Mils bullying Dils with words!!!
- Thread starter galileo_girl
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wat_are_dreamz
New Member
SM: Oh, so RSM is v v big in the army? Non-commissioned means dun wear uniform?
Doll: I usually head to my bf's place every wkend, either sat or sun. Our comfort level is to have a private meal tgr at least once a wk n to have a meal w his family once a wk. Gd to spend time bonding w the family. I dun feel obligated to help his mum cook. Its more out of sincerity, just help her in the kitchen while my bf is studying or chatting w his brothers. I feel tat its natural to keep his mum company n can pick up new recipes. Hee. I do help my mum to cook at home as well, tats how i learnt to cook. She has 3 sons, all only know how to cook rice n instant noodle. I do teach my bf simple dishes but they will probably be more trouble than help in the kitchen w their mum. =>
May: Cool down, there's no need for such strong words. We are all giving advice to TS based on our tots, our life experiences n our sincerity. Hope there can be some +ve reflection somehow by TS. Otherwise, all her ranting here will just be pointless.
Watching: Wah lau a.... cheem sia, even though I understand. In which era, do pple write likdat?
Doll: I usually head to my bf's place every wkend, either sat or sun. Our comfort level is to have a private meal tgr at least once a wk n to have a meal w his family once a wk. Gd to spend time bonding w the family. I dun feel obligated to help his mum cook. Its more out of sincerity, just help her in the kitchen while my bf is studying or chatting w his brothers. I feel tat its natural to keep his mum company n can pick up new recipes. Hee. I do help my mum to cook at home as well, tats how i learnt to cook. She has 3 sons, all only know how to cook rice n instant noodle. I do teach my bf simple dishes but they will probably be more trouble than help in the kitchen w their mum. =>
May: Cool down, there's no need for such strong words. We are all giving advice to TS based on our tots, our life experiences n our sincerity. Hope there can be some +ve reflection somehow by TS. Otherwise, all her ranting here will just be pointless.
Watching: Wah lau a.... cheem sia, even though I understand. In which era, do pple write likdat?
miloice
Well-Known Member
evon, basically, in the military, there are the specialists and officers. RSM is the highest ranking non commission officer in the camp as explained by SM. He moved the ranks as a specialist to a warrant officer instead of going direct to Officer Cadet school to be trained as officers fresh from BMT. Officers are normally selected based on a min education of diploma and nominated by their Platoon commander during the basic Military training. Many combat fit scholars are selected from OCS and identified as potential sword bearers from the very start. There is a long history of rivary and conflict of interest between Officers and specialists. Speaking from corporate context, one could see it executives and non executives.
Most men have experienced or witness some drilling session by the RSM. Also, every ICT, those that hasn't gotten a good haircut will worry about RSM pulling them to the barber. RSM does that even to officers.
Most men have experienced or witness some drilling session by the RSM. Also, every ICT, those that hasn't gotten a good haircut will worry about RSM pulling them to the barber. RSM does that even to officers.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Evon, I am not as meek as you. When I go to people's house I am guest. When I go to any of my bf's family's home I don't make myself cosy staying inside their bedroom and I don't stay overnight. I also don't believe that women have to bond over cooking. How much time do we really spend in the kitchen these days? Kinda fake to me.
Evon,
No. It has nothing to do with uniform. In fact RSM would be smart in their uniform and they would look for soldiers who wear their uniforms sloppily.
To cut it short, RSM is just the highest ranking non-commissioned officer. A commissioned officer is the only path to the highest level of power in the military.. starting with the lowest ranking of 2nd Lieutenant (which is already higher ranking than all non-commissioned officer) up to a General. If you want to be a General in the future, you have to start as a 2nd Lieutenant.
In recent years, some warrant officers such as RSM are being promoted to officers on the basis of their long-term service - normally they would be promoted to Lieutanant and then to Captain. Yes, they may be promoted and possibly increase in pay, they may lose out in terms of "prestige" and "respect". There are far more Captains in the SAF than there are RSMs.
Traditionally RSM of a camp has other perks like they can use SAF transport to send them home - not sure if this is still the practice.
No. It has nothing to do with uniform. In fact RSM would be smart in their uniform and they would look for soldiers who wear their uniforms sloppily.
To cut it short, RSM is just the highest ranking non-commissioned officer. A commissioned officer is the only path to the highest level of power in the military.. starting with the lowest ranking of 2nd Lieutenant (which is already higher ranking than all non-commissioned officer) up to a General. If you want to be a General in the future, you have to start as a 2nd Lieutenant.
In recent years, some warrant officers such as RSM are being promoted to officers on the basis of their long-term service - normally they would be promoted to Lieutanant and then to Captain. Yes, they may be promoted and possibly increase in pay, they may lose out in terms of "prestige" and "respect". There are far more Captains in the SAF than there are RSMs.
Traditionally RSM of a camp has other perks like they can use SAF transport to send them home - not sure if this is still the practice.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Doll, this bonding by cooking thing I guess depends on the context. If Evon is trying to bond with her partner's mother which is a housewife, helping in the kitchen is a strategic move.
Personally, I did that too. Helping MIL in the kitchen and with the washing to get in her good books. Fake or not depends if the individual attitude frankly. If you are doing it unwillingly, then its fake. But, if you don't mind the effort and using it as a good bonding experience, it is sincere. Nothing fake.
Personally, I did that too. Helping MIL in the kitchen and with the washing to get in her good books. Fake or not depends if the individual attitude frankly. If you are doing it unwillingly, then its fake. But, if you don't mind the effort and using it as a good bonding experience, it is sincere. Nothing fake.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Is going into the kitchen a natural thing for women these days? No mah. Why pretend to be comfortable in other people's kitchen.
Anyway, in the first place, why as a guest when you go to people's house you wanna make yourself comfortable in their kitchen??? Makes sense meh?
We should be considerate guest and not spend too much time in people's home till we feel we have to do something for them. That is how I feel.
Anyway, in the first place, why as a guest when you go to people's house you wanna make yourself comfortable in their kitchen??? Makes sense meh?
We should be considerate guest and not spend too much time in people's home till we feel we have to do something for them. That is how I feel.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Doll, i guess it depends if your intention is to remain a guest with the family. The intention bonding is to ice break. We engage in the family activities. Instead of thinking if we are too modern or it.
It doesn't matter if you don't cook normally, its about involving and participating in their activities. How to bond if you just choose to engage in things you normally do. Do you expect his family to take the initiative to bond with you and you just happily be a guest? I don't understand your rationale here.
It doesn't matter if you don't cook normally, its about involving and participating in their activities. How to bond if you just choose to engage in things you normally do. Do you expect his family to take the initiative to bond with you and you just happily be a guest? I don't understand your rationale here.
"Is going into the kitchen a natural thing for women these days?"
Not for all - one way or another. If you are not comfortable it does not mean other people are not comfortable...
Evon is not a stranger or a 1st time visitor to her bf's house.. Every weekend she is there.. so it would be natural (if she has a inclination in this area) for her to help out in the kitchen (provided the bf's mother is ok with it)
I see nothing wrong. I can understand that you can feel perfectly comfortable sitting on the sofa and watching TV but it does not make other people wanting to go to the kitchen to help out fake.. and you are real? A little too much for me to accept.
Not for all - one way or another. If you are not comfortable it does not mean other people are not comfortable...
Evon is not a stranger or a 1st time visitor to her bf's house.. Every weekend she is there.. so it would be natural (if she has a inclination in this area) for her to help out in the kitchen (provided the bf's mother is ok with it)
I see nothing wrong. I can understand that you can feel perfectly comfortable sitting on the sofa and watching TV but it does not make other people wanting to go to the kitchen to help out fake.. and you are real? A little too much for me to accept.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
I just don't believe in trying too hard to bond with people no matter who they are. If there is no chemistry, why not just remain cordial?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
SM, I never said Evon should follow in my footsteps. Whether or not kitchen bonding is effective only she knows, right? If I could win over people without kitchen bonding, why not.
I am just presenting another point of view, that it is not necessary to bond with people to make them happy and get yourself be accepted.
I am just presenting another point of view, that it is not necessary to bond with people to make them happy and get yourself be accepted.
wat_are_dreamz
New Member
Milo & SM: Thanks for the explanation. Sounds quite cool n powerful to be a RSM. I only rem my bf mentioning to me b4 tat in army, the most powerful is a 3star general. He said usually its the chief of army. So long as my bf allows me to be the chief at home, i dun care abt the army. Hee.
Doll: I dun know. To me, i'm comfortable w my bf's family. He is v close to his family n doesnt have many frens. I believe tat its impt to support n protect his close ties w his family, thus from day 1, i made the effort to know his family better, be sincere n real towards them. They are going to be my family soon too n i'm glad for the comfort level i have w them. Since at home i help my mum cook, its v natural for me to help my bf's mum cook when i'm at his place. When i go to my aunt's house, i also itchy hand help w the cooking, can chat n gossip at the same time n steal the food to eat 1st. Hee. (U shd try it, eating food from the wok is much tastier than eating from the bowl. Serious.)
As in, i'm dun help my bf's mum cook w any motive. Its truly genuine to help her n i wash the dishes after the meal. Since his mum has nva had a daughter, its nice for her to have some1 to chat w her, talk abt cooking, clothes, bags etc. I've nva really seen myself as a guest in their house. More like slowly adapting to be part of the family. My actions dun discomfort them, so its fine by me. Like when i'm sick n if i happen to be at my bf's place, his dad will make fruit juice for me. Mutual care n concern loh. His mum tends to buy more food to cook when i go over. Sometimes she specially cooks crab or chix nuggets for me n she makes sure tat my fried egg is fully cooked, unlike the rest. I'm hapi w my r/ship w his family. =>
Doll: I dun know. To me, i'm comfortable w my bf's family. He is v close to his family n doesnt have many frens. I believe tat its impt to support n protect his close ties w his family, thus from day 1, i made the effort to know his family better, be sincere n real towards them. They are going to be my family soon too n i'm glad for the comfort level i have w them. Since at home i help my mum cook, its v natural for me to help my bf's mum cook when i'm at his place. When i go to my aunt's house, i also itchy hand help w the cooking, can chat n gossip at the same time n steal the food to eat 1st. Hee. (U shd try it, eating food from the wok is much tastier than eating from the bowl. Serious.)
As in, i'm dun help my bf's mum cook w any motive. Its truly genuine to help her n i wash the dishes after the meal. Since his mum has nva had a daughter, its nice for her to have some1 to chat w her, talk abt cooking, clothes, bags etc. I've nva really seen myself as a guest in their house. More like slowly adapting to be part of the family. My actions dun discomfort them, so its fine by me. Like when i'm sick n if i happen to be at my bf's place, his dad will make fruit juice for me. Mutual care n concern loh. His mum tends to buy more food to cook when i go over. Sometimes she specially cooks crab or chix nuggets for me n she makes sure tat my fried egg is fully cooked, unlike the rest. I'm hapi w my r/ship w his family. =>
sgbabydoll
Active Member
SM, why can't you accept another point of view??? I can bond with a lot of people naturally without setting foot in their kitchen.
it really depends on the relationship with that person that brought you to his house. If its just bf-gf rs, I don't think its a norm or appropriate to join his mother in the kitchen, we are just a guest afterall, its really weird. May be doll is such cases. However, if you already planning or planed to marry tht guy, you are considered part of the family, then helping out in the kitchen is natural and may be sometime expected..can't expect the MILTB to do everything ma. May be evon is such cases.
I went to my bf's house, they have maids to cook and his mother just supervise. I only asked whether she need any help on my third visit but she said no and tell me to sit down to chit chat with her or the family. Anyway they have 2 maids and their kitchen is quite huge...I will be more of an obstruction then help...I mean you can do other stuffs with your MIL to bond...like his mother...she also like travelling and we have a lot to chat and laugh about viewing their travel photo or video..
I went to my bf's house, they have maids to cook and his mother just supervise. I only asked whether she need any help on my third visit but she said no and tell me to sit down to chit chat with her or the family. Anyway they have 2 maids and their kitchen is quite huge...I will be more of an obstruction then help...I mean you can do other stuffs with your MIL to bond...like his mother...she also like travelling and we have a lot to chat and laugh about viewing their travel photo or video..
sgbabydoll
Active Member
I could bond with my ex-MIL without even eating what she's cooked because they were not to my taste. When she asked me to do something that I wasn't comfortable with, I could say no without offending her. I brought her out, bought things she needed and listened to her. When I was divorcing my ex-husband, she rang me and asked why nicely. She did not make a scene.
No need go kitchen at all lor.
No need go kitchen at all lor.
Of course we can bond with people without stepping into the kitchen.. if not how you suppose the guys do the bonding?
On the other hand, it does not mean bonding in the kitchen is fake...
I can accept that you are perfectly able to bond with people anywhere, why can't you accept that it is legitimate to bond in the kitchen? And not fake?
On the other hand, it does not mean bonding in the kitchen is fake...
I can accept that you are perfectly able to bond with people anywhere, why can't you accept that it is legitimate to bond in the kitchen? And not fake?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
I find that it is fake for me. If it is not fake for other people so be it.
We are talking about women bonding here, SM, and it need not be done in the kitchen.
Since Evon has shared about kitchen bonding, I am sharing that bonding can be done outside the kitchen and anywhere, not only with the mother but anyone. With my ex-in-laws, I was able to talk with anyone comfortably, including extended families like the aunties, uncles, cousins, nephews and nieces.
We are talking about women bonding here, SM, and it need not be done in the kitchen.
Since Evon has shared about kitchen bonding, I am sharing that bonding can be done outside the kitchen and anywhere, not only with the mother but anyone. With my ex-in-laws, I was able to talk with anyone comfortably, including extended families like the aunties, uncles, cousins, nephews and nieces.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
There is no fixed method or place. Play by the ear.
wat_are_dreamz
New Member
Doll: Yup, i agree tat its not necc to try too hard to bond w pple, esp if it makes u tired. But if its within ur comfort level, of course u can always reach out to lend a hand to others n build a strong bond while doing so. It takes 2 hands to clap. U must be sincere n comfortable in ur actions, while the other person shd be appreciative in order for the bond to grow. Some element of patience n gentle caution to ensure the other person's comfort level as well. If really cannot bond, then i guess a cordial simple polite r/ship is comfortable.
We all have our different comfort levels n interests. Maybe some gals can bond better w FIL cos talk abt cars or soccer. Other gals bond w MIL by watching tv drama or go out shopping tgr. For me, i'm comfortable w a simple life n helping out at my bf's place since its considered half my home as well.
His family is comfortable w me having a set of the house keys, which was handed to me by his mum. I have been alone in his place w the dog b4. 3yrs alr, its like family. If guest, no1 will let u be in the house alone n every1 will be v polite to u but not the real warmth of a family. Depends on wat u want i guess. I do have gfs who go to the guy's house maybe once a mth, sit in living room watch tv or go into the guy's room to chat n maybe have a meal tgr. Cordial r/ship. But one day if get married, maybe the in-laws will be less helpful cos not close mah.
We all have our different comfort levels n interests. Maybe some gals can bond better w FIL cos talk abt cars or soccer. Other gals bond w MIL by watching tv drama or go out shopping tgr. For me, i'm comfortable w a simple life n helping out at my bf's place since its considered half my home as well.
His family is comfortable w me having a set of the house keys, which was handed to me by his mum. I have been alone in his place w the dog b4. 3yrs alr, its like family. If guest, no1 will let u be in the house alone n every1 will be v polite to u but not the real warmth of a family. Depends on wat u want i guess. I do have gfs who go to the guy's house maybe once a mth, sit in living room watch tv or go into the guy's room to chat n maybe have a meal tgr. Cordial r/ship. But one day if get married, maybe the in-laws will be less helpful cos not close mah.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Evon, I look at the whole thing very differently from you. You see it as being accepted into the family being entrusted with the house keys and left alone in the house with the dog, but I don't if I were in the same situation. I don't house sit for people and won't accept liability of people's house.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Of course, what if mishaps happen while they are not home???
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Milo, you have to be proactive. You can't just wait for things to happen then you react. At that point you would feel helpless and victimised.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
If it happens, it happens? When you have the ability to prevent something unpleasant, what is wrong for being proactive?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Guarding? I don't wish to do something I don't like is called guarding meh? I don't have so much free time to house sit or keep spare keys for people lah.
I don't believe that I have to be agreeable at all times to be likeable.
I don't believe that I have to be agreeable at all times to be likeable.
miloice
Well-Known Member
i cannot see your context, so for sure hard to completely see your pov and need for it. But, it would be too much guarding when you restrict yourself in fear of events beyond our control. All the what ifs can explode into unlimited permutations.
Its not about being likeable lah. Its always being comfortable and ourselves. Be it, to hold the housekeys or not. As long as one is sincere, there would be no fakeness.
Its not about being likeable lah. Its always being comfortable and ourselves. Be it, to hold the housekeys or not. As long as one is sincere, there would be no fakeness.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
You cannot see my context doesn't mean it doesn't make sense. It makes a lot of sense to me.
Let me repeat, Milo, I am not restricting myself. I don't like those things and I don't force myself to do it just because people shove the housekeys into my hands. I can still reject it nicely. As for house sitting, I am not free and I will tell them so. Checking on the house for you once daily because you travel overseas is ok for me, but not to guard the house until you come home from your holiday.
Let me repeat, Milo, I am not restricting myself. I don't like those things and I don't force myself to do it just because people shove the housekeys into my hands. I can still reject it nicely. As for house sitting, I am not free and I will tell them so. Checking on the house for you once daily because you travel overseas is ok for me, but not to guard the house until you come home from your holiday.
miloice
Well-Known Member
doll, i didn't say it doesn't make sense lah
The line isn't that clear but as long as we don't overdo things and over worry, then its okie. But, going to the extend to fear this and that when there isn't a need to would be too much on the other extreme. I'm unable to know if you belong that extreme.
You make that call. Being honest with ourselves and our intentions. Restriction or not, depends largely on you as well.
The line isn't that clear but as long as we don't overdo things and over worry, then its okie. But, going to the extend to fear this and that when there isn't a need to would be too much on the other extreme. I'm unable to know if you belong that extreme.
You make that call. Being honest with ourselves and our intentions. Restriction or not, depends largely on you as well.
wat_are_dreamz
New Member
Kent & Lois Lane: Stop ur silly meaness la. I think u are a guy. So means u have a mother too or aunties or sisters. They will be MILs someday, its not monster-in-law.
Doll: I dun quite follow u now. In some way, u sound a little too tensed up n princessy. Its like how u dun seem to offer any compromise or consideration for other's kind gesture. If some1 were to pass u their house keys, it rightfully shows tat they trust u. Not tat they are making use of u. To decline the keys wld be unappreciative of their trust n kind gesture. Though u may decline them nicely, but there will be some degree of disappointment to them. But since u believe in the theory of ur comfort level over others, then i can understand tat u find it hard to compromise, so u just try to gently decline them.
Being at their house alone doesnt mean tat i'm guarding the house. Haha. I can take a nap or watch tv cos i tired, dun wana go out but the family wanted to go to gain city to look at aircon. So they go, i stay there n relax. =>
I'm not sure but i feel tat one shd avoid being too strong in one's viewpt. Sometimes its gd to be abit softer or flexible n to consider other's preference/comfort.
"When you have the ability to prevent something unpleasant, what is wrong for being proactive?" - I think its v tiring to have tis kind of mentality. So long as u are not directly causing the thing tat is unpleasant, there is no need to be so wary n have to prevent it. Its kind of like saying tat smthg mite happen to the house n pple blame u, so dun be in the house. Then if smthg mite happen to ur marriage n pple blame u, so dun be in the marriage? V unhealthy to think too much at times.
To each their own. Its friday tml!!!!
Doll: I dun quite follow u now. In some way, u sound a little too tensed up n princessy. Its like how u dun seem to offer any compromise or consideration for other's kind gesture. If some1 were to pass u their house keys, it rightfully shows tat they trust u. Not tat they are making use of u. To decline the keys wld be unappreciative of their trust n kind gesture. Though u may decline them nicely, but there will be some degree of disappointment to them. But since u believe in the theory of ur comfort level over others, then i can understand tat u find it hard to compromise, so u just try to gently decline them.
Being at their house alone doesnt mean tat i'm guarding the house. Haha. I can take a nap or watch tv cos i tired, dun wana go out but the family wanted to go to gain city to look at aircon. So they go, i stay there n relax. =>
I'm not sure but i feel tat one shd avoid being too strong in one's viewpt. Sometimes its gd to be abit softer or flexible n to consider other's preference/comfort.
"When you have the ability to prevent something unpleasant, what is wrong for being proactive?" - I think its v tiring to have tis kind of mentality. So long as u are not directly causing the thing tat is unpleasant, there is no need to be so wary n have to prevent it. Its kind of like saying tat smthg mite happen to the house n pple blame u, so dun be in the house. Then if smthg mite happen to ur marriage n pple blame u, so dun be in the marriage? V unhealthy to think too much at times.
To each their own. Its friday tml!!!!
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Milo, as a DIL I wasn't there to reassure my MIL that I was able to take care of her son the same way she could. I had my ways, and I knew I was his wife not his mother. I didn't have to siam MIL or go out of my way to do things to please her. I feel it was more important that we respect each other than to like each other in the first place.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Evon, I don't quite agree with the princessy part. Maybe tensed... could be due to past experiences or personality. But princessy is suggesting more of being spoilt and demanding.
She is at most too sensitive. And too much sensitivity and proactiveness could be perceived as too worrisome in some situations.
She is at most too sensitive. And too much sensitivity and proactiveness could be perceived as too worrisome in some situations.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Doll, yah. I get your meaning. Just that not all MILs would understand that. Some elderly likes their children and DIL to assure them more in little ways such as those we describe.
Both the context and the individual plays a part in it. As long as its working well for your relationship with your bf parents, good for you.
Both the context and the individual plays a part in it. As long as its working well for your relationship with your bf parents, good for you.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Evon, princessy? Just because I don't step in other people's kitchen, don't take their housekeys and don't housesit for them?? Just because I know how to say no without feeling sorry or guilty???