Mother's Day - celebrate with which side???

[glamour83]

Hi all, i'm in a dilemma. As you all know, mother's day is in 3 weeks. And my mother-in-law , whom i really detest, has booked a place for dinner and happily assumed that we are free to celebrate with her. So what about my own mom??

Do you all face similar problems as well, especially during special occasions? Please share your opinions, greatly appreciate some wise advice, thanks.

 

[thommy]

for me I try to rotate celebrations, if any.

if u really detest her so much, perhaps u shld let her know rather than putting on a black face and eat with her.

 

[bobochacha]

then eat early breakfast/lunch with ur mom..

dinner with ur MIL..

 

[glamour83]

i would be asking for trouble if i let her know straight in the face. anyway im sure she already feels it as i've been trying to reduce any form of communication with her unless really necessary. I usually let my husband do the communication.

I find it extremely difficult because my husband is the only child. He is like a gem to his parents, but.. which child is not a gem to their parents? Does being the only child really leave one with no options?

 

[thommy]

I mean, no point pretending right? u can't eat in peace also. Dunno abt u but for me, I can never eat with someone I hate to the core...

did u tell him that u need to eat with ur mum also? what did he say?

 

[glamour83]

we discussed about it and he felt that it is traditional to celebrate with the husband's side on actual day. i totally do not agree with it. we are living in a modern world and such traditions do not exist anymore. not for me.

it's true i really detest her. but i still respect my FIL and husband so i dont want to sour things and make things look ugly to everybody.

 

[faith23]

Is it really that important of celebrating it on the actual day???? As long as you are treating your mother well..any day can be mother's day.

I am a mother of a boy and girl. I will not mind whether it is the actual day or not. As long as I know they have my heart.

And I will definately won't mind my girl to do it for her in laws on the actual date if that is so important to them.

As for the part which you dont like your mil then try to learn to get along well with her because you got more years to go...

 

[salsa_babe]

Mother's Day is just too commercialised.

Come on. Is this the only day we show our filial piety to our mothers? No right?
So it does not matter whether or not to celebrate it on the actual date.

 

[glamour83]

hi faith, i guess you are right. my mom doesnt mind which day i celebrate with her. but i do not like the "traiditonal" idea that the husband's side is always primary and the wife's side secondary after marriage. i prefer to treat both sides equally.

when my then bf was based overseas, i used to be on extremely good terms with my mil. to the extent we wld meet twice after work for dinner and shopping. and even travelled together.

but gradually i realised all her nice intentions come with a motive. and i do not say this just based on paranoia. i have seen how badly she behaved before because of a few misunderstandings during our wedding preps and all these have made me change my impression of her. i have seen how she called up my own mother and scolded her, because she thought my mother had badmouthed her to me behind her back. she did all these while i was beside my own mother, and of course she doesnt know.

it is a great change in attitude and i can no longer tolerate her, dont even talk about hanging out with her alone. in order not to be rude, i rather minimise any form of communication with her now. so it's not gg to be easy to get along with her.

 

[faith23]

glamour,
I know is hard to get along with mil at times. Try not to think of the negative situation which is past now. Forgive her and move on like I said you have many more years to come there will be occasions which you still need to face her. Your hubby is the only son, you still need to look after them when they get old.

Forgive and forget make me a happier person and I believe you will too...

Is your choice to choose to get along well or sour about the past.

 

[crystal_cloud]

GLAMOUR, u are in the same plight as me..seriously i din give it a serious thought as you did coz im so sick of all these.

i will just eat lunch with my mom..or the day before..anyway, mothers day's menus are ex..

 

[thommy]

yup, agreed with the rest. Mother's Day/Valentine's Day are all overhyped. Too commercialised nowadays.

 

[crystal_cloud]

when is the date btw?

glamour, how about CNY? how did you managed the girl-boy's side bai nian routine?

it's realli a hassle isnt it?

if really wana avoid, one should choose a husband who is an orphan.. hilarious but true ! my gf just found one and is very happy with her life with him...her family bonding with him is countless on festive occasions, mothers days , cny.

other than that, can marry a submissive husband..hahaha..yet another classic..my ex colleague found one..a man who gave in to her on everyting!

but my sibling had these plan very well..he arrange for both sides to dine together on normal weekends..or a special outing to zoo..he will bring both sides..luckily for him, his future inlaws are easy people..

otherwise, have to accept core practices, in such cases where we have a more unmanagable mil.

but of coz i do feel abit upset at times too..

if we insist having them on girl's side first, then the inlaws wont be happy...

singaporeans are quite traditional towards such practices..

blame on our gender..i mean im not a submissive woman by character, but certain things, we realli cannot change it and flip the card to the other side..

 

[glamour83]

so it means there really is still a traditional thing among all of us? this sucks..

for CNY, i got "lucky" this year. because my husband is a doctor, he happened to be on call during renuion dinner night. so we had an early reunion dinner with my in laws and on reunion day itself, i had dinner with my own family. maybe it sounds weird but i dont care. i've been having reunion dinner with my family since i was born and we are a close family. i can't imagine having reunion with my inlaws without my husband.

 

[miloice]

Mothers' Day is a stupid commercialize event to milk us off our money. And its silly to restrict your options to that day itself. Let alone that meal itself.

Same with reunion dinner. Be flexible. My parents are divorce and my dad has already passed on. Normally, we arrange for reunion lunch instead and dine with the inlaws. Several times, I invited my mum to join my inlaws so that she won't feel left out.

 

[crystal_cloud]

haha glamour..that's realli lucky to kick start the first year ya..

milo, i suggested doing lunch and then dinner with in laws, but my mom told me i will be too stuffed with food..so she even dun mind doing dinner the day before..
i do feel abit sad inside me..but i cant make out y..probably like glamour, i also used to dine on eve of CNY...

actually some in laws dont like to dine together..those 'traditional' type..they like to have the 'sole presence' during famliy dinner..

 

[cuclainne]

for me, we would gather at my maternal grandmother's house and celebrate mother's day there with the rest of my mom's brothers and sisters (there's 14). mother's day is not celebrated on my father's side so there's no issue.

but for the last few years (after getting married and having a family of my own), i would just celebrate it with my mom, siblings, husband and kids. my MIL is not here so i would normally just call to wish her.

i think you can have lunch with your mom and then dinner with your MIL - no matter what, she is still your MIL, the mother to your husband, and it's only for a dinner. learn to give and take.

 

[bobochacha]

u mother day's already like tat..

then hw abt reunion dinner ah?? i also heard tat must eat at the guy's side..maybe my MIL never voice out..but since she is such a tradition woman...i think more or else she mind ba..

when gf/bf..still can eat at my place..but after marriage hv to eat with them..

my mum also alone already..i also dont want her to eat alone..so ke lian..even though still got my bro and dao sao..my sis and hubby still mourning..so cant celebrate..

i also helped out to cook CNY stuff for his family on CNY..just becoz i knw hw to cook..MIL throw shark fins stuff for me to cook for the whole family..but if i go back my mum place..i dont hv to cook..sibei sian!!!!!

 

[miloice]

pink, why sad? Do dinner the day before as suggest. And you can still visit your mum during lunch the next day.

 

[glamour83]

looks like it is inevitable that husband's side is always primary after marriage. my in laws are super one kind. just because they only have 1 child they tend to be very persistent in celebrating on the actual day.(reunion dinner/mother's day/father's day/xmas)

it makes it even more difficult for me because my MIL is such a monster.

Actually my husband understands and even suggests having split dinners for mother's day. but i think that wld be very odd rite?

Any how, i've decided to go for the dinner with my in laws. i just want to do the right thing but at its minimum so that they will have nothing to complain about.

 

[xylon]

hi Glamour,

You are doing the right thing. Being able to accommodate means you won't let your mom worry about your relationship with the in-laws.

Better to accommodate the in-laws than to have it your way and fight with them.

 

[cococherry]

Hi Glamour,

My Uncle use to have Mother's day lunch with my Grandma then dinner with the MIL. So Perhaps you can have a good lunch with your mom?

 

[crystal_cloud]

Wow Chris u r such a nice dil.
But no need overdo if nt will tore yourself ya