Mixed Race Unions Querry (Malay/Chinese)


New Member
Hey guys!

I too am getting married to the lady of my life, who is a malay muslim. I'm a chinese guy by the way. Conversion is already sorta in process.

I have several questions to ask... But i guess one can answer little on such short notice. I'm concerned of the chinese cultures that have to be altered.

Below are few points i'm stuck with:
1) Incense burning to my elders
2) The whole chinese wedding ceremony get up
3) Bringing in my Confucian, Yin-Yang or Feng-Shui trinkets into my new home

Thanks in advanced for the advices that will be given.


New Member
Hi Keny, I'm not familiar with the muslim custom, but I think once you convert you are consider a muslim. Therefore you are not allow to follow any of the chinese customs as what you mentioned above.


New Member
Ok... any other takers on this issue?
I mean, those who are actually converts themselves?
The experts? Seniors?


New Member
Hi Keny K,

Congrats! Welcome to the converts group.

I am a chinese who is getting married to a muslim in Jan 08. Like you, I have tonnes of questions of which customs can do, and which cannot.

Here is my 2 cents worth:
1) Offering incense to ancestors: islam forbids worshipping idols, but ancestors are not considered idols. but i will caution against offering incense. i will kowtow but not hold incense as the act itself is like "worship".

2) chinese wedding getup: i reckon u r referring to the chinese wedding customs? for myself, we do observe certain customs, meaning those that dont have any religious meaning, like ti-qing, guo da li, tea ceromony. for guo da li, my HTB will give me dowry (also practised by muslims, thou not compulsory), 4 dian jing, other gifts such as cakes, softdrinks (supposed to be alcohol, but his family not comfortable, so my parents say its ok to replace it with softdrinks). of course, no pork lar. if u realise, the chinese guo da li is abit similar with the exchange of gifts by muslim, so we decided to do away with the latter. our nikah will be done at the mosque, followed by the sanding. we will have the traditional chinese dinner on another day. on the day itself, we will have the usual procedures, like fetch the bride, tea ceromony etc. I think it is best u checked with ur WTB, what she is comfortable with. For myself, my HTB says he is ok with kneeling down & serve tea to the elders as it is an act of respect so no issue.

3)confucian, yin-yang etc: confucian is more like a philosophy study, right? if so, then i dont think its an issue. but for yin yang & fengshui, muslims do not believe in these so u have to be careful, especially if her parents are the pious types.

oh btw, when u say conversion is sorta in progress. what do u mean?


New Member
Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and also a Chinese convert myself, conversion process all done, now starting to stress over the nikah itself. We're not doing besanding, just nikah, doa selamat, and reception. Too many stress points:
1) HTB and I both want either an unusual venue, or a "homey" one (e.g. void deck)
2) Our HDB is not available (under renov)
3) Future MIL does not want to do it in her house (too much trouble) nor her void deck (too hot)
4) Future MIL wants to have nikah done in a mosque (HTB doesn't want to)
5) Nikah and Doa Selamat will see about 200 people, Future MIL's friend has offered to cook(yay) but she can't handle the tables/utensils/chairs (oh no)
6) Many old folks and conservative muslim relatives coming, so nikah location and reception location must be very close to each other, or one and the same.
7) Nikah starts at 11 am and whole event will prob finish around 3pm.

Firstly, any one care to comment if it's possible to hv the Nikah and the Doa Selamat under the same function area (e.g. a large pavillion) - I was told that the bride had to be kept in a separate room but I've seen pictures of other weddings where the bride just sits in a separate corner and she can still see everything.

Any suggestions as to an unusual venue that isn't going to blow our budget? (trying to stay below $1000, which we thought were ok given that we are not paying for food, but it seems maybe not?!) We want some place either very unusual or natural (we're both nature lovers) or homey. Just no hotels, or banquet rooms, etc.

I have looked at:
- Istana Park
- GardenAsia (very nice, but ex!!)
- Changi chalets/bungalows (haven't stayed there before, any suggestions?)

Also any recommendation as to a wedding planner who can take care of decor, tables/chairs, make-up, favors, but not food?

Any ideas will help! I'm on my own here.. my family live overseas (not muslim either) and I'm reluctant to ask my MIL too much because her style ain't our style..



New Member
Oh, my parents and close family members will be attending but we are having a seperate tea ceremony + reception later in the year for the Chinese side of the family.


New Member
Hi Patsian, wow.. u have alot of things to get together. You really need help to get it done!

I'm planning my wedding at Gardenasia and I'm surprise you say its expensive. Did you get the latest promotion they are having? Its not from the venue but from this wedding company. Its a joint promotion and one of the package gives a complimentary wedding planner. I'm sure this will save you lots of money. Let me know if you want the promotion package, I can email to you.


New Member
Hi I'm a malay muslim. Observed tons of marriages. Here are my tips. Hope it's useful.

1. Unusual venue would be superb. Since it'a a once in a lifetime thingy. All the makciks will be in aww. I think the malays in Spore would want a different concept. Void decks are predictable. Thus, same old same old bore.

3. Good thing it's not at her house. Then she won;t have that much control

4. Nikah in mosque is the perfect place. A masjid according to the Muslims is an "istana syurga" aka heaven's palace. The ambience is one of a kind and trust me you'll feel so blessed under the eyes of God in a place so well respected yet very humble.

5. Nikah and doa selamat 200 ppl is a lot! Hmm I tought it's only done within close family members which at most is abt 30-50 ppl?

6. Haiya they don't have to be near each other. Just hire a bus for em to the reception. And you can fit in your hadrah aka kompang (hand drum)people.

It is possible to have nikah and doa selamat under the same function area. I realise tt when the HTB goes to the WTB's house for nikah, the WTB will usually be in the room. When the whole event is about to start, the tok kadi will ask the WTB to witness the event from a corner.


New Member

I am doing my nikah in a mosque and besanding at HTB's void deck (typical!
). 2 days later, I will be having the chinese dinner. Initially, we thot of having ALL relatives at one single venue, so that we only need to have one wedding. But after calculating the costs, considering the tastebuds etc, we realise it isnt feasible. So back to the traditional sanding and dinner. But I guess, it is something new to either of us - me the sanding and him the AD. Anyway, I guess, ultimately, what is most important is the family and couple enjoy themselves.

5 more months to the big day. And was listing down the things that we have to do.Almost fell off the chair coz there are so much to do!! And the budget!! Really must watch the pursestrings!!


New Member
Hi Kamariah: Thanks for your tips! Very useful indeed. I agree with you regarding holding it in a masjid - but as I'm learning, the wedding is not about us at all!

I think if $ was not a constraint:
1st choice: black/white bungalow, nikah/doa/reception all in one place
2nd choice: Gardensasia - but it's so far away!! (Thanks Piglet but I think we're not using Gardensasia in the end. It's affordable if u take a pkg, but not so if u just want the venue).
3rd choice: Istana Park, too bad not available.

Never mind now, am glad to report that HTB has finally given in to nikah in the mosque! On ONE CONDITION.. we both want it to be a truly intercultural ceremony, so my family and relatives should all be present at the Nikah/Doa and we are now planning on having the Chinese tea ceremony immediately following the Nikah/Doa. My family is supportive of that so family politics no longer an issue! Yay!

Question on logistics:
1. Family+Relatives about 100+ people, the rest are family friends colleagues etc. 200 ppl is a conservative estimate - could be even more. Shortlist currently includes Masjid Assyakin (Taman Jurong) and Masjid Alkaff (Bedok Reservoir Rd). Anyone has comment on the venue? Any other masjid to recommend that would be interesting and different?

2. Does anyone know if it's ok/appropriate to hold a Chinese Tea Ceremony outside the mosque itself, but still within the masjid grounds, in the multi-purpose area? That's where we will be holding the reception so thought maybe tea ceremony can be there too.

3. Any one has recommendations for the following:
- Tailor for sewing and embroidering my kebarung style gown (I'm still hunting for fabric!) in time for Oct 28 wedding! Clock ticking...

We'll have a friends and colleagues only event in December. That one, I'll worry about later.

Janet - I got less than 3 months, 1 month out for Ramadan.. so let's see who goes insane first! Kidding. Good luck, i think we just hv to live with the fact that not everything will go as planned.
have a good wknd, all!


New Member
Oh, questions for Kamariah, hope you'll be kind enough to help answer:

My close friends want to do the whole "storm the gates to pick up the bride" thing, but we were wondering if it's not appropriate for the groom to pick up the bride to go to the Masjid, then go to separate rooms before the Nikah starts? So long as the Muslim old folks dont come along in the morning it should be ok, right? Cos HTB's friends want to be in the Kompang troupe, and my mother thinks it's more appropriate that someone comes to pick me up since we're not holding the nikah in the WTB house.



New Member
Hi Tyger, how come you are not taking the package? Have you spoken to the planners to discuss your options?

I noticed the joint promotion is better value.


New Member
Hi Piglet - unfortunately my hands are tied there - MIL's side wants to cater the food so I can't take pkgs. If your planner has a good package without food, grateful if you could pass it along - I'll explore it. Thanks for your help!


New Member
Hi Tyger,

My colleague recommended me a seamtress at tanjong katong complex, think its on 2nd floor, called ivy's boutique. but i think u have to move fast coz now they will be bz with making bajus for hari raya, and i think ur AD quite close to hari raya right. good luck, babe!


New Member
hihi! Me a malay muslim married to a chinese muslim hubby =)

Well, not dat both of us are converts but we, esp me, are very into the chinese cultures.. ;p

It has become a trend for muslims to be married (nikah) in mosques nowadays. One thing dat needs to be cautioned. A mosque is truly a place of worship. Guys and girls who are not related by blood or marriage are not supposed to mingle in the prayer area and therefore need to maintain distance. Every lady in the mosque must be in proper attire (headveils and all) and those who are having menses shd stay away if the nikah is held in the prayer hall. This is also to avoid any gossips ("fitnah") in future becos of improper behaviour within a mosque.

Actually, if u wan somethg within budget, u can consider holding the event on the same day ie. nikah in the morning followed by sanding in the afternoon and stretches to nite. Can do it in CCs as well.. me and hubby had a combined wedding in a CC and our guests were ard 700-800 people.. u can be nikah-ed at the CC itself in the morning wif close relatives followed by tea ceremony, and then wedding lunch wif frens and others..I find nothing wrong wif tea ceremony cos it's a matter of respecting the elders.. too bad my chinese FIL didn't insist dat we had one to serve his chinese siblings ;p

For "storming the bride" event, there may be an issue, depending..the groom must take ablution (cleanse himself to prepare for prayers) before the nikah and will break his ablution after the nikah when he kisses his wife and his wife kisses his hand.. the guy can take his ablution anytime, but nowadays brides oso prefer to take ablution so dat the ablution can be broken when she touches her hubby afta officially and religiously be known as his wife...so if afta make up, then the groom comes and touches his wife before nikah, there is no way the bride can take ablution again for the nikah event.. but of cos, for the bride it really depends whether she wants to maintain the ablution lah.. or if "lucky" she has her menses, she can't take ablution at all ;p


New Member
hi all. i'm a malay muslim guy who is interested in inter-racial relationship. i've been with 2 chinese girls before.

i am seeking for help and, advice or even guidance in these kinds of relationship. can i like share with you guys the situation i am in?


New Member
Hi, Mf bf and I are planning to get married..And we r planning to go through civil marriage..
However, a whole lots of problems are surfacing..

He's an Indian Muslim and I'm a Chinese Free Thinker..

Does anyone know if it's possible to marry a Muslim in Singapore w/o converting?

Or if there's any other alternative as I can't convert.
I heard that it's possible to go thru' the muslim ceremony in Malaysia/Indonesia but must convertion be done for this as well?

For Abdul Rahman,
please ensure that your parnter is willing to convert before going further into the relationship. Juz a 20cents advice from me!



New Member
Hi Eniamrahc,

I'm getting married soon too. And I have the same issue as you except that we are the reverse he is the chinese.

We are getting married next year Jan and we are going to have a civil marriage... He is not converting.. I have gotten the support and understanding of my parents but not broke the news to my relatives yet. We can talk more if want you can always add me to MSN [email protected] to talk more...


New Member
Hi Charmaine, u can get civil marriage as long as one of u is non Muslim. But do remember that marriage is forever and it is a sin for Muslim to marry a non Muslim. When u get married u want to be blessed by ur parents. If u ve problems with ur parents, do be patient n ve a talk with them. FYI, my hubby is Chinese and he converted 6 mths aft knowing me, his parents rejected to his ex gf who is a Muslim. But after seeing how well he behaved n the changes in him after knowing me, they changed their mind. Miracle do happen if u ve faith... Till to date, he has never missed a prayer, in fact he is more pious than me. One thing for sure, I know he will not drink, gamble or go out with his old frens cos he is a changed man. A good husband n father.


New Member
Both my HTB and I want to have the akad nikah in a mosque and he wants to have a small reception right after that as well at the same place. Does anyone have any recommendation for a mosque that has a nice reception area with air-con? Guest list is about 300 or so for reception buffet style.


New Member
hi all,I just got the confirmed date for my akad nikah.It will happen on 23 July 2010 inshaAllah. Any idea how to book Sultan Mosque for the nikah?


New Member
Hi all,

I am a chinese lady.

I am gonna married a punjabi man next year and wondering if anyone can share their experiences with me?
I am worried about arranging the mandatory ceremonies that we have to go through.
For my end i would defintiely like to have the gate crash and tea ceremony.

Appreciate if someone can give me your 2cents.