Mils bullying Dils with words!!!
- Thread starter galileo_girl
- Start date
sgbabydoll
Active Member
If I had a wife like Galileo and a mother like her MIL, I will most probably bochup too. Both are of the same calibre, that is why the fight continues. Think the husband is the only wise person in that equation.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Another thing :
"Its not my husband fault, whoever he side with, he will hurt one party"
Have you considered that there is no need to take sides to be supportive husband and filial son? Personally, I have to handle many times. Its difficult because of the conflict of interest but its possible. Learn how to be sensitive with each other feelings without needing to being bullied. Being firm and setting the rules can be done while minimizing the hurt.
Some of the virtues that you attribute to your husband indicates clear tunnel view. No friends is a good thing? Doesn't it reflect how little he bonds and prioritize relating with people. Precisely why he is this good in filtering. Because you & mil can fight, he probably will be completely blind to it. WHAT A VIRTUE!
Don'y you realize these goodie 2 shoes men can also be high risk of having affairs too? Just read the many threads here.
"Its not my husband fault, whoever he side with, he will hurt one party"
Have you considered that there is no need to take sides to be supportive husband and filial son? Personally, I have to handle many times. Its difficult because of the conflict of interest but its possible. Learn how to be sensitive with each other feelings without needing to being bullied. Being firm and setting the rules can be done while minimizing the hurt.
Some of the virtues that you attribute to your husband indicates clear tunnel view. No friends is a good thing? Doesn't it reflect how little he bonds and prioritize relating with people. Precisely why he is this good in filtering. Because you & mil can fight, he probably will be completely blind to it. WHAT A VIRTUE!
Don'y you realize these goodie 2 shoes men can also be high risk of having affairs too? Just read the many threads here.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Which is why I'm highlighting the total lack of EQ displayed. It doesn't mean someone has no EQ. We are all capable of being both nice and very mean as well.
TS might not have realize it, the manner she is handling it probably isn't helping at all. If she has the EQ, why isn't she using it? Something she needs to think about.
May, this is no rubbish. Once again, u are resorting to shooting others down this way.
TS might not have realize it, the manner she is handling it probably isn't helping at all. If she has the EQ, why isn't she using it? Something she needs to think about.
May, this is no rubbish. Once again, u are resorting to shooting others down this way.
galileo_girl
New Member
Honestly, I find sm, doll really infantile. I kept my cool, I did not even want to respond to any of your posts, I thought it would stop, but you all keep antagonizing me again and again. Who is the one who is being headstrong now? And baby doll, you can read from my earlier post, I already concede I am not here to look for solutions, because no solution can be reached. Let me reiterate, I am here to rant, and not to engage in any cat fight with anyone here.
If you all dont comprehend my feelings, at least stop bombarding me with all the negative and criticism. You may preceive I am a bad Dil, I didnt want to be bad either, just that I could not endure the pressure and need to find ways to protect myself, so as not to jeopardise my marriage.
And stanzza, my in law dont want fork out money is because of some internal problems, nothing to do with me. One of my bil offer a place of stay for my pil, but my pil dont want as due to very different living lifestyle. When coming to a huge sum of money to buy a house for pil, they dont want, never initiate and they dodge the responsibility despite my pil telling her children again and again that they want their own house.
Its very simple, they only want my husband to fork out everything.
I dont wish to quarrel with sm and babydoll, very detrimental to my mental health.
If you all dont comprehend my feelings, at least stop bombarding me with all the negative and criticism. You may preceive I am a bad Dil, I didnt want to be bad either, just that I could not endure the pressure and need to find ways to protect myself, so as not to jeopardise my marriage.
And stanzza, my in law dont want fork out money is because of some internal problems, nothing to do with me. One of my bil offer a place of stay for my pil, but my pil dont want as due to very different living lifestyle. When coming to a huge sum of money to buy a house for pil, they dont want, never initiate and they dodge the responsibility despite my pil telling her children again and again that they want their own house.
Its very simple, they only want my husband to fork out everything.
I dont wish to quarrel with sm and babydoll, very detrimental to my mental health.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
There are all kinds of people in this world. Guess Galileo feels happy ranting without a solution. Perhaps she even feels alive only through arguing with MIL and ranting.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
What a lie you have said, Galileo! You said in your post at 10.26am: "It is not that I dont need a solution, its that I have no solution". Just because in your finite mindset you can't think of a solution doesn't mean there is no solution.
You are already mentally unhealthy, don't start blaming me for contributing to that state-of-mind of yours.
You are already mentally unhealthy, don't start blaming me for contributing to that state-of-mind of yours.
Was I half as irritating as you MIL? I bet not.
Yes, you are now learning not to lose your cool. It may be better for you to learn to ignore me.. like when I am antagonizing you - you can learn to ignore me.
Same thing towards your MIL but it is going to be much much more difficult. But it is the same concept. What is the point of engaging in silly battle? There are many ways around it. There are many ways to "defeat" your MIL without direct confrontation... only only you are willing to be open about it.
Yes, you are now learning not to lose your cool. It may be better for you to learn to ignore me.. like when I am antagonizing you - you can learn to ignore me.
Same thing towards your MIL but it is going to be much much more difficult. But it is the same concept. What is the point of engaging in silly battle? There are many ways around it. There are many ways to "defeat" your MIL without direct confrontation... only only you are willing to be open about it.
miloice
Well-Known Member
"Honestly, I find sm, doll really infantile"
That's more evidence on my point really. You see from no other pov except yours. Go figure why others are pointing all these out? Is it to ridicule you because there are truth in them? If you acknowledge that its true, then what are you going to do about them? Do you choose to pick up the positives or continue to victimize yourself? Please, the world doesn't revolve around you nor your logic. Everyone has a thinking of their own as well and hence the differing points highlighted. Get real.
That's more evidence on my point really. You see from no other pov except yours. Go figure why others are pointing all these out? Is it to ridicule you because there are truth in them? If you acknowledge that its true, then what are you going to do about them? Do you choose to pick up the positives or continue to victimize yourself? Please, the world doesn't revolve around you nor your logic. Everyone has a thinking of their own as well and hence the differing points highlighted. Get real.
galileo_girl
New Member
babydoll, there is solution but a huge sacrifice, which is to fork out a huge sum of money to buy a house for pil which will impoverish me and my husband,which will deplete our finance in the long run.
Sometimes I feel very regretful about this marriage, I dont even know how to express my sorrows anymore. Before I met my husband, my pil actually have enough money to buy themselves a flat but they chose to keep the money and lavish on delicacies and luxury, they asked my husband to fork out money buy a flat for whole family.
Now pil only insist my husband fork out money buy them a flat, when I say ask the others chip in but my husband fork out more, pil doesnt want. They only want my husband to pay for everything.
Sometimes I feel very regretful about this marriage, I dont even know how to express my sorrows anymore. Before I met my husband, my pil actually have enough money to buy themselves a flat but they chose to keep the money and lavish on delicacies and luxury, they asked my husband to fork out money buy a flat for whole family.
Now pil only insist my husband fork out money buy them a flat, when I say ask the others chip in but my husband fork out more, pil doesnt want. They only want my husband to pay for everything.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Actually, who is judging that you are a bad DIL? You choose to be one yourself believing an eye for an eye. We don't have magic formulae to transform you to an angelic DIL, but we are trying to make suggestions to mitigate the situation at home. There are really many things you can do, have you even tried?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Galileo, may I suggest: You and your husband sell the flat and move to a rented room. They can't stop you, can they?
Then, suggest to the family to chip in to buy a flat for your PIL.
Then, suggest to the family to chip in to buy a flat for your PIL.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Like what I have been saying.... there is no generic answers. Some forumers have given you some suggestions. My advise is simply channel that energy on things you can improve or work on than those witty battles that you cling so dearly to.
It is not true that your husband can do nothing to help ease the conflicts. He can do many things. Harmony is not achieved by being bochup and letting others suffer.
It is not true that your husband can do nothing to help ease the conflicts. He can do many things. Harmony is not achieved by being bochup and letting others suffer.
I agree with Milo.
Your hb plays a pivotal role. By being missing in the action, it is not helping things at all. It is not about taking sides and hurting the parties involved.
So, firstly you have to convince your hb. Share with him your thoughts. He has to help and not stick his head in the sand and pretend that he is not seeing or hearing anything.
Your hb plays a pivotal role. By being missing in the action, it is not helping things at all. It is not about taking sides and hurting the parties involved.
So, firstly you have to convince your hb. Share with him your thoughts. He has to help and not stick his head in the sand and pretend that he is not seeing or hearing anything.
galileo_girl
New Member
I thought of moving out too, I mean by myself. My husband dont want move out, so I did contemplate about moving out alone.
I did try very hard to get along with my Mil, but all my efforts were in vain. I tried many ways to dodge her, like when she asked my husband go out lunch, most of the time I will not go, because its too stressful luncheon with her. She would always have propensity to bring out sensitive topic about how capable and filial her friend Dils are, then how filial her friend son is, then she would preach about filial piety, and she will reiterate loudly to send the signal to me, it happens too many times.
So in order to avoid conflict, I would try to minimise contact with her, but sometimes she would ask me along, and my heart would melt, but everytime history repeat again.
I felt like I being tricked into her plot of pretentious act of wanting to luncheon with me but in actual fact, her malice intention is to antagonise me to test my patience.
She torn me apart between a bad Dil and sympathetic Dil, if one day I cannot take the stress, I will probably give up this marriage.
I did try very hard to get along with my Mil, but all my efforts were in vain. I tried many ways to dodge her, like when she asked my husband go out lunch, most of the time I will not go, because its too stressful luncheon with her. She would always have propensity to bring out sensitive topic about how capable and filial her friend Dils are, then how filial her friend son is, then she would preach about filial piety, and she will reiterate loudly to send the signal to me, it happens too many times.
So in order to avoid conflict, I would try to minimise contact with her, but sometimes she would ask me along, and my heart would melt, but everytime history repeat again.
I felt like I being tricked into her plot of pretentious act of wanting to luncheon with me but in actual fact, her malice intention is to antagonise me to test my patience.
She torn me apart between a bad Dil and sympathetic Dil, if one day I cannot take the stress, I will probably give up this marriage.
miloice
Well-Known Member
This is the point I have been putting forward all these while. But, it was turned on deaf ears to. And accused of being MCP traditional man that suppresses my foreign wife. I wonder why.
An offensive attack in the perception of being attacked. The response isn't objective nor rationale to a completely honest feedback.
An offensive attack in the perception of being attacked. The response isn't objective nor rationale to a completely honest feedback.
galileo_girl
New Member
MY HUSBAND IS A WIMP!!!!!!!!!!! Talking about him make my heart boils!!!!!
When my mil make a derogatory and insulting remarks on me in his presence, he nonchalant. He say his mother is joking.
Baby doll, my husband dont want stay in rented room, actually I did suggest that we rent a studio apartment and rent out current flat, he still considering. The problem is that my mil want all the keys to her sons houses, so I thought by renting a studio apartment, I can easily give her a good excuse of not letting her have keys as its a direct invasion to my privacy since studio dont have room.
In actual fact, I intend to shut myself from her presence, I only hope one day I can get to see her only once in two months.
When my mil make a derogatory and insulting remarks on me in his presence, he nonchalant. He say his mother is joking.
Baby doll, my husband dont want stay in rented room, actually I did suggest that we rent a studio apartment and rent out current flat, he still considering. The problem is that my mil want all the keys to her sons houses, so I thought by renting a studio apartment, I can easily give her a good excuse of not letting her have keys as its a direct invasion to my privacy since studio dont have room.
In actual fact, I intend to shut myself from her presence, I only hope one day I can get to see her only once in two months.
MY HUSBAND IS A WIMP!!!!!!!!!!! Talking about him make my heart boils!!!!!
When my mil make a derogatory and insulting remarks on me in his presence, he nonchalant. He say his mother is joking.
Seriously. If your HB is not able to protect you, you have to protect yourself. The best way regarding handling such remarks is to ignore them.
We have given you many suggestions: and yes, moving out is important. Less friction with in-laws will be better for the relationship.
Don't give your hb any choice. He is just sitting on the fence- don't care about the quarrels, not wanting to move out.. tell me, what is the point?
You might as well rent a room outside for yourself first..
When my mil make a derogatory and insulting remarks on me in his presence, he nonchalant. He say his mother is joking.
Seriously. If your HB is not able to protect you, you have to protect yourself. The best way regarding handling such remarks is to ignore them.
We have given you many suggestions: and yes, moving out is important. Less friction with in-laws will be better for the relationship.
Don't give your hb any choice. He is just sitting on the fence- don't care about the quarrels, not wanting to move out.. tell me, what is the point?
You might as well rent a room outside for yourself first..
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Galileo, then like what SM has suggested, you move out on your own and give your husband a six-month deadline to appease his parents about the separate living arrangement. If he fails, you should know it would be time to give up on the marriage totally.
galileo_girl
New Member
SM, if I shift out, he will resort to buying a flat for his parents, then its a bigger problem for us in future.
There is no good ways out, somehow I feel that my pil deliberately plot against me, and my surmise is getting more accurate when I pictured everything. They deliberately want my husband to fork out everything to upset me, to challenge me that they are the victorious party. I am a frugal and parsimonious person, and I stinge alot on many things, I dont buy branded goods, I cook at home to save money, and sometimes I even dont watch movies.
Whatever their intention is, I am at my wits end. The only way to save the option of splurging a large sum of money on a house for them, I have to endure everything, I have to endure their presence, their words because any major conflict would detonate the bomb in us, and if trigger a huge quarrel, that is the time when the whole in law will interpose and pressure my husband buy a house for them. And my wimpy husband would obliged.
I dont want to think about it anymore!!!! I am resigned to fate, but i need to rant.
There is no good ways out, somehow I feel that my pil deliberately plot against me, and my surmise is getting more accurate when I pictured everything. They deliberately want my husband to fork out everything to upset me, to challenge me that they are the victorious party. I am a frugal and parsimonious person, and I stinge alot on many things, I dont buy branded goods, I cook at home to save money, and sometimes I even dont watch movies.
Whatever their intention is, I am at my wits end. The only way to save the option of splurging a large sum of money on a house for them, I have to endure everything, I have to endure their presence, their words because any major conflict would detonate the bomb in us, and if trigger a huge quarrel, that is the time when the whole in law will interpose and pressure my husband buy a house for them. And my wimpy husband would obliged.
I dont want to think about it anymore!!!! I am resigned to fate, but i need to rant.
galileo_girl
New Member
SM my mil say all sons should give their keys to her, last time she even say want to give my house keys to my bil for their convenience coming up, she say its own family, ok to give key. I strongly objected.
She wont ask keys from me, she would ask from my husband, and my husband will definitely give.
She wont ask keys from me, she would ask from my husband, and my husband will definitely give.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
"I dont want to think about it anymore!!!! I am resigned to fate, but i need to rant."
Galileo, do you just want to be a 怨妇 for the rest of your life?
Galileo, do you just want to be a 怨妇 for the rest of your life?
I dont want to think about it anymore!!!! I am resigned to fate, but i need to rant.
=============================================
imagine yourself meeting up a friend who is of similar age, similar education and occupation, similar looks, similar background.
the two of you catch up on your lives.
your friend has everything you do not have. she tells you her IL leave her alone and her relationship with them is cordial and peaceful. her husband is a strong character who is supportive of her in everything she does. she looks forward to going home every single day. her home is her palace to rest and relax in, to bask in her husband's love.
imagine yourself listening to her as she relates her blissful life.
don't eat your heart out and turn flaming green with envy when you stand next to her. you have it in your hands to rectify the situation. yet you choose not to take action. hence you lose your right to even envy others.
but then, i have a strong feeling that you will never ask that friend out again. she is living in a higher plane of existence and has no common ground with your piteous rants. but all i can say is, our lives are our own making and you have no one else you can blame.
=============================================
imagine yourself meeting up a friend who is of similar age, similar education and occupation, similar looks, similar background.
the two of you catch up on your lives.
your friend has everything you do not have. she tells you her IL leave her alone and her relationship with them is cordial and peaceful. her husband is a strong character who is supportive of her in everything she does. she looks forward to going home every single day. her home is her palace to rest and relax in, to bask in her husband's love.
imagine yourself listening to her as she relates her blissful life.
don't eat your heart out and turn flaming green with envy when you stand next to her. you have it in your hands to rectify the situation. yet you choose not to take action. hence you lose your right to even envy others.
but then, i have a strong feeling that you will never ask that friend out again. she is living in a higher plane of existence and has no common ground with your piteous rants. but all i can say is, our lives are our own making and you have no one else you can blame.
galileo,
I don't think you see far enough.
Shift out. And yes, if he has the money to buy a flat for his parents - so be it. Why is it a bigger problem.
At the rate that you are going, they are forcing him to buy.. sooner or later, he will buy.. so why suffer now.. Move out. Let him buy.
If your hb don't value the marriage then he will just let you move out.. while he buys a flat for them.. just to spite you?
Either way, you are going to suffer anyway. So why not lessen the pain and move out. The way it is, your hb won't move a bit.. he won't even think in your shoes. He wants to please his parents and buy a flat for them.. so let him.. it is his money.
Of course I don't advocate that you give up your marriage so easily but in order for you to be happy, you need your hb to work with you. If he refuses to move out, you are left with little choice.
I don't think you see far enough.
Shift out. And yes, if he has the money to buy a flat for his parents - so be it. Why is it a bigger problem.
At the rate that you are going, they are forcing him to buy.. sooner or later, he will buy.. so why suffer now.. Move out. Let him buy.
If your hb don't value the marriage then he will just let you move out.. while he buys a flat for them.. just to spite you?
Either way, you are going to suffer anyway. So why not lessen the pain and move out. The way it is, your hb won't move a bit.. he won't even think in your shoes. He wants to please his parents and buy a flat for them.. so let him.. it is his money.
Of course I don't advocate that you give up your marriage so easily but in order for you to be happy, you need your hb to work with you. If he refuses to move out, you are left with little choice.
Why you care about the bigger problem if he buys a flat for them? Your happiness is more important.
Obviously, you just refuse to do anything. I can tell you, give yourself some time, some months, some years.. you will be back to square one.
And then you still need to move out or you need to divorce your hb.. And in the intervening years, you are still suffering. Why not end it now?
Obviously, you just refuse to do anything. I can tell you, give yourself some time, some months, some years.. you will be back to square one.
And then you still need to move out or you need to divorce your hb.. And in the intervening years, you are still suffering. Why not end it now?
SM, if I shift out, he will resort to buying a flat for his parents, then its a bigger problem for us in future.
Ok. Let me analyze this for you. You shift out.. then why he will buy a flat for is parents.. currently they already have a place to stay with your hb..
So why is he buying? Just to spite you?
Ok. Assuming it is just to spite you. Then he has to pay.. Why is it a bigger problem for you? It is his bigger problem and I don't think he will be so stupid.
You just have to take care of your own rental flat and your expenses.
Ok. Let me analyze this for you. You shift out.. then why he will buy a flat for is parents.. currently they already have a place to stay with your hb..
So why is he buying? Just to spite you?
Ok. Assuming it is just to spite you. Then he has to pay.. Why is it a bigger problem for you? It is his bigger problem and I don't think he will be so stupid.
You just have to take care of your own rental flat and your expenses.
galileo_girl
New Member
Buying a flat for them involves few hundred k, even a two room HDB now costs almost two hundred k, how to buy? Have to pay all cash because cannot register under my husband name, have to register under pil name, they have no CPF to mortgage the loan, so have to pay all cash.
May, you are wrong, I may still continue to befriend that friend you mention, as long as we have affinity and congeniality, in fact I do have friends who are not staying with in laws.
By the way, if I still recall, you mention you ever stay with in law, you still staying with them or not? I did pm you earlier did you receive?
May, you are wrong, I may still continue to befriend that friend you mention, as long as we have affinity and congeniality, in fact I do have friends who are not staying with in laws.
By the way, if I still recall, you mention you ever stay with in law, you still staying with them or not? I did pm you earlier did you receive?
miloice
Well-Known Member
there is a difference between having no choice and not wanting to take the step.
If you so decide to stick with it, then you need to learn to accept it. Fighting daily isn't exactly going to make your life better. Rant all you need. But, nothing will improve. So after the ranting, you still face the same shit.
If you so decide to stick with it, then you need to learn to accept it. Fighting daily isn't exactly going to make your life better. Rant all you need. But, nothing will improve. So after the ranting, you still face the same shit.
cococherry
New Member
galileo_girl
This reminds me of the arguments I had with my ex bf's mother. Sometimes she likes to belittle me over nitty gritty stuffs. Make negative comments on the things I done.
There was one occassion, we went to his silbling's house for family gathering. she took my bf's slipper in, put in the shoe rack and make comments that my slipper is cheap so its ok to leave it outside the house. The fact is my slipper is more costly than his but I doubt she cares.
Fighting with her and arguing with my ex bf over her is a everyday thing for many years.
Things only got better after their siblings told us how their husbands dislike the MIL and my ex bf know that I'm not always the unreasonable one.
Your spouse who is the middle person really plays an important part.
For your spouse to tell her off is so much more effective than coming out from our mouths.
This reminds me of the arguments I had with my ex bf's mother. Sometimes she likes to belittle me over nitty gritty stuffs. Make negative comments on the things I done.
There was one occassion, we went to his silbling's house for family gathering. she took my bf's slipper in, put in the shoe rack and make comments that my slipper is cheap so its ok to leave it outside the house. The fact is my slipper is more costly than his but I doubt she cares.
Fighting with her and arguing with my ex bf over her is a everyday thing for many years.
Things only got better after their siblings told us how their husbands dislike the MIL and my ex bf know that I'm not always the unreasonable one.
Your spouse who is the middle person really plays an important part.
For your spouse to tell her off is so much more effective than coming out from our mouths.
Galileo,
pls try PM again. i did not receive anything but my PM function is working.
Galileo,
my ultimate point is not about friendship, but about being the best that you can be for your own sake. im getting at is, if you do not fix up your life, you will end up shortchanging yourself. and when you compare yourself against others (such comparisons are inevitable) who are very similar to you but yet lead a far better life than you, your envy will hurt you very much because it highlights exactly how far you have fallen behind. do you want to wait till then, or do everything you can right now to deal with the problem at hand?
i used to stay with my in-laws. the staying in itself was not a problem because the house was multistoried and we hid on our level most of the time, and we could avoid all contact if we get our timing right. the problem with them was their attitude towards me, which is similar with your MIL.
my final analysis is that MIL and DIL is not designed to live together. that is why it is said that a man grows up to LEAVE his parents and marry. the key word is LEAVE. a DIL who has been repressed, surpressed and oppressed the way you have will suffer. it is only natural.
guess MIL-DIL problems are basically the same everywhere.
pls try PM again. i did not receive anything but my PM function is working.
Galileo,
my ultimate point is not about friendship, but about being the best that you can be for your own sake. im getting at is, if you do not fix up your life, you will end up shortchanging yourself. and when you compare yourself against others (such comparisons are inevitable) who are very similar to you but yet lead a far better life than you, your envy will hurt you very much because it highlights exactly how far you have fallen behind. do you want to wait till then, or do everything you can right now to deal with the problem at hand?
i used to stay with my in-laws. the staying in itself was not a problem because the house was multistoried and we hid on our level most of the time, and we could avoid all contact if we get our timing right. the problem with them was their attitude towards me, which is similar with your MIL.
my final analysis is that MIL and DIL is not designed to live together. that is why it is said that a man grows up to LEAVE his parents and marry. the key word is LEAVE. a DIL who has been repressed, surpressed and oppressed the way you have will suffer. it is only natural.
guess MIL-DIL problems are basically the same everywhere.
galileo,
You are skirting the issues.. not answering my question. I did not ask you or your hb to buy them a flat.
Q1. You move out in rental flat. Why would HB buy them another flat since they have a place to stay?
Q2. Suppose your hb really want to buy for them and he has the cash to buy for them, what is your concern? That your hb will go bankrupt? Well, he ask for it right?
Your moving out is just to let your hb take the problem head on and not skirting the issue. And you are behaving exactly like that as well. Take the issue head on.
Otherwise, yes continue to rant. And continue to be unhappy. Few years down the road it is still square one. Nothing is going to change.
You just have to learn to accept things as it is. Or simply learn to be deaf.
You are skirting the issues.. not answering my question. I did not ask you or your hb to buy them a flat.
Q1. You move out in rental flat. Why would HB buy them another flat since they have a place to stay?
Q2. Suppose your hb really want to buy for them and he has the cash to buy for them, what is your concern? That your hb will go bankrupt? Well, he ask for it right?
Your moving out is just to let your hb take the problem head on and not skirting the issue. And you are behaving exactly like that as well. Take the issue head on.
Otherwise, yes continue to rant. And continue to be unhappy. Few years down the road it is still square one. Nothing is going to change.
You just have to learn to accept things as it is. Or simply learn to be deaf.
galileo_girl
New Member
Chocolate, sometimes having to bear with their comments can drive one to madness and explosion.
Its just that mil dont know how to mince their words, they have the false notion that Dils are meant to take criticism and sarcasm.
I find them quite brainless,if they treat their Dils with their heart, sincerely care and concern for Dils, even to give negative comments have to be discreet, can put it in a very nice way without hurting us. My mil just say whatever comes to her head, in the end by hurting me all these years, what did she gain?
She gain disrespect from me, and her son also drifting away from her.
Its just that mil dont know how to mince their words, they have the false notion that Dils are meant to take criticism and sarcasm.
I find them quite brainless,if they treat their Dils with their heart, sincerely care and concern for Dils, even to give negative comments have to be discreet, can put it in a very nice way without hurting us. My mil just say whatever comes to her head, in the end by hurting me all these years, what did she gain?
She gain disrespect from me, and her son also drifting away from her.
galileo_girl
New Member
sm, I did contemplate about moving out, but the timing is not right now, I am waiting for the right time, I also did consider moving out on my own, not just with sole intention of intimidating my husband, just want to be alone.
Marriage nowadays very complex, I have many divorce friends. Why are there so many marriages breaking down? I saw on this forum, quite a number of topic on divorces. Any divorcee here?
Marriage nowadays very complex, I have many divorce friends. Why are there so many marriages breaking down? I saw on this forum, quite a number of topic on divorces. Any divorcee here?
mum_of_2_girls
New Member
Hi Galileo,
My hubby also wanted to buy a new HDB for his parents last year because his parents' house is really old.
Same scenerio as you. We have to pay all in cash.
My hubby discussed with me. I told him not to worry. I can chip in since I'm working and I can control and budget the household and children expenses. It should be able to work out.
So happily, we brought PILs to see the showflat and short-list some units. PILs were very happy but a few days later told us they didn't want us to spend to much money on them and to save them for our children's education.
I think if you chip in your salary and budget the household and children's expenses, you should be able to buy a HDB for PILs.
My hubby also wanted to buy a new HDB for his parents last year because his parents' house is really old.
Same scenerio as you. We have to pay all in cash.
My hubby discussed with me. I told him not to worry. I can chip in since I'm working and I can control and budget the household and children expenses. It should be able to work out.
So happily, we brought PILs to see the showflat and short-list some units. PILs were very happy but a few days later told us they didn't want us to spend to much money on them and to save them for our children's education.
I think if you chip in your salary and budget the household and children's expenses, you should be able to buy a HDB for PILs.
miloice
Well-Known Member
They are not brainless. They just belong to a different era and context with a different perception of things. When you finally realize that you are in no way more superior to your folks and spouse, you will learn to better understand that differences are completely expected and normal.
Its difficult but it is not unheard of. Its something we deal with in life. Life is never a bed of roses. We make difficult decisions in life.
Its difficult but it is not unheard of. Its something we deal with in life. Life is never a bed of roses. We make difficult decisions in life.
galileo,
Ha ha.. A lot of divorcees here... including the ones you detest like me and sg doll.. and also May?
But divorce is not all bad.. it could open up a new world for you.
Ok.. I don't know about your consideration about the timing.. if it is just timing issue then yes, you just have to bear with the current situation.. In the mean time, rant all you want.
Ha ha.. A lot of divorcees here... including the ones you detest like me and sg doll.. and also May?
But divorce is not all bad.. it could open up a new world for you.
Ok.. I don't know about your consideration about the timing.. if it is just timing issue then yes, you just have to bear with the current situation.. In the mean time, rant all you want.