  7. oneder

    oneder New Member

    The main thing is to give what you can afford with the consideration of the relationship with the couple. The ang bao is suppose to help them out with the cost of the wedding irregardless of the venue. If it is a close friend, i will bao about $150 for a $1000/1200 table? If it is a normal friend, then $100 to $120 depending on venue. How they are going to spend them is never my concern.

    However i do believe in karma in this case. What you give is usually what you get back. You bao newspaper during all your relatives wedding, you get the same newspaper back when it is your turn to get married.
  8. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    There are no fixed rules.

    Your question :
    "Must we find out wedding dinner rate and Bao accordingly??"

    Personally, I rather not attend if I'm not comfortable.

    Do you feel comfortable about it. If you do, give amount you deem appropriate.

    If you need to know the norm, most wouldn't want to make the host suffer a financial burden from the celebrations and give ang bao of at least 'market rate'.

    I have heard of people that record down how much each friend and relative give and return that same amount in future. They forget that the rate is probably higher subsequently. So, giving the same amount is actually less.
  9. clark

    clark New Member

    are u also stingy ?

    fat, ugly, like to stalk pple, retarded and stingy Milo !!!!!!!!
  10. bedokboy

    bedokboy New Member

    haha yesno, sgd10 too 'much' lah.

    my max was i think 800 from myself.

    then another max was 600 from myself and partner.

    just give lor.

    but just to share, i believe standard rate is no longer 80-100. Nowadays ppl are giving 120 at least. Also depends on where you are in your career I think. If you are fresh grad or working for 1-3 years still can get away with 100 lah.
  11. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    80-100 only for budget restaurants frankly.
  12. clark

    clark New Member

    ah...dun act rich now hor ?

    FAKE !
  13. smoky

    smoky New Member

    so from what I gathered here, it is better to give above $120 because market hotel rate is way above this. Most opt for hotel ambience instead of squeezy restaurants which could offer better food.

    This is the only time newly weds get hammered by hotels n restaurants so as diners/guests, we indirectly must make our angbao look 'presentable'.... help a bit by defraying the cost of that table.

    No wonder say 红炸弹. U bleed, be it your close relative or just colleague. I did hear my colleague say when she gets married this year, she would want her guests to bao according to the table rate.... liao! Wish can don't go.
  14. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    If you see it as 'bleed', better don't go. It is intended to be an occasion to share their joy. So, its best attended by those that truly feel happy to attend and give their ang bao and blessings willingly. If there is no joy in it for you, just decline the invitation and get them a gift or small appreciation instead.

    As for couples that expect or demand 'market rate'... good luck, when they invite, they should realize not everyone will necessary give 'market rate'.
  15. infojunkie

    infojunkie Active Member

    "I did hear my colleague say when she gets married this year, she would want her guests to bao according to the table rate"

    wah so thick-skin ah... dun u just hate self-centered ppl?
  16. susanna_low

    susanna_low New Member

    Minimum (per pax) $80 for buffet
    $100 for restaurant / 3star hotel
    $120 for hotel 4star & above

    For relatives n v close friends $120 & above regardless of venue.

    For those not v close (hb's frds etc), I will decline n not to go instead.
  17. cococherry

    cococherry New Member

    Don't attend if you are uncomfortable and tell them in advance, give your seat up to someone who can afford to bao the couple back the amount.

    and yes, hotels even some restaurants cost more than 900per table, $80 will be below their per pax rate.

    But don't you worry, u can go ahead with the $80, it's good enough if you are not that close to your "close relative"

    I had received lowest $50 ang bao @ my wedding and there's the worst ones who last min didn't turn up.
  18. denise80

    denise80 Active Member

    Agree on that part about not going and informing early if it's not a close friends. Indeed, some newly weds may invite not so close friends to make up numbers. While we understand this, we sometimes do not wish to attend because of the not so close relationship. Of course, must bear in mind abt what goes around comes around. When its your turn to make up numbers, these 'friends' will never appear. My lowest was $70 I remember...not sure why the odd number but it was from a non-chinese friend so I guess they are not very aware since Malay weddings they do not really give much in terms of ang baos.

    Yes, Ting Yi, like you...I would decline going if I do not really know my hubby's friends. Actually I know 90% of his friends but for that 10% NS friends etc whom he also seldom meets up with, I'll not feel like going.
  19. greyarea

    greyarea New Member

    oh man, the market rate now is $120? gee... i'm so backward.. haven't been attending wedding dinner for a few years already and I still thought it's $100 for a 5 star hotel.

    anyway, years ago when i was an undergraduate, I was invited to attend a pastor wedding. as it was my first wedding dinner, I asked how much to "bao". Was told it's minimum S$80. I was really shocked because $80 is a lot of money to me!! I asked if it's a must to "bao" so much and the answer is "usually" people do that and I got a feeling from my church friend that that's a minimum standard. I was really very very disappointed at that time. I wondered why must an undergraduate with no source of income must "bao" so much and I felt my church friend then was very insensitive to give such advise and the way she put it through really disappointed me like it's a basic courtesy to "bao" that amount. I should have rejected the invitation but then it was my pastor wedding and I have accepted it earlier. Till today, I can never forget that dinner and that conversation!! It was held at a restaurant, not a 4 star hotel!

    Now, 10 years later, I have no qualm paying S$100 or more for a wedding dinner since I'm already working and has my own income. I feel that when you advise people on how much you need to "bao", pls be sensitive towards their background and financial status..

    so if financial allows you, you should help to "bao" a minimum market rate to help the ease the couple wedding expanses unless they super rich lah..
  20. cococherry

    cococherry New Member

    I have to agree that some couples want to hold their wedding but at their guest expense. I rem a couple of yrs ago when I was an intern and I gotten an invitation from a colleague to attend her wedding at a hotel. Per table is about 1100 and minimum tables are 35 so she invited me and many others to fill. Some of us were young and innocent and gave less than the per head rate and she bad mouthed us after that. These couples shouldn't bite off more than what they can chew.
  21. smoky

    smoky New Member

    (greyarea) commented market rate now is $120? gee... i'm so backward

    I'm still at $80! worse than u. Some more thot $80 very presentable to give. Who knows this is a rate that newly weds will throw rotten eggs.

    feel so good to know I can buy gift instead of must attend colleague's dinner. Close relative really must prepare to bao, doubt 'no' is a good answer. I wonder how big those married with children bao for close relative .... wah, sure bleed! Children still as per head count$, no discount for wedding dinner.

    I know each angbao is being recorded for tracking so it's really in their database of badmouthing if bao not to their preferred rate. Better not go.

    Doubt I'll be involved in such 'posh dinner' .... afternoon garden buffet is a good idea if it is a must to form tables!

  22. susanna_low

    susanna_low New Member

    denise, not only tt, those not close friends, i will decline too. Nvr contact for years and suddenly pop up to invite me, I will decline..heehee..

    For colls who are not close (other depts), I will just say I have something on that day before they issue me the red bomb.

    For those who already been issue with the bomb, the other colls informed them in advance that they are not able to go n bao $30 *yishi yishi* for them instead.
  23. denise80

    denise80 Active Member

    For me angbaos are recorded because I want to return favour. It's not about any eye for any eye but more of giving more than what I usually would if someone has bao a bigger angbao for my wedding than the norm. It's a social gesture I feel. Of course, if there are people who used this to badmouth others without considering their financial situation, then they are being mean and petty. It's true too that couples shouldn't bite off more than what they can chew, something that I've always told my hubby to spend within limits.
  24. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    Barbie, from what I'm reading... you are thinking the worst of others over a simple wedding invitation. Don't feel obligated to go simply because you are invited. Frankly why bleed this bleed that? Most will only invite you to their wedding just once. So why worry??

    If you know the person enough, you would know if they are sincere about inviting and if they would bad mouth others or not. Its impossible to stop blabbering completely. People that gosship will gosship. Those that don't simply won't. Just a simple invitation, just decline, don't need to think and worry too much. There are many reasons you can give for declining.
  25. denise80

    denise80 Active Member


    *an eye for an eye lol...not 'any' eye..guess my eyelids are feeling heavy...
  26. susanna_low

    susanna_low New Member

    I will choose a warm n cozy wedding rather than lavish. For my wedding, there's only 20 tables for relatives and close friends.
  27. matka

    matka Member

    You give what you can give and want to give. If you don't think the couple "deserves" the "market rate", don't give. If you prefer to give a gift instead of cash, by all means do so.

    Even a cash voucher is a gift. I don't see why there's anything wrong with a shopping voucher since it takes more effort for the giver to acquire the voucher from the department store, than simply packing an ang pow.

    The bridal couple should not even be bemoaning about what they receive.

    That said...

    You'll never know what the couple's intentions are, don't second-guess. Instead of feeling that it's an honour to be invited to someone's most important day, you're complaining about it. Some people might really feel that they want you to be part of it... whether you are an old friend, or someone current. Some people would feel "paiseh" leaving a few people out if they were inviting the rest of the office. So to solve their problem, they might just invite everyone.

    If you don't feel comfortable, just decline the invitation. It's no biggie. I'm sure brides and grooms would prefer inviting people who'd really appreciate being part of their big day.
  28. smoky

    smoky New Member

    I'd love to attend wedding dinners ... have not declined any at the moment. Realised about this market rate made me hesitate. it is not you feel how much to give but more to how much you're EXPECTED TO BAO.

    If they have invited me to share a joyous event, I'm happy to go meet long time no see relatives/friends or colleagues whom I seldom interacted. But if newly weds have STRONG intention to COUNT blessings based on the amount given, especially not enough to cover table cost then I rather not have that honoured of being invited.

    Just my view about blessing in the form of $.
  29. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    People have all kinds of expectations. Not every invitation you get, the couple will have that same expectation. Social norms are in every aspect of our lives, not just the 'red bomb'. How much you choose to conform, is afterall a personal decision. If you know that couple have such expectations and you are not happy with it. Don't go. Period.

    Aunties that will gosship will always gosship. You don't live a life to please aunties that doesn't concern you. They will expect you to get married by certain age, have babes, send them to good schools, compare every aspect of your kids lives, the car u drive, house you stay, the location, blah blah blah... these are what revolves in the lives of these aunties. Does it bother?

    Blessings in any form, be it $$$ or gifts or support are offered not expected. People give 'market rates' not because they are expected but because they don't want the couple to be burdened financially over the wedding. They are offering to chip in. See the difference?

    Likewise, when attending wakes. The white gold is not given because of the expectation but because of the compassion guests have to the mourning family.
  30. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    Think less of all the external expectations. Think rather your own motivation. Do you want to conform for the sake of conforming or are you giving the amount willingly because you want to offer your blessing to help reduce the couple's finances through the wedding? If you straighthen that out, would all the external factor really affect your decision? [​IMG]
  31. clark

    clark New Member

    oh shut up....

  32. bedokboy

    bedokboy New Member

    superman, if you can stalk the market like you stalk milo, i'm sure you'll be very rich!
  33. powder

    powder Active Member

    well bedok,

    it's part of the character required for his occupation... one of those extremely dry and boring, though rather well-paying jobs. it's amazing someone can say the same thing repetitively online, as much as in his daily job. but i guess some pple just dun have the personalities for creativity, thus they do repetitive.
  34. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    powder, the Ctrl C and V doesn't take much effort.
  35. mum_of_2_girls

    mum_of_2_girls New Member


    When you invite someone over for dinner, will you expect your guests to pay you? I wonder why it is different with wedding dinners.

    My hubby and I can afford the whole $8000 wedding dinner bill on our own, without any contribution from the guests.

    We told our invited guests to just come and eat, no need to pay or give anything since we are the ones inviting them to dinner.

    So some guests ate for free, some gave gifts, some gave vouchers, some gave angbaos from $20 to $200.

    There was no pressure to give anything, so everyone was very happy and in good mood.

    However the irony of the whole story was we still made a profit of $7000 from the wedding dinner. We were really surprised because we told the guests not to give anything, just come and enjoy food.
  36. clark

    clark New Member

    bedokboy, i am inherently rich.

    doggy powder poo,

    !@#$$%^ = Leave this forum like u said u would

    (say what u mean, mean what u say)
  37. denise80

    denise80 Active Member

    Albee, times have changed. Your $8000 wedding dinner I think anyone can easily pay this sum today without even thinking twice about it. Perhaps it was a huge sum back then for you? I duno.

    But these days, it's easily up to $30k for just 20 to 25 tables. Come to think of it, some couples for the sake of their parents can't help it too but to invite guests to 'fill up' the tables due to many reasons and unforeseen circumstances. Sometimes parents' friends and relatives may not turn up at the last min due to whatever reasons. Sometimes the couples have 33 tables and 2 more they could get a bigger function room blah blah. Whatever it is, whether it's the couple or the guests, spend or give within your means without being ridiculously 'niao' (stingy) or unhappy since it's joyous occasion.
  38. mum_of_2_girls

    mum_of_2_girls New Member


    Why do the wedding couple choose to have a $30k dinner when they can't pay up?

    They can choose a $8000 dinner (In my time, can have in restaurant, now maybe wedding caterer)and pay up all. No stress on the guests.

    How can we ask the guests to pay up for the dinner we invite them?

    Although I can't understand their needs to have a fanciful dinner, I still pay above market rate in a bid to help young couples cover cost.

    For me, I rather downgrade than to ask people to pay for my indulgence in fairytale wedding dinner.

    The funny thing is most people don't think of it this way like I do. My siblings all had their wedding dinner at 5-star hotels although their income was 5x less than us.

    They all had to worry about covering cost of their 5-star dinner. My relatives felt stressful and grumbled about forking out so much money for my siblings' wedding. Even my parents felt paiseh to "tell" guests the cost of tables.

    So for my wedding, my parents were very happy they can tell the relatives to eat for free, no need angbows.(because they already gave so much to my siblings' wedding, paiseh to ask for angbows again)

    The wedding mood was definitely different when there was no money stress.
  39. clark

    clark New Member

    Albee....yr siblings had their once in a lifetime wedding at a 5-stars hotel

    you had a $8K dinner for your wedding. (& 7K profit)

    You must be so stupid enough to think that most people should think of like you do.

    Luckily, stupidity longs to be with the minority.
  40. denise80

    denise80 Active Member

    I don't really know what's that selfish mindset in ppl these days. Are human beings so self-centred these days that they must ponder over the following?

    1. Why must I pay more because they chose an expensive hotel?
    2. Why must the couple hold their wedding at the hotel?
    3. Why are my guests so 'niao' (stingy)? Don't they know this is a high class affair?

    What's the problem, ppl? JUST BAO LAH!

    My wedding was held at one of the more expensive hotels and I don't spread words or badmouth about those who gave very small angbaos.

    When I'm invited to weddings held in hotel, I also don't 'curse' or blame them for holding it there. I just BAO more lor~ sigh...
  41. vios

    vios New Member

    with respect to small angbaos, LL... just gotta close one eye and move on.... but gotta understand that some really are struggling in life, some are really consistently niao, and the rest are not all that close or even strangers ie. parents' friends.

    and overall, i guess it has something got to do with 'face' - the bao-ster or bao-ee - hence, the respective negative emotions.
  42. susanna_low

    susanna_low New Member

    Agreed..niao n low income earners are different..

    I understand those with financial difficulty, won't be expecting much from them.
  43. smoky

    smoky New Member

    Noticed a lot commented on guest stingy when giving angbao not up to table rate for weddings held in 5* hotels.

    It is the newly weds' choice to look good and have more face in a high class hotel at the expense of their guests. They chose to look good so means they should know wedding dinner are lugi business. If can break even, Smile! If can't, dont blame your guests for not helping you to defray cost. It is not their duty to find out the cost of your wedding. They came with the intention of offering blessing.

    I really dont think newly weds should expect blessing in the form of bigger angbaos, be it guest belonging to low wage or new graduates ... it is a matter of not worth paying so much for so-so dishes.

    Newly wed who can't afford the luxury shouldn't hold wedding in hotels. Once a life time but this money thing could ruin your big day and cause bad memories. Worth it? Face so important? Old folks would want to 摆酒席 but did they insist on costly 5* hotel 排场? If old folks know they can't 'earn' from angbao, would they insist you find 5* hotel?

    This afternoon, I saw newly wed having buffet at void deck ... a really rare sight but I admire their courage. I don't mind attending such wedding or those held in CC.... no stress!
  44. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    why is there the assumption that couples that have their weddings at posh hotels will somehow expect big ang baos and blame the guests?

    Honestly, given current pricing, it is realistic expectation for couples to lugi. Going on and on... seem to me that u r trying your best to rationalize and justify yourself. Whatever for?
  45. clark

    clark New Member

    oh shut the hell up,

    fat, ugly, like to stalk pple and retarded MILO.
  46. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    nice doggy that barks without fail. don't even need to give treats for stuns. Most faithful one. lolz
  47. clark

    clark New Member

    fat, ugly, like to stalk pple and retarded MILO,

    there is only one dog in this form = doggy powder poo.

    Are you that stupid too ?
  48. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    however, he is too territorial, always anyhow bite people. Needs to be neutering.
  49. clark

    clark New Member

    for once fat, ugly, like to stalk pple and retarded MILO is right,

    doggy powder poo needs to be neutered !
  50. susanna_low

    susanna_low New Member

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