Moving on...

[bunny98]

just remember not to reply ANY of his sms even if he is trying to ask you anything
reply means he can guess what you are thinking and u still care even

NO reply, slowly he will just disappear from your life
maybe you can also consider to change your HP number or delete his phone no.
delete everything that u had with him..
it works for me

 

[cua]

hi Snowy,

Sorry if i sound harsh, but since you've seen his true colours, you know what kind of man he is, you've decided to break up and move on, why did you still bother to sms him? Make a clear cut. Stop all connection. That's how you can make yourself to move on.

Though you've been saying that you've given up on him, but deep inside your heart, are you still hoping to get back to him? Otherwise, why bother to reply his sms? You expect the relationship can be rekindled via sms? By replying his sms, i think it's not only him who give you false hope, but yourself

 

[jojo28]

Hi Lengce,

I know your point.I really want to move on, I am really tired of all this strange mind games.

I admit though times,i still think of him,i have never never msg him and i told myself that he has a gf already.

This guy is a fox,minding mind games wtih me,capture my weakness..In the end,i told him.i hope you wont send the wrong sms to me anymore. Your gf wont like it. It doesnt matter who am i anyway.. ijust want to move on and find peace again.

If not, i have to change my mobile number.

 

[maisie]

jojo...u did the right thing..salute to ur decision..u will meet better guys...

hugz... =)

 

[powder]

u know what's most pple's weakness?

they "buay kam guan", they "bu gan yuan"... this is their downfall, and they end up getting stuck in the same place for years...

if others have already moved on, then why are u still harbouring Any forms of communications still?

he dun Fcuking care... u get it? what u say, what u do, ANYTHING u do... it doesn't fcuking matter anymore nor does it bother him.

Wake Up! and take good care of yourself... Love yourself.

 

[simpleman]

If you are weak, changing mobile number is a good option...

 

[cua]

Hi Snowy,

Can't help to reply his sms is your weakness?

He is a fox, a dog, who cares. The so called mind game is only considered game when you entertained him. If you just ignore him and all his sms, don't you think that he will just be like a fool himself?

Don't fall to his trap, don't bother him, don't even care if he sent the msg to you accidentally or intentionally. He's nothing to do with you anymore. As many have advised here, stop sms him and case closed. That's it.

 

[green_tranquility]

Jojo,
You are abused because you allow him to. Bluntly speaking, you are just one of his sex partners out there. He doesn't care what you think or feel about him.

It's time to change hp no as what the others have suggested. You should also go for a body checkup to play safe in case he passes some STD to you leh.

 

[green_tranquility]

Wonder why some gals love playing with fire, the bad boy type lol? They are addicted to the sweet talks, wanna compete with other gals, find such guy fun, or think they can tame the wild horse character one day?????

 

[verysadman]

Joey, my wife was as considerate as you but she couldnt let go of the past MIL relationship.
She changed and give in to me and i was like your bf though i changed for 2 years. Abit mature enough to change and know wats right and wrong.

But my wife says i keep reminding her of the past cos of MIL. My parents and her are the most important ppl in my life. I changed for her and given her everythinh. Hse, car, love etc. Basically she duo have to work and i continue support her. But all these, she still cant forget the past.

I cried for days even till now. She finally sms me saying her heart is dead. her love for me is gone. these words engraved deeply inside my heart. I tried like you to give in to try our relationship. My friends called me a whimp. My parents asked me to be a man. But i LOVE her so much...

 

[jojo28]

Oh, Sad man,

How are you getting on now? You sound you are terribly hurt. How is everything now?

are you ok

 

[jojo28]

Oh, Sad man,

How are you getting on now? You sound you are terribly hurt. How is everything now?

are you ok

 

[verysadman]

thanks for the concern snowy...
despite your own problem, u still able to care for others. my tears just dried up but i believe it will flow again...

 

[jojo28]

No , sad man.

You have to be strong. Only then you are only able to overcome the situtation.. given yourself are very upset over this.. you got to help yourself. I dont know what exactly happened to you.. maybe you can pm me

 

[verysadman]

for 3 years, i handled relation bet my parent and her terribly. she suffered bcos i couldnt handled solution well. I was inexperienced and not sensitive towards her.

she left aft the horrible 3 yrs. inside my heart, i know that its my fault hence we gave each other another try. For the past 2 years, i changed alot. for her, i became sensitive, caring and understanding. i gave in to her requests bcos i love her. but bcos of the past images, she became more demands towards me on my parent issue. My parents are very dearest to me. They gave me everything and made me wat i am now. i refused to give up both sides.

i struggled to please both ends. she kept having nightmares abt MIL throughout the 2 years. I was hoping with my care and concern, she could forgive and forget. No! Things just got worsen...

As a Husband, i true to myself to support, care and love this very own HOME which we build together. As a Son, i am true towards them to repay and respect them even till the day they pass away.

I refused to give up on either. Until yesterday, she sms that her heart is dead and her love is gone. she just couldnt forgive and forget the past. Its a struggle for her...

 

[silverash]

Verysadman, if your wife is so traumatized that she kept having nightmares about MIL, i think its not something she can let go easily.

I think it's very much psychological and you guys should have seek help very much earlier, and probably things won't escalate till this stage.

A lot of guys really do not know how to handle when conflicts arises between wife and parents.
Some guys are just being filial in a blind sense. You can't please everyone. No one says you cannot give in. But u cannot give in to either party at the interest of the other. U will only make situations worst and everyone is going to be unhappy.

Wives can take a lot of nonsense for the sake of their husbands, but that's only if they know their husbands are appreciative of their contribution and knows that their husband will support them, and willing to stand up for her rights if the situation is unfair to the wife.

 

[flyingstar]

verysadman, you can choose your wife, but you cannot choose your parents. the only thing is, you must find a wife who can understand and accept how you treat your parents.

i don't know any details neither do i want to jump into any conclusion. all i can see is that there is a mismatch between your wife and your parents, and also, your love for your wife and your love for your parents.

don't blame your wife for not being able to put those bad memories behind...this is just human nature. we tend to forget good memories, but we will remember the bad ones more often.

have you both consulted a counsellor for help?

 

[cheng_tngz]

Dont stay in a relationship where you both are not seeing the same thing. Leave and find another, the world is a big place!!

 

[duckyholic]

relationship and feelings is not so easily judge and managed by logic and rational.

MOst forumer when read the story would usually advised leaving, breaking up etc, but i can truly understand is not as easy as i tell myself i just move on , mean can move on ...
how your relationship means or value to you only you yourself can judge

it always say "Even if you are a genius in many ways, love make a person turn stupid"

 

[verysadman]

hi ppl...

Shirurina -
i agreed. many of my friends agreed its psycho on my wife part which i didnt handle well throughout. i totally may have screwed up the whole affair even though i put in my best effort trying to juggle both side. funny to say, while im staying at my parent place now, i feel nothing at all. i hope to move out and stay on my own...

flyingstar -
yes, previously we have went but she didnt trust them. she very strong headed and does not trust ppl easily. though she claimed she trust me only, sometimes i still have the feeling she doubt me throughout.

michelle -
its easy to say the world is a big place. sorry but once we decided to married, however big the world is, you still stay true to your partner. its fate that brought us together from this big world. but sad to say, its oso fate that separated us....

duckyholic -
your nick bring extreme sadness to me. my wife calls me DUCK and i call her PIG. we wanted to have many duckies and piglets during our marriage.

To all,
i read through the entire forum last mite and knows that there are lots of unfortnate cases. kids, alimony, property, abuse, etc etc. Guess to comfort myself i quite fortunate. i decided to move on slowly starting this weekend. Go for a swim and gym session. have a kopi with friends if they are available. hope to recover from this deep hurt. really appreciate and hope to have your continued advises and supports throughtout. may need help on lawyer and those issues in the later stage. "Gan Ba Teh !!!"

 

[flowerygal]

VerySadMan,
I guess i am now in your wife's shoes feeling terribly horrified by my MIL. Have frequent nightmares for almost 2yrs due to her torture but things only got slightly better when my Hus become more supportive when i mentioned the 'D' word. I admitted that my heart was dead for quite some time when he hardly did anything to improve the situation. He slowly started to sense it i guess & when MIL become more agressive & demanding, he finally realised that i had suffered so much. So much ordeal. Frankly speaking, we fell out so many times & luckily my hus was very sincere to work things out & seek my forgiveness each time. Otherwise, we sure divorce for good already.

Now, I guess its a good time for you to have some soul-searching. I think you had disappointed her too many times just like my hus. It is not easy for her. It doesnt mean that your recent change will be good enough to convince her. Afterall, you did not do enough to show her security.

You still cherish your parents alot right? There are many ways to be filial. But your wife should be most important in your life. Imagine that my MIL is such a monster, my FIL still love her till now & stand by her even though he knows how crazy she is. Even some wives are very unreasonable, husbands got to continue to have patience to point out to her weakness & help her to overcome.

Seriously, i do not know what exactly happened between your wife & your mum thus no comments yet. As for me, i was so terrified to just know that my MIL is in the house even though i have not step in yet.

 

[franco8822]

at least u gave him the last chance but he didnt want to change... unlike me... blinded at that point of time, knowing that things are happening.. but i didnt hurl vulgar languages and playing mind games though...

 

[cappucino]

Joey,

Good that you find out the true colour of your bf before you get married. It is wise that you are moving on. If not, you have more heartaches if you marry him. You may have to deal with his affairs or flings after marriage.

Your ex seemed to have insecurity issues. It seems like he like to put people down to make himself look good. My hubby is like your ex, will hurl all sorts of vulgarities and call me all sorts of names etc for the slightest mistake. Also ask me to fxxk off or 'use your brain' etc. He would also put it in such a way that all those things are my fault and I deserved to be scolded. Worse thing is on the pretext of making me a better person. I may not be right for some of the issues but definitely not all the issues.

When he can't find things in the house, he will yell at me, blame me and insist that I misplace the things. In truth, he is too lazy to look for it and want me to get it. When I know his tactic and refused to get it for him, I just let him know where to find it so that he get it himself. He got so mad and say that I purposely want to make things difficult for him and ruin his day. Alamak.

He would be Mr Nice guy in front of his own family, his friends and colleagues. He would go all the way out to help even to strangers, but he can be a totally different person to me.

Verysadman,

Even though you cannot choose your parents and you can choose your wife, but I do agree with what Shirurina say "A lot of guys really do not know how to handle when conflicts arises between wife and parents. Some guys are just being filial in a blind sense. You can't please everyone. No one says you cannot give in. But u cannot give in to either party at the interest of the other."

My husband is the type of guy who is being filial in blind sense and being loyal to his family in blind sense too. He expects me to give in all the time to his family at my expense. He allowed his own family to walk all over me and when I resisted he got very angry and say that I'm selfish, only care about myself. He insisted that I should make others happy. I can make others happy but in the end I must be happy too. I can't just give and give. It is emotionally draining and especially he is not appreciative of what I do for them.

Verysadman, at least you had changed for the past two years for her. You had tried your best. It is difficult to let go but you can do it.

 

[jojo28]

Well capcucino.. Your husband is exactly the same as my bf.. Scolding me saying wanting me to be a better person.

Worst, I don like clubbing but he still insist me wanting to go with him and his friends.When i told him that if i go, i must be happy as well. what is the point of not happy if i dont go?
He would say i am selfish.. Whereby the whole motive is to accompany him.. Cos all his friends would bring their gf go.He would also say just an outing, accompany me, close the day and finish.

I did try my best to join in with his friends despite i dont really like. I dont drink, while his friends and their gf drink. i feel so odd.. haha

Anyway, the truth character of the person is when you really know him.

I am so glad it is over. Relationship is always like this. one moment, you love him, the other moment, can hate him or no feelings.

 

[jojo28]

Hi Hi to All who have been a listening ear to me

I have move on.. and yeah. Life was so peaceful and no worries at all..

Well, Times heal Everything and i ignore his sms. cos i think enough is enough..

well ,below is what he did:-

We break up in end july.

1)He ask me not contact him anymore, i was sad and did as i was told
2) He msg me one week later and say those morning & Night...and give me false hope..
3)When i agree to his terms and conditions.. he back up and say he wont compromise anymore, and start scolding vulgarties.
4)When i told him, i am going to change my phone number.. He dun seem to allow me ,just ask me not to sms him. dun need to change.
5)When i told him i finally give up on him, and i meant it... he say ok and in the middle of the night. he would msg me asking me take care, and he is not the good guy and he not the guy i want.
6) i ignore it and the next day, forward msg.....
7) He would msg me every weekend late in wee hours, trying to prove or tell me he is home late ..
8) Since he is the one asking me to forget him, he would msg me , those forward msg asking me to rememebr me and would forward msg that he has forward before.

I cant stand his way of doing thing.. wonder why his ego is so high. Now when i think back, i feel hated instead of love towards him. I remeber how he scold me/ condemn me.. I got my life and integrity as well...

That about all.. Well thanks for everybody support. U are such a great folks!

 

[cuclainne]

your ex sounded just like my ex .. maybe go to the same 'school', that's why treat people like that ..

 

[jojo28]

haha.. he a jerk

 

[jojo28]

So what is the next step he do?

 

[cuclainne]

yah .. after 4 years together, he said we're not suitable .. made me so livid that when he said let's split up, i said ok and never responded to his smses/ calls .. he harassed me for weeks and eventually started hanging around at the void deck of the block in front of my place .. i got to know because he smsed me saying he saw someone coming into my house and asking who it is .. siao! break up means break up, still want to ask for what .. then he started calling/ smsing me with lesser frequency until he would sms once a year but i still won't reply .. now already 5 years on and i'm someone else's wife, and happier

 

[alcifertoh]

snowy, dun even be bothered by it. He's just seeking attention and try to stirr you that's all. He has no life.

 

[jojo28]

Hi culcainee, He is a stalker, mine not that extreme case.. scary.. But mine when quarrel, would say come my office and settle... Affecting my work..

Hi HBH- I agree. I can nver forgive him now and in future. if we have part in a nice way, i may have been friends
but now.. sorry.. i cant bear to find myself to forgive him

 

[powder]

bar his number... all the best!

he's a jerk, u lost nothing but trouble... u will feel lighter and happier in time to come... will be soon!

 

[cuclainne]

last time my ex would call and call when i'm in the office .. when he calls, i must answer .. if i don't, then i must be cavorting with a male colleague somewhere else. i've cried so many times in the office .. why should i waste more of my youth on a person like that?

 

[memories03]

i oso have a ex who behave the same way.. i was beaten up cos he suspect that i have a affair with his gd frenz.. it was more than 1 x.. it a nightmare

 

[ckgal]

never be with a man who beat up his gf/wife

 

[jojo28]

scary.. all the guy can become a jerk with all these action..

 

[memories03]

ya lor..

 

[smileguy]

Something meaningful..

 

[cuclainne]

smileguy, the picture is soooo scary leh ..

 

[mark78]

smileguy yr pic not really meaningful but scary

 

[smileguy]

7 mth pic + meaningful words ..haha

 

[mmi]

i'm v similar to sad man's situation, but still holding on the marriage...duno can hold till when...

 

[jojo28]

why hold on when you hurt yourself more?

 

[mmi]

wat to do, we hv a 3-years old boy. This is what i'm still holding on the marriage.

 

[cia]

Is there really a need to hold on just bcos of child??

 

[mmi]

Prbs lies with MIL not hb, hb is only son, can't leave his mum behind as FIL has passed away. How? is not easy to solve, giving up the marriage makes no sense too just becos of MIL?