Mils bullying Dils with words!!!
- Thread starter galileo_girl
- Start date
susanna_low
New Member
ya..no harm checking it out!~ can treat it as a investment too!
clipperjunk
New Member
seriously, once you buy the hdb flat for them, it's in their name, if they refuse to put up a will the property gets shared by the siblings...there are better investment tools...this is a case of not just bad parents-in-laws if it's true but also bad parents, as parents we would seek the best interest for out children, not make unreasonable demands...as a parent of daughters myself, i always remind them, seek education foremost, it gives you freedom, power and independence...studies over boys, career over marriage, and go into a relationship from a position of strength....will they do so, i can only hope...
galileo_girl
New Member
Kent and Lois Lane
Ya, I agree, Albee sounds like an elitist, it's buying flat, not tv.
Sm, I dont see why I have to shift out renting and let my pil have my matrimonial home, thats a big sacrifice, and if we shift out for few years, my pil will request my husband to let them have the master bedroom, and they will not give the room back to us when we shift back.
By the way, if staying with pil but house under my husband name, is it considered unfilial for us to occupy the master bedroom while giving pil common room? My mil keeps on insinuating to me about this issue, telling me her friend dil let her have the master bedroom. Mil sending signal to me we should let them have master bedroom.
Pil keep saying that they moving to my bil place soon,but it did not materialise yet. I dont quite comprehend them, they said they confirmed moving to my bil place, but still they kept cajoling my husband to buy them a flat, which I find unreasonable and greedy.
Ya, I agree, Albee sounds like an elitist, it's buying flat, not tv.
Sm, I dont see why I have to shift out renting and let my pil have my matrimonial home, thats a big sacrifice, and if we shift out for few years, my pil will request my husband to let them have the master bedroom, and they will not give the room back to us when we shift back.
By the way, if staying with pil but house under my husband name, is it considered unfilial for us to occupy the master bedroom while giving pil common room? My mil keeps on insinuating to me about this issue, telling me her friend dil let her have the master bedroom. Mil sending signal to me we should let them have master bedroom.
Pil keep saying that they moving to my bil place soon,but it did not materialise yet. I dont quite comprehend them, they said they confirmed moving to my bil place, but still they kept cajoling my husband to buy them a flat, which I find unreasonable and greedy.
galileo_girl
New Member
Clipperjunk,
Thats my main worry. I worried that pil will not put up a will. Pil told my husband that they can draw a will leaving the assets to him when they passed away, but I dont trust their words as after knowing them for years, they are very poor in handling family matters and often exacerbate the family conflicts, I have a feeling they may not leave the asset to my husband but to my other bil who is impoverished by certain circumstances, and pil will say my husband is financially stable, should leave the asset to the poorer brother.
Of course now they will make a pact with my husband, giving promises and assurance, but once the flat is under their name, they can alter will any time. They may even twist their words saying its an abode given to them and they are free to give anyone.
Thats my main worry. I worried that pil will not put up a will. Pil told my husband that they can draw a will leaving the assets to him when they passed away, but I dont trust their words as after knowing them for years, they are very poor in handling family matters and often exacerbate the family conflicts, I have a feeling they may not leave the asset to my husband but to my other bil who is impoverished by certain circumstances, and pil will say my husband is financially stable, should leave the asset to the poorer brother.
Of course now they will make a pact with my husband, giving promises and assurance, but once the flat is under their name, they can alter will any time. They may even twist their words saying its an abode given to them and they are free to give anyone.
galileo_girl
New Member
May Ong, you have proffer an excellent piece of advice,and i am already practising it for weeks.
May Ong wrote
have you met some people who remain calm no matter how panicky the situation is, who never lash out in anger when offended, who never complains in the face of difficult people and situations, who never badmouth other people? they are always at ease with themselves and IN CONTROL
As you mention about people who never lashed out at people when offended, I dont really agree as if someone deliberately offended you repeated times out of malice despite you tolerating them, I am sure one day you will be in high dungeon and berate that person.
Like my mil, she asked me go lunch with in law, then she will keep reiterate about filial piety and kept singing praises of her friends daughter in law to me, then sometimes I will refute her saying that a good mil will get a good dil, then we would continue insinuating to each other, defending each other stance, then a quarrel broke out. Then she would say I bully old folks. It happens too many times, the first few times, I thought she not tactful in words, I tried very hard convincing myself that I am sensitive, but everytime she would reiterate her point, as if to test my tolerance.
So i resolute not to go luncheon with her anymore, since she always come with an agenda.
Now I completely dont talk to her, because once we start talking, we become friendlier, then sometimes may engage in small chat, then the conflict come again. She doesnt like me and vice versa. Dont talk the best. Cold war is the ideal solution to rectify my pil conflict with me.
May Ong wrote
have you met some people who remain calm no matter how panicky the situation is, who never lash out in anger when offended, who never complains in the face of difficult people and situations, who never badmouth other people? they are always at ease with themselves and IN CONTROL
As you mention about people who never lashed out at people when offended, I dont really agree as if someone deliberately offended you repeated times out of malice despite you tolerating them, I am sure one day you will be in high dungeon and berate that person.
Like my mil, she asked me go lunch with in law, then she will keep reiterate about filial piety and kept singing praises of her friends daughter in law to me, then sometimes I will refute her saying that a good mil will get a good dil, then we would continue insinuating to each other, defending each other stance, then a quarrel broke out. Then she would say I bully old folks. It happens too many times, the first few times, I thought she not tactful in words, I tried very hard convincing myself that I am sensitive, but everytime she would reiterate her point, as if to test my tolerance.
So i resolute not to go luncheon with her anymore, since she always come with an agenda.
Now I completely dont talk to her, because once we start talking, we become friendlier, then sometimes may engage in small chat, then the conflict come again. She doesnt like me and vice versa. Dont talk the best. Cold war is the ideal solution to rectify my pil conflict with me.
susanna_low
New Member
Galileo, hopefully they wil shift over to ur bil place soon.
Galileo,
trust me, i aint perfect either. i struggle over the same things as you do, just that i try harder to improve.
i have been in similar situations as you.
i have the following tips:
(1) practise silence and non-response.
i think she tricked you into responding to her by luring you with momentary flashes of friendliness. once you let your guard down, she would find a way to insult you. this is a verbal trap.
have you tried silence? she would probably be taken aback by this, and then make a nasty remark about your silence. at this point, you could either (a) continue with more silence (b) state that you find what she said earlier as offensive and tell her that the next time she said it again, you will ignore her again.
you are not talking to her now. i think it is fine. just grow more and more natural at not talking to her, dont be self-conscious about it. the point when she becomes invisible to you, will be the point when you win the war.
(2) say "no" decisively.
you talk about how she bulldozes her way around to get what she wants.
such problems can be easily solved by saying "no".
you want key?
NO.
you want room?
NO.
she pushes you over because you have not stood up for yourself decisively. you gotta be tougher than how you are right now. what are you scared about? it is just a monosyllabic, 2-letter word. put all your willpower into saying this. be prepared for pandemonium, for all hell breaking loose when you say it. be ready that doors will be slammed and the table will be toppled over when you say no. but still, say it loud and proud - "NO". you will be excited at what this little word will reward you with.
trust me, i aint perfect either. i struggle over the same things as you do, just that i try harder to improve.
i have been in similar situations as you.
i have the following tips:
(1) practise silence and non-response.
i think she tricked you into responding to her by luring you with momentary flashes of friendliness. once you let your guard down, she would find a way to insult you. this is a verbal trap.
have you tried silence? she would probably be taken aback by this, and then make a nasty remark about your silence. at this point, you could either (a) continue with more silence (b) state that you find what she said earlier as offensive and tell her that the next time she said it again, you will ignore her again.
you are not talking to her now. i think it is fine. just grow more and more natural at not talking to her, dont be self-conscious about it. the point when she becomes invisible to you, will be the point when you win the war.
(2) say "no" decisively.
you talk about how she bulldozes her way around to get what she wants.
such problems can be easily solved by saying "no".
you want key?
NO.
you want room?
NO.
she pushes you over because you have not stood up for yourself decisively. you gotta be tougher than how you are right now. what are you scared about? it is just a monosyllabic, 2-letter word. put all your willpower into saying this. be prepared for pandemonium, for all hell breaking loose when you say it. be ready that doors will be slammed and the table will be toppled over when you say no. but still, say it loud and proud - "NO". you will be excited at what this little word will reward you with.
I find it quite rediculous, why should galileo move out since that is her house?
Galileo, I felt that your pil is deliberately doing all these to spike you so that you will give in and agree to buy a house for them. I felt that your pil is like hooligan trying to extort money from you. Sometime, you just have to firm and fierce with some people or they will 'eat' you up. How stable is your hubby financially? Is coming out with a few houndred thousand dollars is a non issue? If not, have you or hubby tell them frankly that you all cannot afford it?
Sometime we cannot just endure but must fight back to protect your rights. Obviously, they never think for you and your future, then why should you care about their feeling. You should tell them straight if you are unhappy and make sure they understand that you are the owner of the house and they are dependent on you to provide a shelter for them. Tell them to shutout or moveout. You should not maintain status quo or keep quiet but try to create disharmomy in the house to let your hubby know things are not right in the house, let him feel the pressure to act and make things right if he want to have a warm and happy home...if there is inaction then we need to push for or create action. Your husband is key...if he can't even handle his own parents and protect your interest and well being...then...sorry to me...he is a weakling and useless shit....what future or happiness can you expect from him in the long run...I would prefer short term pain then long term suffering in silence..
Galileo, I felt that your pil is deliberately doing all these to spike you so that you will give in and agree to buy a house for them. I felt that your pil is like hooligan trying to extort money from you. Sometime, you just have to firm and fierce with some people or they will 'eat' you up. How stable is your hubby financially? Is coming out with a few houndred thousand dollars is a non issue? If not, have you or hubby tell them frankly that you all cannot afford it?
Sometime we cannot just endure but must fight back to protect your rights. Obviously, they never think for you and your future, then why should you care about their feeling. You should tell them straight if you are unhappy and make sure they understand that you are the owner of the house and they are dependent on you to provide a shelter for them. Tell them to shutout or moveout. You should not maintain status quo or keep quiet but try to create disharmomy in the house to let your hubby know things are not right in the house, let him feel the pressure to act and make things right if he want to have a warm and happy home...if there is inaction then we need to push for or create action. Your husband is key...if he can't even handle his own parents and protect your interest and well being...then...sorry to me...he is a weakling and useless shit....what future or happiness can you expect from him in the long run...I would prefer short term pain then long term suffering in silence..
galileo_girl
New Member
It is my husband house.My pil have the propensity to exacerbate a family dispute, they did not groom my husband in any aspects when young, my husband had a bad childhood as pil engaged in fierce fights everyday, disrupting family peace, and they only provide the basic education and home for my husband, no luxury, hardly any delicacies, pil were both impoverished by their poor financial management.
My husband achievements are self earned, he worked for it himself with many years of hard work. Pil have high expectations of what my husband can give them, they expect more monetary gains, but they did nothing for us.
Mil already reiterate to dils that if we have children, we have to take care ourselves, she said she wants to enjoy her retirement and moreover she detests taking care of kids.
But she unhappy when her allowance not increased even though she never help out.
My husband achievements are self earned, he worked for it himself with many years of hard work. Pil have high expectations of what my husband can give them, they expect more monetary gains, but they did nothing for us.
Mil already reiterate to dils that if we have children, we have to take care ourselves, she said she wants to enjoy her retirement and moreover she detests taking care of kids.
But she unhappy when her allowance not increased even though she never help out.
Galileo,
As I said, you have two choices. Either you learn to deal with your MIL - through acting deaf or be silent..
Or you have to shift out. I did not ask you to get your hb to buy a flat for them. Just let them stay. No need to have will because the house belongs to your hb. When they are dead, the house will be yours.
In the mean-time stay at rental. Yes, you are paying more but for peace of mind.
Otherwise continue to rant..
As I said, you have two choices. Either you learn to deal with your MIL - through acting deaf or be silent..
Or you have to shift out. I did not ask you to get your hb to buy a flat for them. Just let them stay. No need to have will because the house belongs to your hb. When they are dead, the house will be yours.
In the mean-time stay at rental. Yes, you are paying more but for peace of mind.
Otherwise continue to rant..
galileo_girl
New Member
matka,
My husband and I shifted in before pil.
sm
I would choose to continue to rant than to stay at rental flat, its our matrimonial home, I dont see why I have to relinquish our house to two insatiable and unreasonable old folks.
My husband and I shifted in before pil.
sm
I would choose to continue to rant than to stay at rental flat, its our matrimonial home, I dont see why I have to relinquish our house to two insatiable and unreasonable old folks.
flyingstar
New Member
lol...just realised.
it's either rent or rant!!
i believe TS has sufficent information on what to do...most likely she have already chosen the latter...
it's either rent or rant!!
i believe TS has sufficent information on what to do...most likely she have already chosen the latter...
galileo_girl
New Member
What is TS?
RANT!!!!!!!!!!
I am now hoping they will shift to bil place, or else my marriage will break down. I want peace and privacy, dont like pil intruding our lives.
RANT!!!!!!!!!!
I am now hoping they will shift to bil place, or else my marriage will break down. I want peace and privacy, dont like pil intruding our lives.
flyingstar
New Member
galileo,
TS = thread starter
TS = thread starter
galileo_girl
New Member
May ong,
No, I never thought of that, and I dont think its a feasible idea either, only to exacerbate the battles at home. I will not entertain such thoughts as she is my husband mother,I dont want to be guilt ridden for life, as long as I dont stay with her, I sincerely wish her happiness if she stays with any of my bil.
Pil are being invited to stay at bil place, in fact they can choose whom they want to stay with. My mil wanted my husband to buy a flat for them as she does not like staying with dil. She is the type who thought of dils as home wreckers, and until today, she is still entertaining such thoughts, prejudiced against dils, and I am the one she loathed most as we share same abode.
I did try very hard to reconcile our differences, already tried for many years, the bottomline is that we cannot see eye to eye, hua bu tou ji ban ju duo. Imagine if its a friend whom you cannot get along well, you can choose to dump this friend or see her less often, but mil cannot choose, one and only choice.
If dont stay together, I can choose when to see her, I can even choose to see her once few months, but now I see her everyday, feel very awkward about it, uneasy with her presence. We cannot talk for long, lengthy conversation may anytime detonate the bomb in us.
Tried for years building good relations with her, but all efforts turn out to be a fiasco.
I am disillusioned, she cannot change her style of talking and I refuse to give her the utmost respect. So i resolute to ignore her, dont talk the best, treat each other transparent.
No, I never thought of that, and I dont think its a feasible idea either, only to exacerbate the battles at home. I will not entertain such thoughts as she is my husband mother,I dont want to be guilt ridden for life, as long as I dont stay with her, I sincerely wish her happiness if she stays with any of my bil.
Pil are being invited to stay at bil place, in fact they can choose whom they want to stay with. My mil wanted my husband to buy a flat for them as she does not like staying with dil. She is the type who thought of dils as home wreckers, and until today, she is still entertaining such thoughts, prejudiced against dils, and I am the one she loathed most as we share same abode.
I did try very hard to reconcile our differences, already tried for many years, the bottomline is that we cannot see eye to eye, hua bu tou ji ban ju duo. Imagine if its a friend whom you cannot get along well, you can choose to dump this friend or see her less often, but mil cannot choose, one and only choice.
If dont stay together, I can choose when to see her, I can even choose to see her once few months, but now I see her everyday, feel very awkward about it, uneasy with her presence. We cannot talk for long, lengthy conversation may anytime detonate the bomb in us.
Tried for years building good relations with her, but all efforts turn out to be a fiasco.
I am disillusioned, she cannot change her style of talking and I refuse to give her the utmost respect. So i resolute to ignore her, dont talk the best, treat each other transparent.
wat_are_dreamz
New Member
Stanzaa: Don't mind the rest. They are just having a bit of harmless fun after having spent their time n energy in giving TS some serious n genuine advice but to no avail.
Galilieo: I believe tat i do not understand u. I wonder if u do understand urself. Somehow throughout all ur posts, u seem to make urself a victim in tis situation n tat ur PILs are making ur life miserable.
U stated by urself tat ur hubby is a wimp. The fact tat he keeps quiet just to maintain harmony at home is weak n not helping the situation in any way. Chances are u will have more issues with ur hubby in future, given his weak character.
U state tat ur MIL is ur hubby's mother, so u dun wish to send her to an old folk's home. Yet, u dun attempt to make peace w her n love her as half ur mother. Wat she does or does not do is her biz. It may affect u. But u decide how to handle the situation n how u want to react. U can still be filial n polite to ur PILs, regardless of their treatment of u n whether they appreciate ur efforts or not. I think tat is the point the others are trying to say as well.
Having u come here n rant, clearly shows tat u are not hapi or peaceful treating ur MIL as being transparent. Then u should think about improving the situation. If ur MIL dislikes her DILs, then so be it. Maybe time will change her mind, but not u. There is no need to be so calculative over the fact tat tis is ur matrimonial house, so u dun wish to move out. For ur own peace n happiness, u should seriously consider SM's point to rent a place outside w ur hubby or to just get a small studio apartment for ur PILs. Money can be earned back, but ur peace n sanity is priceless.
Alternatively, if ur hubby is very capable at work, maybe he can explore an overseas opportunity. Then u can go with him.
Galilieo: I believe tat i do not understand u. I wonder if u do understand urself. Somehow throughout all ur posts, u seem to make urself a victim in tis situation n tat ur PILs are making ur life miserable.
U stated by urself tat ur hubby is a wimp. The fact tat he keeps quiet just to maintain harmony at home is weak n not helping the situation in any way. Chances are u will have more issues with ur hubby in future, given his weak character.
U state tat ur MIL is ur hubby's mother, so u dun wish to send her to an old folk's home. Yet, u dun attempt to make peace w her n love her as half ur mother. Wat she does or does not do is her biz. It may affect u. But u decide how to handle the situation n how u want to react. U can still be filial n polite to ur PILs, regardless of their treatment of u n whether they appreciate ur efforts or not. I think tat is the point the others are trying to say as well.
Having u come here n rant, clearly shows tat u are not hapi or peaceful treating ur MIL as being transparent. Then u should think about improving the situation. If ur MIL dislikes her DILs, then so be it. Maybe time will change her mind, but not u. There is no need to be so calculative over the fact tat tis is ur matrimonial house, so u dun wish to move out. For ur own peace n happiness, u should seriously consider SM's point to rent a place outside w ur hubby or to just get a small studio apartment for ur PILs. Money can be earned back, but ur peace n sanity is priceless.
Alternatively, if ur hubby is very capable at work, maybe he can explore an overseas opportunity. Then u can go with him.
galileo_girl
New Member
May ong,
you mean to intimidate her? But its very outrageous even to say that to her, that is considered the highest level of being unfilial, and I fear comeuppance even to entertain such thoughts. Just because of minor conflicts, pil already accused me of driving them away, if to intimidate her, I will forever be blacklisted in my in law family, and my husband will be chastised and despised for marrying an evil wife. I have pretty good and stable kinship with one of my couple bil sil, I do not want to jeopardise our kinship.
I dont want to teach her a lesson, she is living in my husband house, I cannot be too harsh to her. What I can do now is to ignore her, that is already annoying enough for her. Silence is golden. Dont talk is the best!!! Jiang duo cuo duo. Chen mo shi jin.
you mean to intimidate her? But its very outrageous even to say that to her, that is considered the highest level of being unfilial, and I fear comeuppance even to entertain such thoughts. Just because of minor conflicts, pil already accused me of driving them away, if to intimidate her, I will forever be blacklisted in my in law family, and my husband will be chastised and despised for marrying an evil wife. I have pretty good and stable kinship with one of my couple bil sil, I do not want to jeopardise our kinship.
I dont want to teach her a lesson, she is living in my husband house, I cannot be too harsh to her. What I can do now is to ignore her, that is already annoying enough for her. Silence is golden. Dont talk is the best!!! Jiang duo cuo duo. Chen mo shi jin.
galileo_girl
New Member
Evon poon,
Seems like we have telepathy albeit first encounter with you, as I did entertain thoughts of going overseas days ago. I suggested to my husband about working overseas, but he does not want.
By the way, I feel happier not talking to my pil. Every conversation with them is a tension. I just practise dodging them, when they in living room watching tv, i stay in room, when they at home, i hide in room, and I avoid going family gathering, even if being compel to go, I would listen to earpiece music to the loudest volume, inaudible to hear my mil words.
I am happier now after cold war with her, peaceful. DONT TALK IS THE BEST!!!! PERIOD.
Seems like we have telepathy albeit first encounter with you, as I did entertain thoughts of going overseas days ago. I suggested to my husband about working overseas, but he does not want.
By the way, I feel happier not talking to my pil. Every conversation with them is a tension. I just practise dodging them, when they in living room watching tv, i stay in room, when they at home, i hide in room, and I avoid going family gathering, even if being compel to go, I would listen to earpiece music to the loudest volume, inaudible to hear my mil words.
I am happier now after cold war with her, peaceful. DONT TALK IS THE BEST!!!! PERIOD.
galileo_girl
New Member
Silence with pil is golden,
Ranting is just to vent my frustration.
Ranting is just to vent my frustration.
galileo_girl
New Member
May Ong wrote
(1) practise silence and non-response.
i think she tricked you into responding to her by luring you with momentary flashes of friendliness. once you let your guard down, she would find a way to insult you. this is a verbal trap.
have you tried silence? she would probably be taken aback by this, and then make a nasty remark about your silence. at this point, you could either (a) continue with more silence (b) state that you find what she said earlier as offensive and tell her that the next time she said it again, you will ignore her again.
you are not talking to her now. i think it is fine. just grow more and more natural at not talking to her, dont be self-conscious about it. the point when she becomes invisible to you, will be the point when you win the war. "
I like the way you phrase your sentences and your suggestion. I am now practising treating her transparent, like what you suggest, getting more and more natural treating her invisible.
I want to let her know I am not entertaining her anymore and sending signal to her, DONT TALK IS THE BEST. Sending signal to her that our relationship is beyond repair, dont waste energy fighting. Just treat each other transparent, that will be the ideal remedy for conflicts.
(1) practise silence and non-response.
i think she tricked you into responding to her by luring you with momentary flashes of friendliness. once you let your guard down, she would find a way to insult you. this is a verbal trap.
have you tried silence? she would probably be taken aback by this, and then make a nasty remark about your silence. at this point, you could either (a) continue with more silence (b) state that you find what she said earlier as offensive and tell her that the next time she said it again, you will ignore her again.
you are not talking to her now. i think it is fine. just grow more and more natural at not talking to her, dont be self-conscious about it. the point when she becomes invisible to you, will be the point when you win the war. "
I like the way you phrase your sentences and your suggestion. I am now practising treating her transparent, like what you suggest, getting more and more natural treating her invisible.
I want to let her know I am not entertaining her anymore and sending signal to her, DONT TALK IS THE BEST. Sending signal to her that our relationship is beyond repair, dont waste energy fighting. Just treat each other transparent, that will be the ideal remedy for conflicts.
cococherry
New Member
Silence with pil is golden,
Not too sure if silence is golden but I will always reply my FIL: HEHE/ KEKE
Sometimes Im loss of words when he made certain comments.
Not too sure if silence is golden but I will always reply my FIL: HEHE/ KEKE
Sometimes Im loss of words when he made certain comments.
susanna_low
New Member
Jus smile when u dun feel like answering the silly and awkard qns.
mum_of_2_girls
New Member
Hi Galileo,
If 200k is too much, how about 80k?
HDB Studio is about 80k.
My hubby use $80k to buy a new MPV (Depreciating Asset) last year, I didn't even make any noise so
I can't understand why you want to prevent hubby from buying HDB (Appreciating Asset).
Luckily, I didn't prevent hubby from buying because the same MPV now cost $100k due to COE issue.
This is an exception. Buying car usually means money down the drain but HDB is $$$$$ up, up, up!
Good for you. Congrats.
If 200k is too much, how about 80k?
HDB Studio is about 80k.
My hubby use $80k to buy a new MPV (Depreciating Asset) last year, I didn't even make any noise so
I can't understand why you want to prevent hubby from buying HDB (Appreciating Asset).
Luckily, I didn't prevent hubby from buying because the same MPV now cost $100k due to COE issue.
This is an exception. Buying car usually means money down the drain but HDB is $$$$$ up, up, up!
Good for you. Congrats.
galileo_girl
New Member
Your husband rich, but my husband is only financially stable. eighty k is alot lei....
Plus the studio hdb have to put under pil name, no guarantee they will draw a will leaving it to my husband.
How many of you can come out with eighty k cash, no loan, to buy a flat for parents without feeling a pinch? I mean after forking out this sum and you still financially stable?
Plus the studio hdb have to put under pil name, no guarantee they will draw a will leaving it to my husband.
How many of you can come out with eighty k cash, no loan, to buy a flat for parents without feeling a pinch? I mean after forking out this sum and you still financially stable?
mum_of_2_girls
New Member
Hi Galileo,
Maybe you can ask SM. He can lose 10k to 20k a day gambling in Casino and still feel OK.
It's a form of entertainment to him.
I think $80k is small change to him.
Maybe you can ask SM. He can lose 10k to 20k a day gambling in Casino and still feel OK.
It's a form of entertainment to him.
I think $80k is small change to him.
susanna_low
New Member
Anyway the parents are moving away to the bil place soon. Hopefully it's for good.
the usual "how many pple can..." argument, works when your problem solving ability didn't improve much since secondary school. the pple who use such phrases are basically justifying their non-action 99% of the time...
think hard when u find yourself using such phrases to precede your justification process. u're actually saying "i cannot" but u're just phrasing it in a way where Others can't so u also can't and u take refuge in other pple's failures to justify your own.
any mature person can see that the money bothers u more than whether u can do it or not. if u can do it, u still won't do it. u already feel u have the right to your husband's finances one way or another, obviously u wouldn't want other pple's hands on it, especially the PILs whom u dislike.
think hard when u find yourself using such phrases to precede your justification process. u're actually saying "i cannot" but u're just phrasing it in a way where Others can't so u also can't and u take refuge in other pple's failures to justify your own.
any mature person can see that the money bothers u more than whether u can do it or not. if u can do it, u still won't do it. u already feel u have the right to your husband's finances one way or another, obviously u wouldn't want other pple's hands on it, especially the PILs whom u dislike.
mum_of_2_girls
New Member
Hi,
I find Galileo's hubby amazing in that when he want to buy house for his parents, using his own money, if his wife says NO, he will obediently listen.
I think in Korea, this practice is very common. The hubby must hand over all his salary to the wife. Then the wife dole out pocket money to him.
If hubby needs more money, need to ask from wife.
The wife can say NO if she thinks it's not neccesary.
Any one want to be a Husband in Korea?
For me, I can't stand Men who are tied to Mummy's string or Wife's string.
Maybe some Men love to be "tortured" by their sexy, pretty wife. Gezz...What to do, they ask for it themselves.
I find Galileo's hubby amazing in that when he want to buy house for his parents, using his own money, if his wife says NO, he will obediently listen.
I think in Korea, this practice is very common. The hubby must hand over all his salary to the wife. Then the wife dole out pocket money to him.
If hubby needs more money, need to ask from wife.
The wife can say NO if she thinks it's not neccesary.
Any one want to be a Husband in Korea?
For me, I can't stand Men who are tied to Mummy's string or Wife's string.
Maybe some Men love to be "tortured" by their sexy, pretty wife. Gezz...What to do, they ask for it themselves.
I think in Korea, this practice is very common. The hubby must hand over all his salary to the wife. Then the wife dole out pocket money to him.
If hubby needs more money, need to ask from wife.
The wife can say NO if she thinks it's not neccesary.
Any one want to be a Husband in Korea?
------------------------------------------
in Korea, the woman is expected to pay the bulk of the wedding expenses.
she has to buy expensive presents for her in-laws as her dowry.
i dont think i want that.
If hubby needs more money, need to ask from wife.
The wife can say NO if she thinks it's not neccesary.
Any one want to be a Husband in Korea?
------------------------------------------
in Korea, the woman is expected to pay the bulk of the wedding expenses.
she has to buy expensive presents for her in-laws as her dowry.
i dont think i want that.
wat_are_dreamz
New Member
Albee: I think u're quite entertaining. Chances are u are ruffling TS' feathers. Dun think she can find humour or be neutral to read ur posts. She probably lacks the ability to reflect upon herself n sieve out the wisdom in others' words.
To me, if there is a problem, then find a gd solution for it. After the problem is solved, go out eat a gd meal to celebrate n have a wonderful night's slp. If TS has problems getting along with her PILs, then she should find proper ways of minimizing the conflict. Either through really getting to know her PILs n being subservient n less affected by their behaviour. Or she can stay separately from them in hope that less contact will aid to improve the friendliness of the r/ship. I think TS is too narrow-minded n focused on being calculative over money n the insecurity of whether the PILs will leave the flat to her hubby's name. $ is earned to be spent. Filial piety exists, regardless of whether parents are gd or bad, fair or unfair, practise favouritism or not. We cant control wat others do. But we decide how we react to it. If spending some $ can show filial piety to parents n at the same time, lessen conflict in the family n allow for more peace n joy in the marriage, i would spend the $.
Seriously, wats the point of trapping onself in a unhappy situation? Take steps to walk out of it.
To me, if there is a problem, then find a gd solution for it. After the problem is solved, go out eat a gd meal to celebrate n have a wonderful night's slp. If TS has problems getting along with her PILs, then she should find proper ways of minimizing the conflict. Either through really getting to know her PILs n being subservient n less affected by their behaviour. Or she can stay separately from them in hope that less contact will aid to improve the friendliness of the r/ship. I think TS is too narrow-minded n focused on being calculative over money n the insecurity of whether the PILs will leave the flat to her hubby's name. $ is earned to be spent. Filial piety exists, regardless of whether parents are gd or bad, fair or unfair, practise favouritism or not. We cant control wat others do. But we decide how we react to it. If spending some $ can show filial piety to parents n at the same time, lessen conflict in the family n allow for more peace n joy in the marriage, i would spend the $.
Seriously, wats the point of trapping onself in a unhappy situation? Take steps to walk out of it.
flyingstar
New Member
" Filial piety exists, regardless of whether parents are gd or bad, fair or unfair, practise favouritism or not."
i agree! the parent-child relationship can never change and you cannot stop a child from wanting to be filial to their parents.
i agree! the parent-child relationship can never change and you cannot stop a child from wanting to be filial to their parents.
mum_of_2_girls
New Member
Hi,
I think some men just like to be boss around by women. Who knows, maybe the hubby loves it.
For me, I prefer not to have mummy's boy or hen-pecked man. I respect men who can make decisions and make a stand.
I think some men just like to be boss around by women. Who knows, maybe the hubby loves it.
For me, I prefer not to have mummy's boy or hen-pecked man. I respect men who can make decisions and make a stand.
Some people do thrive on drama.
What they don't realise is the negative impact that they're creating on themselves - impressions from the very people they are complaining to.
Unfortunate.
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/family/14141810/detail.html
What they don't realise is the negative impact that they're creating on themselves - impressions from the very people they are complaining to.
Unfortunate.
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/family/14141810/detail.html
galileo_girl
New Member
I dont see the point of buying a BTO flat for pil since they have decided to move to bil place, pil already reiterate to me many times that they will be moving to bil place but they still want my husband to buy them a flat, which I find their demand rather unreasonable. Isnt it obvious they deliberately make things difficult for us?
Anyway, I am still having cold war with pil, I am now getting very oblivious to their presence to the extent of treating them transparent, and my grouses to my husband got lesser as conflicts are minimised, I dont have to suffer listening to their crude remarks. I think I will maintain status quo. Now very peaceful and I experiencing domestic tranquility. My cliche, Silence is Golden.
Anyway, I am still having cold war with pil, I am now getting very oblivious to their presence to the extent of treating them transparent, and my grouses to my husband got lesser as conflicts are minimised, I dont have to suffer listening to their crude remarks. I think I will maintain status quo. Now very peaceful and I experiencing domestic tranquility. My cliche, Silence is Golden.
wat_are_dreamz
New Member
matka: Gd link. Short but relevant reading.
galileo: Sigh... who are u lying to? urself? Take some time to really sit down alone in front of a mirror, to just look at urself n think n reflect. Its sad n amusing tat u keep posting on so many threads to vent ur grouses. Dun u realize tat u are not doing anyone any gd, esp not urself. Its an obvious lie when u say u are feeling v peaceful now. A person who has truly gained peace n wisdom will nva go ard proclaiming so. Instead, the peace will show as a radiance from the person's heart. However, for u, ur heart appears to be narrow n black to a certain extent from yrs of harbouring negative emotions n nva making a real attempt to open ur heart n accept others. I seriously doubt the strength of ur marriage, but since u mentioned ur hubby is weak n a wimp, then i guess he can easily endure living w u. But wat he does outside, i wld pity him to a certain extent.
galileo: Sigh... who are u lying to? urself? Take some time to really sit down alone in front of a mirror, to just look at urself n think n reflect. Its sad n amusing tat u keep posting on so many threads to vent ur grouses. Dun u realize tat u are not doing anyone any gd, esp not urself. Its an obvious lie when u say u are feeling v peaceful now. A person who has truly gained peace n wisdom will nva go ard proclaiming so. Instead, the peace will show as a radiance from the person's heart. However, for u, ur heart appears to be narrow n black to a certain extent from yrs of harbouring negative emotions n nva making a real attempt to open ur heart n accept others. I seriously doubt the strength of ur marriage, but since u mentioned ur hubby is weak n a wimp, then i guess he can easily endure living w u. But wat he does outside, i wld pity him to a certain extent.