mysterious, their family very traditional..me and FH listen to granny alot de...but his sis dun even bother if the parents scold...so when granny scold, she got beat her granny back b4...
and granny so old le, still gotta tolerate her temper...lucky granny coming to stay with us after AD...
granny v nice to my FH...she know his parents v biased and always agst him, so she always side with him...then when he got exams or sick, she always make birdnest for him...some more hers not the instant type (bottle)...is the one where need to soak in water and pick out all the dirt..imagine spending whole day doing that for old lady...and she herself nvr even take a sip...give all to my FH...can see she realli care for FH so I dun mind if she stays with us...anyway his parents and uncles are playing the 'throw ard' game...'throw' granny from home to home..they say she v old, always forget to off the stove, etc when alone at home...so they scared if she stay with them...and all of them got $ to hire maid de lor...sigh...lucky we got maid, so granny stay here will be maid look after her...hopefully my maid understand wot she wants...cos even i myself sometimes dun understand (she speaks hakka, i speak hokkien)...
Guess you better stay away from your SIL. I think she's just plain silly lor.
Just like my FSIL, a attention seeker and she's has a mild mental problem (always claim to see those supernatural stuff). Not that I refused to believe her, just the way she put it through is so contradicting and unconvincing.
FFIL has a bo chap attitude, FMIL trying to be domineering, and the granny also another attention seeker. I've seen so many things around this household and now getting cold feet too. I have told my FH that since we don't intend to have kids, we can just buy a house and stay together, no need a marriage cert (didn't dare to tell him my fear now as I tried before but he couldn't understand). That's why I buried myself with my work (give myself horrible deadlines etc), hence no time to get married lor. Trying to delay as long as i can.
Somehow, I can picture myself like Serene (nasty DIL that is hehe...)
they ask for my FH's ORIGINAL IC...say will return to him tomolo night...i told FH cannot give, wot if they go borrow money from loanshark or wot...then some more they dun wanna tell us y need his IC...
So FH fed up, so to police post, make police report say his parents force him to give them his IC, so police say report IC as STOLEN, culprit is his parents...he super fed up already...if u want someone's IC, u must tell them reason right??? even if you are the parents, also must let your kid know the reason ma...if he tell us things like "wanna get insurance" or "apply for citizenship", I can understand...but, wot's there to hide???
I tink they are just plain weird...
anyway, just now i went, FH nvr tell them I going...then when I reach their door and MIL saw me, immediately tell SIL to go to her room and not come out...hahahahaha...then when i go toilet, can hear FIL chasing her out of the house...tell her to wait till they call then come back...i tink they scared my FH disown them...haha...
Mysterious, sometimes I also tink that way, jsut rent a place and live together...dun bother getting married...my parents are ok with it, but not his parents...:s
oh ya, to prevent my future ILs from finding out where we stay, we have written in to all the organisations that has our address to inform them that should anyone call to enquire about our address, they will require written approval from both of us. cos my ILs trying to find out our address...and FH purposely change his address back to his parent's address b4 giving them e IC...
Yafang fwah ur FH really went 2 the police 1st har? oso very smart! at least keep himself covered in case his folks really up 2 no gd
din expect ur situation 2 b so terror..cant let them noe where ur new place is but i guess ur concerns r not unfound..u tink they not able 2 find out in future? then beta dun inform any of their relatives oso..but ur SIL like so resourceful sia
Mysterious aiyo how long can u siam the marriage issue? tink u beta find ur bf honest tok 1 of these days manz..i mean if he's really into marriage type n u r not then theres no point staying in tis relationship oso rite? coz not fair 2 him oso..but his family machiam Adams family so weird hahaha
Serene, I have told him that after marriage (if there is) I wish to have a simple and peaceful life with him without any disturbance from our families. He kept assuring that his folks will not call for no reason but I don't think so lor (small small thing they will call and consult). BTW, he's not the only son leh.
Okay, try to picture this adam family:
1) FMIL always curse and swear (be it anger or what) even in front of the granddaugher (she's in K2)!
2) If the granddaugher didn't visit during one of the weekends, she will curse and swear the DIL.
3) Cook spicy food and demand the little girl to take. (I always see her in tears while eating)
4) If the little girl really refused to eat, she put those pork floss in her rice.
5) Demand the little girl to hug everyone in the household before she goes home.
6) FFIL is a heavy smoker, can play with the little girl while smoking. When my FH 'scolds' him, FFIL will just finish his cigarette and then ask inocently "where got smoke?" (faint)
7) I once witnessed that they let her play by the road side alone while they sat at the bus stop waiting for bus!
8) FSIL told me before when we have kids, must bring over for her to play with. I told her we don't intend to have kids as the world is in such a mess. She said must have kids so she can play with them!
9) The flat is under my FH and FSIL (FH is paying with his CPF). FSIL said cannot use her CPF as the money is for her old age!
10) FSIL wants to resign and she said that it is the family's responsibility to provide for her! Now she has really resigned and shake leg at home.
11) Got one time she claimed that the spirit told her in order to get rid of that spirit, must find priest and she even told us the priest that the spirit mentioned are those wear in black kind. (I told my FH she watched too much Exorists shows, whatever it is, where got spirits tell anyone what is their weakness in order to get rid of them)
FH said he will not give a single cent to FSIL and will only give a monthly fixed amount to them after marriage (I don't believe lah). I know my FH too well. He always make sure his family is well provided before he think for himself. He even hopes to have enough money to pay fully for this flat where they are staying now so his sister's CPF will remain untouched.
We have serious talked before what I expected after we are married. He said I'm being biased lor but assured me that his family will not disturb us but who knows right?
Mysterious aiyo indeed a weird family ur FH has...i'm sure no amount of assurance will calm or change ur mind esp u witness so many horrid encounters...its normal 2 doubt n b cynical lor
i duno manz..but i tink i cant tahan such a family background esp if ur FSIL is sponging off every1 else including ur FH..n it doesnt help dat ur FH is nice n responsible type so he will nv turn his back against his own family..guess he's sandwiched oso
tink its time u tink 4 urself lor...very tough n tricky but u gotta start planning 4 ur own future n happiness
Mysterious, your FH's family also like my FH's family sia...but hor, if his name is in the house, means you cannot have your own place already right?? cos his parents have no $ to buy over the current flat...
Serene, my FH was at boiling point already...seriuosly, i know him so many years, i nvr see him so fed up b4...
ya, FSIL quite resourceful, but i'm v sure they can't get our address...even if they do get our address, i dun tink they will believe we are staying here...
anyway i told her if she tried anything farnie, i wont hestitate to report her to the police...she doesnt deserve any kindness...
Yafang lol u sound as if u staying in a ulu sembawang isolated island hahahahahaha
u noe hor..initially when i wasnt so cool wif my MIL hor..i oso wanted 2 stay FARRR..they staying in balestier n dat time we kena the vote 4 a flat nearby in whampoa...i ganjiong manz..heng my ah lao decided dat flat not worth the price so we bot 1 in punggol kekekeke
Yafang, If your SIL engaged a lawyer to call HDB hor and quote yours or your FH's IC, she can get the address de. I'm not joking here. I'm a bit lost, how come they 'demand' his IC?
Serene, you know during our first year together (we are almost 4 years liao), I was quite on good terms with them. After observing, I became 'aloof'. Everytime pull long face in front of his sister. Last year i was so pissed off with her when she said it is rightfully for her parents to provide for her (she's mid 30s already and his mum was crying then), I nearly gave her 1 tight slap if my FH didn't pull me away (I was clinching my fist liao). From that day onwards, I always put on a black face when I see her (very bad of me when I haven't even guo men).
Now I'm not close to them already (can't be bothered) Told my FH if they mess with me, I won't give face. Already warned him that I will not be a good DIL, still not too late if he changes his mind.
I'm 'scared' that once married, you gals can see me log on every day in this forum to complain.
Mysterious hahahah dun b so negative lah! but its always gd 2 prepare ur FH abt ur thinking lor..i'm sure after so long he noes ur temper as well..at least things r stated clearly b4 marriage..dun after marriage then come n say 'how come nv say early' kinda crap
waiting for our place to be ready... they stay west side
Mysterious, I asked my uncle, he is a lawyer, he say that in no way HDB can release such information. Unless it is ruled by the court that HDB has to release the information. So he told us dunnid to worry. And he added that if she use our address for anything that is not 'right' we can choose to sue her, which i tink i will.
Yafang, my friend, who is a lawyer managed to find out address for me when I provided someone's IC (unit number was given wrongly to me previously). My friend's secretary managed to get the correct one for me through HDB.
Serene, true lah. He knows my temper too well. haha... If I don't like someone (other than my boss), I'll show it on my face.
Mysterious, did you ask your friend if what he/she did was 'ethical'? Cos a lawyer can obtain such information, but is in no right to give it to anyone (other than private investigator for purpose for investigative work). My FH is a PI and he knows what can be done, what cannot be done. Even if PI need to obtain certain information for investigative work to be done, they need to file a long application for the information and it might not be approved if the investigative work involved is 'non-criminal'.
Anyway, if a lawyer realli gives his sis the address and we find out, we have the right to sue alot of people for breaching our privacy. Anyway I have informed HDB in writing that our information is not to be given without our written permission and they have replied that our information is not given to anyone, not even lawyers unless there is a court order. So I tink it is best you dun tell others tt your lawyer fren can get addresses for you from HDB.
We've given them a verbal warning last nite. If they try anything that invades our privacy, we will not hesitate to sue. And last nite his sister apologised, but i refuse to accept. I told them already, she must apologise in front of all the relatives during the tea ceremony before i will consider accepting it. And most likely, FH will throw the tea back on her face and tell everyone what she did.
Yafang, it should be ethical as that time I need the full address for filing of court papers then. I didn't really asked in details how she got it when she told me she called up HDB to check when we realised the unit number was wrong when serving.
Try not to blow up the whole matter before your AD (it somehow spoilt the mood, you know). Just ignore your SIL. Most importantly, be a happy bride.
hi CandyFloss, reply ur post nos 25
ya guess its really borthering tat u cant have the whole hse urs and ur husband.
I live with my parent in law after i get married. they are nice pp. agree tat sometime they sure kpo abit but overrall once u get over it, its noting..
to me, i jus nod my head and agree and smile.
so to maintain good relationship with my parent in law.
they take care of us, cook. the clothes i will wash it myself as i think its not right for an elderly to help me wash. unless she using washing machine, then i can join in throw my clothes in. otherwise i will do it myself.
but since i am pregnant now, she auto help me to wash my clothes! which i am very appreciate!! =) they did fuss over some things some time, but its natural. cos our parent fuss over us too rt? haha... guess it was fun living with parent in law, even a simple toilet paper we do not need to worry.
now i have a hse of my own, i had to worried abt toilet paper too! when my mum in law come visitin, she sure bring lots of veg, meat , tonic, fruits for us.which i think can last both of us a few mth. as we do not cook at wk day. only week end. sigh... sometime living in a big hse (mine is 5 room) with me and my husband is quite boring too...too quiet... =P
I dont mind my parent in law live with us...next time our kid got some 1 to take care of. and my kid will accompany them... =)
I will have no worries tat a hse dont have any 1 (ren Qi) my child will travel to and fro his grandparent hse every day, very tired (my IL voluteer lookin after him.) As i agree 1 sentence, Jia You yi Lao, Ru You Yi Bao... =)
Hi ladies dont u agree? (^.^)
Oh my god!! Reading ur post makes me think of such things only happend in the Tv show!!! Is this singapore?? =(
It really bad u have such bad evil sister in law!! Oh my god! if u never said, guess all of us only knows that such things only happended in shows!!!
Guess u had to be patient to live with such family... Poor Yafang.. =_(
Pls take care of urself... Dont be too angry abt such things. when a boat reach the bridge, roads will turn straight... all the best to u! hope u go through this fast...
Me cant stand my MIL tooo...she's damm naggy, everytime i go home, she wld want to nag nag nag.
It's good that she cook and wash our clothes but sometimes i cant stand her nagging. and she likes to interfere my hb and my stuffs... from ROM to wedding and now our house, she also want to interfere!! i want to move out asap to get away from her but seems like she tagging us to our new home. she said that it's a tradition for PILs to stay over at her son's new home for a time-being...is there a logic on this? arghhh...im going crazy!!
I also cannot stand my mil...she is the most hypocrate person I have seen...she always cause strain and disturb my peaceful life...cannot reach my hubby at my house, and when got chance to speak to him, start complaining that no one pick up the phone....I wish she is out of my way.....
my fpil are nice people... though ffil seldom speak but he is quite okay! fmil also nice... she is the one who cooks, wash the clothes for us! although she will nag sometimes... but who doesn't nag? but she is quite open-minded so it's a pros and cons here...
I feel that i am stealing their son away from them! As h2b is the only son plus their daughter is getting married end of the year.. I am the one who initiates to have our own place! I don't mind them coming over for a short stay next time when the flat is ready! But definitely not long one as we need time for ourselves.. probably will fetch them over a few years later.. but it also depends if they want to come over anot? they also have their own flat but hope they can rent away their flat so it can earn them some income where they can use it for buying their own things if they really needs... I really don't encourage them to sells off the flat... then they will have no income....
I also can't stand my FSIL.. maybe she is just straight forward but i don't feels good when she is around! She is 1 yr older than me! sometimes simple thing like forget to off the heater she can make a fuss over it! sometime i just say okay i will remember it next time!
really hope this is just a short change over time for u! And u really can learn alot of things from here... Bear thru it!
For me, think my PIL will not pay for the GDL... It will be paid for by me and my SO....
Anyway, reading through this post, well, I would say that I have gone ahead with the documentation to get our own flat... because much earlier in the courtship, I told SO that I prefer my own flat when we marry....
But, we have reserved a room for my PIL and my own parents each....We are expecting them to move in with us if they want....
Seriously, my SO is not the only son, but because he is the eldest, I feel that it is a responsibility that if his parents want to stay with us, we will make space for them...
My own parents are also welcomed though I am the middle child with a elder sister and younger brother.....
No reason why my parents can move in and his parents cannot right?
Yafang: hmmm... i do understand the resentment, anger etc towards ur SIL... but i think no point throwing the tea back in her face and spoil the whole mood lor... getting married is a joyous occassion for both of u... =) later relatives see also may spoil mood for them mah... maybe juz spill her bad deeds n then finally drink the tea or dun drink... but dun need to the extent splash on her lah...
but that's my opinion tho... cos i think if i'm at that kind of scene, i'll oso feel kind of upset n spoil mood sia... then rest of the day no mood... *shrugs*
i dun think she deserves such 'kuan rong' from u n FH... but i rather find some other way to humiliate her, spill her dirty deeds etc... than spoil ur own happy joyous mood at the tea ceremony...
Yafang, if I am you, guess what I would do is to tell your sister-in-law that she is not invited to the wedding.... If there is anybody asking, just say that she didn't want to come... I do not even want the presence of such a person to ruin my own wedding celebration....
If not, I guess I would spill her evil deeds much earlier to the relatives, like, duing the GDL if it is a major event in your family.. then during the dinner, be gracious and accept her tea....
Jgal, for me and my SO, we are christains and so his parents will not think of moving their gods over... This is quite clear because my SO told them before that he do not believe in all those....
As for my parents, they are christain too... but my rule is that listen to gospels and testimonies in the room as my PILs may not be comfortable listening to it.... Which means, whatever that they want to listen, go to their room to listen.... thats all... I already told SO that... and he agreed...
im staying with my mother, father, 2 sis and a dog in law..
although my mother in law very nice person, never complain (but lazy) ya their whole family lazy.. i dont mind to help them to clean up.. as i love doing housework.. i love to cook too.. my mother in law never complain or scold me for what i do in kitchen.. even bake or cook..! i think im lucky..after she come back from work.. she just sleep and sleep and sleep or watch TV.. but...
different with my 2 sis in law.. 1 is 30 years old, not married and lesbian, the took a bigger room which is supposed belong to me and my hubby.. lazy to clean up, even i cook, they lazy to wash their plate.. very good at *suan* when u talk to her..
2nd sis is 27 years old.. keep changing BF and bring different guy come to our house like hotel! and her dog* ok i love god.. but her dog is very naughty keep barking barking and barking.. !!
ok they are nice too SOMETIMES...but
i really hope both of them will get married soon.. but seems like its difficult huh???
pray for me..
after reading what you gals have mention above..
I begin to feel very worry. I am btb next yr march and after wedding I have to move in to live with My HTB Family... I dun like the feeling of Ji ren li xia feeling ...but I have can't do anything as He is the the only son in the family.. I haven't move in already feel the pressure on me .. everyday I was wondering how am I going to cope with it.. there is so many peoples living in the house .. definately will have conflict ... I really really in a dilema ...